Outdoor Mmf
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Outdoor Mmf
“Should I tell her the truth or just let her believe our MMF threesome would be my first time with a guy?” Plus, dream interpretation.
by
Dan Savage
June 18th, 2020 July 22nd, 2021
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I’m a 32-year-old straight guy. My wife and I have been married for four years and together for nine. We have a great marriage and all is well. We have been quarantining at home since March. During this time, we have been exploring things sexually, which has been really fun. We have also been talking more about our kinks and fantasies. One thing my wife really wants to try is an MMF threesome. I’ve agreed and she’s been talking about how hot it will be to make this happen once quarantine is over. She is particularly turned on by the fact that this would be my first sexual experience with another guy. The only issue is, in reality, it won’t be. The truth is that when I was in high school, a guy friend and I fooled around a few times. I have no regrets but those experiences only served to reaffirm that I preferred women. I never did anything with another guy and I never felt the need to mention these early experiences to my wife. She just assumed I had never had a same-sex encounter. Now I feel like I’ve misled her or lied to her somehow. Should I tell her the truth or just let her believe our MMF threesome would be my first time with a guy? —Nervously Omitted Homosexual Occurrences, Mostly Oral
If your wife reads my column, NOHOMO, then you’ve just told her the truth, and the advice that follows is moot. So here’s hoping she doesn’t read my column: You don’t have to tell your wife about the handful/mouthful of times you messed around with another guy in high school. If you’re like most straight guys with one or two cocks in your past, NOHOMO, I’m guessing you didn’t tell the wife because you didn’t want her to feel insecure or spend all her free time corresponding with advice columnists about whether her husband is secretly gay.
In fairness to the wife, NOHOMO, not every woman whose straight-identified male partner admits to a little same-sex messing around worries her boyfriend or husband is going to leave her for a dude or all the dudes. But this worry is common enough to be something of cliché. A straight guy doesn’t even have to admit to having sucked one dick one time for his wife or girlfriend to worry he’s secretly gay; I get at least one letter every day from a woman who’s worried her husband is gay because he likes to have his nipples played with or his butt touched or because he has feelings. So while it’s not ideal that straight or mostly straight guys don’t feel they can be honest with their wives about their long ago and far away same-sex experimentation, NOHOMO, it’s understandable that many straight guys err on the side of keeping that shit to themselves.
But your question isn’t, “Why didn’t I tell her then?” but rather, “Should I tell her now?” And I don’t think you have to. She wasn’t harmed by this omission—you didn’t deprive her of information she was entitled to—and disclosing now would only serve to deprive her of something, i.e., the excitement she feels about being there to witness what she thinks is your first same-sex encounter. —Dan Savage
My wife questions my use of the word gay as being potentially offensive and I’d like to get your take. I’m male and my male friends like to flirt and joke about performing sex acts on each other. We’ve never actually carried through with it but I consider myself on the “spectrum” and might be open to gay sex. My male friends and I say we’re being or acting gay (though we’re all practicing heterosexuals) and this is where my wife takes issue. For example, I might say, “We’re so gay!” in our conversations but the word is used in a positive way. My wife makes the point that the word has a history of being used negatively, so may be considered offensive, and should only be used casually by people who are more legit gay. Should I stop using the word gay this way? —Gay Poser
Jesus, just suck off one of your male friends already—just get it over with—and then you have my permission to keep using “gay” as a compliment, GP. —DS
I’m a 35-year-old seemingly straight man, but in the past year—roughly corresponding with the longest sex drought in the history of my adulthood—I have had recurring wet dreams where I suck myself off. Probably a dozen or so of these dreams, all up, and I very much enjoy both sides of the transaction. What do you think it means? Am I witnessing the stirrings of some latent bisexuality or am I just desperate? Should I heed the call? —Originally Unilateral Regarding Oral But Oneiromancy Reveals Opening Sexuality
I usually don’t allow elaborate signoffs, OUROBOROS, but I’m making an exception for yours because it’s brilliant. (To save my other readers the trouble of Googling: “oneiromancy” is the interpretation of dreams to predict the future and an “ouroboros” is an image of a snake swallowing its own tail, often used as an infinity symbol.) That said, I’m not sure there’s really any call to heed here—other than a call to start doing the kind of stretching that would allow you to suck your own cock if you were able to get limber enough and your cock were long enough. But a desire to suck one’s own cock—or even an attempt, successful or not—doesn’t mean a man is latently bisexual or gay. I assume you’ve been masturbating for more than two decades, OUROBOROS, and just as there’s nothing gay about all those handjobs you’ve given yourself, there’s nothing gay about the blowjobs you can only dream about giving yourself. —DS
I’m that rare gay man who doesn’t like sucking dick. It wasn’t hard for my VGL husband to find guys who wanted to blow him before quarantine and for years I didn’t ask about it because I didn’t want to know the details. But I knew he had videos on his phone of some guys blowing him that he sometimes watched and I recently asked to watch one and I was completely shocked. It wasn’t just a blowjob. He spat in the guy’s face, called him homophobic names, and was just generally brutal. The intensity and violence wasn’t something I’ve ever detected in my husband or been on the receiving end from my husband. When I pressed my husband he shrugged and said, “That’s how a lot of guys like it.” I’m not sure what to do. —Gay And Gloomy Guy Extremely Disturbed
I read your letter three times and I still can’t tell whether you’re appalled or jealous. Do you disapprove of your husband treating someone that way or are you disappointed that your husband has never treated you that way? If it’s the former, well, don’t watch any more videos of your husband throat fucking his subby cocksuckers. If it’s the latter (and I suspect it is), GAGGED, then you’re going to need to figure out how to articulate that clearly—something you failed to do in your letter—so you can tell your husband you’d like it like that, too. Not being used for oral like that, of course, since you don’t like performing oral sex. But maybe you’d like anal like that? —DS
Dear readers: This is gonna feel a little weird stuck on the end of this week’s column, I realize, but I wanted to say something about the protests all over the country and the world. While I haven’t been able to personally attend a Black Lives Matters protest over the last two weeks—I have deeply shitty lungs and I’m concerned about contracting coronavirus—I fully support everyone who has taken to the streets to protest the violence of systemic racism and the specific violence inflicted on black people by racist cops. And while I can’t be at the protests, my husband and I made a donation to bail funds across the country to help out people who were arrested. (You can donate at actblue.com/donate/bailfunds .) Please keep marching, please wear your masks (they work!), and please—please—make sure you and everyone you know is registered to vote. —DS
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4/5/17
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Prowling wolflike around the sex party at a downtown hotel, hopeful guest Josh (who doesn’t want his last name mentioned) goes from black-lingerie-clad girl to black-lingerie-clad girl, asking for French kisses.
