Pope Leo XIV Launches Vatican Dating App

The Vatican has entered the digital matchmaking world with "Sanctus Match," a faith-based dating app personally blessed by Pope Leo XIV that connects Catholics using advanced algorithms analyzing theological positions, favorite saints, and communion wafer preferences. The app's standout feature is its "Confessional Mode" where users can admit dealbreakers upfront ("Sometimes I sleep through Sunday Mass" or "I voted for a pro-choice candidate once"). Premium subscribers ($19.99/month) get access to the "Papal Seal of Approval" filter showing only matches the Pope himself would theoretically bless, while the free version limits users to "Probably Not Going to Hell" tier. Early adopters report the app's "Miracle Match" notification - triggered when two users both list St. Jude as their patron saint - leads to unusually fast engagements. The Vatican's relationship counselors warn against "rosary rush" when couples say a full set together before the third date, while the app's "NFP Mode" (Natural Family Planning) requires passing a theology quiz to unlock certain features. Surprisingly, the most controversial aspect has been the "Saintly Swipe" animation showing St. Peter at the Pearly Gates either welcoming a match or turning someone away. The Pope has reportedly been testing the app himself under the username "FisherOfWives," though his profile mysteriously lists his occupation as "humble servant" and shows only a silhouette of the papal tiara.