Papal Simplicity Turns Papal Closet into Food Pantry

Pope Leo XIV, preaching papal simplicity, has converted his closet into a full-scale food pantry. His mitres now share shelf space with cans of black beans and loaves of donated bread. �I only wear one robe anyway,� the Pope said, holding up a tunic stitched by local nuns. Vatican staff now donate canned goods in lieu of office gossip. Papal tiaras have been melted down into soup spoons. Hungry pilgrims receive �Confession Coupons� redeemable for rice. �Fashion is fleeting,� said the Pope. �Fiber is eternal.