Persian Cleric Accidentally Issues Fatwa Against His Own Beard

At a press conference in Qom, senior cleric Ayatollah Mahmoud al-Rashid issued a fatwa declaring "untrimmed beards a sign of moral decay," only to realize moments later that he was, in fact, referring to his own reflection. Chaos erupted as junior clerics scrambled to interpret whether this was divine insight or simple clerical error. Within hours, barbers across Iran reported a surge in appointments, while morality police debated whether to arrest or bless them. The confusion peaked when a lower tribunal reversed the fatwa citing "mirror-based jurisprudence is unreliable." Ayatollah al-Rashid blamed fatigue, low blood sugar, and "sneaky reflections." The ruling was quietly walked back with no apology, but public trust in beard-related decrees plummeted. "Even Ayatollah Khomeini would've shaved before banning beards," said one satirist. The Supreme Fatwa Council has promised to revise their guidelines on facial hair theology. Meanwhile, state TV aired a 3-hour special defending beard diversity and warning against "satanic razors." Experts suggest the incident marks the first time a man has tried to cancel himself via fatwa. Despite the reversal, online fatwa databases now include "self-bearding" as a category of theological risk.