Oral Sex New
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Oral Sex New
By Corinne Sullivan and Maria Del Russo Updated: Feb 5, 2021
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Giving is just as fun as receiving.
Whether you participate in oral sex as foreplay before penetrative sex or as the main event in your sexual adventure, it can be an incredibly satisfying and pleasurable act to engage in with your partner(s). Of course, having a few oral sex tips at your disposal certainly won't hurt matters, either. Some have argued that oral sex is actually more intimate than penetrative sex, seeing as it requires you to get close to one of the most personal parts of a person's body. It’s not every day that you have your face in someone’s lap, after all.
But there’s something deeper than body placement that can make this specific sex act so enjoyable, too. Unless you’re participating in mutual oral sex, like in a 69 sex position , it’s typical that only one person is getting off at a time. That can be a seriously vulnerable position for anyone to be in, whether they’re giving or receiving. And since it’s such a vulnerable position, it can make it that much easier to feel closer, more connected, and more intimate with your partner(s). Then again, there's a chance it brings up a number insecurities, too. How do you tell your partner what you like? And how do you figure out if your partner is liking what you’re doing to them?
Successful oral sex isn't just about achieving orgasm — it's about growing intimacy, gaining sexual confidence, and giving both your partner and yourself a gratifying experience. It can seem like a daunting task, but it doesn't have to be. With a few simple tips, you can master the oral sex game. These helpful hints will turn any sack session into a fun and steamy experience, so grab your partner and some lubrication and get started.
Before you get down to anything, it’s important to remember the golden rule: No sex without consent. Yes, even oral sex. Some people are just flat-out uninterested in receiving or giving oral sex — and that’s completely fine. It’s important to respect your partner’s wishes above all else. So no pushing heads down and no begging. If the answer is no, respect it and move on.
The best time to have a chat about what you like and dislike about sex, oral or penetrative, is when your clothes are still on. This allows you and your partner to have a discussion that isn’t coercive or cloaked in any kind of pressure. Go over what you like, what you dislike, any fantasies you’re interested in, or anything that is an absolute no-go. That way, when you guys are in the heat of the moment, everyone knows the rules.
Just keep in mind that any discussions pre-sex does not negate any changes that may occur during sex. If someone revokes consent during sex, then everything should come to a complete and immediate stop. A pre-sex "yes" does not negate a during-sex "no."
Some people consider oral sex to be unhygienic or shameful, and that stigma can prevent others from enjoying the act. As Gigi Engle , a certified sexologist and the author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life points out, it doesn't help that there an entire industry devoted to selling products that "freshen up" vulvas and vaginas, as though they're inherently unsanitary. "Since these negative attitudes abound, be sure your partner knows how much you want to give them oral sex," she tells Woman's Day. "Be open about how hot they are and how good they taste. Making them feel comfortable (and sexy) in their body will help them relax." And of course, someone who's relaxed is more likely to experience orgasm.
If you go into oral sex treating it like a chore, then it's likely not going to be fun for anyone. "The first thing you need to do is reframe from, 'I have to give oral sex,' to, 'I get to give oral sex,'" Goody Howard , sexologist, educator, and intimacy consultant, tells Woman's Day. According to Howard, the best way to get yourself in the mood is to get a song in your head. "Pick a song that makes you feel powerful and beautiful and strong," she suggests. "It could be country, it could be trap, it could be gospel — whatever makes you feel confident." That song will also give you a rhythm with which to perform and can help you keep your breath under control. Pro tip: Humming the melody of the song into your partner's body will give them some really good vibrations.
It’s totally fine to not know what you like or to not know how to have oral sex. In fact, some of the most satisfying sexual experiences are exploratory ones. Be open to your partner(s) about your experience, so that everyone can be on the same page. And don’t feel like you have to dive in to the deep end right off the bat.
Ease yourself in, especially if you’re new to oral sex. It can be difficult to respond to direct, intense stimuli right off the bat, so tickle and tease a little bit. "I think we should approach all types of sex more sensually," Howard says. "When you live sensually, you experience sex through all five of your senses. You're thinking about the firmness of the penis against the softness of the mouth or the feeling of the clitoris against the texture of the lips."
Maybe lick the head of your partner’s penis before you take them fully into your mouth. Or use your fingers on your partner’s clitoris before you start licking and sucking. Take a moment to appreciate the way your partner smells and the rhythm of their breath, and oral sex will feel like the sensual act it is, not just as sexual one.
Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it can be hard for the person receiving the oral sex to speak up about what they’re feeling. That’s why it’s so important for the person giving the oral to listen and look for non-verbal cues. "If they're pushing into your face and moaning, you can be pretty sure what you’re doing is working," Engle says. "But if they're pulling away or dead silent, try something else." And if you can't figure out how they're feeling, then don't hesitate to ask! As Engle says, "Communication is lubrication."
