Peeing During Orgasm
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Peeing During Orgasm
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Logan Hill
Logan Hill, a veteran of New York, Vulture, and GQ, has spent twenty years covering the arts for outlets including Elle, Esquire, Rolling Stone, The New York Times, This American Life, TimesTalks, Wired, and others.
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I'm no stranger to sex and everything sex-related. But I have issues with reaching orgasm when I'm with someone. Not because I can't get there, but because when I get there by myself, I always end up peeing. It makes me so nervous when I'm with a guy that I never end up having an orgasm with them! How do I stop this? I want my partner to feel that I'm equally satisfied in bed. As I'm sure you know, this isn't a rare problem. Just make sure your boyfriend understands this too — you don't want him to think that you don't desire him just because you're anxious about having sex.
In fact, it's so common that Cosmopolitan has already offered some advice on this question here in an article that stresses a few basic pointers, beginning with the ideas that you should go to the bathroom before sex and try to find positions that put less stress on our bladder.
In general, most doctors will say that stress-related peeing while sexing is related to the strength of your pelvic floor muscles — and the good news is you can strengthen those with kegels and other exercises .
As always, remember that the best person to ask for medical advice is your doctor.
My friends-with-benefits ex is now married. I have loved him for about seven years. I recently contacted him to see how he was doing and wanted to meet up. He did as well. When we met up, we had few words, no sex involved, just a few hugs, but I felt a connection and think he still has feelings also. I was unavailable to him before he got married for a number of reasons. There was no one else. I just wasn't ready. Why didn't he wait? Is it possible he got married but loved me? Is there anything I can do now? I'm hurt, but maybe I deserve this pain. I really want him to be happy. Nobody deserves pain. No matter what you think you've done, your heartache isn't a punishment. It's just a condition of being a living, breathing, human. We're all bound to get hurt sometime, but love is worth the risk.
I have no doubt that your "friends-with-benefits ex" still has some feelings for you. The question is: What feelings? Surely, he cares for you in some way. But, if he were also in love with you before, why were you just friends with benefits?
Long-term casual relationships can be especially confusing. You say you were unavailable "for a number of reasons," but, probably, if you look back at that moment, I bet he was too. You shouldn't blame yourself. Because of timing or chemistry, it just wasn't meant to be. Sometimes, even love isn't enough.
You ask: "Is it possible he got married but loved me?" Yes, it's possible. We can love people in all sorts of ways. That doesn't mean we want to marry everyone we love, or even have a serious relationship with them.
But this guy got married to someone else. If you're looking for a clear sign that someone has moved on, that's about as strong as they come.
In this case, I think you were just friends with benefits for a reason. It's lovely that you want him to be happy. And I'm sure he wants you to be happy too. You ask if there's anything you can do now? For your sake, and for his, you probably need to let him go.
So I've been seeing this guy for a while, and whenever we hang out, we talk so much, laugh, cuddle, and he makes me feel really great. But once he leaves, I barely hear from him and he says that he "can't think of anything to say/talk about," which is kind of annoying but he also doesn't answer my messages sometimes and just reads them ... I don't know what the problem is — we seem fine together and I just don't know what's going on. A number of different things could be going on here. Your guy could be an awful conversationalist. He could passively-aggressively be trying to put distance between you. He could just be boring. But I don't think it's any of that.
Since you say that you "talk so much" when you're together and that he makes you "feel really great," I have a different diagnosis for you: Virtual Communication Disorder.
This unfortunately common problem plagues a lot of modern relationships in which one partner prefers to text, email, Gchat, and talk on the phone much more than the other. The constant communicator (often female), who might text or email many times a day, might see the less active partner's less prolific output as a sign of disinterest, passive aggression, or flagging passion. Meanwhile, the occasional communicator (often male), who prefers to talk in person, sees constant virtual messaging as a distraction from the rest of his life and often feels pressured to respond, since the other partner is always initiating conversation.
In other words, I don't think you have a major problem here. I just think you like to text a lot more than this guy. Unfortunately, there's no cure for this disorder, but there is one thing you can both try to do: Meet somewhere in the middle.
You, the constant communicator, will try to chill out a little bit. Knowing that he doesn't like to be in constant contact, you'll pick your moments a little more carefully. Instead of texting him every cool thing that happens each day, you'll save some stories for your dates.
He will try to reply a little more. Knowing that it matters to you (because you will tell him so), he'll make an effort to connect occasionally during the day (because you will ask him to). So long as he's not swamped by texts, he'll try to send a quick little reply back, even if it's just an emoji to let you know that he cares.
Do you have a question for Logan about sex or relationships? Ask him here.
