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https://www.thebody.com/article/soft-penetration-erectile-dysfunction-aid

“Erectile Disorder,” Sex Therapy Herts. https://www.sextherapyherts.co.uk/erectile-disorder
“Physical Activity to Improve Erectile Function: A Systematic Review of Intervention Studies,” Sexual Medicine . April 13, 2018. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5960035/
“Impotence and its medical and psychosocial correlates: results of the Massachusetts Male Aging Study,” Journal of Urology . January 1994. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8254833/

In case you didn’t know: Erection issues are incredibly common.
Studies have consistently shown that one in three assigned male at birth (AMAB) people will experience erectile difficulties at some point in their lives. And as AMAB people get older, this number rises to over 50%.
A big problem in our erection education stems from our downright wretched sex education and the social understanding of what “sex” means. “Our social narratives about what sex is [and] how sex should look and feel is based on what happens to the penis, and of course, the biggest narrative is that if a man wants to have sex, his penis should always be throbbing and hard, and get hard at the drop of a hat,” Lucy Rowett , a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist, tells TheBody.
Ironically, this shortsighted focus on the importance of erections likely plays a huge role in why so many people experience erectile issues. The message AMAB people get is that if you can’t get a hard wiener, you’re not going to be good at sex. This can create performance anxiety.
We put too much pressure on hard dicks to get any dicks hard.
But what to do about a world that focuses too much on hard dicks and not enough on pleasure?
Enter soft penetration. Yeah, and it’s exactly what it sounds like: penetrating with a soft peen.
Now, this is only one in a long list of interventions that can be utilized for unreliable erections, but we thought it would be helpful to really dive deep here and give you all the best information we have on this very cool (albeit a little weird-sounding) exercise.
Much of the information we’ve gathered on soft penetration is based on clinically backed methodologies from the Contemporary Institute of Clinical Sexology (CICS) in the U.K., where I’m currently studying to become a psychotherapist. So, you know we brought the goods.
Fundamental to this process is understanding exactly how erections happen and the reasons why they can stop seemingly out of nowhere sometimes. Erections are fickle beasts. They are born out of incredibly complex physiological and psychological processes in the body and brain.
Let’s break down how this even happens.
Blood flows into the chambers of the penis and causes the penis to become erect. During an erection, the blood flow stops because of the veins compressing. Keeping the blood in the penis is what makes the penis hard.
This is a complex process that comes from signals in the brain sent to the tissues. When the signal starts in the tissue, the tissue sends a signal to the brain, which sends a signal to the tissue. And on and on.
When it’s time for the erection to bid us adieu, a signal is sent from the brain that says, “We’re good. Go to bed.” And the erection goes down.
Now, when it comes to erectile dysfunction, things get even more complicated. Because when we’re nervous, ashamed, scared, worried, etc., the body receives a message from the brain that says, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??! THIS IS DANGEROUS! GO AWAY, HARD PEEN!” And away it does go.
So what’s with soft penetration? It’s when you take a soft (or not fully erect) penis and allow it to penetrate a vagina or anus. This is usually used for vaginal penetration, as anuses are very tight, but it can be utilized for either.
The logic behind this is relatively straightforward once you know how erections happen: Soft penetration takes the pressure off of the need to “perform.” It helps clients gain confidence and control over their bodies and pleasure.
You want to take the flaccid penis and “feed” it into the vagina or anus. “What’s helpful is wrapping your fingers around the base of your penis and squeezing it, thereby having a firmer upper half of your penis, which can then be inserted into your partner,” Zachary Zane , a sex columnist and sex expert for P.S. Condoms , tells TheBody.
Be sure to stay mindful and breathe deeply throughout the practice. Remember to check in with your body, because it’s important to communicate with your partner about how you’re feeling. “Grind against each other and [enjoy] each other’s bodies and sexual energy,” Rowett explains. “As the penis owner, focus on breathing deeply and breathing with your partner. You may get hard or not—this is not the goal. The goal is to connect and feel pleasure with each other.”
Learning to penetrate a partner when soft can help you begin to connect with your body and feel more in control. This allows for “a way to have penetrative sex without having a completely erect penis—and considering how many men struggle to obtain or sustain an erection, it’s something that more men should consider when desiring to have penetrative sex,” Zane says.
Practicing soft PIV (or PIA) penetration can increase emotional and sexual connection in the relationship and reduce performance anxiety and goal orientation in sex. By practicing this, you have the potential to develop greater genital awareness, stay present in the moment, and begin to remove concerns about gaining or maintaining an erection.
We’d like to leave you with a message that is always worth repeating: Erections are not the center of good sex. There are so many fun and pleasurable sexual things you can do without the presence of an erection (or a penis, for that matter). “When we expand our definition of sex, we start to experience more pleasure and intimacy,” Zane adds.
Gigi Engle, ACS, is a certified sex educator, sexologist, and author of All The F*cking MIstakes. Her work regularly appears in many publications including Cosmo, Glamour, Men's Health, and Refinery29.
© 2022 Remedy Health Media, LLC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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