📘 Part 3: Visiting others

This episode's vocabulary

• Sociable (adj.) - sociable people like to meet and spend time with other people.
• To hang out (phrasal verb) - to spend a lot of time in a place or with someone.
• To arrange (verb) - to plan, prepare for, or organize something.
• Obligatory (adj.) - if something is obligatory, you must do it because of a rule or law, etc.
• To socialize (noun) - to spend time when you are not working with friends or with other people in order to enjoy yourself.
• Houseproud (adj.) - very worried about your house being completely clean and tidy, and spending a lot of time making it so.
• To accommodate (verb) - to provide with a place to live or to be stored in.
• To cater (ver) - to provide, and sometimes serve, food.
• Bonds (noun) - a close connection joining two or more people.
• Commonplace (adj.) - happening often or often seen or experienced and so not considered to be special.
• Housewarming (noun) - a party that you give when you move into a new house.
• To host (verb) - to provide the space and other things necessary for a special event.
• Parlour games (verb) - a game played inside a house, usually involving words or acting.
• Hospitable (adj.) - friendly and welcoming to guests and visitors.

Questions and Answers

M: Do people in your country often invite others to their homes?

R: I mean, how often is often? It depends on so much, like where you live and how far away your friends are and how sociable you are. Generally, though, I'd say they probably do since I often see pictures of people hanging out with each other in various other homes. So some people must be throwing these parties. I think people here are pretty sociable, and they have large friendship groups. So it makes sense they all want to mix and see each other.

M: What do you think of serving food to visitors?

R: It's nice to have... And if you arrange to have people over for a meal, then it's pretty much obligatory. But outside of this, I don't think it's fair to expect people to provide you with food, let alone serve it to you. You have a cost of living crisis now, and not everyone has the sort of money to throw around on things like that... Not to mention the energy of making food.

M: What kind of people do you think are more likely to invite others to their homes?

R: Other than the ones who like socializing with people? Good question. I suppose if you have lots of friends, and are particularly houseproud, with the resources to accommodate everyone and cater to them, then you might be better placed to have people around.

M: Who is more likely to invite others to their homes, people in the countryside or people in the city?

R: Well, I was thinking about that there, actually. I mean, at first, it makes sense to say you would be more likely to have people in your home if you're in a city because there are loads more people and so more opportunities to have larger social networks and gatherings. But now I think about it in more depth, social bonds and traditions are more important in the countryside where there are fewer resources and people rely on each other more.

M: What traditions are there when visiting other people's homes?

R: In my country? I don't think there are many really. It's pretty commonplace to bring "Thank you" presents, but there are no set rules about what to bring. The one exception might be if it's for something like a housewarming, and you want to get someone something useful for their home. But that is very broad. And I don't think there are traditions governing that.

M: Do people usually bring a gift?

R: Like I said, it's a common thing to take something the first time you head over to someone's place, but after that, you usually just bring things for yourself, like maybe a bottle of wine or something like that for the host. Unless of course, it's a birthday. But that's the nature of the celebration and not connected to visiting someone per se.

M: How do people entertain friends at their home?

R: In all kinds of ways. They share stories and watch things on TV together. Some people host dinner parties and play parlour games as well. I think they're making something of a comeback in my country at least, but yeah, the sky is pretty much the limit in terms of what's possible, to be honest.

M: Are people more suitable now than in the past?

R: I mean, where? I imagined it shifts all the time. I would say in my country, at least people are probably more open than they were. Since there are lots more newcomers and people who need support and we'll hopefully return the favor one day. I imagine if you're living in a warzone people will be decidedly less hospitable.

M: Hey, thank you Rory for your answers!

R: No worries!

Discussion

M: So dear listener, we invite people to our house or home, invite people to my place, okay? And we visit people in their houses, Rory? What's a preposition?

R: Well, you can visit people in their houses or at their houses, in their homes at their homes. Just not on.

M: When you invite others to your house. You are sociable and hospitable.

R: Hopefully you're sociable. You might just be a big show off and you want people to see your home.

M: Sociable like, you enjoy chatting with people, and you are hospitable. So you enjoy welcoming guests. Hang out with your friends, so people enjoy hanging out with each other, spending time with each other, and through parties. So throw a party.

R: Yes, but I don't know much about that. Because I just don't go out that often. But when I look at Instagram, for example, I see people doing this. So I make a logical deduction. Someone must be throwing these parties. Must be for the logical conclusion.

M: So people invite others to their homes because they enjoy mixing with each other. So hanging out with each other or mix, mix kind of like, talk to people, spend time with them. We usually serve food to visitors.

R: Do we?

M: Oh, yes. No, we don't. Yeah, kind of, it's a common thing to serve...

R: I love serving my guests. They can get their own.

M: Yeah, you don't serve them. But you serve food. Kind of, you give them food?

R: Yes.

