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https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctvjnrv84
Through an intensive clinical study of forty incest victims and numerous interviews with professionals in mental health, child protection, and law enforcement, Judith Herman develops a composite picture of the incestuous family. In a new afterword, Herman offers a lucid and thorough overview of the knowledge that has developed about incest and other forms of sexual abuse since this book was first published. Reviewing the extensive research literature that demonstrates the validity of incest survivors' sometimes repressed and recovered memories, she convincingly challenges the rhetoric and methods of the backlash movement against incest survivors, and the concerted attempt to deny the events they find the courage to describe.
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Author’s Note, 2000: In Memory of Lisa Hirschman
Author’s Note, 2000: In Memory of Lisa Hirschman
Introduction: Cinderella or Saint Dympna
Introduction: Cinderella or Saint Dympna
Every little girl knows the story of Cinderella, who was persecuted by her wicked stepmother and stepsisters, and who was rescued at last by her prince. The fairy tale most commonly repeated in Western culture warns girls to expect nothing but abuse from women, and teaches them to look to men for salvation. But the currently popular Cinderella story is only one variant of an old tale which has been preserved in folklore for many centuries. In other versions, the tale is about the sorrows of a girl who has lost her mother, and her persecution by an incestuous father....
Female children are regularly subjected to sexual assaults by adult males who are part of their intimate social world. The aggressors are not outcasts and strangers; they are neighbors, family friends, uncles, cousins, stepfathers, and fathers. To be sexually exploited by a known and trusted adult is a central and formative experience in the lives of countless women.
This disturbing fact, embarrassing to men in general and to fathers in particular, has been repeatedly unearthed in the past hundred years, and just as repeatedly buried. Any serious investigation of the emotional and sexual lives of women leads eventually to the...
Denial has always been the incestuous father’s first line of defense. For a long time it has served him well. The belief that incest is extremely uncommon, and the tendency to discredit children’s reports of sexual encounters with adults, have until recently remained entrenched in the public consciousness. With the collusion of the larger society, the incestuous father has thus been largely successful in preserving his secret.
In the last decade, as increasing evidence of the wide prevalence of father-daughter incest has been amassed, and as the victims themselves have become emboldened to speak out, it has grown more difficult...
If it must be conceded, first, that father-daughter incest occurs commonly, and second, that it is not a harmless pastime, then apologists for the incestuous father are thrown back upon their third and final excuse: he is not responsible for his actions. Most commonly, they blame his daughter, his wife, or both. Thus we make the acquaintance of the two major culprits in the incest romance, the Seductive Daughter and the Collusive Mother. Ensnared by the charms of a small temptress, or driven to her arms by a frigid, unloving wife, Poor Father can hardly help himself, or so his...
The incest taboo is universal in human culture. Though no single definition of the taboo applies among all peoples, no known culture permits unrestricted sexual union among kin. Almost all cultures prohibit intercourse and marriage within what is known as the nuclear family, that is, between parents and children, brothers and sisters.¹ The particular forms of the incest taboo, the types of behavior forbidden, the range of persons to whom the prohibition applies, and the punishments that attend its violation vary endlessly from one society to another. What is common to most cultures, however, is the seriousness with which the...
5 Incestuous Fathers and Their Families
5 Incestuous Fathers and Their Families
Forty women who had had incestuous relationships with their fathers shared their stories with us. Most were young women in their twenties or early thirties. At the time we met them, most had already married and some had already divorced; half had children. They worked at common women’s jobs; they were mothers and houseworkers, typists and secretaries, waitresses and factory workers, teachers and nurses. About half came from working-class and half from middle-class families.¹ Their ethnic and religious backgrounds reflected the predominant Catholicism of the state of Massachusetts, where most of them lived (see Tables 5.1 and 5.2). To all...
Many years had passed in the lives of our informants since their incestuous relationships had ended. All of the women we interviewed had been living on their own for several years, and many had raised families of their own. All had attempted, as best they could, to put their incest experiences behind them and to get on with their lives. But the memory of incest persisted, shaping their relations with others and their image of themselves. All, without exception, felt somehow branded or marked by their experiences:
Marion: How do you get over this? I know it eats away at...
7 Seductive Fathers and Their Families
7 Seductive Fathers and Their Families
Twenty women whose fathers had been seductive, but not overtly incestuous, told us their stories. Their class, ethnic, and religious backgrounds were similar to those of the incest victims whom we interviewed (see Table 5.1). Like the incest victims, most were young white women in ordinary women’s occupations. Like the incest victims, all were patients in psychotherapy.
We defined seductiveness on the part of fathers to mean behavior that was clearly sexually motivated, but which did not involve physical contact or a requirement for secrecy. For example, some fathers constantly talked about sex with their daughters, confiding the details of...
