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A virgin is someone who’s never had sex. But people define “sex” and “losing virginity” in many different ways.
A virgin is someone who’s never had sex — but it’s not quite as simple as it seems. That’s because sex means different things to different people, so virginity can mean different things, too.
A lot of people think that having penis-in-vagina sex for the first time is how you lose your virginity. But this leaves lots of people and other types of sex out of the picture.
Some people haven’t had penis-in-vagina sex, but they’ve had other kinds of sex (like oral sex or anal sex ) — and they may or may not see themselves as virgins. And there are lesbian, gay, bisexual or pansexual people who may never have penis-in-vagina sex at all. But they probably don't see themselves as lifelong virgins just because they haven’t had penis-in-vagina sex.
Many people believe rape and sexual assault aren’t sex — it’s only sex if both partners have consent. So if someone was forced or pressured the first time they had vaginal sex, oral sex, or anal sex, they may not see that as “losing their virginity.”
Bottom line: the definition of virginity is complicated, and it’s really up to you to decide what you believe. Some people don't even care what “virginity” means or think it matters. Stressing about whether you’re a virgin is way less important than how you feel about your sexual experiences. Ask yourself: are you happy with the sexual experiences you've had or decided not to have?
The hymen is a thin, fleshy tissue that’s located at the opening of your vagina .
There’s a lot of confusion about hymens out there. Many people think the hymen totally covers the opening of your vagina until it’s stretched open, but that’s not usually the case. Most of the time, hymens naturally have a hole big enough for period blood to come out and for you to use tampons comfortably. Some people are born with so little hymenal tissue that it seems like they don’t have a hymen at all. In rare cases, people have hymens that cover the entire vaginal opening, or the hole in their hymen is very small — they may need to see a doctor for a minor procedure to remove the extra tissue. Just like other parts of our body, hymens are a little different for everyone.
Your hymen can be stretched open the first time you have vaginal sex, which might cause some pain or bleeding . But this doesn’t happen to everyone. And there are other ways that a hymen can be stretched open: riding a bike, doing sports, or putting something in your vagina (like a tampon, finger, or sex toy). Once your hymen is stretched open, it can’t grow back.
Some people believe that you’re not a virgin if your hymen is stretched open. But having a hymen and being a virgin are not the same thing.
Some people are born with hymens that are naturally open. And many other activities besides sex can stretch your hymen. So you can’t tell if someone has had sex by the way their hymen looks or feels.
The average age when people have sex for the first time is 18. Sometimes it may seem like everybody at your school is doin’ it, but that’s usually not true. Only about half of high school students have ever had vaginal sex. And most teens who have had sex don’t do it very often.
Choosing to have sex for the first time is a big decision that’s very personal. People think about lots of different things: religious, spiritual, and moral beliefs; family and personal values; desire; love; and/or relationships. Whatever your reason is, it's important to wait until you're sure you're ready to have sex.
Lots of teens who've had sex say they wish they had waited. If you’ve already started having sex and want to stop, that's totally okay — just because you've had sex before doesn't mean you have to do it again. People can be abstinent (not have sex) at any time, for any reason. And some people choose to never have sex — that’s totally okay, too.
Try not to worry too much about what other people do. When you lose your virginity isn’t as big a deal as making sure you and your partner are ready for sex. If you have sex just to fit in, it probably won’t be a very good experience. It’s better to wait to have sex until you feel totally ready — and are prepared for some of the possible consequences of sex (like pregnancy or STDs ).

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A PAINFUL CONDITION THAT CAN RUIN YOUR SEX LIFE
Karen was baffled after she tried to have sex with several boyfriends who all told her the same thing – that it was ‘like hitting a brick wall’
IMAGINE a world where sex didn’t bring you pleasure, it brought you pain.
That was the reality for Karen Buono who was a “virgin” until she was 32 because she suffered with an agonising condition made doing the deed impossible.
The now 35-year-old spent most of her life suffering from a painful condition called vaginismus, which causes the muscles of the vaginal wall to involuntarily constrict upon penetration.
Not only was Karen unable to have sex, she also couldn’t use tampons or go for a smear test without unbearable pain.
