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It's like the G-spot, only in the butt.
Prostate massage or anal pleasure during solo and shared play can be pleasurable for anyone, regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation. This is because the anus is an area of our bodies that's packed with nerve endings and is highly receptive to touch. Anal stimulation has the potential to feel great for anyone with a butthole, but for men and people with a prostate, anal exploration through prostate massage and prostate milking can be especially pleasurable. Yes, it does also feel good for women and vagina-havers. The prostate (sometimes called the P-spot or "the male G-spot") is a gland within the sexual organs of a man or someone with a penis. It’s a hubbub of nerve endings which, when stimulated, can provide intense pleasure and even orgasm. Yep, a prostate orgasm is a real thing.
Much like the G-spot in women and people who have vulvas, the P-spot can be a little tricky to find, but once you do, the benefits are out of this world. There are two main ways to give someone a prostate orgasm: direct and indirect.
Indirect methods include perineum pressure and anal penetration through fingering. The only direct method is via urethral sounding (inserting a special toy called a sounding rod into the penis). A urethral dilator is a vibrating toy is designed to stimulate the sensitive nerve endings inside the penis.
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For first time prostate massage through bum fingering, just concentrate on giving your partner pleasure, rather than seeking out the P-spot. Anal play without stimulating the prostate is still super-arousing and pleasurable. The P-spot is simply the cherry (or walnut) on top. But, before you go delving into anal play, communication is vital. You should both be comfortable (and hopefully excited) about what you’re about to explore.
If you’re the one planning to do the fingering, there are some things you’ll need to do in preparation. The simple, but most important ones are to make sure your nails are trimmed and you’re not wearing any jewellery, like rings. This is not just for your benefit (no one wants to lose a family heirloom up their partner’s bottom) but for theirs too.
The anus needs a little more care than fingering a vagina. This is because, although it’s perfectly safe to explore anal play, the lining of the anus is more delicate and susceptible to injury. Trimming nails and removing jewellery reduces the risk of internal scratches.
Megan Madden / Refinery29 for Getty Images
Also, check your fingers over to make sure you don’t have any scratches or cuts, yourself. Even with proper prep, all sex involves a transfer of bacteria, and this is even more likely with anal play. Trust me, you really don’t want to get anything nasty in an open wound.
Some people also like to create a barrier between their finger and their partner’s anus by using a condom or a small latex sheath called a ‘finger cot’. It is by no means necessary to do this, but it can be beneficial for a few reasons.
Calapro Latex Finger Cots (144 Pack)
Firstly, if the giver does have a cut on their hand, this is a great way of protecting it from any nasties. Secondly, you’re going to need a long-lasting lube for this sort of play as the anus doesn’t self-lubricate like a vagina. The best lubricant to use is a thick water-based anal lube, but this can begin to absorb into your skin (as well as theirs) as you play, which leads to needing to stop to apply more lube.
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Wearing a latex condom or a finger cot over your finger provides a non-porous layer for the lube to sit on. Less absorption = longer-lasting slip = better anal pleasure

Liquid Silk is an easy to dispense, long-lasting and affordable water-based lube that can be used for basically any and all kinds of sex.
We also love Sliquid's vegan, organic range. And the Sassy Anal Lube is long-lasting and really good quality, hypoallergenic, pH-balanced and all that good stuff.
Sliquid Sassy Water-Based Anal Lubricant 255ml
And finally, while the risk of mess with this sort of play is extremely low (particularly if you follow the receiver prep advice below) it’s understandable that people can be nervous the first few times they explore anal fun. Wearing a finger cot can help ease both the mind of the giver and the receiver, and enable you to both enjoy the experience more.
First and foremost, the receiver should have ideally emptied their bowels that day to ensure poop-free play. The good news is, stimulating the prostate doesn’t involve deep penetration and thanks to the way our bodies work, waste is only stored in this area of your bowels right before evacuation. Thanks biology! This means, as long as your partner has had a normal bowel movement that day, there’s no reason you should encounter any “friends” when you explore.

If your partner is concerned about this, they can use an anal douche for extra peace of mind. Just be sure to follow standard anal douching instructions, and do it plenty of time before you go p-spot searching to avoid remnant water being released during play.
This super affordable Lovehoney anal douche is easy to use and comfortable to insert thanks to its narrow stem. It's also made from PVC with a non-slip finish and can hold 225ml of water for a thorough clean.
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If you'd rather go all out (which is totally fine, it's really all about your preferences and what makes you feel the most relaxed and comfortable), this Clean Stream Deluxe Shower Enema Set does a really thorough job. It's stainless steel and comes with a hose, nozzles, and washers and can be either temporarily or permanently attached to your shower.
Clean Stream Deluxe Shower Enema Set
Regardless of whether you or your partner decide douching is right for you, it’s important to have a thorough external clean in this area before you get down to it. This can be done in the bath or shower and I recommend giving the area a good clean externally. You can even poke a finger inside to check that your inner-rim is sparkling clean, too. Not only will this prep ensure play is clean, but it’ll also offer a little more of that peace of mind to help you get the most out of pooper poking.

