Piss In My Throat
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Piss In My Throat
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Everything you need to know about piss play, including why people like this particular kink to how to do a golden shower safely.
Sophie Saint Thomas is a New York-based writer originally from the Caribbean. She is Allure ’s resident astrologer and the author of Finding Your Higher Self: Your Guide to Cannabis for Self-Care (Adams Media), a guide to self-care and marijuana, and [*Sex Witch: Magickal Spells for Love, Lust, and... Read more
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It's Kink Month at Allure, and we're talking all about fetishes and kinks. Read more on our landing page here .
While to some, golden showers are the butt of a Donald Trump joke, to others, they are an extremely erotic experience. Golden showers are one form of piss play , which is exactly what it sounds like: sexual play involving piss. Though they may seem easy to make fun of because most of us grew up with bathroom humor, we should probably be nicer when it comes to the topic of golden showers because a lot of people are into them, and kink-shaming isn't cool .
Some people engage in golden showers as part of BDSM . BDSM involves a power exchange in which one partner is submissive and the other partner is dominant. In this particular scenario, the dominant partner typically pees on the submissive. Other people just try them out because they're horny and bored. Let's talk about all the reasons people love golden showers and what you should know if you're interested in trying out this particular kink.
This particular kink is actually incredibly ordinary, according to the experts. "Urophilia — golden showers, piss play, and the like — is such a common kink that there are piss parties full of folks who want to explore this," says New York sex therapist and relationship counselor Michael DeMarco . New York City-based professional and lifestyle dominatrix Goddess Aviva adds, "It’s so common! People love to be peed on. And quite a few of them also like to drink it." In fact, an Australian survey says that around four percent of men have a piss play fetish, and Pornhub stats show that searches for "golden shower" (along with related terms) increased exponentially in 2017 after it was alleged that Donald Trump enjoyed watersports.
There are also quite a few online communities for folks to go who are interested in golden showers. In fact, the "watersports" (another name for piss play) group on the kinky social media website FetLife boasts over 25,000 members. Additionally, there are dating apps and websites specifically tailored to folks looking to find other kinky people to hook up with, including KinkD , BDSM.com , Fetster.com , and more.
Any time you are exchanging bodily fluids, there is going to be some risk. According to Kimberly Langdon, an OB/GYN and clinical advisor at Medzino Health , it's only true that urine is sterile if the person peeing is completely healthy. "Urine can spread disease, including bacterial, fungal, and viral infections," she explains. During a golden shower, this most commonly occurs if the recipient has an open wound.
"Regarding skin contact , urine will usually cause no harm if there are no fissures, broken skin or open wounds," Langdon adds. "If this is, however, the case, then urine can cause infection if the partner urinating has a bacterial infection and the urine comes into contact with wounds and mucous membranes."
So, if you're enjoying golden showers with someone whose health status you are unsure of, make sure there are no open wounds on you, and ask them to aim somewhere besides the mouth, such as on your stomach. Discuss your health with your partner; professional dominatrixes are already on it.
"With anything where you're sharing bodily fluid, you need to make sure that you’re not sick or have any kind of infection. It’s also really important to hydrate. The other factor that you should consider, is how close you are to someone’s mouth. A way to avoid that is to be above them," Goddess Aviva says.
First off, the person performing the golden shower will probably want to drink a lot of water an hour or so beforehand. Like, a lot. It's also important to pick the right place — golden showers probably shouldn't take place in your bed. "If you’re curious about golden showers, an easy way to do it is to be in the shower or bath. And if you’re not really into it, you can rinse it off right away," Goddess Aviva says.
Once you've figured out where it's going to happen (and who it's going to happen with), make sure that all parties know what the plan is and are fully consenting. Consent is the most important part of any sex act, after all. Have everything you want for clean-up nearby, and everyone should have a safe word ready, too.
Remember what we've discussed above — that urine isn't sterile, and that the person receiving the golden shower shouldn't have any open cuts or sores. If this checks out, then you're good to go, but be patient, especially if it's the first time trying this for either of you. Lastly, when you're all done, clean off, and if you feel like it, keep the fun going .
Other than clean-up and potential risks from fluid exchange, should this be something you want to try, you just have to make peace with your desire to try giving or receiving a golden shower and then discuss it with your partner(s) so you can experience one from a place of mutual enthusiastic consent.
"Owning your sexual expression from the get-go will put you on more solid ground once you're in a relationship to be able to have awkward or challenging talks about sexuality and how your sexual expression might evolve," Langdon says. Now that you know all about piss play, there's only one thing left to do if you want to try it for yourself — go find a partner who is into it, too. Happy kink month , babes.
Read more about kinks and fetishes:
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That is DEFINITELY a guy, geez you people are weirdXD
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How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Send your questions to howtodoit@slate.com . Don’t worry, we won’t use names.
Every Thursday night, Stoya and Rich will answer one bonus question in chat form. This week, a deep issue.
Can we talk about how guys now expect deep-throating as the norm? When did this happen? I am single for the first time in a while and having a fair number of partners, and I have found the majority of them expect oral sex to go there without really discussing it first. I don’t hate it, but to me, it’s a pretty aggressive form of sex that should be discussed first! Instead it seems totally normalized to these dudes, like it’s just a natural part of a blow job. I finally brought it up with the most recent guy, and he seemed genuinely surprised. What’s going on here?