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As mortifying as it may be to come and go at the same time, it's not unusual. "When the uterus contracts during orgasm, it can stimulate contractions in nearby organs, including the bladder," explains Gunhilde Buchsbaum, a urogynecologist at the University of Rochester in New York. In the process, some urine may get squeezed out. You can reduce the risk of leakage by going to the bathroom before sex.
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Another possibility: "There's good evidence that some women's orgasms produce a vaginal fluid that's not urine," she notes. Sometimes called female ejaculation, this orgasmic release tends to occur when a woman's G spot is stimulated, and it's perfectly natural.
Doctor recommended
| June 24, 2015
| Lane Baumeister
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For women who have issues with incontinence, the fear of a urine leak during intimate moments is a valid one – up to 24% of women who have pelvic floor disorders experience leaks during sex (and there’s a very good likelihood that it’s underreported).
Anxiety over the possibility of an “accident” can lower sexual enjoyment or even completely kill your libido.
According to the American Foundation for Urologic Disease (AFUD), 1/3 of women with stress incontinence avoid sexual intimacy because they fear leakage.
However, there is no reason to just live with the strain of incontinence in your daily life, and there are things you can start doing right now to stop incontinence from sabotaging your love life.
First, it’s important to understand what’s causing you to pee during sex. Coital incontinence can be split into 2 different categories – urination with penetration and urination with orgasm – which are caused by two different types of incontinence in women.
Urination with penetration happens when something is inserted into your vagina and puts pressure on your bladder or urethra (the tube that urine flows out of). This is a form of stress incontinence – the pelvic floor muscles are not strong enough to keep that tube closed if there’s increased pressure on the bladder – like coughing, sneezing, or sex.
Urination with orgasm can occur because the muscles of the bladder spasm uncontrollably – this is more likely to be associated with urge incontinence or Overactive Bladder (OAB) . But recent studies have found that weakness of the pelvic floor also contributes to leaks during orgasm.
Other risk factors include chronic cough or constipation, pelvic prolapse, smoking, and vaginal birth – which can all increase the risk of stress incontinence.
It may be helpful to track other times that you experience incontinence, outside of sex. If you tend to leak while sneezing, coughing, running, etc. – urinary incontinence during sex may just be a symptom of a larger problem.
Studies have found that only 3% of women take the initiative to talk to their doctors about problems with leaks during sex. Don’t let embarrassment stop you from having a great sex life! Your doctor can only help you fully if they know exactly what your symptoms are and how often you’re experiencing these leaks.
Your doctor might want to try different treatments depending on what type of incontinence you have.
Urination with orgasm sometimes responds well to certain OAB medication – but if you don’t tell your doctor about your issues then you might not get the most effective treatment plan. Your doctor may even refer you to a urogynecologist who specializes in dealing with urinary tract issues in women.
Kegel exercises , the contraction and release of your pelvic floor muscles, are the number one doctor recommended treatment for pelvic floor disorders and studies show that women who complete Kegel exercise routine on a regular basis have fewer leaks during intimacy.
Be sure to get the right Kegel technique, you can also ask your gynecologist to help you practice or use a Kegel weight to help you isolate those muscles.
If you are not confident with their pelvic floor exercises, don’t forget to consider a physiotherapist appointment. It’s important to characterise the nature of your incontinence and this can be done by doing tests in the hospital with a Urogynaecology nurse. This is important as the treatment you need depends on the type of urinary incontinence you have.
Being overweight increases the likelihood of leaks because that weight can strain your pelvic floor and put pressure on your bladder. Even a 7% weight loss can improve your incontinence. Discuss your weight loss plan – including diet and exercise – with your doctor.
Incontinence can be an embarrassing topic, especially when it’s affecting your sex life. While more than half of women with incontinence report feeling concerned about leaks during sex being a problem in their relationships the majority of their partners did not.
Communicating about the leaks with your partner is extremely important to maintaining a healthy sex life while you’re treating your incontinence. Being open about the issue can bring you closer together – your partner wants to know why you’ve been avoiding sex and they should also want to make intimacy comfortable for you.
So telling them could also give you even more support and motivation towards your treatment goals.
Try not to drink liquids that can irritate the bladder , in the hour before you have sex. Water is great, stay hydrated throughout the day – since dehydration can also irritate the bladder and make leaks worse.
Use the toilet just before you get started to lessen the likelihood of leaks. Try the “double voiding” method: urinate, then relax your bladder fully (some women also stand up for a few seconds), and try to urinate again to make sure you get as much out as you can.
Certain positions, like missionary, put more pressure on your bladder, so take this as an opportunity to switch things up. As an added benefit, you both might discover a new favorite way to make love and add a little spice to the bedroom.