If your partner has a penis, work their shaft in tandem with your mouth sucking on their head. It creates a longer surface of stimulation, which can be incredibly tantalizing to some. If your partner has a clit and a vulva, don’t be afraid to rub their clit with your thumb in between sucks. Or, insert a few fingers into their vagina while you’re sucking their clit, and massage their g-spot. It’s the spongy membrane on the inside of their vagina, directly under the mons. Use two fingers in a come-hither motion to slowly work this sensitive spot.
Whether it be spit or lubricant, use a lot of it. Nothing kills the mood like sandpaper friction during oral sex. And while Howard recommends the use of flavored lube, she advises people to "stay out the kitchen" when it comes to oral sex. "I know it's fun and people think they're getting creative, but if oral sex transitions to insertive sex, you're going to challenge every pH of every genital," she says.
FYI, when the pH level of your vagina is thrown off, it can lead to itching, burning, unpleasant odor, or unusual discharge, which doesn't really make that food play seem worth it — especially since yeast feeds on refined sugar.
Engle says there are three key factors to keep in mind while performing oral sex: rhythm, style, and movement. While giving can be a bit overwhelming, Engle suggests finding a consistent rhythm and motion as you get started. Once you settle into a comfortable rhythm, you might be feeling confident enough to switch things up a bit.
Once your partner is properly worked up, try adding in a little variety. If your partner has a penis, try taking it deeply into your throat (if you’re comfortable) and then quickly change to short, head-centric sucking. If your partner has a clitoris, alternate between tickling the sensitive spot with the tip of your tongue and sucking it. "You can try moving up and down over the clitoris, left to right, or in a figure eight motion," Engle suggests. "The clitoris is the center of everything — but don't be afraid to engage the entire vulva, such as the inner and outer labia and the mons pubis. A little tongue action can also be very hot for those who enjoy it, as the entrance to the vagina is packed with nerve-endings."
One of the best ways to spice up oral sex is by incorporating a toy, and Howard's recommendation is a bullet vibrator . "You can insert the bullet into the anus while performing fellatio or cunnilingus, you can insert it into the vaginal canal and then perform cunnilingus on the vulva, you can hold it under the balls while performing oral sex on the penis — the options are unlimited."
According to Engle, showing interest in what brings your partner(s) pleasure is a huge turn-on. After all, every person’s body is different and may enjoy being stimulated in a variety of ways. Engle says simply asking your partner what they like can help you figure out what makes them feel good (and it also makes for some titillating dirty talk). "You are not a mind-reader. Don’t pretend you can see into the oral sex crystal ball," Engle says. "Ask and then do exactly what they say. If they aren't sure what they likes… well, then there is plenty of room for experimentation."
Any partner who you have going down on you should be a partner you trust to take your directions as an adult, period. So don’t be afraid to tell your partner if something just isn’t working for you, and yes, you can do this in a sexy, encouraging way so as not to break the mood.
As Engle points out, you're not in a movie theater — when you're downtown, go ahead and make some noise! "We often get into our heads and think, 'Am I taking too long? I wish I could hurry this up and orgasm,'" Engle says. "They want to know that you want to be down there." Let your partner know that you're a willing and excited participant with moans and compliments, because your enthusiasm will likely turn both you and your SO on.
In general, society tends to be a little orgasm-obsessed. Oral sex is a great way to pleasure your partner without worrying about getting them off, so focus on the journey, and not the destination. Use it as a way to learn about your partner’s pleasure and your own, because as Howard says, "Oral sex is performance art." And if you do orgasm? Well, that’s just a cherry on top.
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Corinne Sullivan is a digital writer and editor who covers a variety of beats, including lifestyle, entertainment, relationships, holidays and more. She is also the author of Indecent (Wednesday Books, 2018). You can follow her on Instagram .
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Bored of the same old posish? Get your chops round these.
If you’re a regular round here, you’ll know that we like talking about oral sex…like, a lot . Whether it’s giving you the lowdown on viral “hacks” like the Kivin Method , dishing out tips on how to give the dreamiest blow jobs or teaching you how to lick someone out really, really well, we make it our business to be well-versed on all things oral sex.
Because of all that time practising, thinking, researching and writing about going down, we also know that it can get, well, kind of boring. Sure, you might be able to get your partner from A to Z if your technique is good, but what about the spark, the excitement and the – dare we say it – drama ? Anyone that’s been in a monogamous relationship for any length of time knows what we’re talking about here…and equally might be all ears for what we’re about to say.
In the interests of spicing up all things in the bedroom, not just sex of the penetrative variety, we’re coming at you with a host of hot af oral sex positions from Alix Fox : a writer, sex educator and broadcaster, who even served as a script consultant on Sex Education (coolest job ever alert!).
