Plan A Trois Amateur
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Plan A Trois Amateur
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Choosing the right threesome partner is a delicate and complex operation. If you mess it up, you could ruin your relationship and life forever. Just kidding. But there is an art, and etiquette, to organizing a mĂ©nage Ă trois. Itâs like a dinner partyâone wrong guest and the whole dynamic is off.
Often, a threesome is one of the first steps couples take down the path to a more progressive relationship dynamic. But donât panic: They donât have to be a gateway drug. Itâs not like you threesome once and the next thing you know youâre in a poly relationship with four people you met at Burning Man.
In my mind there are three types of threeways. First, thereâs the kind between three separate people who arenât romantically linked. Generally, this type is unplannedâyouâre all hanging out after a night of partying and then, whoops, youâre inside each other. Then thereâs the threesome between a couple and a third person that happens spontaneously. In my mind, this is the threesome holy grail: genuine attraction sparks between everyone, and a fun moment impulsively turns erotic. And then thereâs the most common type of threesome: when a couple hunts for a third person, often in a desperate way, stalking unsuspecting singles at bars and dating sites. Yeah, been there. The question is: How does one avoid being the creepy couple, and instead elegantly finesse oneâs way into a threesome? What's the secret key to orchestrating a good oneâone that makes you feel happy and liberated, rather than like a jealous monster?
When I was 24, my then boyfriend and I decided we wanted to try a threesome. At the time I didnât know the protocolâI had only dabbled with threesome scenario number oneâbut I intuitively knew I didnât want the third person to be a close friend, or someone my boyfriend or I saw on a regular basis. That just seemed a bit messy. Because Iâd just moved to New York and didnât know many people, we decided to pursue previous hook-ups of hisânot serious exes, but booty-call types. Weâd lie in bed together looking at the girls on Facebook, and when we agreed on one, he would simply text her: âDo you wanna get threesomeâd?â Surprisingly, most of them said yes.
At the beginning, the threesomes were making us closerâit felt like something kinky we were doing together. Plus, the pursuit was really funâchoosing girls, the anticipation of their response, the pillow talk after they left. It was an intense bonding experience, on par with a good drug trip or a romantic weekend away. I even began to fully understand the saying âspice up your sex lifeââbringing someone elseâs sexual energy into your existing dynamic does add a new flavor (lol), sometimes in a lasting way.
However, there was definitely a curve. While our relationship was strong, the threesomes were great. But then, for separate reasons, things between us got a bit rocky. Not surprisingly, bringing someone else into our bed during that period didnât go so well. Maybe it was in my head, but I felt like I was being slightly left out during sex. For the first time, I regretted choosing a girl he had a pre-existing relationship with and couldnât stop myself from picturing what their sex life was like before me. It was the last threesome we ever had.
My next threesome effort was slightly more successfulâbut again, only for a while. I was on a trip to San Francisco with a guy I was casually dating when he suggested I find a girl for a threesome. I didnât really know anyone in SF, but as a joke, I said, âSure, Iâll just tweet about it.â I mean, whatâs the point of building a large social network if not to recruit strangers for group sex?
My tweet read, âI'm in SF and I need a female guest star in my 3some tonight. Who's up for it?â To my surprise, within a couple of hours I had a handful of seemingly DTF girls sending me photos. And I swear this is the truth: Later that night a 22-year-old Egyptian hipster babe showed up at the hotel and banged us. As you can imagine, this made the dude think I was a magical being with the power to make miracles happen. This was both good and bad. Good because the night was fun, bad because, afterward, he thought it was something I could make happen all the time. Wanting to impress him, I then became that girl, hitting up people I barely knew with texts like, âHey! We should get together again soon! Or, actually, lol, wanna have a threesome with me?â And then like five hours later theyâre like: âHaha, aww, thanks 4 askin but Iâm just crazy busy at work rn.â Even though she works at a bar.
