Petite With Big Natural Tits

Petite With Big Natural Tits
I’m small but have big breasts – is it OK not to wear a bra?
‘Remember your purpose transcends desirability. You are here to live a full life.’ Illustration: Mel Lou/The Guardian
My mother drinks all day and refuses help
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Society tells us only women with small boobs should go braless, says Chidera Eggerue, but it’s how you feel about it that matters
I’m in my early 20s and don’t have a lot of body confidence, something that began at puberty. When I dress in certain clothes, my mother makes comments about me needing more support for my chest (I’m nine stone and a size 34F). My friends and siblings have also made comments about me seeking attention, but when I wear less, it’s because of the hot weather. I was thinking about going braless the other day because I wanted to wear a strappy dress, but I felt so uncomfortable and vulnerable without a bra that I chickened out . What can I do?
I can totally relate to your experiences. I discovered from about 15 that I had saggy boobs, and remember going to the high street and feeling frustrated that none of the bras would fit.
While our bodies are strong, resilient entities, it’s OK to need a bit of help – especially if you have big boobs and a small frame. So please don’t think that wearing a bra is a bad thing. But if going braless is something you’re keen to try, I suggest you start by first wearing bras without padding, and then without underwiring, and then thinner and thinner straps and fabric until you’re wearing no bra at all. It took me time to grow into my current brave and bold self.
Sadly, women often receive unsolicited remarks, even from those we love the most. I find your mother’s stance fascinating, but I’m not surprised. She reminds me a lot of my own mother. Keep in mind that our parents are of a different generation, in which conversations about body confidence were not commonplace. Our mothers were conditioned to believe that there’s only one way to be a woman and anybody who falls outside of that is shame-worthy; she’s learning.
When it comes to your friends, anyone who makes you doubt yourself is someone you should try to spend less time with. Friends should encourage you to be yourself more, not less.
In a patriarchal world where women are viewed as products rather than people, we are told that there is a particular type of woman who deserves love and safety. She is slim, perky and polite and seeks permission from other people to be herself. But you deserve to live a life that neglects the male gaze and focuses on what is most important: how you feel about yourself.
When people stare, it can leave you feeling vulnerable or scared. But I can assure you that those who look do so out of curiosity rather than disgust. You cannot control how others view you and it’s important to remember that those who are the most critical of others tend to be insecure in themselves. I want you to remember that your purpose transcends desirability. You are here to live a full life.
You may be put in situations where you are blamed for having the body you do, or feel the need to explain yourself. Don’t. I’ve learned to separate myself from other people’s nonsense. If my boobs aren’t harming anyone, why shouldn’t I wear an outfit that makes me feel proud of my body? Society tells us it’s only OK to go braless if your boobs are small; if they are big, slut-shaming is commonplace. But while I used to run away from deep plunge tops out of fear, I now go for them first. I do use double-sided tape to keep clothes in place, though; it’s invisible and highly recommended if you’ve got big boobs and don’t want anything falling out.
Ultimately, nobody has the right to tell you how to love your body, which is more than just a collection of cells and functions. It is home to a remarkable, intelligent young woman. It is a witness to all the wonderful things you have ever encountered. How you look is the least important thing; never underestimate the importance of your presence.
When I catch myself feeling negative about my boobs and body, I ask myself: how would a younger me think, hearing words such as “shrink yourself so they will like you”? She would feel unwanted and alone. That little girl still exists in every one of us, and we deserve to make more room for her to feel safe, seen and cherished. Taking on a parental role when speaking myself out of negative body talk works wonders, and I firmly believe you should do the same.
Chidera Eggerue is the author of What a Time to Be Alone, published by Quadrille at £12.99. To order a copy for £11.04, go to bookshop.theguardian.com or call 0330 333 6846.
Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article.

Woman with natural 34KK boobs shares disturbing messages she gets from strangers
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Anastasia Berthier used to be embarrassed about her large chest but has now learned to love her body and her "cute face"
A woman who says Mother Nature was "generous" by giving her natural 34KK boobs has shared some of the disturbing messages she gets from strangers online.
Despite having back pain and struggling to find clothes that fit, Anastasia Berthier loves her large chest.
She said: “I haven’t done any surgeries on my breast. Mother Nature was pretty generous to me.
“As a teenager I used to be embarrassed of my big breasts.
“At the age of 15 I was already a D cup. But when I grew up, I learned how to accept myself and my body and even benefit from it.
“There aren’t many women in the world who have my natural breast size, a fit body and cute face, so why I should be not happy?
“However, it’s hard to find lingerie for my size. Some stores cater to my breast size, which is often the biggest size they have in stock, but not for all types of lingerie.
“I have to buy clothes in really big sizes then go and customise it with a tailor to fit, because I have a small waist compared to my breasts.”
“I do have back pain if I stand or sit in the same position for too long, but daily activities are fine and it does not bother me at all to do sports with the right sports bra. And yes, I can sleep on my stomach.”
But her large size does attract a lot of negative attention online, and on occasion it can actually be quite scary for Anastasia, who lives in Moscow, Russia.
She has faced repeated harassment from an online stalker for years, who has also disturbed her friends, family and even photographers she’s worked with in hopes to reach out her.
And one of her followers threatened to slit his wrists open if she didn’t reply back to his messages.
Anastasia said: “One crazy guy was threatening me that he will go to the kitchen and cut his veins if I will not answer.
“And I have crazy stalker who is following me for a few years, annoying my family, friends and photographers with who I work.
“There is a lot of pretty ill people and it's can be dangerous when they obsessed with you.”
Despite that, Anastasia loves her fans and said they constantly inspire her to create new content to share to the world.
She added: “I do have a lot of admirers and I really love my fans, they are such an inspiration for me! They give me a lot of support and ideas!
“My favourite comments are from women. When a woman gives you a compliment it’s always a big pleasure, but it’s very rare. Also, I love when followers appreciate my philosophy or my life advice.”
Anastasia now works as a model, but before that was a graphic designer and content writer for online magazine. She's also a painter and would often be commissioned for her pieces.
But this didn't pay well, and she was often left with no money at all by the end of the month.
She said: "Sometimes I didn’t have enough money to survive until end of the month so I accepted dinner dates just to eat!”
However, not everyone has been supportive of her career change.
Anastasia stopped speaking to some of her family members who she claims spread rumours about her behind her back, but thankfully, her mother and friends are incredibly supportive and always on her side.
She added: “I stop talking with some members of my family because they were spreading rumours and talking bad things behind my back.
“My friends are the opposite are super supportive and always on my side. My mom is my best friend!”
Anastasia started her Instagram page in 2018 as a professional account for her art work but soon started including pictures of her modelling, gaining over 510K followers in just two years.
Speaking about how her account blew up, Anastasia said: “I didn't really do anything special, I just started to understand what kind of content will get more engagement and will become more viral.
“So, when big Instagram groups started to repost my pictures, my page started to grow fast.
“Instagram blocked my main account for 6 months last year so I created new one and it almost reached half million already, meanwhile Instagram unblocked my main page and it's also half million now.
In a few words of advice for others who wish to grow their own social media pages, Anastasia said: “Be yourself and keep going. Don't listen to haters. Try to be creative and maintain your standards of quality.”
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