Being on top gives you more control of your pelvic muscles and how much stress is placed on your bladder (not to mention a better chance of hitting your G-spot). Penetration from behind can put less stress on your bladder and urethra. Just experiment a bit to find something you both like.
Don’t be embarrassed to take a break during sex – between foreplay and intercourse, between intercourse and cuddling. Sex doesn’t have to be a sprint, you should both take as much time as you want and enjoy the intimacy of just being together.
Or, if you’re adventurous, try a little fun in the shower – a little leak won’t matter so much when the water’s already running and you’re both enjoying getting slippery together.
Incontinence during sex is a common problem for women of all ages – but it isn’t something you just have to live with. A little bit of planning, some Kegels, and help from your doctor can get you back in the sack and enjoying your sexuality again. Just don’t be embarrassed to get the help you need.
Dr. Shree Datta is a Consultant Obstetrician and Gynaecologist in London and Associate Clinical Dean at King’s College Medical School, specialising in all menstrual problems, including fibroids and endometriosis. Dr. Shree is a keen advocate for patient choice, having written numerous articles and books to promote patient and clinician information. Her vision resonates with INTIMINA, with the common goals of demystifying periods and delivering the best possible care to her patients
Lane Baumeister is an internationally-based Canadian writer with several years’ experience creating educational and entertaining articles that discuss intimate health and sexual well-being. When not waxing profound about menstruation, she devotes herself to enjoying extremely good food and equally bad movies.
Thank you! this article was very informative…I just hate the fact I seem to have this problem.
You are far from alone…I thought something was wrong with me.
Are there any medications out there that can help prevent this issue? Its super embarrassing, especially as a young person, as I never thought I would have urinary incontinence at this age.
Hi Lilly! If you don’t find that limiting fluids and ‘going’ right before sex helps, then I wonder if what you’re experiencing is actually ejaculation? This can happen during orgasm to some people. The fluid in that case would not smell strongly as urine does. However, if this wetting is happen apart from orgasm and is definitely urine, I would talk to your doctor about getting referred to a pelvic health specialist.
I have experienced urinating during sex since the difficult birth of my first child at the age of 21. Having my 2nd child 6 years later added to the problem. I was too embarrassed to do anything about it being so young but when I did at the age 32 I was sent away with medication to increase my bladder capacity. This didn’t help. I finally found the courage to go back to the GP 6 years later who arranged a course of kegal exercises with me then eventually referred me for a urodynamics test. I was then offered urethral sling surgery. I had this 5 years ago which was ok for the first few years but unfortunately I’m leaking urine again during sex. I’ve lived with this now for 24 years and it’s so degrading as a woman. I’ve cried many times after sex. I don’t know what else I can do to help this. I know I must have some kind of prolapse but have never been explained anything about it. I feel pressure constantly. This isn’t just small leaks either, I can’t even feel it’s happening. My husband is very understanding but for me it’s effecting me emotionally and I am unable to enjoy sex and also don’t have any sensation from it. I think after 24 years of living with this I’m beyond help.
I’m amazed that this is not mentioned right at the top of the article! Female ejaculation (and not just during orgasm) is a real thing and common enough to merit a mention in any discussion about urination during sex.
I’m so sorry about that. I can’t possibly imagine how you feel. I hope you find something that helps you and your husband. Try talk to your doctor about this issue again if it bothers you so much. Maybe then they can help? But also, if your husband is understanding about it, don’t worry. He probably does not take it as a big deal 🙂
I oncely experience this issue but my husband doesn’t have a problem I don’t know I should attend healthcare or not
Well, I have not had this problem until after I had my last baby. All 4 of my children was born by c-sections. When I was able to have an orgasm it would shoot out, now right before I have an orgasm I would urinate. I am just aggravated with the whole process with using two to three towels a night and changing sheets every night. My husband does not understand why I am never in the mood.
I am 54 and I started having leakage about 5 yrs ago. It wasn’t so bad at first. I had to start wearing panty liners all the time. I stay single because o am embarrassed to date or even get into a relationship. I’m interested I someone who I’ve been able to tell him about my issue but he still insists that it won’t be a problem. But I’m embarrassed to be with him still. I cry a lot because I’m so depressed that I’m having this issue. I’ve gone to the doctor who did test just to tell send me home with a $1500 bill and to tell me to do kegals.
there is no need to cry and grieve over yourself. We are sure that your partner will really understand you, but only if you are completely open and say in advance what is bothering you. No one in this world is perfect, every person is worried about something; every body is different, every organism is too. So please accept and love yourself just the way you are. And sure, listen to your doctor and do kegel exercises if he or she told you so.
What do you do if it only happens when you
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