M: Or the meaning is like you actually like a waiter?

R: That's how I understood the question. Like, you're like a waiter.

M: Oh really?

R: Yeah, but I suppose now that you point that out? It could be to prepare food for people. Either way, good luck if you ever come to visit me, because all I have is a few crisps and olives, and maybe a pizza.

M: Well, but that's food. You see...

R: I know, but when you talk about serving foods, people have this image in their heads. Sort of like, three-course meals and things...

M: Yes, dear listener, so if the question is about serving food, it can mean giving food to people or actually organizing like a dinner when you do serve, like, "Oh this is my soup." You serve food to your guests. It's possible. I enjoy doing that, for example, once I threw a party, and I actually served food to my guests. Like, I enjoy cooking and feeding people around me. If you arranged to have people over for a meal, it's obligatory to serve food. So arranged to have people over, like over to your place for a meal. Have people over for a meal. a meal, like dinner, or lunch. And this is obligatory. Obligatory like, it's a must.

R: Well, it's pretty much obligatory, which means it's not exactly obligatory, but people expect it.

M: Like, oh, Rory come over for dinner, and then kind of like, oh, yeah, some olives. Some water. Like, what is dinner? And people usually expect some food. People expect you to provide them with food. And the host can serve the food to you. So the host serves food to visitors themselves.

R: Or they could just put the plates on the table and let people help themselves. No, I think about it.

M: People who enjoy socializing with people, invite others to their homes. And also, a person who is house proud usually invites people to their home. So to be house proud.

R: Well, it just means you're focused on your home and having it presentable for other people.

M: So I'm happy with my home. So I want to show my house to everybody.

R: It's less about how you feel and more about the actions that you take to present the home to other people.

M: So it's kind of like I clean my house, I decorate my house, yeah?

R: Yeah.

M: I'm house proud. And also people who have the resources to accommodate everyone. So for example, it's a big house, I have the money to buy food, I have the money to buy drinks, and I have the motivation to organize activities. So I have the resources to accommodate everyone.

R: Oh, God, I'm getting tired just thinking about that.

M: And also like, who is this person who invites others to the homes? A person who has the resources to cater to their guests' needs. So to cater to their needs - to kind of meet their needs?

R: The host or hostess.

M: Yeah. Oh, hostess. Yeah, a host Is he, a hostess is she. Who invites people to their homes, people in the countryside or people in cities?

R: That's a weird question. But it's funny because even as I was answering people who are more likely to invite to their home, so I was thinking what kind of people would do that though? Where would they live? And I was thinking about the countryside. And then you asked that question. It's like, oh, okay, yeah. And then you think more deeply about it. And you're like, Oh, well, actually, there's lots of things that could influence this decision. It's not as immediately obvious, as people in the city are more likely to do something just because there are more people.

M: Yeah. So you can answer that people in the city are more likely to have people in their homes because there are more people in a city. Okay? Or Rory said that there are loads more people in a city. Like, loads more - a lot more people in the city than in the countryside. And we have social gatherings, right? When people invite each other to their homes, for parties, social gatherings, where everyone networks, talks to each other, you know, has a drink... But now I'm thinking about it or, but now I think about it, and actually, I think that people in the countryside can...

R: Yes, so you could change your mind halfway through what you're saying.

M: Yeah, it's okay. But you should signal it like, but now I think about it in more depth. And actually, in the countryside, we have social bonds, social connections, and traditions. So people kind of, visit each other in their homes, perhaps in your culture. And there are fewer resources. So if people live in a village, there are fewer resources than in a city, fewer shops, fewer petrol stations, and banks.

R: Yeah, so you kind of need people to look after you and look after them, too.

M: So in a village, in the countryside, people tend to rely on each other. So they need each other. They depend on each other, especially if you live in the middle of nowhere. Like, in the middle of a forest, in a small village, for example. And Rory, you live in the middle of nowhere, right?

R: I don't live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the fourth largest city in this country.

M: Oh, good. Okay. So you have facilities and shops around you?

R: Yes. There's like a... it's a 10-minute walk from the city centre. I have lots of things near me.

M: Yes, dear listener. So our Rory lives in Scotland, in the fourth largest city in Scotland... Downtown.

R: *Rory humming a tune*. Sorry, that's a song.

M: Traditions, we can have certain traditions when we visit other people's homes. Usually, traditions are about bringing something. So you bring a gift or you bring a bottle of wine, maybe flowers. So there are certain traditions.

R: Well, there... I don't know if that's a tradition, though. It's not very organized, at least in my country. Are there traditions for visiting someone's home in Russia?

M: Yeah, like, we usually bring something. You can't just like, walk in just empty-handed: "Hello, feed me".

R: You bring something, but you don't have specific rules for what you bring. Do you?