Most incest victims both long and fear to reveal their secret. In childhood, fear usually overcomes any hope of relief; most girls dread discovery of the incest secret and do not reveal it to anyone outside the family. They believe that no recourse is available to them and that disclosure of the secret would lead to disaster. But as the daughters grow up, the burden of secrecy becomes increasingly difficult to endure. The child who has remained silent for many years may finally be driven to seek outside help.
Unfortunately, given the current state of law enforcement, child protective services,...
After the crisis of disclosure comes the slow, laborious task of putting lives back together. For all family members, the time of reconstruction is a time of extreme anxiety. Return to the status quo ante is impossible, yet particularly for the parents, it may be equally impossible to conceive of a new way of life. The incestuous father has immense difficulty imagining how life can be bearable if he loses control over his wife and children and sexual access to his daughter. He cannot be expected to give up his accustomed power and privileges without a fight. If he meets...
Sexual relations between adults and children are forbidden by law in every state. Curiously, however, most incestuous relations between fathers and daughters do not meet the statutory definition of the crime of "incest," but rather fall under the definition of somewhat lesser crimes, such as "carnal abuse of a child," "indecent liberties with children, "or "corrupting the morals of a minor." Incest statutes are primarily concerned with prohibiting marriage and inbreeding among kin, not with protecting children. The definition of incest is therefore usually restricted to sexual intercourse between blood relatives. Only five states include sexual conduct other than intercourse...
Most incest victims reach adulthood bearing their secrets intact. It is not known how many successfully bury their past and go on with their lives, and how many continue to suffer the effects of their victimization. There is reason to suspect that a substantial proportion, perhaps even the majority of incest victims, feel lastingly scarred by their childhood experience. The complaints of the women we have interviewed about their experiences are so similar as to suggest the existence of a syndrome common to all incest victims, a syndrome that often leads to repeated disappointments in intimate relationships in adult life....
The sexual abuse of children is as old as patriarchy itself. Fathers have had sexual relations with their children from time immemorial, and they are likely to continue to do so for a long time to come. As long as fathers dominate their families, they will have the power to make sexual use of their children. Most fathers will choose not to exercise this power; but as long as the prerogative is implicitly granted to all men, some men will use it.
If incestuous abuse is indeed an inevitable result of patriarchal family structure, then preventing sexual abuse will ultimately...
Afterword, 2000: Understanding Incest Twenty Years Later
Afterword, 2000: Understanding Incest Twenty Years Later
This book, like so many feminist writings, began with two women talking. Our simple acts of speaking and listening joined us to a world-wide liberation movement. In the "free space" we created in our intimate dialogues with our patients and with each other, we joined with numerous other women who were uncovering the secret crimes at the heart of patriarchal order’.¹ When Lisa Hirschman and I began our study in the mid-1970s, incest was publicly invisible, yet the private confidences of numerous victims led us and a number of other feminist writers to suspect that sexual exploitation of women and...
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You must know, dear ladies, that Tebaldo, Prince of Salerno, according to the story I have heard repeated many times by my elders, had to wife a modest and prudent lady of good lineage, and by her he had a daughter who in beauty and grace outshone all the other ladies of Salerno; but it would have been well for Tebaldo if she had never seen the light, for in that case the grave misadventure which befell him would never have happened.
His wife, young in years but of mature wisdom, when she lay a-dying besought her husband, whom she loved very dearly, never to take for his wife any woman whose finger would not exactly fit the ring which she herself wore; and the prince, who loved his wife no less than she loved him, swore by his head that he would observe her wish.
After the good princess had breathed her last and had been honorably buried, Tebaldo indulged in the thought of wedding again, but he bore well in mind the promise he had made to his wife, and was firmly resolved to keep her saying.
However, the report that Tebaldo, Prince of Salerno, was seeking another mate soon got noised abroad, and came to the ears of many maidens who, in worth and in estate, were no whit his inferiors; but Tebaldo, whose first care was to fulfil the wishes of his wife who was dead, made it a condition that any damsel who might be offered to him in marriage should first try on her finger his wife's ring, to see whether it fitted, and not having found one who fulfilled this condition -- the ring being always found too big for this and too small for that -- he was forced to dismiss them all without further parley.
Now it happened one day that the daughter of Tebaldo, whose name was Doralice, sat at table with her father; and she, having espied her mother's ring lying on the board, slipped it on her finger and cried out, "See my father, how well my mother's ring fits me!" And the prince, when he saw what she had done, assented.
