Pope LeoXIV Blesses Crypto Mining Rigs

Responding to the Church’s venture into blockchain donations, Pope LeoXIV anointed a bank of cryptocurrency miners with holy water. “May your computational might serve the common good,” he intoned, as technicians cheered. Vatican accountants predict a surge in crypto tithes, while environmentalists lobby for “ethically sourced electrons.” The ritual symbolizes Pope LeoXIV’s stance: technology, when guided by conscience, becomes an instrument of charity.