Given the pitfalls Iâve encountered, I was interested to know the threesome strategy of a couple who managed to maintain the dynamic, in a positive way. My friends Michelle and Mathew, a couple of musicians from Brooklyn, are two of the most skilled threesomers I know. Theyâve been together for two and a half years, and they had their first threeway six months in, after Michelle, whoâs bi, suggested it. Contrary to what some might immediately assume, theyâre not in an open relationshipâthey donât hook up with people separatelyâbut rather, as Mathew calls it, âa progressive relationship.â
Their first threesome was with an acquaintance they met through the music scene. One evening, Mathew casually asked the girl if sheâd ever considered hooking up with a couple. She said yes. Afterward, he and Michelle began making efforts to hang out with her more regularly. âIt was like we were going on dates, but not really, â said Michelle. âWe were just getting to know each other.â A few weeks later it happened, very organically.
âI liked the teamwork aspect of it,â Michelle recalled of their first time. âAfterward, the two of us went out and got smoothies, and we just felt so much closer. You have to feel like you're doing it together, like a team-building exercise, otherwise youâre just going to feel like competitors.â
But see, Mathew and Michelle are smart, so before setting off on their mĂ©nage journey, they set specific rules: no past hook-ups, no repeats. âYou have to get a clear handle on what both of you want and need, your fears, comforts, and discomforts,â Mathew told me. âSome people think talking it through poses the threat of killing the excitement, but in-depth communication is so necessary.â
âThatâs why I've actually felt our best threesomes have been sober,â added Michelle. âThreesomes only work for everyone involved if thereâs an equal distribution of attention in all directions. When you have a clear head, itâs a lot easier to make sure no oneâs feelings are hurt and that everyone is feeling appreciated appropriately.â In other words, donât get so drunk that you pass out. As someone who has fallen asleep at an orgy, I can tell you that itâs extremely awkward when you finally wake up.
Michelle and Mathew find that hooking up with friends or acquaintances works best for them. They devote time to courting the girls beforehandâdinner dates, drinks, and occasional sexting sessions. âIt helps to know them,â said Michelle. âTreat your threesome-ees like humans! They're not objects or an impedance on your relationship. Theyâre people.â Next on their list is a threesome with a guy, which Michelle has wanted for a long time. Itâs slightly out of Mathewâ's comfort zone, but he wants to do it for her. âItâs going to be a hurdle for me,â he said, âbut I donât want to be selfish.â
While I generally think itâs positive to push oneâs boundaries when it comes to sex, itâs never a good idea to force yourself into a situation youâre not comfortable with. So even though Iâm totally pro-threesome, Iâve never had a threesome with my current girlfriend, because I intuitively feel that jealousy would be an issue with us, at least for now. But if itâs something you want to try, itâs worth it to take the time to lay out a plan of action. And donât expect it to be a cure-all. âHave realistic expectations,â Michelle said. âA lot of people think a threesome is going to be super life-changing, or that itâs going to help you âfind yourself,â or blow open the relationship. Chill out. Itâs never going to be as crazy as you think itâs going to be.â
Done well, threesomes can bring a couple closer together. âIâm so happy that the ability to have semi-frequent threeways worked out in our relationship,â Michelle said. âIt allows us to regularly have conversations about how we're feeling, and how secure we are with each other, and thatâs something so many couples don't take the time to do.ââ
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Il n'existe pas de plan Ă 3 parfait. Avec un inconnu, en couple, avec un ami, avec deux inconnus, ĂȘtre l'inconnue du trio : toutes les configurations sont possibles. Toutes les pratiques aussi lors de ce moment, et toutes les anecdotes, les meilleures oĂč vous nous racontez comment vous avez grimpĂ© aux rideaux comme les pires.Â
Un de mes amis a eu la fantastique idĂ©e de mâemmener dans un club Ă©changiste . Il y Ă©tait dĂ©jĂ allĂ© et moi, jâĂ©tais curieuse, donc jâai dĂ©cidĂ© de lâaccompagner.
