Overwhelming Orgasm

Overwhelming Orgasm
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How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Every Thursday night, the crew responds to a bonus question in chat form.
I have been trying to do my own research, but I am running into a dead end and would like some input. I am a 43-year-old straight woman in a relationship with a fabulous man. My problem, not that I am even sure that it is a problem, isn’t necessarily with my relationship—it’s with my orgasms. They are Earth-shattering. Mind-bending. A worm hole into another dimension, time-space-warping kind of thing. Typically, it is easy for me to have an orgasm with external help (with which my partner happily assists), though sometimes I may have one spontaneously during intercourse. My orgasms involve all of my muscles locking up throughout my entire body. I stop breathing for long periods of time. I am lucky if I don’t hurt something in the process. If my partner moves a muscle or finger, it triggers another, and I am left gasping for air. I’ve had migraines created spontaneously before (which I have spoken to my doctor about), pulled muscles, and lost track of time. What I think is moments he tells me is several minutes and apparently multiple orgasms. I can’t stand, can barely speak, and do little thinking until I am able to come to rights. The more worked up I am prior, the more likely I am to have random bodily tremors afterwards as well.
Is this weirdness normal? My partner finds it equal parts awesome and hilarious. He says he has to pay attention so I don’t suddenly flex so hard I take a digit (or worse!) off of him! It embarrasses the hell out of me that I am loud, gasping, practically having a seizure, and he might be sweating and having a good time, but he is otherwise pretty quiet. I never really thought about it before, but over the years I have accumulated some feedback from partners that apparently, I am an oddball. Am I thinking too hard about this?
Rich : I ran this by Dr. Tami Rowen , a previous source of mine. She’s an OB-GYN and an assistant professor and director of the sexual health program at the University of California, San Francisco. I just wanted to see if this raised any red flags—in a brief note, she said that while our writer describes is “unusual” in its extremity, “orgasms involve muscle contractions so there are all kinds of manifestations of them.” Nonetheless, I worry about the lack of breathing our writer is experiencing.
Stoya : I wonder if she’s unintentionally holding her breath, and whether it might help to actively focus on breathing through the moment. She may have to practice: Something like getting as close as she can before breathing stops, pausing to calm down, going up to the edge again. Or even asking her partner to help with this process.
Rich : Habituation makes sense. She doesn’t seem too concerned about what this might mean for her health, and maybe it’s nothing, but I would talk to a doctor regardless just to make sure this isn’t another issue manifesting. She says “practically having a seizure,” so … might be good to make sure it’s not an actual seizure.
Stoya : For sure. She should ask her primary care physician. It may be possible to email or call or do a virtual appointment rather than visit the office.
Rich : Run some tests. Make sure this is all in good fun.
Stoya : And she should be detailed. No getting embarrassed and leaving two-thirds of the problem out. Write it out like she has here if need be.
Rich : You told me you experienced something along these lines. Did you feel like talking about it here?
Stoya : I’ve had uncontrollable convulsions during orgasm, headaches with light sensitivity and halo after orgasm, had orgasms that triggered one after another, and had pain after orgasm. Breathing helps me immensely. But I don’t know that that’s necessarily the answer for our writer. I had a habit of holding my breath as I ramped up to climax. Pain after orgasm seems to be an entirely different issue related to sensitivity just before my period.
Rich : Ahhh I, predictably, have no experience with anything like this unless you count my dozens of viewings of Showgirls (I’m talking about the pool scene).
Stoya : I don’t remember this scene. Please elaborate.
Rich : Oh, it’s just a wild unleashing of orgasmic desire by the contortion innovator Elizabeth Berkley as she rides Kyle MacLachlan’s character in a pool. Her waves of desire manifest on the water’s surface. It is unbridled in a way few movie scenes are. I will watch it with a new perspective. And on that note, I understand our writer’s self-consciousness, but I would encourage her to embrace the response—it’s really such a pure expression of pleasure. As her partner, I’d be more thrilled than anything
Stoya : Agreed. Responsive partners are a joy to give pleasure to.
Rich : Makes you feel like you’ve really accomplished something.
Stoya : I do want to add that she can probably decline to orgasm in most situations if she doesn’t feel like dealing with the intensity that day. Prioritizing female pleasure is truly wonderful, but women don’t need to orgasm every time any more than men do.
I love my husband. We’ve been together for 14 years. The issue is before we were together, I had an avid sex life. He has never really cared about sex. We haven’t had any in five years (he has a bad back and no sex drive). I’ve tried talking to him; we’ve tried therapy. No changes. Last year, I started sleeping with someone else. It’s amazing. Husband has no clue. My issue is that I don’t feel guilty. I don’t want to leave my husband, but I refuse to live without sex. Am I a bad person? I sleep with this guy about once a week, and to be honest, I’m much happier now and a better wife because I no longer am resentful.
