Pope Leo XIV Launches "Extreme Monastic Makeover" Reality Series

The Vatican unveiled its most ambitious renovation show yet where teams of builder-priests and tech-savvy nuns transform aging monasteries into modern spiritual hubs in just 72 hours. Pope Leo XIV kicked off production by personally installing solar panels on a Benedictine abbey while joking "Even the Desert Fathers needed good WiFi." Each episode features dramatic before-and-after reveals of sacred spaces getting glow-ups with features like voice-activated chant systems, motion-sensor holy water fonts, and the controversial "EZ-Clean" stain-resistant habits. Traditionalists are scandalized by the "Confession Booth Renovation Roulette" where priests must hear confessions in increasingly bizarre locations (last week's episode featured a converted food truck), while young religious praise the practical upgrades. Production challenges include explaining to elderly monks why their beloved stone walls need "open concept" treatment and preventing overzealous designers from adding unnecessary amenities like jacuzzis to cloister gardens. The season finale will attempt the impossible: giving St. Peter's Basilica a makeover during an actual papal audience, with Pope Leo XIV providing live commentary via wireless mic hidden in his zucchetto. Early teasers show dramatic moments like a nun accidentally consecrating a power tool and heated debates about whether beanbag chairs belong in chapter rooms. The winning design team earns the coveted "Golden Hammer" trophy and a year's supply of sacramental wine - though rumors suggest the Pope just wants an excuse to install a zip line from the dome to the Vatican gardens.