Pee During Orgasm
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Pee During Orgasm
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As mortifying as it may be to come and go at the same time, it's not unusual. "When the uterus contracts during orgasm, it can stimulate contractions in nearby organs, including the bladder," explains Gunhilde Buchsbaum, a urogynecologist at the University of Rochester in New York. In the process, some urine may get squeezed out. You can reduce the risk of leakage by going to the bathroom before sex.
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Another possibility: "There's good evidence that some women's orgasms produce a vaginal fluid that's not urine," she notes. Sometimes called female ejaculation, this orgasmic release tends to occur when a woman's G spot is stimulated, and it's perfectly natural.
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Logan Hill
Logan Hill, a veteran of New York, Vulture, and GQ, has spent twenty years covering the arts for outlets including Elle, Esquire, Rolling Stone, The New York Times, This American Life, TimesTalks, Wired, and others.
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I'm no stranger to sex and everything sex-related. But I have issues with reaching orgasm when I'm with someone. Not because I can't get there, but because when I get there by myself, I always end up peeing. It makes me so nervous when I'm with a guy that I never end up having an orgasm with them! How do I stop this? I want my partner to feel that I'm equally satisfied in bed. As I'm sure you know, this isn't a rare problem. Just make sure your boyfriend understands this too — you don't want him to think that you don't desire him just because you're anxious about having sex.
In fact, it's so common that Cosmopolitan has already offered some advice on this question here in an article that stresses a few basic pointers, beginning with the ideas that you should go to the bathroom before sex and try to find positions that put less stress on our bladder.
In general, most doctors will say that stress-related peeing while sexing is related to the strength of your pelvic floor muscles — and the good news is you can strengthen those with kegels and other exercises .
As always, remember that the best person to ask for medical advice is your doctor.
My friends-with-benefits ex is now married. I have loved him for about seven years. I recently contacted him to see how he was doing and wanted to meet up. He did as well. When we met up, we had few words, no sex involved, just a few hugs, but I felt a connection and think he still has feelings also. I was unavailable to him before he got married for a number of reasons. There was no one else. I just wasn't ready. Why didn't he wait? Is it possible he got married but loved me? Is there anything I can do now? I'm hurt, but maybe I deserve this pain. I really want him to be happy. Nobody deserves pain. No matter what you think you've done, your heartache isn't a punishment. It's just a condition of being a living, breathing, human. We're all bound to get hurt sometime, but love is worth the risk.
I have no doubt that your "friends-with-benefits ex" still has some feelings for you. The question is: What feelings? Surely, he cares for you in some way. But, if he were also in love with you before, why were you just friends with benefits?
Long-term casual relationships can be especially confusing. You say you were unavailable "for a number of reasons," but, probably, if you look back at that moment, I bet he was too. You shouldn't blame yourself. Because of timing or chemistry, it just wasn't meant to be. Sometimes, even love isn't enough.
You ask: "Is it possible he got married but loved me?" Yes, it's possible. We can love people in all sorts of ways. That doesn't mean we want to marry everyone we love, or even have a serious relationship with them.
But this guy got married to someone else. If you're looking for a clear sign that someone has moved on, that's about as strong as they come.
In this case, I think you were just friends with benefits for a reason. It's lovely that you want him to be happy. And I'm sure he wants you to be happy too. You ask if there's anything you can do now? For your sake, and for his, you probably need to let him go.
So I've been seeing this guy for a while, and whenever we hang out, we talk so much, laugh, cuddle, and he makes me feel really great. But once he leaves, I barely hear from him and he says that he "can't think of anything to say/talk about," which is kind of annoying but he also doesn't answer my messages sometimes and just reads them ... I don't know what the problem is — we seem fine together and I just don't know what's going on. A number of different things could be going on here. Your guy could be an awful conversationalist. He could passively-aggressively be trying to put distance between you. He could just be boring. But I don't think it's any of that.
Since you say that you "talk so much" when you're together and that he makes you "feel really great," I have a different diagnosis for you: Virtual Communication Disorder.
This unfortunately common problem plagues a lot of modern relationships in which one partner prefers to text, email, Gchat, and talk on the phone much more than the other. The constant communicator (often female), who might text or email many times a day, might see the less active partner's less prolific output as a sign of disinterest, passive aggression, or flagging passion. Meanwhile, the occasional communicator (often male), who prefers to talk in person, sees constant virtual messaging as a distraction from the rest of his life and often feels pressured to respond, since the other partner is always initiating conversation.
