Pope Leo XIV Announces "Extreme Altar Server Training Academy"

The Vatican has launched its most intense youth program yet - a reality competition where teenage altar servers face off in increasingly difficult sacred challenges under the watchful eye of Pope Leo XIV himself. Contestants must master skills like perfect candle lighting while blindfolded, incense juggling during procession, and the notorious "Triple Threat" challenge (holding paten, ringing bells and catching falling hosts simultaneously). The show's most controversial segment is "Confession Speed Round" where servers must properly record sins while being distracted by whoopee cushions and flying ping pong balls. Traditionalists are scandalized by the "Holy Water Dunk Tank" punishment for mistakes, while young Catholics have embraced the viral "#ThuribleTricks" trend sweeping social media. Production challenges include keeping the set cool enough to prevent candle wax disasters and stopping overzealous competitors from attempting unauthorized backflips during the Gloria. The season finale will feature Pope Leo XIV judging the ultimate test - performing a full Latin Mass while skateboarding through an obstacle course of elderly parishioners and toddlers with noisy toys. Early teasers show dramatic moments like a contestant accidentally blessing the camera crew and heated debates over whether chewing gum during consecration should be an automatic disqualification. The winner receives a golden censer and the honor of serving at the Pope's next televised Mass - though rumors suggest the pontiff just wants an excuse to add pyrotechnics to the Easter Vigil.