Please Fuck Me Son
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I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me. He's going to ask someday. She's going to have questions. You need to get your story straight.
06/14/2016 04:53pm EDT | Updated June 15, 2017
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I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me.
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You need to get your story straight.
You have to be *prepared* because you'll be caught with your pants down when the kids ask about the specifics of sex.
And, in a dark car, on the way home from dinner, it happened: my son and I had a whopper of a conversation.
While I've mostly recovered from the trauma, my friends are still reeling from the advice I gave him.
The evening started out innocently enough. After attending an event as a family, Hubby and I decided to take the kids out for dinner at one of our favorite watering holes (read: drink martinis as the kids consumed large quantities of fried foods and dessert). We spent that time talking to each other, visiting with friends who'd also gone to the restaurant and joking with our favorite bartender. It was a picture perfect moment: warm sweaters, noisy atmosphere, a family smiling together. I had no way of knowing that my son had questions brimming and he'd decided he was going to get some answers on the way home.
As we had taken two cars,my son opted to ride home with me. I should have seen this as a SIGN, people. Of what, I don't know, but I should have seen SOMETHING coming.
Once in the car, and about two seconds after I navigated the car away from the curb, he dropped a bomb on me: there was a sexting scandal at school and he was upset.
Let me repeat that: MY TWELVE YEAR OLD WAS UPSET ABOUT A SEXTING INCIDENT. Twelve. As in, they don't even have the word "teen" in their ages yet, bitchachos.
Pardon me as I try not to drive this people mover right into a tree.
While he was not involved (THANKYOUSWEETBABYJESUS), he was upset about the consequences, the children involved and the general implications that this kind of thing brings. He wondered what would happen if he received salacious texts, who he should tell, why kids would do such a thing. Heavy topics weighed on his mind and he wanted to talk about all of it. WITH ME. As I was driving heavy machinery. In the dark. Without Hubby as a back up.
I'm not going to lie: I was caught with my pants down and I swear, the deer we passed on the road did not look nearly as surprised as I did when I was driving.
But, I made a choice to keep driving, to take the longest way home possible because my tween was talking, openly talking to me about sex. I didn't know when, or if, this situation would ever present itself again. I don't know if it was the dark, country roads I slowly drove, the fact that we weren't facing each other or if the stars just magically aligned to make him open up, but it happened.
As we quieted from the sexting discussion, he coyly and shyly said, "I have one more question" and the tone of his voice made me realize I needed to brace myself.
"Well. You know. Some of the boys, they talk about this thing that involves blowing. And work. Blow work, is it? Something that is like a job and involves blowing. I don't know what that means. Can you explain that to me?".
I'M NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THE TEEN YEARS, YOU GUYS.
Here I was, in a car, being asked a specific question about a sex act from my twelve year old. In the split seconds that followed his question, I debated: do I tell him? Do I push it aside and tell him that's for grown ups? Do I pull over on the side of the road and call Hubby to take over? How hard will I have to junk punch Hubby when I get home? I honestly didn't know what to do and, as I gripped the steering wheel and tried to keep myself from driving into a cornfield, I made a decision.
I told him. I was honest and forthright. And, then it was HIM wearing the deer in the headlights expression.
As the reality of the answer set in, and, realizing these moments with tweens are fleeting, I took it one step further: I told him a committed relationship is a two way street and when you are intimate with someone, it's never one sided. If he's alone with a girl, it's to be enjoyable for both of them and it's never okay to let a girl please him solely.
I told him that if you get one, you give one. Plain and simple. Because no daughter in law of mine is going to stand in my kitchen and wonder why he's such a greedy asshole in the bedroom.
And, judging from the looks of horror on my friends' faces as I've recounted this story, I seem to be in the minority when it comes talking openly with kids about sex. I've been accused of condoning pre marital sex. I've been told I crossed a line by explaining the specifics of a sex act to my child. And, I've been told that I'm asking for trouble by telling him that his eventual girlfriend's needs are important, too. Mostly, my friends have cry laughed at the image of me driving down the street being asked about knob polishing. And, naturally, they all asked how soon I'd be blogging about my drive from hell....
But, for all the judgement, all the shocked outcry, I stand by what I told my son. I stand by my honesty and I hope, that in doing so, I've set the stage for him to want to come back to ask questions, to get good, solid answers from his father and I. And, in that moment, he trusted me with his thoughts and was open and honest with me. The least I could do was be honest right back.
Because if you get it, you give it, people.
Christine Burke is a blogger and freelance writer. Her personal blog is keeperofthefruitloops.com and she can be found on Facebook. Her latest book, "I Just Want To Be Perfect" is available on Amazon.