Rich : Ah, blow jobs. One of my favorite subjects.
Stoya : I’m just … I’m one of the first digital natives. I grew up with (low production value, but still) porn in all media available at my fingertips. And I’m terribly worried that I’m about to prove years of anti-porn feminists right here …
Stoya : Is deep-throating not the BJ norm? Like, that’d be like eating someone’s vulva and neglecting to insert a finger for g-spot stimulation.
Rich : Yes, I believe it is the norm. I think that the 1972 film Deep Throat did a lot to normalize it. It was such a sensation with that angle that you have to figure that, up until then, not many people could do it—or were doing it. I believe the film made it standard. Imagine a movie coming out today whose sole angle was … one woman’s magical ability to deep throat. It is LITERALLY the stuff of amateurs these days.
Stoya : I’m wondering if the guys the writer is encountering are being aggressive about it?
Rich : There are definitely some aggressive thrusters out there, and I do get a sense that some guys like going deep out of principle—that, in fact, punishing a throat is what’s getting them off.
Stoya : Ah, that’s different from a friendly deep-throat.
Rich : Yeah, I think an important divide to note is between who’s doing the desiring, the sucker or the sucked. I take blow jobs seriously, and I do think it’s something like a duty to know how to do this, repress gag reflex, etc. But am I perfect at it? No! Do I want to be made to vomit or suffocate so one guy can orgasm? Hell no!!!
Stoya : What do you do when the receiver of a blow job starts to thrust deeper or faster than you’re prepared to handle?
Rich : I really try to keep up, but I’m also not good at keeping cool when I’m suffering, so I’ll eventually just tap out if it’s clear that the only way he’s going to get off is by keeping me on the edge of death. I prefer to take care of guys who like more about oral sex than just deep-throating.
Stoya : I use the Hand of Pause. It doesn’t actually matter which hand: I splay my fingers and push with my palm into the inside of his hip bone.
Rich : Ah, literally stopping him in his tracks.
Stoya : Literally. It almost always lessens thrusting. Of course, discussion works too.
Rich : Yeah, and it’s sometimes necessary, but I like the subtler approach that you describe. To me, in that kind of a situation, the whole fun of it is to give him what he wants, and I hate to interrupt that with my own limitations.
Stoya : You’re there to service the cock?
Rich : One hundred percent. That’s the fun of it! It’s also, like, such a relief to be told what to do?
Rich : Life is such chaos. Receiving instructions on how to service the dick in front of you and then accomplishing that task is a way of achieving momentary order.
Stoya : So, for our writer, maybe they want to talk about their blow job style around the same time they have the safer sex discussion. (Yes, I’m assuming they have a safer sex discussion before they engage in sex, as I recommend.)
Rich : I think that makes sense. If men are carrying around this sense of entitlement, thinking that their dicks need to be all the way down every throat they encounter, the most straightforward way to correct that is to discuss it. Because the writer does have a point: It can be a little rough. And no one is obligated to put up with roughness that they’re not into.
Stoya : To start, “I like to focus on the sensitive parts like the head” might sound more appealing than “I don’t want your dick jammed down my esophagus.”
Rich : I like the idea of asserting that you have a style. Because the thing is, as much as this scenario can be about getting pleasure from giving pleasure, everyone’s got their own personal relationship to what that feels like, and it might not always coincide. So just like you might make tempo suggestions during intercourse, it’s totally OK to have someone meet you halfway when you’re giving him a blow job. In the best-case scenario, it’s equally fun for both of you.
Stoya : The only other thing I have to add is the Fist of Stroking (everything is an action-figure upsell today): You can totally wrap your hand around the shaft of the cock to give that satisfying “buried” feeling without choking or tearing up.
Rich : And in fact, I find that many guys prefer some hand action as well . Do you have any thoughts on the more philosophical points within the question about whether the expectation of deep-throating is a sign of normalized aggression?
Stoya : Oh jeez. Fisting and deep-throating are both alarming-sounding terms used to describe sexual practices that can be surprisingly gentle or shockingly violent. Actual consumption of porn and discourse around porn both have a normalizing effect, I think. But, like, wouldn’t it be great if we normalized some other stuff that happens in porn? Like active consent? Or talking about the things we’re going to do before we shoot them? And I’m not so sure that porn is where these things come from so much as where these things reach the masses.
Rich : Yeah, I think the most reasonable assumption is that porn exposes people to ideas and practices they never even would have thought to think about.
Stoya : This goes off into a giant tangent, but I wonder how big the range of “odd” sex was before we started categorizing it.
Rich : Maybe it was even weirder when people were making it up as they went along without any —or with far fewer—external templates/inspiration. I will close by saying that even if guys carry a certain expectation, they should really be respectful when they see it goes beyond their partner’s actual abilities. If you want someone to be good at giving blow jobs, you should be good at receiving them too.
Stoya : Assume nothing, ask about everything, and remember not everyone likes choking during oral sex.
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