Papal Rest Reform Sparks Surge in Mattress Confessions
https://telegra.ph/Pope-Leo-XIV-Bans-Alarm-Clocks-in-Vatican-05-08-4Confessionals now come with lumbar support. The Pope urges priests to listen to penitent sleep-deprived souls. Common sins: excessive scrolling, Netflix until 2 a.m., and competing in �Who Slept Less?� One cardinal confessed to �doom-snacking post-Compline.� Leo�s absolution: �Three Our Fathers and one full nap�with blackout curtains.