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by Rebelrage » Mon May 09, 2005 4:11 pm
Alittle back ground. I am a mother with three children one boy and two girls (the girls are way younger than my son) who was molested as a teenager by my mother's boyfriend ( this info needed for insight on how I feel the way I do ). I have recently found out that my son had tried ( or so he said ) to get my youngest daughter to perform oral sex on him. My daughter has told me that she actually did put "it" in her mouth. I took all of the necessary steps I called the police, social services, and my daughter was interviewed by a therapist ( I don't know what was said by her the interview was closed to me just the deputy sheriff and the therapist at this point know what exactly happened and it was not taped either). My son at first denied it but when he was interviewed by the sheriff (which took alot of persuation by me for them to do this) he finally admitted to just asking her saying that she said no at the last minute and it was left at that. He told the sheriff that he heard some kids on the bus talking about it and he wanted to know what it felt like to have that done. (By the way from the info I got they were in his room playing video games when my oldest daughter had started messing with his stuff and he kicked her out leaving my youngest and him in his room) Well everyone wanted to leave it alone social services wouldn't investagate because they said since he wasn't a care giver that it wasn't their problem, the sheriff and DA didn't even want to question him though they were the ones to escort myself and my daughter to get her interviewed. They said that it was probably an isolated incident and he probably wouldn't do it again. This didn't sit well with me so I told the DA the other problems we were having with my son (anger issues (stabbing his new bedroom suite with a knife is the worst of it), total rebellion against authority school and home, and just the overall attitude of you can't make me do anything ( and I really at this point feel that we can't), stealing and lying daily ). So I asked the DA if we had to wait for him to kill us in our sleep for anyone to help us, because if he gets away with this too then what will he be capable of and I really believed that. This is what got the interview with the with him and the Sheriff. Well now it is in court and we are just at the beginning of the preseeding (sp?). The judge was saying the same thing as we were Why has no one removed this child from the household? So he is now having social services investagate US! I am so scared that he will have all my children removed from my house because of this fiquring I should have never allowed them to be alone in the same room together. It didn't cross my mind that this would happen they are brother and sister! And I also am having problems with my feelings toward my son. I love him but I hate him for what he did and no that is not a mistake on words I hate what he did but I truly hate him too! I feel quilty for that but I can't help myself my daughter isn't old enough to understand what he was asking her (or had her) to do so she isn't affected right now but she is old enough to remember what happened when she does one day understand and being molested myself I know what road lies ahead for her. I can't believe this is happening and I don't know how to feel. Now in the courtroom they had us sit with him on his side of the court room even though she was the victim like we are supporting him! I know I have to because he has to have a parent since he is a minor but my daughter and husband too! In order to feel safe and not have to sleep in between their rooms at nite we have resorted to locking him in his room which I also hate because even though he has been instructed that in the case of a fire break out a window and climb out I know it's not safe for him. But what else can we do? Social Services has been ordered by the court to investagate but that has been two weeks ago and we have heard nothing and they won't remove him. They have left us no choice. No I have no family capable of taking him in and scared of that too cause of the supervision he needs around other children now. I don't let my kids out of my sight when they are together and I feel like I am going mad. I had recently been told by a doctor I suffer from anxiety and just started today my medicine he gave me but I don't know how to handle this I cry and shake to the point I can't stop! I feel like I am losing my mind and going mad. I also feel like an uncaring mother toward my son and just moments away from writing him off completely! He has shown no change in attitude and it seems to me he is hoping that they send him to a boys home in order to leave my house. He has told us he wants to live somewhere else many times. My husband and I fight all the time because he thinks I should stand by him but at the same time he acts like he hates my son and scolds me when I express the same reaction (my son doesn't belong to my husband). What do I do I am so confused how to deal with this. Please help me I feel so alone with this! Sorry for the long entry.
by katfish67 » Wed May 11, 2005 3:42 pm
I think no one has posted on this because it is such a touchy subject, kinda not knowing what to say. i can kinda see the anger you have for your son ( how old is he?) but hate! yes he did something bad and it sounds to me like he is going thru some rebelion stage and sexual experamenting. i understand your concern for your daughter , but your son needs help to. did you think maybe he is so bad because he knows his mom don't love him with all her heart , that would kill anyone. you are stricking him out without giving him a chance to become a better person, he does not need to be place in a home where he can become worse. right now he needs the love and support of his mom and dad, and the feeling that he is not a bad person because of what someone did to him. the only way i can see you feeling the way you do is if your son is like 16 or so and knew what he was doing was wrong. then i would take him and get him help , but you should be there for him too. the way it sounded is he was on the bus and heard them talking sounds like grade
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Please Fuck Me Son
