Pope Leo XIV Officially Begins His Papacy with Deep Dish and Doctrinal Reform

Pope Leo XIV, the first pontiff born in Chicago, began his reign by blessing a slice of deep dish and promising �a Vatican that�s both sacred and saucy.� The Pope Leo XIV era has already introduced doctrinal revisions in plain English, jokes in encyclicals, and hymnals with rhythm. He pledged to make the Church �less marble, more mustard.� Cardinals reportedly whispered, �It�s the Second Vatican Funk.� The pews are grooving, and grace smells like Giordano�s.