The 26-year-old Russian gets lucky a few times, but has a consolation prize for those who reject his advances — he hands them his business card, which boasts his job title of “chief technology officer” and a swank address on Park Avenue.
Last Saturday, about 100 of New York’s rich and beautiful gathered in the presidential suite of a luxury five-star hotel for orgies and live sex shows. It was the first of several Manhattan parties held by Snctm , an elite erotic club based in Los Angeles that counts Gwyneth Paltrow and Bill Maher among its fans . The Post had exclusive access to the party but agreed not to name the location, where partiers got kinky on an outdoor terrace, tiptoeing around a giant, glass-bottomed Jacuzzi.
Although there is sex aplenty, Gothamites are found to be a bit less freewheeling and more interested in professional connections than their laid-back California counterparts.
“It’s so new, and a lot of first-timers are voyeurs,” Snctm director of operations Nicolas de la Kethulle tells The Post. “Maybe we are more frivolous in LA because it’s been happening there for five years.”
Men pay $1,500 to $1,875 (the discount rate applies when you bring a female partner) to attend each party, or buy an annual VIP membership for $75,000, which includes admission to all parties, access to private rooms, unlimited Cristal Champagne and a sterling silver pendant of a lion that shows they’re a top-of-the-food-chain kind of guy. Carefully vetted, beautiful women — who outnumber the guys by about three to one — pay zilch.
“We had close to 1,000 applications for this event and we’re letting in about 100,” explains Snctm founder Damon Lawner, a divorced father of two. “It’s a highly curated crowd.”
Fashion student Katie*, a Mormon raised in Utah, does more than just watch. The 22-year-old came with a 31-year-old Tinder date, but after he fails to rise to the occasion in a foursome, she goes looking for hotter prospects.
“It’s great, but a little overwhelming,” the pretty brunette, clad in a black thong, garter belt and Wolford lace stockings, tells The Post as she surveys the room. “It’s a very sexy crowd.”
Lawner describes the New York men who made the cut as “masters of the universe.” Certainly, Wall Street is well-represented, as is the tech industry. There are no recognizable celebrities, but there are around 25 relatively attractive 20- to 60-something males sharply dressed in tuxedos.
The 75 women, meanwhile, range in age from early 20s to mid-40s. Slightly more filled-out than their LA peers — we’re talking an average size 4 in New York, compared to a half-starved size 0 on the West Coast — they channel the movie “Eyes Wide Shut,” wearing designer lingerie and heels. Unlike the beautiful people of the Golden State, they don’t all look camera-ready for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. But most are well-manicured and immaculately coiffed, although one girl has (gasp!) a little muffin top going on.
Black is the favored color. A woman in her early 40s — surgically enhanced with long black hair extensions — stands out in a virginal all-white number made up of a bustier, thong and garter. Perhaps it’s her wedding night.
She is mesmerized by an opening show set to deep house music in which a priestlike man in a golden mask has sex with a woman clad in a tight PVC skirt with a conveniently placed zipper. Just feet away from the guests, another performer is simultaneously using a sex toy on Ms. PVC.
Later in the evening, a similarly masked man leads, on a chain, a woman on all fours around the party. Dressed in a black G-string and cat ears, her breasts exposed under a sheer black cape, she playfully licks the legs of the women in the room.
“I like to be a pet,” she purrs. “You can pet me.”
‘It’s a very sexy crowd … I was expecting older, fatter men.’
She and four other extroverted performers and “fluffers” were specially flown in by Lawner from LA. Another seven are local to New York. According to the boss, their job is to “set the tone for a night of erotic freedom.”
Katie certainly lets loose. By 3 a.m., she’s had sex with six people, including a threesome with a 50-something sugar daddy who possesses an enviable six-pack and his beautiful Latina “baby.”
“I was expecting older, fatter men, to be honest, so I’m pleasantly surprised,” she says.
Thanks to the sugar daddy, Katie secures tuition for her third year of college and a round-trip flight to Los Angeles. The sugar daddy wants her to come with him to the next Snctm party in Hollywood, set for the end of April. (Manhattan’s next event is May 13.)
De la Kethulle takes stock of the evening and declares the event a success.
“People are actually having sex,” he says. “It’s nice that New Yorkers are having fun.”
* All guests at the party asked for their last names not to be used for professional reasons.
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