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Relationships with parents and families: why teenagers need them
Teenagers need love and support from parents at a time when lots of other things in their lives are changing. You can keep your relationship with your teenage child strong through ordinary, everyday activities.
Many people think that families become less important to children as they move into the teenage years. But your child needs your family and the support it offers as much as she did when she was younger.
It’s true that family relationships change during adolescence. When your child was young, your role was to nurture and guide him. Now you might be finding that your relationship with your child is becoming more equal.
Most young people and their families have some ups and downs during these years, but things usually improve by late adolescence as children become more mature. And family relationships tend to stay strong right through.
For teenagers, parents and families are a source of care and emotional support. Families give teenagers practical, financial and material help. And most teenagers still want to spend time with their families, sharing ideas and having fun.
It’s normal for teenagers to be moody or seem uncommunicative, but they still need you. Your child still loves you and wants you to be involved in her life, even though at times her attitude, behaviour or body language might seem to say she doesn’t.
Family is the most important thing to me. They’re my own support system. Everybody thinks friends are more important, but they’re not. Friends are great, but they’ll come and go. Family is always there.
– Brianna, teenager
In this video, teens talk about relationships with parents. They talk about some issues that can cause tension between teenagers and parents: homework, sibling fights, boundaries and trust. Some teenagers feel their parents need to show more trust and give them more independence, but they also know that parents are mostly just concerned for their safety.
Adolescence can be a difficult time – your child is going through rapid physical changes as well as emotional ups and downs. Young people aren’t always sure where they fit, and they’re still trying to work it out. Adolescence can also be a time when peer influences and relationships can cause you and your child some stress.
Supporting each other can be vital to getting through these challenges.
During this time your family is still a secure emotional base where your child feels loved and accepted, no matter what’s going on in the rest of his life. Your family can build and support your child’s confidence, self-belief, optimism and identity.
When your family sets rules, boundaries and standards of behaviour, you give your child a sense of consistency and predictability.
And believe it or not, your life experiences and knowledge can be really useful to your child – she just might not always want you to know that!
Supportive and close family relationships protect your child from risky behaviour like alcohol and other drug use, and problems like depression. Your support and interest in what your child is doing at school can boost his desire to do well academically too.
Strong family relationships can go a long way towards helping your child grow into a well-adjusted, considerate and caring adult.
The ordinary, everyday things that families do together can help  build and sustain strong relationships with teenagers. These tips might help you and your family.
Family meals
Regular family meals are a great chance for everyone to chat about their day, or about interesting stuff that’s going on or coming up. If you encourage everyone to have a say, no-one will feel they’re being put on the spot to talk. Also, many families find that meals are more enjoyable when the TV isn’t invited and when mobile phones and tablets are switched off!
Family outings
Try setting aside time for fun family outings – you could all take turns choosing activities. A relaxing holiday or weekend away together as a family can also build togetherness. Our article on teenagers and free time has more ideas for things you can do as a family.
One-on-one time
One-on-one time with your child gives you the chance to stay connected and enjoy each other’s company. It can also be a chance to share thoughts and feelings. If you can, try to find opportunities for each parent to have this time with your child.
Celebrate your child’s accomplishments
Celebrating your child’s accomplishments, sharing his disappointments, and supporting his hobbies helps your child know you’re interested in him. You don’t have to make a big deal of this – sometimes it’s just a matter of showing up to watch your child play sport or music, or giving him a lift to extracurricular  activities.
Family traditions
Family traditions, routines and rituals can help you and your child set aside regular dates and special times. For example, you might have a movie night together, a favourite meal or cooking session on a particular night, a family games afternoon or an evening walk together.
Household responsibilities
Agreed household responsibilities give children and teenagers the sense that they’re making an important contribution to family life. These could be things like chores, shopping or helping older or younger members of the family.
Family rules
Agreed-on rules, limits and consequences give teenagers a sense of security, structure and predictability. They help your child know what standards apply in your family, and what will happen if she  pushes the boundaries.
Family meetings
Family meetings can help to solve problems. They give everyone a chance to be heard and be part of working out a solution.
Extra support
If you feel that your family really isn’t connecting, you might find a family counsellor or other family support service helpful.
This short video demonstration shows how family meetings can help you and your children connect, plan activities and catch up on what’s going on for everyone. Family meetings are a practical way to build relationships.
This article was written with help from Diana Smart, psychologist.
Barnes, G.M., Hoffman, J.H., Welte, J.W., Farrell, M.P., & Dintcheff, B.A. (2006). Effects of parental monitoring and peer deviance on substance use and delinquency. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 68, 1084-1104.
Guan, S-S.A., & Fuligni, A.J. (2016). Changes in parent, sibling, and peer support during the transition to young adulthood, Journal of Research on Adolescence, 26(2), 286-299. doi: 10.1111/jora.12191.
Hayes, L., Smart, D., Toumbourou, J.W., & Sanson, A. (2004). Parenting influences on adolescent alcohol use. Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies.
