Playing With My Clitoris
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Prepare to take your oral skills to the next level.
When it comes to making a person with a vulva orgasm, most folks need more than plain old penetration. Your penis is great and all, but only a quarter of vulva owners routinely come during vaginal intercourse—which means a lot of people need some form of clitoral stimulation in order to climax.
Packed with nerve endings, the clitoris is one of the most sensitive erogenous zones. It has around 8,000 nerve endings, which is double the number in a penis, FYI. So what can you do to give your partner a mind-blowing clitoral orgasm? Well, for starters, make sure you know where to find the clitoris: at the top of the vulva, just under the spot where the inner labia meet. The clitoris also extends up to 5 inches inside the body—in fact, experts are beginning to recognize that the so-called "G-spot" is linked to the clit—but for today, we'll focus on that rosebud-shaped spot at the apex of the labia.
And now, to stimulate the clitoris. Sixty-seven percent of women who took part in an Indiana University study prefer stimulation in or around the clitoris, not directly on it. If you're not sure what your partner prefers, remember this universal piece of advice: ask them!
Surprise your partner tonight with one—or all—of these clitoral stimulation tricks, using not just your tongue, but also your lips, fingers, and toys. And don’t forget: there are a number of sex positions where you can reach around and stimulate your partner's clit with your fingers or a vibrator during penetration. There’s no reason why penetration and clit stimulation have to be separate; the two can (and should!) exist in perfect harmony.
Instead of just licking her, use your lips and tongue to suck on her clit.
"The entire vulva consists of sensitive nerve fibers," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. "So being able to suck on the glans or the head of the clit and lightly nibble on her inner and outer labia, or suck a little on labia, will stimulate the nerve fibers."
The sucking will also lead to increased vasocongestion, or more blood flow, to the vulva and the clitoris—"like a little vacuum pump," Kerner says.
In that Indiana University study of 1,055 women, 3 out of 4 women said they love it when you trace little circles on or around the clit. You can use your tongue, your finger, or two fingers—or all of the above.
Sofiya Alexandra, co-host of Private Parts Unknown, a podcast exploring love and sexuality, calls this motion “rock around the clock.” She notes that some women prefer the six o’clock to midnight aka “the downtown express,” which is when you trace from the bottom of the clit to the top under the hood. “I’ve found that light pressure from six o’clock to midnight with the tip of a tongue can cause leg-shaking pleasure,” she says.
There’s a reason why so many vibrators come with pulsation patterns: The clitoris typically loves to be stimulated with a variety of rhythms, explains, Courtney Kocak, who also hosts Private Parts Unknown. “So instead of just rubbing up on the clit with zero cadence or intention, add a gentle pulse to your movements,” she says. “If you need some inspiration, think of those morse-code operators in the old war movies and focus on providing the little nub below the clitoral hood with gentle waves of pressure.”
While you're drawing those circles, try "hinting"—focusing on the area near her clitoris, and only occasionally coming in for a direct touch. In that same Indiana University survey — which was used to create the website OMGYES—7 out of 10 women said they were into this technique.
"Use one finger flicking all around the clitoris, but not directly on it," says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author and founder of sexpert.com. "To bring your partner to orgasm, once she is at the height of pleasure, you’ll want to maintain a steady consistent stroke.”
When it comes to clitoral stimulation, 4 out of 10 women have a preferred side, the same survey found. Ask her if there's a side she likes better—and if she's not sure, experiment on both.
When you're flicking your tongue over her clitoris, imagine you are painting a fence from top to bottom, says Cadell, "alternating between up and down." Next, "go into the windshield wiper move of using your tongue to go side-to-side."
While a lot of attention is spent on the the tip of the clitoris—the part located at the top of the vulva—it also has two "legs" that extend up to five inches inside the body, known as the "shaft."
"Slide your fingers to either side of her clitoral shaft," Dr. Cadell explains. "Pull and push the clitoral hood across the clitoris and move in circles, diagonals, and spontaneous un-choreographed fashions so as to stay unpredictable."
Once your partner is in the midst of an orgasm, add some oral vibration to her experience.
"Make your lips into an O and take her clitoris in your mouth," Cadell suggests. "Then make humming sounds as you suck on her clit, as if you are playing a harmonica, so that she can feel the warm, wet vibrations."
We’re not talking about vaginal ejaculation or golden showers here. Water play is one of the first methods many women use to get off when they start masturbating at an early age in the privacy of their bath time.
"Water play is important," Cadell says. “When using a handheld shower head, let the water spray over her body in between her legs, then move it closer to her clitoris, moving the water stream back and forth.”
If you're hard, try using your erect penis to rub up against her clit.
"This is good if you are laying side-by-side facing each other ... or even on your knees above her, holding the tip of your penis in your hand to massage and rub her clit," Kerner says. "She can also grab your penis and use it like she would a sex toy on her clit."
Kerner recommends the We-Vibe 4 Plus as the best couples vibrator for clitoral action. With its U-shape, one end is inserted into her vagina, and the other end rests on her clit. If she wears it during intercourse, you can feel the vibration as well. And with the mobile app, you can stimulate her without even being in the same room. Give her a clitoral orgasm while you’re away on a business trip, halfway around the world.
If she's not into direct clitoral contact, try stimulating her inner labia.
"Touching or sucking her inner lips actually pulls on the clitoris, and it’s really useful for women whose clitoris gets too sensitive,” says Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex.
