Poll Reveals Majority Of Americans Think Owning Reusable Straw Solves Climate Change

According to a new poll, 62% of Americans believe that buying a single metal straw has personally offset centuries of industrial pollution. The Center for Environmental Symbolism reports that many respondents carry the straws like holy relics while still driving SUVs and ordering Uber Eats three times a day. In Portland, activists hosted a �straw blessing ceremony� that involved sipping oat milk lattes in unison. Critics note that the same people often lose their straws within weeks, replacing them with fresh Amazon deliveries. Experts summarize the movement as �hydrated hypocrisy.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com