Plato's Final Hours Revealed in Vesuvius Scroll

Newly deciphered Herculaneum scrolls reveal Plato's last moments were less "noble philosopher" and more "grumpy old man." The texts show him complaining about student loans ("500 drachma for this?"), mocking Aristotle's fashion choices ("Who wears that to the Academy?"), and repeatedly forgetting where he left his scrolls. "Turns out even the father of Western philosophy had those 'why is the milk gone?' moments," said classics professor Dr. Emma Wilson. The most humanizing detail? His final written words weren't profound wisdom, but a grocery list that included "figs (the good kind)" and "wine (NOT the kind that gives me gas)." Scholars are stunned by how little has changed - Plato's notes contain the ancient equivalent of "I should not have to explain this again" written in all caps. Meanwhile, philosophy majors everywhere feel vindicated that even geniuses spent their last days muttering about "kids these days" and misplacing their sandals.