Parenting Fail Pussy

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I never really knew my dad very long before he got ill. I believe it was 1984 or 85 when he contracted encephalitis. His diagnosis took too long; by the time the doctors figured out what was going on with him, there was no way to undo the damage. He survived, and believe it or not, he’s still alive today. But he’s not the man I remember. He suffered permanent brain damage as a result of this illness; it was very disorienting for me to witness as a child.
My dad was a tower at 6'6" tall, and weighing in around 300 lbs. I always saw him as an unstoppable force, a giant among men. So it was ironic that he was taken down by what doctors speculated was a illness spread by a tiny mosquito. When this happened, something got taken from me, something with little value to me as a child, but something that the transitioned adult wants so badly; closure.
You see, the Dad I remember wasn’t exactly a great father. As a nosey kid, I knew about his nudie mags stashed under the bed. I witnessed him get really drunk on a lot of occasions, he cursed like a sailor and smoked like a chimney. I know that’s endemic of most fathers, but believe it or not, I think he suffered a great deal of self-loathing because of issues with his own identity. So when I mention the closure that’s been taken from me, it’s these issues which could shed some light on who I am, because of who he was, or who he was unable to become.
I don’t often speak with my brother, but during our last call he began to elude to the damage that our father inflicted on him. Over the time we’d grown apart; my brother has become woke to his own emotions through some much needed counseling in the rites of his own marital collapse. The fact that he resisted counseling for as long as he did is evidence of damage my father did to him. This damage was not really intentional, but a by product of a man who was repressed, and unable to express his sensitivities. My brother recalled catching my father weeping after he’d left the room while watching an emotional TV program. Instances like this left him feeling as though having feelings were something that “men” didn’t do. And if we dared have an emotion, we needed to find someway to hide it.
I don’t recall that instance myself; being more than two years younger might be relative to that missing memory. But I absolutely remember when my father sat us down to explain he was going to divorce our mom. That memory is etched into my brain because it’s the only time I recall seeing the man cry. While I was still really young when that happened, I believe the reason he even had that conversation was because our mother wouldn’t let him abandon his kids without explaining it to our faces. And it makes me wonder, had he not been forced to do that, would he have just left; and more importantly, would I had ever seen this crack in his otherwise stalwart facade? Would that be further evidence of a man so detached from his emotion that he’d rather leave than shed a tear in front of his kids? What was he afraid of? Would showing weakness make us think that our Dad was a sissy? Or was he concerned that witnessing this weakness would make us sissies?
Watching my father cry didn’t make me a girl. I already knew who I was. Despite the fact that my brother was already his favorite son, his subtle machismo brainwashing had worked on his most ignored child; I buried the girl inside me.
I guess there is something to be said about Sins of the Father.
By the time I was 39, I’d became unable to contain my need to transition, I began drinking heavily, just like my Dad. It made me wonder if I am my father, or perhaps more appropriately, my father is me? What if his self-loathing was the result of being Gay or Trans?
Again; I can’t ask him, so the question will always be unanswerable.
As a man who was so broad in his stature, a veteran of the NAVY, and a steel worker by trade, I can imagine the utter terror in his mind if he considered the possibility that he was gay or transgender. Surely this could have been part and parcel to his own self-destructive tendencies. It’s complete speculation on my part, but it would make sense of a man who didn’t often make sense to me as a child.
After my Dad became ill, his family took custody of him. It was an odd situation to say the least, but it left my mother in the role of sole parent. Maybe that’s why I see strong women as role models for myself. My mother, while only being five feet tall, carried the burden left by my six foot six inch father. She overcame amazing adversity to keep us kids clothed, fed and housed.
While I’d already realized I was a girl by the time my Dad became ill, I certainly never could bring myself to express my feelings to such an emotionally crippled man. But now that mom was shouldering the burden of being a two parent equivalent, how could I possibly drop this truth bomb on her? Instead I kept it hidden.
That’s not to remove any credit from my mother as being an accepting parent; if anything she was open to talking about anything.
When mentioning the silence of a long car ride (which I would frequently do), she’d say “what would you like to talk about?”
Without missing a beat she’d say “what do you want to know?”
With that conversational door wide open, I was too terrified to cross the threshold. I just retracted, and acted as if I was testing her boundaries by mentioning a topic that most parents don’t want to discuss with their children. But if I’m completely honest, I believe she would have heard me, and I believe she would have tried to help me. What I don’t believe is that in the mid 80’s any kid could safely come out as Trans. It’s just barely becoming safe now.
My silence was a kind of self-preservation. But it didn’t save me from decades of ideation, 2 suicide attempts, addictions to food, games, porn, self-inflicted sexual abuse and alcohol. All of these things were distractions from who I knew I needed to me, and some of them were a means of feeling myself as myself.
In games I’d often play as female if I could. In porn I’d imagine myself as the girl (though I legitimately didn’t realize I was doing it). I abused myself the only way a man can be made to feel feminine. And alcohol served as a medium by which I could act more fem and not have it given a second thought by outside observers.
All of these things consumed and wasted a great portion of my life, and potential happiness.