Your partner may also like to shave the area prior to play as that can make it more sensitive to touch. This is particularly beneficial for the warm up. So, they’ve pooped, cleaned and possibly shaved. Now what? Well, now is a good idea to take a toilet break (for a number one this time).
For a lot of people, prostate stimulation brings about a sensation which feels like they need to pee. Don’t worry, they won’t, but the feeling can be a little strange, particularly until they get used to it. Taking a pee-break prior to play can help them get in the zone, and give them the peace of mind that they won’t wet themselves.
The position you play in should be comfortable for both the receiver and the giver to hold. It should also offer easy access to the anus and preferably a couple of other erogenous zones. Many people who enjoy prostate stimulation find that it’s most pleasurable when combined with nipple or penis stimulation.

Popular positions include the receiver lying on their back with legs apart or on their stomach with a pillow under their hips, or on all fours. Feel free to experiment to find which works best for you both.
With lube applied, awaken the external nerve endings in this area and get it ready for penetration by stroking externally to begin with. You can do this with your fingers, tongue or an anal vibrator.

Some shallow insertion will also help to relax their anal muscles and make penetration easier. Spend time stimulating the area until your partner is practically begging you to delve deeper.

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When it comes to penetration, start small. Always start with just one finger and, if your partner likes a bit of girth, then build up one finger at a time. Having said that, for P-spot fun you’ll probably only need one or maybe two fingers at most.
If you want to warm up with an anal toy, start small and on the lowest vibration setting and work your way up as you become more aroused and comfortable.
This pleasure probe anal vibrator and prostate massager is great for beginners as it has three defined bulbs of increasing size, so you can go as slow as you like. It's curved to perfectly target vibes to the P-spot and it has 3 speeds and 7 vibration patterns to choose from.
Lovehoney Pleasure Probe 10 Function Vibrating Prostate Massager
When it comes to trying to locate the prostate, you’ll need to know what you’re looking for. A lot of people describe the prostate as feeling a bit like a walnut. It’s a raised, firm area which is more textured than the surrounding tissue. Much like the g-spot, the p-spot is located internally on the front wall. You’ll need to insert your finger about an inch inside and keep contact with the front wall until you come across a section which feels like said walnut.
It’s handy if your partner can communicate with you as you do this, and let you know if an area feels particularly pleasurable, or brings about that feeling that they might pee. Although it’ll feel a little odd for them, this is a good sign that you’re in the right area.
When you’ve found the prostate, use your fingertip(s) (not nails) to stroke the area. Again, a lot like the G-spot, the P-spot responds well to “come-hither” strokes. Experiment with different pressure and strokes to work out what feels best for your partner.
If you're ready to move on to bigger and more advanced anal toys, here are some of the best anal sex toys for prostate massage.
This firm silicone anal sex toy is a powerful P-spot vibrator, with a curved shaft for intense prostate stimulation and stimulating nubs on the handle for extra external sensation. It has 4 inches of insertable length and 7 modes of vibration. And, it's waterproof and rechargeable.

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Mantric Rechargeable P-Spot Probe Vibrator
Glass sex toys might seem intimidating, but they are some of the most simple yet versatile sex toys as they can be heated or cooled in a bowl of water, allowing you to experience different temperatures and the sensations that come with them. This glass butt plug has been handcrafted with an angled tip and curved shaft, perfect for anal stimulation.
It's made from smooth borosilicate glass which is shatter-resistant, hypoallergenic and compatible with all lubes.
Icicles No 46 Curved P-Spot Glass Butt Plug
LELO's Loki Wave is a vibrating prostate massager like no other, because as well as vibration, it literally waves and beckons inside you in a 'come hither' motion. This stimulates the prostate for P-spot orgasms. It also has a perineum stimulator.
Lelo Loki Wave Rechargeable Vibrating Prostate Massager
"It's hard to describe. But the feeling is much better than a normal orgasm. You get the slow buildup of pleasure that is common before a normal orgasm, but it takes longer and gets more and more intense," says ayepuh.
TempestX agrees, " It's a full body orgasm that gives you an emotional boost. I've felt euphoric afterwards, other times I've cried because it's overwhelming. It's like nothing I've ever felt. I feel vulnerable and amazing. It's a completely different sensation than we're used to."
"I've had many and it's absolutely incredible - way more intense. So intense that it's kind of a once-in-a-blue-moon treat so as to not become desensitised to the less intense but far more occurring 'normal' orgasm from sex with the GF," says SadKingBilly.
Jess Wilde is Lovehoney's bondage expert. Follow Jess on Twitter.
How to use anal sex toys for the first time
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