Peeing Orgasm

Peeing Orgasm
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Logan Hill
Logan Hill, a veteran of New York, Vulture, and GQ, has spent twenty years covering the arts for outlets including Elle, Esquire, Rolling Stone, The New York Times, This American Life, TimesTalks, Wired, and others.

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I'm no stranger to sex and everything sex-related. But I have issues with reaching orgasm when I'm with someone. Not because I can't get there, but because when I get there by myself, I always end up peeing. It makes me so nervous when I'm with a guy that I never end up having an orgasm with them! How do I stop this? I want my partner to feel that I'm equally satisfied in bed. As I'm sure you know, this isn't a rare problem. Just make sure your boyfriend understands this too — you don't want him to think that you don't desire him just because you're anxious about having sex.
In fact, it's so common that Cosmopolitan has already offered some advice on this question here in an article that stresses a few basic pointers, beginning with the ideas that you should go to the bathroom before sex and try to find positions that put less stress on our bladder.
In general, most doctors will say that stress-related peeing while sexing is related to the strength of your pelvic floor muscles — and the good news is you can strengthen those with kegels and other exercises .
As always, remember that the best person to ask for medical advice is your doctor.
My friends-with-benefits ex is now married. I have loved him for about seven years. I recently contacted him to see how he was doing and wanted to meet up. He did as well. When we met up, we had few words, no sex involved, just a few hugs, but I felt a connection and think he still has feelings also. I was unavailable to him before he got married for a number of reasons. There was no one else. I just wasn't ready. Why didn't he wait? Is it possible he got married but loved me? Is there anything I can do now? I'm hurt, but maybe I deserve this pain. I really want him to be happy. Nobody deserves pain. No matter what you think you've done, your heartache isn't a punishment. It's just a condition of being a living, breathing, human. We're all bound to get hurt sometime, but love is worth the risk.
I have no doubt that your "friends-with-benefits ex" still has some feelings for you. The question is: What feelings? Surely, he cares for you in some way. But, if he were also in love with you before, why were you just friends with benefits?
Long-term casual relationships can be especially confusing. You say you were unavailable "for a number of reasons," but, probably, if you look back at that moment, I bet he was too. You shouldn't blame yourself. Because of timing or chemistry, it just wasn't meant to be. Sometimes, even love isn't enough.
You ask: "Is it possible he got married but loved me?" Yes, it's possible. We can love people in all sorts of ways. That doesn't mean we want to marry everyone we love, or even have a serious relationship with them.
But this guy got married to someone else. If you're looking for a clear sign that someone has moved on, that's about as strong as they come.
In this case, I think you were just friends with benefits for a reason. It's lovely that you want him to be happy. And I'm sure he wants you to be happy too. You ask if there's anything you can do now? For your sake, and for his, you probably need to let him go.
So I've been seeing this guy for a while, and whenever we hang out, we talk so much, laugh, cuddle, and he makes me feel really great. But once he leaves, I barely hear from him and he says that he "can't think of anything to say/talk about," which is kind of annoying but he also doesn't answer my messages sometimes and just reads them ... I don't know what the problem is — we seem fine together and I just don't know what's going on. A number of different things could be going on here. Your guy could be an awful conversationalist. He could passively-aggressively be trying to put distance between you. He could just be boring. But I don't think it's any of that.
Since you say that you "talk so much" when you're together and that he makes you "feel really great," I have a different diagnosis for you: Virtual Communication Disorder.
This unfortunately common problem plagues a lot of modern relationships in which one partner prefers to text, email, Gchat, and talk on the phone much more than the other. The constant communicator (often female), who might text or email many times a day, might see the less active partner's less prolific output as a sign of disinterest, passive aggression, or flagging passion. Meanwhile, the occasional communicator (often male), who prefers to talk in person, sees constant virtual messaging as a distraction from the rest of his life and often feels pressured to respond, since the other partner is always initiating conversation.
In other words, I don't think you have a major problem here. I just think you like to text a lot more than this guy. Unfortunately, there's no cure for this disorder, but there is one thing you can both try to do: Meet somewhere in the middle.
You, the constant communicator, will try to chill out a little bit. Knowing that he doesn't like to be in constant contact, you'll pick your moments a little more carefully. Instead of texting him every cool thing that happens each day, you'll save some stories for your dates.
He will try to reply a little more. Knowing that it matters to you (because you will tell him so), he'll make an effort to connect occasionally during the day (because you will ask him to). So long as he's not swamped by texts, he'll try to send a quick little reply back, even if it's just an emoji to let you know that he cares.
Do you have a question for Logan about sex or relationships? Ask him here.

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