Anyone for Quims & lemonade?! This is a great move to pull out of the basket if you want to give your partner an oral experience that’s intense in terms of varied, exciting sensations, but also supremely relaxing and physically unchallenging for both of you: no-one’s enjoyment is - ahem - hampered by having to pretzel themselves into complicated, hard-to-sustain poses, and it’s easy for the giver to take an anti-jaw-ache break whenever they need. It suits all genders and most body types: a real blanket approach!
How to do it: Spread a soft throw on the floor, and ask the receiver to lay down on their back, using cushions to get cosy if they need. Place a blindfold over their eyes for an added sensory surprise. If you wish, amp up the escapism and sense of total immersion by fitting headphones, and playing the soundtrack from a sexually charged movie, or a recording of rain, the ocean, or a crackling fire – the ‘Soundscapes’ available on meditation app Headspace are ideal.
Next, spread out your banquet of delicious goodies: lubricants to drizzle (my current flavoured fave is System Jo Candy Shop Butterscotch ); sex toys to tease; a cold metal chain necklace chilled in the fridge to be trailed down thighs (provided it won’t snag hairs) or wound around nipples; a pair of silky knickers or a satin dressing gown tie to smooth across skin… a buffet of items with which to create different sensations in between kissing, licking and sucking.
If your playmate’s a penis owner, check out the range of Tenga Spinner ‘stroker sleeves’ : soft, stretchy cylinders that you lube up then slip onto an erection, before gripping your palm around them and sliding them up and down, just like you were giving a hand job. Each one has a different stimulating texture inside, to stroke against the shaft and head, and contains a clever core made of rigid plastic, which makes the toy automatically spin in a corkscrew motion as you move it.
The sensation is kinda like amped-up oral, with a (literal) twist – and it’s a clever way of giving a ‘faux blow’ without having to use your mouth. One mate described the feeling as being “like an awesome BJ, but remixed.” Mega-mix things further by using lubricants of different viscosities , to make the internal ridges feel more grippy, slippy or defined against the skin – a true connoisseur flourish.
This pose is superb for ‘switches’: people who like to flit between being dominant and submissive during sex.
How to do it: The receiver sits on a chair, thighs spread, and the giver kneels at their feet, as though in prayer. If the giver’s feeling subby, their wrists can be handcuffed to the legs of the chair; this means they can’t use their fingers to stimulate either their partner or themselves, and must rely entirely on oral skills alone. The receiver should make sure they appreciate their pet’s hard work and let them take a breather if they need by allowing them to rest their head on their master’s thigh for a moment while their hair is tenderly stroked, and they are praised for their dedicated service.
Alternatively, roles can be reversed by tying the receiver to the back of the chair. Try moving the chair to different rooms; positioning it in front of a mirror; or placing it in the centre of the space, shackling the submissive partner in place, then walking around them, appraising and commanding – you can easily create a heightened sense of ritualistic drama and anticipation.
Another perfect oral sex position for power play fans, this one gives the receiver all the control. Both barrels.
How to do it: First, the receiver lays on their back, with their knees bent upwards. The giver gets on all fours, facing them, resting on their elbows rather than their hands, and with their head between their lover’s legs.
The receiver then clamps their thighs together to ‘lock’ their partner’s head between them, and holds their wrists, as though in ‘stocks’. They can choose to grip the giver’s face in place while they’re licking and sucking them, so they can’t stop (boundaries, consent and safety signals having been clearly discussed in advance, of course); or instead to hold their head tantalisingly, excruciatingly out of reach of their beautiful vulva/cock, until they beg for a taste.
It’s easy to see why the concept of ‘ facesitting ’ appeals to so many: the sitter gets to feel powerfully dominant, and savour maximum face-to-special-place contact, while for the person whose chops are being straddled like a saddle and ridden like a rodeo bull, it can be the ultimate in submission, and feeling totally enveloped in the warmth, taste and scent of a lover’s vulva can be a particularly head-swimmingly heady way to give head.
But for others, it’s precisely all these extreme elements that make facesitting sit less comfortably with them. Would-be-sitters fret that they’re going to squash or asphyxiate their partner, while would-be-sat-uponners worry about feeling claustrophpbic and vulnerable. The Babysitter offers a less full-on way to more gently experiment with this act, rather than totally sitting it out.
How to do it: The giver lays on their back on the bed, and the receiver kneels with their knees either side of their lover’s head, facing forwards. Then, instead of – for want of a better term – faceplanting themselves down fully, they hover over the giver’s mouth so they can delicately tease them with their breath. When the giver is ready , they can use their hands to pull down on their partner’s thighs and guide them towards their mouth and tongue, pushing back up when they need to catch their breath. The Babysitter is all about slow, light movements and the giver feeling reassuringly in control.
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