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Ever wondered: "Why do my legs shake after sex?" It's not just you.
6. You might feel as if you’re coming down with the flu
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There are many terms for it: Orgasm . The Big O. Climax. Coming. Getting off. Ejaculation.
But no matter what you want to call it, there’s one thing most people are in agreement on: Orgasms can be seriously satisfying.
For many people, the orgasm process is pleasurable but fairly predictable: There’s the buildup, those toe-curling contractions, followed by a feeling of well-being and relaxation. But occasionally, some unexpected stuff can occur, like sudden headaches, sneezing or crying. (The causes of some of these phenomena are still a bit of a mystery because there isn’t a ton of data on orgasms . And the data researchers do have is based on small sample sizes .)
Below are just a few of the surprising things that can happen when you have an orgasm. Some are rare, and others are more common, but all are a reminder that our bodies are curious things.
A burst of pleasure and then — ugh — the pain of a splitting headache. Post-orgasm headaches are more common in men and among people who suffer from migraines , according to the Mayo Clinic . Most of these headaches last just a few minutes, but they can persist as long as a few hours or even a couple of days.
“While some people report a dull ache that increases as they get aroused, most people [who experience this] report a severe and sudden headache just before or during orgasm,” Laurie Mintz , the author of Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—And How to Get It , told HuffPost.
It’s not totally understood why these headaches happen, though some experts believe it has to do with a spike in adrenaline coursing through the body during sex.
Most sex headaches are nothing to worry about, but in some cases, they could point to an underlying issue ― especially if you’re also experiencing symptoms such as vomiting and neck stiffness . So it’s best to check with a doctor to rule out something more serious.
You’re basking in that post-orgasm glow, and then suddenly tears are streaming down your face. What gives? Experts aren’t quite sure why this happens but say it’s not surprising, given all the psychological and physiological changes that happen during sex. And you can rest assured knowing that it’s fairly common.
“This is known as postcoital dysphoria,” sex therapist Vanessa Marin told HuffPost. “A fair number of people report feeling sad, overwhelmed, tearful or emotional after an orgasm.”
Those who get teary after sex might be concerned it’s a sign of an underlying issue in the relationship with their partner, but that’s not necessarily true.
“This occurs most often in the context of close and loving relationships and is actually related to happy emotions,” Mintz said. “Still, if it happens to you and you suspect another reason ― like you aren’t actually happy in your relationship ― it’s a good idea to sort this out with a confidant or a therapist.”
“It’s also worth it to speak to a therapist if you often find yourself having feelings of shame, guilt or sadness following sex,” psychologist and sex therapist Rachel Needle told Bustle. “[A therapist] can work towards understanding these feelings and where they are coming from.”
It’s no secret: Orgasms generally feel pretty great . But for certain people, the positive post-sex feelings are particularly heightened.
“For some people, the euphoric feelings seem extra-intense,” Marin said. “Their mood is greatly improved, they feel more positive, and their self-esteem is elevated. Again, we don’t quite know why orgasms can trigger such different reactions in different people.”
Ah-ah-ah ... choo ? Researchers aren’t quite sure why sneezing and having an orgasm are linked for some people, but they speculate it might have to do with crossed wires in the autonomic nervous system , which is responsible for reflexes such as sneezing, as well as sexual arousal .
“We still don’t know,” Dr. Mahmood Bhutta ― an ear, nose and throat surgeon who studied the phenomenon ― told Splinter . “Certain functions that are automatic get a bit confused in the brain.”
Some women report leg shaking after they have an orgasm. During climax, tension builds around our muscles , and not just those in the genital area. When sex is over and the tension is released, some cramping, shaking or contractions can occur. If this happens to you, try drinking water and eating something with potassium, like a banana, avocado or yogurt .
“Know what your normal is, and if your legs do shake, be sure to hydrate,” OB/GYN Jessica Williams told ShareCare.com. “And have fun!”
Post-orgasmic illness syndrome (POIS) is a rare condition in which men experience flu-like symptoms such as a fever, fatigue and nasal congestion after ejaculation.
Not much is known about what causes POIS, but some researchers think it could be related to an autoimmune disorder or allergy to semen , according to the Genetic and Rare Diseases Information Center .
A research review from Tulane University noted that POIS “negatively affects the life of patients by limiting sexual encounters, dampening romantic prospects, creating internal struggles to avoid eroticism, and affecting patients’ schedules.”
The International Society of Sexual Medicine recommends visiting a doctor if you experience flu-like symptoms after an orgasm.

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