Now, from the title you might think that I was going to call my parents “failures.” But that would be a mistake. As I said, my mother is a strong woman, who dealt with more shit than she chooses to tell me. I’m not blind to that; as I said, I was a nosey kid. But if anything, she was a great role model for what kind of woman I wanted to me; strong, independent, virtuous, and brave as fuck!
My Dad was a role model too. He taught me to curse, punch things when I was mad, taught me that cigarettes are nasty, and drinking till you vomit on yourself and pass out in your wife’s Camaro is pretty gross.
Would you still believe this has nothing to do with my parents?
It doesn’t! This is about me…. Selfish, right?
No! This is about ME being a parent.
So, here’s the deal. I think there was a point where I romanticised the idea of being someone’s father. I probably only did this because I had male anatomy, and like every living thing, I want part of me to go on.
I remember telling a friend of mine that I’d like a kid so that I could teach them not to be a fuck up like me. You know, the idea that you can pass wisdom onto your kids, and they will blossom from it. That’s bullshit! My own father is proof of this. Sure I expunged some of his worst traits, but I still gravitate toward some of his other unbecoming attributes.
In retrospect, I have come to the conclusion that my Dad was probably doing the best he could with us kids. As a man, I could only expect to do the same. And ultimately all kids are going to ignore their parents anyway; you can’t really program out your bad traits, they need to be learned by the individual.
Through my transition I’ve come to realize that I never really wanted to father children, I wanted to bear them. It’s crazy right? Science has made some amazing strides with transplanted uteruses, and the first successful birth from such; but that’s not my future. I’m too old, too tired, and as weird as it sounds; I’ve only just been born.
The next generation of trans individuals will have the ability to create life with a little help from science, but me; I’m sitting this out. Maybe because I’m 41, and at best estimate I’d have a kid graduating high school when I’m 60 (no thanks), or maybe it’s because we don’t need more people.
I’ve argued this for years… Society; despite birth control, war, and yes, even the “sin” of homosexuality has managed to grow by 6 BILLION people over the past 120 years (give or take). We are in no danger of running out of humans to perpetuate the species. But we are in danger of resources. If I were given an opportunity to mother a new being brought into this world of my own body, I would refuse. And as much as society deems that allowing a child to transition is equal to child abuse, I say to them that allowing a child to be born into a world of diminishing resources to be a greater form of abuse.
And there you have it. The parenting fail is mine. I accept it, I’ve made peace with it, and I am not ruled by it. My legacy will not live on in flesh, it will live on in action. It will live on through the survival of this community, and my support thereof. My legacy will ripple through the ages like immutable energy; constantly changing and giving rise to a new and unexpected events or action.
That is a legacy that every parent should aspire to; the endowment of your unmitigated love. You don’t need DNA to do that; YOU can do that just by being a decent person to other people.
Kira Wertz (she/her) is a married Transgender woman who openly identifies as pansexual. She is a top writer in LGBTQ for Medium, Editor of The Transition Transmission, and Professional Truck Driver. Kira is a strong advocate for Transgender rights, especially the rights of Transgender youth; she is a public speaker and panelist, and can often be found helping her local Transgender community. You can connect with Kira on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram.
Pansexual, Polyamourous, Transgender Truck Driver, public speaker, activist, LGBTQ advocate, Jeeper and primary author at The Transition Transmission.
The place to embrace the Triumphs and Tribulations of those who Transitioned and risked everything to live authentically.
Pansexual, Polyamourous, Transgender Truck Driver, public speaker, activist, LGBTQ advocate, Jeeper and primary author at The Transition Transmission.
The place to embrace the Triumphs and Tribulations of those who Transitioned and risked everything to live authentically.
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111 Reasons Why Kids Can’t Be Left Alone With Their Dads
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As Spiderman's Uncle Ben once famously said, "with great power comes great responsibility," few responsibilities are more significant than that of being a father. And while parenting should be a shared responsibility, fatherhood, however, gives a different depiction of what raising children should look like. Take these dads on our list for example. From innocently drawing eyebrows on your favorite daddy's girl to provide them with more expression to using them as a plate, these funny dad jokes seem to have no end to them.
If you are a freshly baked mom yourself, scroll through these funny parenting memes with caution, because afterward, you might not want to leave the dad and baby alone. On the other hand, without these funny dad memes, parenting can become quite laborious and dull. A good laugh delivered by a dad joke and a funny picture never hurt anyone. Be sure to check our compilation below!
This post may include affiliate links.
#4
When Dad Gets The Kids Ready For School
Should put some polish on his belly while he's at it!
Wow, that's actually quite a skill!
#7
My Husband May Have Gone Too Far In Dressing Our Son Like An Old Man For School Today
#8
She Wanted A Swing So He Became One
#9
I Left My Husband With The Baby For Ten Minutes
Nope... That's 'Tattoo' from Fantasy Island.
#10
The Only Way My 3 Day-Old Daughter Would Fall Asleep. After Two Hours Of Carrying Her Around I Got Hungry
#11
My Son Was Joe Rogan For His First Halloween
#12
This Is How I've Chosen To Spend My Father's Day
Does the mini pool replace diapers so you never need to get up?