Langford, W., Lewis, C., Solomon, Y., & Waring, J. (2001). Closeness, authority and independence in families with teenagers. London: Joseph Rowntree Foundation.
Larson, R.W., Richards, M.H., Moneta, G., Holmbeck, G., & Duckett, E. (1996). Changes in adolescents’ daily interactions with their families from ages 10 to 18: Disengagement and transformation. Developmental Psychology, 32, 744-770.
Price-Robertson, R., Smart, D., & Bromfield, L. (2010). Family is for life: Connections between childhood family experiences and wellbeing in early adulthood. Family Matters, 85, 7-17.
Rankin Williams, L., & Anthony, E.K. (2015). A model of positive family and peer relationships on adolescent functioning. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 24(3), 658-667. doi: 10.1007/s10826-013-9876-1.
Stubbs, S., & Bennett, D. (2014). Young people and alcohol use: Contextualizing and responding to the challenge of problematic drinking. Adolescent Medicine: State of the Art Reviews, 25, 50-69.
Vassallo, S., Smart., D., & Price-Robertson, R. (2009). The roles that parents play in the lives of their young adult children. Family Matters, 82, 8-14.
Woolley, M.E., & Grogan-Kaylor, A. (2006). Protective family factors in the context of neighborhood: Promoting positive school outcomes. Family Relations, 55, 95-106.
Positive relationships for families: how to build them
Positive relationships in families help children feel secure and loved. Here’s how to build relationships with quality time, communication, teamwork and more.
Strong families: what they are, how they work
Strong families have love, security, communication, belonging – and routines to keep the family working well. Find out how to make your family strong.
Social and emotional changes in pre-teens and teenagers
Adolescence is a time of big social changes and emotional changes for your child. Here’s what to expect and how to support your child through the changes.
VIDEO: Pre-teen and teenage independence: when and how much?
When should teenagers have more independence to do things like go out by themselves? In this video, you can hear what parents and teens think.
Mental health in pre-teens and teenagers
Teen mental health is about happiness, good relationships, exercise, belonging and more. Signs of mental health problems include mood and other changes.
Privacy, monitoring and trust: the teenage years
Teenagers naturally want more privacy – but you still need to know what’s going on. Read how trust and monitoring are the keys to handling the issue.
Raising Children Network is supported by the Australian Government. Member organisations are the Parenting Research Centre and the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute with The Royal Children’s Hospital Centre for Community Child Health.
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© 2006-2021 Raising Children Network (Australia) Limited. All rights reserved.
Warning: This website and the information it contains is not intended as a substitute for professional consultation with a qualified practitioner.
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A dangerous new trend is sweeping social media posing a huge risk to the body image of hundreds of thousands of teen girls worldwide.
A dangerous new trend is sweeping social media posing a huge risk to the body image of hundreds of thousands of teen girls worldwide.
Following in the footsteps of the recent 'thigh gap' trend – which demanded legs so thin they don't touch above the knees – the new 'bikini bridge' fad glorifies girls so slender their bikini bottoms are suspended between their jutting hipbones.
In the past few months, dozens of blogs and social media pages have been set up devoted to the 'bikini bridge' and encouraging girls to submit photos of their own, which they have been doing in the thousands.
Collectively, the main sites now have more than one million followers, leading body experts to despair about the effect it is having on young girls everywhere.
"The bikini bridge is just another example of horrendous thinspiration that encourages young women to develop poor body image and disordered eating," health and wellbeing specialist Katie Lowe says.
"We need to learn that bodies are beautiful in all shapes and sizes and encouraging young women to strive towards something like this is just unhealthy."
There has been speculation the "trend" is an internet hoax but the Lowe says: "Hoax or not, putting the phrase into common use is damaging."
Urban dictionary defines the bikini bridge as "when bikini bottoms are suspended between the two hip bones, causing a space between the bikini and the lower abdomen".
Thousands of women have shared pictures of their "bikini bridge" online.
The hashtag #bikinibridge was used more than 4000 times yesterday.
Body image experts have slammed the trend.
"We need to learn bodies are beautiful in all shapes and sizes," body image expert Katie Lowe says.
"The space between your abs and your bikini does not define your beauty ladies," fitness blogger Cassey Ho tweeted.
"This is a sign of how silly and superficial young women have gotten when it comes to achieving beauty," Ho wrote.
"Bikini bridge or not, don't base your self-worth on it," Ho says.
"Don't be superficial enough to sacrifice your happiness to attain a physical attribute."
Victoria's Secret model Rosie Huntington Whiteley.
An image from the BikiniBridge Tumblr account.
An image from the BikiniBridge Tumblr account.
An image from the BikiniBridge Tumblr account.
An image from the BikiniBridge Tumblr account.
An image from the BikiniBridge Tumblr account.
An image from the BikiniBridge Tumblr account.
An image from the BikiniBridge Tumblr account.
An image from the BikiniBridge Tumblr account.
An image from the BikiniBridge Tumblr account.
An image from the BikiniBridge Tumblr account.
An image from the BikiniBridge Tumblr account.
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