On a commencĂ© par faire lâamour tous les deux dans une salle privĂ©e (câĂ©tait notre premiĂšre fois ensemble) puis nous nous sommes baladĂ©s Ă la recherche dâautres couples dans des salles privĂ©es.
Nous sommes tombĂ©s sur un couple qui nous a autorisĂ© Ă regarder. Nous Ă©tions ultra excitĂ©s lâun et lâautre, alors jâai osĂ© demander "est-ce que je peux participer ?". Jâai commencĂ© Ă toucher la jeune femme que je trouvais particuliĂšrement attirante pendant quâelle faisait une fellation Ă son partenaire.
Je me suis dis « soit tu y vas Ă fond, soit tu rentres chez toi », jâai donc sautĂ© le pas en baissant la tĂȘte et en lui faisant un prĂ©liminaire oral⊠Mon ami mâa pris par derriĂšre et sâest tellement emportĂ© que je lâai touchĂ© avec les dents durant mon cunni... GĂȘnant, mais mĂ©morable !
Jâai eu une expĂ©rience de triolisme avec ma meilleure amie et le mec avec qui jâai perdu ma virginitĂ©. DĂ©jĂ , ça pose le dĂ©cor. CâĂ©tait un 14 juillet, je m'en souviens tellement bien.
Ce mec me tanait de le faire depuis des annĂ©es⊠Ce soir-lĂ , ma pote et moi nous sommes dit « allez, go, soyons fous ! » On lâa fait dans mon lit, il faisait tellement chaud que nous Ă©tions tous trois en sueur, les draps Ă©taient trempĂ©s.
Je blaguais constamment sur le fait que jâai perdu ma virginitĂ© avec lui et au moment de faire lâamour avec mon amie, je me suis rendue compte que je ne pouvais dĂ©cidĂ©ment pas regarder ça.
Faire lâamour Ă plusieurs : dĂ©finitivement pas pour moi !
CâĂ©tait lâanniversaire du mec de ma coloc. Nous sommes allĂ©s diner Ă lâextĂ©rieur, pour fĂȘter ça, Ă la cool. Nous nâavons absolument pas parlĂ© de quoi que ce soit de sexuel durant le dĂźnerâŠÂ
En rentrant Ă lâappartement, nous avons pris quelques verres de plus ensemble. Nous Ă©tions tous un peu pompettes lorsquâils ont commencĂ© Ă sâembrasser devant moi, Ă un moment, ma colloc sâest retournĂ©e vers moi pour mâembrasser, puis son mec Ă elle.
Les choses sont rapidement devenues super électriques entre nous et nous nous sommes retrouvés dans sa chambre à faire un plan à trois .
Alors que nous Ă©tions en plein acte, nous nous sommes brutalement arrĂȘtĂ©s lorsque nous avons entendu toquer Ă la porte ! CâĂ©tait le mec que je datais Ă ce moment-lĂ et⊠que jâavais complĂštement oubliĂ©. (Je sais, je mâen veuxâŠ).
Ma colloc lui a dit de partir Ă travers la porte⊠Mais Ă son retour dans la chambre, lâĂ©nergie sexuelle Ă©tait partie. Ils Ă©taient lĂ , nus, le lubrifiant sur le lit, la lingerie Ă©parpillĂ©e⊠Le malaise. Son mec est parti vomir, pour ajouter une touche de gĂȘne Ă lâhistoire.
Le lendemain matin, jâĂ©tais incapable de les regarder dans les yeux⊠Cette nuit-lĂ , je ne suis pas prĂȘte de lâoublier !
CâĂ©tait avec un couple. Ils Ă©taient mariĂ©s et⊠jâĂ©tais lâune de leurs meilleures amies. On avait dĂ©jĂ parlĂ© de faire lâamour ensemble Ă plusieurs reprises sans jamais vraiment oser sauter le pas.Â
La nuit de notre plan Ă trois, nous avons bu avec toute notre bande de potes dans leur maison. A un moment donnĂ©, nous sommes discrĂštement montĂ©s dans leur chambre. Elle a commencĂ© Ă me dĂ©shabiller et Ă mâembrasser⊠Puis il a commencĂ© Ă me faire lâamour en premier, Ă elle ensuite.