In other words, I don't think you have a major problem here. I just think you like to text a lot more than this guy. Unfortunately, there's no cure for this disorder, but there is one thing you can both try to do: Meet somewhere in the middle.
You, the constant communicator, will try to chill out a little bit. Knowing that he doesn't like to be in constant contact, you'll pick your moments a little more carefully. Instead of texting him every cool thing that happens each day, you'll save some stories for your dates.
He will try to reply a little more. Knowing that it matters to you (because you will tell him so), he'll make an effort to connect occasionally during the day (because you will ask him to). So long as he's not swamped by texts, he'll try to send a quick little reply back, even if it's just an emoji to let you know that he cares.
Do you have a question for Logan about sex or relationships? Ask him here.
Medically Reviewed by Hansa D. Bhargava, MD on November 24, 2020
Squirting refers to fluid expelled from the vagina during orgasm. Not all people with vaginas squirt during orgasm, and those who do may only squirt some of the time. This type of orgasm includes a rapid ejection of urine from the bladder.
Squirting sometimes also involves secretions from the skene's gland. The skene's glands are sometimes called the female prostate because they function similarly to the male prostate.
A squirting orgasm is sometimes called female ejaculation. But this term excludes non-binary and trans people who are not female but have vaginas.
A recent study has shown that there is a difference between squirting, female ejaculation, and incontinence during sex. However, the term squirting is used to describe all three in everyday language.
All three of these phenomena involve fluid coming from the bladder during sex. Squirting is the expulsion of urine during an orgasm. Female ejaculation is a release of both urine and a substance from the skene's glands. Sexual incontinence — also called coital incontinence — is when someone loses control of their bladder during sex.
Ejaculation in people with vaginas may include a small release of a milky white liquid that does not gush out. Squirting, on the other hand, is usually a higher volume. It is possible to squirt and ejaculate at the same time.
Squirting is real. In fact, scientists have documented the phenomenon. However, more research is needed to determine the exact causes of squirting and female ejaculation.
Part of the ambiguity about squirting is that the skene's glands vary from person to person. Some people with vaginas don't have any, while others have very small ones.
Myth: Everyone Can Squirt If They Try the Same Method
Each person's experience with squirting is different. While some methods can make people squirt more than others, there is no one proven method that makes every person with a vagina squirt. This is because each vagina is different. As mentioned, some vaginas lack the skene's glands which are thought to create the fluid released during ejaculation in people who have vulvas.
Myth: Squirting Orgasms are Always High Volume
Squirting isn't always a high volume event that soaks the sheets. Sometimes it is a small trickle or a stream of fluid.
The depiction of squirting in porn movies often shows large gushes of squirting liquid. Porn producers fake some of these depictions for dramatic effect. All volumes and forms of squirting are valid. Squirting at different volumes is a normal occurrence during sex for many people.
Myth: Squirting or Ejaculation Only Happens During Orgasm
Some people can squirt or ejaculate before or after an orgasm. Squirting can also occur at the same time as an orgasm. Some people also have multiple spurts of squirting spread over a few minutes.
Explore squirting by yourself or with a partner to find out what works for you.
Some sex experts recommend stimulating the g-spot to achieve a squirting orgasm. Either by yourself or with a partner, take some time to find the g-spot with your fingers and/or sex toys. Pressure on the g-spot may make you feel the need to urinate.
Experiment with different methods of bringing yourself or your partner to a squirting orgasm with g-spot stimulation. Some ideas include:
For some people, putting too much pressure on the g-spot can feel uncomfortable. Listen to your body and do what feels good. If you are too tense it may be harder to orgasm or squirt.
BBC: "Every question you ever had about female ejaculation, answered."
Cosmopolitan: "Is Squirting Normal?"
Cosmopolitan: "Sex Talk Realness: Is Squirting Fake?"
Lifehacker: "How to Have a Super-Intense Squirting Orgasm."
Marie Claire: "My Epic Journey to Find the "Skene's Gland," the Mystical Source of Female Ejaculation."
National Council for Biotechnology Information: "Nature and origin of "squirting" in female sexuality."
Refinery29: "Is Female Ejaculation Even Real? 5 Myths Debunked."
Shape: "Is Squirting Real? What to Know About Female Ejaculation."
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WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
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