But not long after this the soul of Tebaldo was assailed by a strange and diabolical temptation to take to wife his daughter Doralice, and for many days he lived tossed about between yea and nay. At last, overcome by the strength of this devilish intent, and fired by the beauty of the maiden, he one day called her to him and said, "Doralice, my daughter, while your mother was yet alive, but fast nearing the end of her days, she besought me never to take to wife any woman whose finger would not fit the ring she herself always wore in her lifetime, and I swore by my head that I would observe this last request of hers. Wherefore, when I felt the time was come for me to wed anew, I made trial of many maidens, but not one could I find who could wear your mother's ring, except yourself. Therefore I have decided to take you for my wife, for thus I shall satisfy my own desire without violating the promise I made to your mother."
Doralice, who was as pure as she was beautiful, when she listened to the evil designs of her wicked father, was deeply troubled in her heart; but, taking heed of his vile and abominable lust, and fearing the effects of his rage, she made no answer and went out of his presence with an untroubled face.
As there was no one whom she could trust so well as her old nurse, she repaired to her at once as the surest bulwark of her safety, to take counsel as to what she should do. The nurse, when she had heard the story of the execrable lust of this wicked father, spake words of comfort to Doralice, for she knew well the constancy and steadfast nature of the girl, and that she would be ready to endure any torment rather than accede to her father's desire, and promised to aid her in keeping her virginity unsullied by such terrible disgrace.
After this the nurse thought of nothing else than how she might best find a way for Doralice out of this strait, planning now this and now that, but finding no method which gained her entire approval. She would fain have had Doralice take to flight and put long distance betwixt her and her father, but she feared the craft of Tebaldo, and lest the girl should fall into his hands after her flight, feeling certain that in such event he would put her to death.
So while the faithful nurse was thus taking counsel with herself, she suddenly hit upon a fresh scheme, which was what I will now tell you. In the chamber of the dead lady there was a fair cassone, or clothes-chest, magnificently carved, in which Doralice kept her richest dresses and her most precious jewels, and this wardrobe the nurse alone could open. So she removed from it by stealth all the robes and the ornaments that were therein, and bestowed them elsewhere, placing in it a good store of a certain liquor which had such great virtue, that whosoever took a spoonful of it, or even less, could live for a long time without further nourishment.
Then, having called Doralice, she shut her therein, and bade her remain in hiding until such time as God should send her better fortune, and her father be delivered from the bestial mood which had come upon him.
The maiden, obedient to the good old woman's command, did all that was told her; and the father, still set upon his accursed design, and making no effort to restrain his unnatural lust, demanded every day what had become of his daughter; and, neither finding any trace of her, or knowing aught where she could be, his rage became so terrible that he threatened to have her killed as soon as he should find her.
Early one morning it chanced that Tebaldo went into the room where the chest was, and as soon as his eye fell upon it, he felt, from the associations connected with it, that he could not any longer endure the sight of it, so he gave orders that it should straightway be taken out and placed elsewhere and sold, so that its presence might not bee an offence to him. The servants were prompt to obey their master's command, and, having taken the thing on their shoulders, they bore it away to the marketplace. It chanced that there was at that time in the city a rich dealer from Genoa, who, as soon as he caught sight of the sumptuously carved cassone, admired it greatly, and settled with himself that he would not let it go from him, however much he might have to pay for it. So, having accosted the servant who was charged with the sale of it, and learnt the price demanded, he bought it forthwith, and gave orders to a porter to carry it away and place it on board his ship.
The nurse, who was watching the trafficking from a distance, was well pleased with the issue thereof, though she grieved sore at losing the maiden. Wherefore she consoled herself by reflecting that when it comes to the choice of evils it is ever wiser to avoid the greater.
The merchant, having set sail from Salerno with his carven chest and other valuable wares, voyaged to the island of Britain, known to us today as England, and landed at a port near which the country was spread out in a vast plain.
Before he had been there long, Genese, who had lately been crowned king of the island, happened to be riding along the seashore, chasing a fine stag, which, in the end, ran down to the beach and took to the water.
The king, feeling wary and worn with the long pursuit, was fain to rest awhile, and, having caught sight of the ship, he sent to ask the master of it to give him something to drink; and the latter, feigning to be ignorant he was talking to the king, greeted Genese familiarly, and gave him a hearty welcome, finally prevailing upon him to go on board his vessel.
The king, when he saw the beautiful clothes-chest so finely carved, was taken with a great longing to possess it, and grew so impatient to call it his own that every hour seemed like a thousand till he should be able to claim it. He then asked the merchant the price he asked for it, and was answered that the price was a very heavy one. The king, being now more taken than ever with the beautiful handicraft, would not leave the ship till he had arranged a price with the merchant, and, having sent for money enough to pay the price demanded, he took his leave, and straightway ordered the cassone to be borne to the palace and placed in his chamber.
Genese, being yet over-young to wive, found his chief pleasure in going every day to the chase
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