Au dĂ©part, jâĂ©tais un peu hĂ©sitante Ă me lancer avec lui, du fait quâils Ă©taient mariĂ©s, je ne voulais pas blesser mon amie.
A un moment donnĂ©, je lui ai fait un cunnilingus alors quâil me prenait dans la position de la levrette et vice versa, lĂ , la tempĂ©rature Ă©tait Ă son apogĂ©e. Lâosmose Ă©tait palpable et le lendemain, les choses nâĂ©taient pas si gĂȘnantes que ça.
 Jâai connu un threesome entiĂšrement fĂ©minin . Deux de mes amies Ă©taient chez moi ce soir-lĂ , nous avions toutes un copain Ă ce moment-lĂ .Â
Nous avons bu une bouteille ensemble dans le jacuzzi du jardin et commencé à jouer à "action ou vérité ?". AprÚs plusieurs mojitos et quelques shots, je nous revois dans la douche en train de nous embrasser.
Avant de continuer, on a fait un pacte : on en parlerait jamais à nos boyfriends respectifs.
AprĂšs trente minutes de sexe et quelques orgasmes, nous avons dĂ©cidĂ© quâil Ă©tait temps dâaller dormir. CâĂ©tait lâexpĂ©rience sexuelle la plus passionnĂ©e que jâai eu de ma vie !
Jâavais dĂ©cidĂ© de partir seule en vacances façon sac Ă dos et carte routiĂšre. Jâavais 21 ans et je commençais mon pĂ©riple Ă Lisbonne, au Portugal. Le premier soir Ă lâauberge de jeunesse, je me suis fait pote avec trois mecs australiens, leur bronzage et leur accent Ă©taient irrĂ©sistibles.
Deux mâont particuliĂšrement plu, John et Steve. On a bu plusieurs biĂšres et quelques sangrias ensemble avant dâaller dans un Ă©norme pub Ă touristes. En dansant, on a commencĂ© Ă sâembrasser avec John puis nous avons rejoint Steeve et⊠je lâai embrassĂ©.Â
Nous savions tous ce qui allait se passer ensuite. Nous nous sommes donc pressĂ©s de rejoindre lâauberge oĂč nous sĂ©journions ! Tout le long du trajet, je me disais "la situation est tellement parfaite, ils sont canons, australiens, et je sais que je ne les reverrai jamais".
On a commencé des préliminaires sous la douche et, tout trempés, on est allés continuer dans la chambre des garçons.
On a complĂštement retournĂ© la chambre : de lâeau partout, des affaires mouillĂ©es pleines de savon, le canapĂ© complĂštement changĂ© de place. Quand lâun me pĂ©nĂ©trait, je faisais une fellation Ă lâautre et vice versa.
Le lendemain matin, je me suis rĂ©veillĂ©e avec la sensation dâavoir accompli un sacrĂ© truc Ă mettre sur ma bucket list sexuelle mais pour ĂȘtre tout Ă fait honnĂȘte : jâĂ©tais contente en sachant que je ne les reverrai pas.Â
Mais Ă©videmment, quelques semaines plus tard, jâattendais mon bus Ă Madrid et je tombe sur⊠John et Steve ainsi que quelques uns de leurs potes.
Note pour plus tard : quand vous faites un roadtrip et voyagez dâauberge de jeunesse en auberge de jeunesse, vous vous rendez vite compte que le monde est trĂšs trĂšs petit ! Heureusement, ils ont Ă©tĂ© assez cool pour ne pas rendre cette rencontre super gĂȘnante.
Une chose est sûre : ce fut une premiÚre nuit mémorab
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