M: No, no, no rules for what you bring. Usually, people bring a cake or some dessert, you know. If you go to dinner, so then you bring some dessert that you want to eat, and then you eat it yourself. Or you bring some wine, you know, or some alcohol. So alcohol and dessert. Some people bring flowers, other people don't, so... Or you can just bring a present, or you may not. But it must be something. So that tradition is like, people usually do not go to other people's homes empty handed. So without anything at all.

R: Yes, definitely don't turn up, empty-handed at the door,

M: Turn up empty-handed slick, be there without anything. So it's pretty commonplace to bring. "Thank you" presents. So it's common, or it's pretty commonplace to bring something. But there are no set rules. We don't have any specific rules any set rules.

R: Yeah. So if it's commonplace to do something, it means you do it frequently. But if there are no set rules, it means like, there's nothing that says the first time you bring this the second time you bring something else. I wonder if there's a culture out there that has these specific rules for things that you bring every time.

M: Well, I don't know maybe in Asia, dear listener, what what about your country?

R: I don't know anything about Far Eastern countries, yeah.

M: Yeah, me too. Maybe in India, maybe in Asia. You can give an example of a housewarming party. Like, I've just bought a new house, and I invite you to my new house, so it's a housewarming party. So if you go to a housewarming party, you usually bring a gift, which is useful for my home. So because my home is new, so something that I can use in my home. Yeah, this is like a typical tradition. But again, it's not a set rule. You can kind of bring me money, for example, or flowers, you know, or maybe a flower in a port. So I can like put it on my windowsill.

R: A nice potted plant. I would like that for my home actually.

M: More money, more money to invest in my house also possible, you know...

R: You can't bring someone money as a gift. That's crazy.

M: Why not? In an envelope! In a nice envelope. Yeah, people do that.

R: Oh, wow. Oka...

M: Well, they do it during a wedding. Yeah, but now you know, these people today, if it's a birthday, or if it's a housewarming party, they create a special website. And there they put like, a wishlist. And there's a list of products, a list of things that I want people to give me.

R: Yeah, I've seen these things. And they're extremely rude. I would never do that. That's horrendous.

M: But people do that, especially for a wedding, you know, this page and like, oh, like I invite you to my wedding. And here's the website and then you go and you have, okay, a bed a microwave oven, a kettle, a candle...

R: A what?

M: A list of things. Yeah, I know. I know, do listen, do you have this in your culture culture, because I think it's getting more and more popular. Or once I got invited to a birthday party, and then the guy just sent me a list on WhatsApp. Just like: Oh, if you want to give me a present, give me this, this, this, this or this. Or this. Or this. So just like, like a list of things.

R: Wow. The level of entitlement.

M: Yeah, but this is practical. Because really, like, if you want to give a present, how can you guess what a person needs? So the person gives you a list and from this list you choose, and then you buy it or not buy it.

R: Yes, but how do you decide? Because you might buy the same thing as what other people buy?

M: Yeah, true. But maybe this person sends different lists to different people. I don't know. Dear listener, do you do this? Like, I never do this, to be honest with you. But I know that if, my partner doesn't want to spend a lot of time guessing what I want. I just tell my partner, okay, I want flowers. So if you want to give me something, could you give me flowers? Or if you want to give me something, give me this or this. So usually there are two choices. But I know that this person doesn't want to spend time thinking about what I want. Yes, ladies, especially for us, ladies. So give some choices to your men. If you don't want to end up with something that you hate.

R: Speaking of choices, there's a choice about what you can do at people's homes.

M: The host usually entertains their friends. Entertains - so kind of like the host organizes some fun activities, does something to make other people happy and kind of involved and entertained. So share stories, tell stories, watch things on TV,

R: Catch up on gossip.

M: Catch up on gossip. Yeah, like discuss the recent gossip. People can host dinner parties. So people can throw dinner parties, like organize, have dinner parties, or host dinner parties. What did you mean when you said play parlour games?

R: Oh, parlour games are just fun party games. In fact, you'll probably be better off calling them party games, I suppose.

M: Play party games and play parlour games.

R: It's like a word game. Something that you play indoors.

M: Like, how do people entertain friends at their home? They drink to death, they dance to death? So yeah. People today can be more hospitable than people in the past, for example. Hospitable - welcoming new people, friends, or just guests in their houses. And you can say that today people are more open, like more friendly, more open more sociable than people in the past. Or vice versa. People in the past were but now everybody is closed, reserved, lonely. Some people are more hospitable, other people are less hospitable.

R: But how do you work that out? Which is why it's a strange question.

M: Yeah, you can say like, I don't know. But people in my country...

R: Yeah. Like, what do you mean by people? Are they people in my country or people in your country or people in general? And then you could talk about people in your country. People in my country are like this...

M: Right, how are you, dear listener? Yeah, an interesting topic about this hospitality, visiting other people. Thank you very much for listening, and we'll get back to you in our next episode. Okay, bye!

R: Bye!

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