#13
I Asked My Brother How My Niece Was Doing And He Sent Me This. I Don't Think He's Taking Fatherhood Seriously
My mother actually drew this kind of moustache on my upper lip when I was a baby. I was a very difficult child that could cry for eight hours a day, and never let her get a full-night's sleep, I guess that's why!
#14
You Can Tell Me I'm A Bad Dad But This One Is Staying In The Baby Album
doesn't hurt and it tickles like hell and makes you giggle
#16
Mom Said The Kids Have To Stay In Bed
Well... they are in bed! If anyone takes the heat for this, it better be mom. She needs to specify next time. ????
#17
That Is How Dad Solved The Problem
It's not babysitting when you are the dad. It's called parenting.
#19
Found My Husband Like This Getting Our One Year Old To Bed
#21
When You Have To Watch The Baby And Shovel Snow
#22
Wife Bought A Label Maker To Help Get Organized With Our New Daughter. I'm Already Finding It Helpful
Hahahhaha. O, I love this one. So cute!
#23
Drew Eyebrows On My Kid, Was Not Dissapointed
#24
Mom Left Dad Alone With The Baby For One Hour And Came Back To This
Might be the father who found the miracle of youth...
#25
Parenting Is Tough. Especially For This Dad
Looks more like the kid is looking after his daddy... He finally put him to sleep. Just look at the boy's face expression and the placement of his hand. Now he can relax.
#26
Dad, Will You Put My Hair In A Bun?
Hang on baby! He just has to finish this one level!
#28
So My Wife Left Me Alone For A Few Hours
#29
So My Girlfriend Left Me Alone With The Baby
It was all fun and games . . . until someone ran out of suction power!
#31
Oops, Sorry, Gonna Clean It Right Now!
He should have put his beer in a bottle and just tilted his head back. . .
#35
Once Upon A Time, Mom Sent Daughter And Dad Off To Buy Her Some Nice New Clothes
#36
Going Away For The Weekend And I Asked My Husband To Pack A Bag For Our Daughter
i make sure the diaper bag fits the baby! it is great for when you have to go potty in the store. don't have to put the baby down or struggle with the one handed pants dance
#37
When You Gotta Play, You Gotta Play
I was often put to sleep in drawers as a baby, and it has never affected me in the slightest. Dad can see his child and if the baby rolls she or he won't fall out.
#39
Asked My Husband To Watch The Baby
#40
When Some Business Call Interrupts Your Time With Son
No...but I'm still laughing just a little... Ok a lot ????
#43
This Is How Dad Dressed Daughter For The Daycare. Who Needs A Shirt In Summer Anyway
This baby looks like Adelle a lot of years ago.
#44
He Broke Into My Eyeliner To Add The Extra Detail On Her Forehead.
best charlie brown i've seen in a long time
#45
When You Are Not Sure If It's Super Creepy Or Super Clever
With all the animal accidents of late this may not be such bad parenting after all
#50
When Wife Is Not Home And Nothing To Eat. Time For A Big Kiwi
#52
Mom Asked Dad To Help Son Make A Cake For Big Cub Scout Cake Walk...and Left Them Unsupervised.
#53
Attentive Dad Playing With Daughter
should be said: Attentive dad playing with daughter toys! :-)
It's OK until someone says "Hey, watch this."
I think it's hilarious ???? Cute AF
How is the baby awake and this tower standing
#60
Daddy Teaching His Son How To Be A Laser Tag Champ
I don't always drink milk, but when I do I drink Dos AuNatrurel.
#62
When Dad Says: Go On Son, Take The Piggy To Market
This is how animals have been taken to and from markets for hundreds of years and it still happens in countries where people don't have access to the Internet to make ridiculous comments about life elsewhere in the world. Pigs are stubborn animals, and it's difficult to get them to go anywhere, get a grip.
Just one more to sell and we're all done....
#64
Kids Can't Move And Still Entertained
YOU BOTH ARE GROUNDED! Shame on you! Do your homeworks now :)
#65
Daddy Is Going To The Restaurant With The Kids, Told Him To Put Something Pretty On Them
chances are that little girl picked all of that out to wear..mine used to do the same thing, purple cowboy boots with an orange tutu? of course! pick your battles!! *lol*
This kid will have a great right cross when it is older.
#68
I Told My Husband To Put Our Daughter To Bed
He's supposed to be at home putting the baby to bed, instead he has her out while he's drinking.
All fun and innocent until someone asks where she got the marks that look like welts (for a short period of time)
#71
Many Faces Of Leila And A Travel Pillow - When Mommy Takes A Nap And Daddy Is Left In Charge
Saturday afternoon garage sale left overs
#73
Mum's Out, Dad's In Charge, 3 Kiddies To Look After No Problem!
Haha! My kids used to play in the dog cage when they were little too!
Now if Daddy can wear his pants on his head...
Something very English about this whole picture
#76
Baby Mutant Ninja Turtle #daddydaycare
LOL! I've done th
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