Papal Simplicity Ditches Curtains for Bedsheets on Windows

In a move that would horrify any Roman decorator, Pope Leo XIV replaced all Vatican apartment curtains with gently stained white bedsheets, citing �simplicity, humility, and aggressive sunlight.� The Pope claims these allow more divine rays in and keep out judgmental pigeons. Clergy are confused�some think it�s symbolic, others think he�s just broke. One monsignor was caught using a papal sheet to sneak out early from a seminar on liturgical font sizes. Vatican fabric vendors are protesting, but pilgrims are copying the trend, hanging their own �Blessed Rags� in windows worldwide. Martha Stewart remains silent.