There's an array of arousal oils and balms designed to bring tingling or heating sensation to her clit. ON Natural Arousal Oil for Her is a popular choice.
“Go slowly with trying these out,” Mintz advises. “Some women are too sensitive, and the sensation can be too intense.”
Want an all-access oral sex experience? Shanna Katz, M.Ed., a board-certified sexologist and author of Oral Sex That Will Blow Her Mind, previously gave Men's Health this tip:
Have her sit on a countertop, a sturdy table, or a laundry machine; if you kneel on the ground in front of her, you'll be able to your lips, tongue, and hands as much as you want. Plus, she'll be able to get a good look at you between her legs.
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BuzzFeed asked for your best techniques — here are tips from our readers with vaginas that you might want to try yourself.
Which is understandable! Masturbation might not be as taboo as it used to be, but we're still not encouraged to be as experimental and adventurous in our solo sex lives as we are in our regular ones.
To help you get some new ideas, BuzzFeed asked people of all ages, genders, and sexualities to describe the nitty-gritty of how they actually masturbate. Here are tips from our readers with vaginas that you might want to try yourself.
"RABBIT VIBRATORS ARE A SHAM. Just kidding, but I've never had one line up perfectly with my clitoris when I was also using it for penetration. I finally just sprung for two vibrators and now I keep one on my clit for steady vibrations and use the second one on my G-spot. Life-changing."
"I'll get my chair, put a pillow, put a rolled underwear or towel (shaped like a penis) and then cover the entire pillow with cloth. I get naked, woman-on-top position and just start to grind until come."
"I have several vibrators, there's one I especially like — it's a G-spot massager and when I masturbate with it, I straddle it on a chair and have a pair of pants in between the chair and vibrator and it's such as AMAZING hands-free orgasm!"
"Something about seeing myself come makes me crazy horny. Sometimes I ride a dildo while sitting in a chair in front of the mirror so it's like watching myself in cowgirl position. Other times, I'll lie down in front of a mirror."
"It's not just for partnered sex. It makes all the sensation better!"
"I have had major sore thighs the next day and declared my pain to people wondering how it happened, then remembered and wished I hadn't said anything. Whoops."
"I have only ever gotten off with one tried and true method when I masturbate: I grind against something (usually a pillow) while rubbing my finger back and forth across my clit."
"I like to tease myself, so I'll use a vibrator around my belly button and work my way down slowly, which usually does the trick to get me turned on."
"I lie down, relax my legs entirely, then twist them together. Then I squeeze my thighs together while pointing my toes a little and using my knees to shift my weight up and down. I keep squeezing my vagina, and then eventually I orgasm."
"So if a woman is having sex, I'll time the thrusts of my vibe with the guy's, or if she's getting rimmed, I'll stroke my asshole."
“I masturbate to music. It’s the most incredible feeling to find a song that has a buildup and having an orgasm as the music drops is the most intense feeling ever! Far better than any orgasm I have without. I can’t get off to every song — it takes time to find out what works and what doesn’t.”
"I lie on my stomach (usually on my bed, but when I discovered this technique as a kid I used a sheepskin rug). My arms are straight at my sides and my head is turned to one side. My legs are bent at the knees, so my feet are up in the air. I develop a fantasy in my head and as I start to get turned on I rock/rotate/grind my hips/clit into the bed and do it with increasing intensity until I come. The orgasm is equal parts fantasy and friction."
"I got to a point where I used vibrators so regularly that I couldn't get off without them, with my own hands OR my boyfriend. So I retired them and started experimenting. It took awhile to be able to orgasm again but I eventually figured it out. And when I eventually reintroduced toys (in moderation), it was that much more intense."
"It hits my clit, but also is an interesting sensation between my butt cheeks, too."
"I find that instead of rubbing, tugging my clitoris up and down like I'm jacking off a penis is more effective."
"I suction cupped a dildo to the side of the tub and used a vibe to stimulate my clit. A+”
"My favorite place to masturbate is in the shower with the showerhead. I turn down the lights and start my shower hot so the bathroom is nice and steamy. I change my shower head setting so the flow is steadier and cooler. I keep that showerhead on my clit. The pressure from it feels amazing and I can orgasm in less than five minutes."
"I haven't met a woman alive who hasn't been successful with the Hitachi. Like, if you have trouble orgasming, just do it. It gets the job done quickly."
“Since I’m too chicken to actually buy nipple clamps, I use a bobby pin on each nipple, just enough so it hurts a little. The bobby pins actually make it easy to tug on if I want a little extra sensation."
"I like to really pamper myself when I masturbate. Candles, mood music, the whole bit. It's especially important to work myself up by massaging my whole body with oil before I even touch myself down there."
"I lie on my back with my legs apart in kind of a diamond shape; knees furthest apart and feet together. Then I put a finger on either side of my clit and rub back and forth until I come. Works every time."
"Sometimes I treat myself to my G-spot vibrator and butt plug, and it'll have me coming within a minute."
"I really like to tease myself by only upping the vibration level every few minutes, one notch at a time. By the time I'm ready to come, I come HARD."
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A lot of people using their pillows... I'll just bring my own pillow to sleepovers now thanks
Please don't drag beads from your ass to your clit, because germs. Go the other way. ;)
I ain't judging nobody but I hope yall have a designated pillow for this.
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