The school teacher from Wesley Chapel in Florida, USA, was baffled after she tried to have sex with several boyfriends who all told her the same thing – that it was ‘like hitting a brick wall’ when they attempted intercourse.
And after several failed attempts Karen said she gave up trying to have sex.
It wasn’t until she was 31 that she was officially diagnosed with vaginismus - after years of thinking it was all in her head.
And after discovering a doctor who specialised in treating the condition, Karen was completely cured after just four months of intense physical therapy and was finally able to have sex with her “very patient” husband Joe Johnson, when she was 32.
The teacher said: “I knew something was wrong with me after I tried to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time when I was 16.
“I had never even tried to used tampons before that, so this was the first attempt at penetration.
“But no matter what we did, he just couldn’t get it in. It was so awkward.
“I thought it might have just been because it was our first time. So we waited a bit and tried again.
“But we couldn’t do it. He said it was like hitting a brick wall and there was just no way he could get it in.
“So we just gave up. But then the same thing happened with other boyfriends when I was in my twenties.”
Karen turned to alcohol to try and relax her muscles – admitting she used to get really drunk before attempting to have sex.
“I desperately wanted to have sex. I was dying for it, but I couldn’t,” she recalled.
“So I just told every partner I had that I wanted to wait for marriage, but that wasn’t true at all.
“When I was 25, I’d had enough. I paid $4,000 (£3,000) for my doctor to put me under anaesthesia to see what was wrong with me.
“But they said everything was fine. I was dumbfounded.
“So I just thought it must be all my fault. That it was all inside my head.”
One doctor told Karen about vaginismus but she claims she was told there was no cure.
Desperate, she looked for more information online and bought a set of dilators to slowly help her muscles relax upon penetration.
But without any direction or proper knowledge on how to use the dilators, Karen struggled to use them properly.
It wasn’t until she saw a pelvic floor expert Dr Lynn Deang when she was 31 that she was finally diagnosed.
“After just four months of therapy with her, I was cured. I could finally have sex for the first at 32 years old,” she said.
Vaginismus is the term used to describe recurrent or persistent involuntary tightening of muscles around the vagina whenever penetration is attempted.
It can disrupt or completely stop your sex life, and can lead to distress, a loss of confidence and relationship problems. It may even prevent you starting a family.
The condition can also make gynaecological and pelvic examinations difficult or impossible.
The symptoms can vary from one woman to the next.
Some women are unable to insert anything into their vagina because it closes up completely, while others can insert a tampon but are unable to have penetrative sex, and other women are able to have sex but find it very painful.
Many factors can play a part in the development of vaginismus, although it’s not fully understood why the condition happens.
Factors can include: thinking the vagina is too small, relationship problems and fear of pregnancy.
“It was one of the best days of my life. I was so happy to finally lose my virginity and have sex with the man I love.
“I honestly didn’t think the doctor would be able to help me, but I had nothing to lose so I thought I’d give it a go.
“She promised me I’d be able have sex in four months. I was thrilled. I’d waited my whole life, so four months was nothing.
“For the first two months, I saw her twice a week. She didn’t even get near my vagina at first, it was all just breathing techniques and relaxation exercises.
“Then she would try to insert a cotton bud. It was hard at first, but then it finally went in.
“She would just let that sit in there for about 20 minutes.”
Over time they began work with dilators and Karen used them every night at home on her own.
“And then one night my husband and I were making out on the couch. I looked at him and said ‘do you want to try?’,” she recalled.
“It worked. I finally had sex. I couldn’t believe it. I rang my doctor straight afterwards to tell her what had happened.
“I felt so proud. I felt like I’d just won a race of something that I’d been training for.
“Over time, we did it more and more. It took about a year for us to really get into the groove of things.
“After about a year, sex became really amazing and pleasurable the way it is supposed to be.”
Joe proposed to Karen a year ago, and the newlyweds tied the knot in April this year.
And after an “incredible” honeymoon in the Caribbean, the loved-up duo are now trying for a baby “as often as they can”.
Karen said: “I invited my doctor to the wedding because none of it would have been possible without her.
“There are women out there suffering from vaginismus in silence,” Karen said.
“You can never give up. There is hope. It’s not all in your head. The condition is real, and it can be cured.
“I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life.”
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