Oral Sex Guide
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Oral Sex Guide
By Corinne Sullivan and Maria Del Russo Updated: Feb 5, 2021
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Giving is just as fun as receiving.
Whether you participate in oral sex as foreplay before penetrative sex or as the main event in your sexual adventure, it can be an incredibly satisfying and pleasurable act to engage in with your partner(s). Of course, having a few oral sex tips at your disposal certainly won't hurt matters, either. Some have argued that oral sex is actually more intimate than penetrative sex, seeing as it requires you to get close to one of the most personal parts of a person's body. It’s not every day that you have your face in someone’s lap, after all.
But there’s something deeper than body placement that can make this specific sex act so enjoyable, too. Unless you’re participating in mutual oral sex, like in a 69 sex position , it’s typical that only one person is getting off at a time. That can be a seriously vulnerable position for anyone to be in, whether they’re giving or receiving. And since it’s such a vulnerable position, it can make it that much easier to feel closer, more connected, and more intimate with your partner(s). Then again, there's a chance it brings up a number insecurities, too. How do you tell your partner what you like? And how do you figure out if your partner is liking what you’re doing to them?
Successful oral sex isn't just about achieving orgasm — it's about growing intimacy, gaining sexual confidence, and giving both your partner and yourself a gratifying experience. It can seem like a daunting task, but it doesn't have to be. With a few simple tips, you can master the oral sex game. These helpful hints will turn any sack session into a fun and steamy experience, so grab your partner and some lubrication and get started.
Before you get down to anything, it’s important to remember the golden rule: No sex without consent. Yes, even oral sex. Some people are just flat-out uninterested in receiving or giving oral sex — and that’s completely fine. It’s important to respect your partner’s wishes above all else. So no pushing heads down and no begging. If the answer is no, respect it and move on.
The best time to have a chat about what you like and dislike about sex, oral or penetrative, is when your clothes are still on. This allows you and your partner to have a discussion that isn’t coercive or cloaked in any kind of pressure. Go over what you like, what you dislike, any fantasies you’re interested in, or anything that is an absolute no-go. That way, when you guys are in the heat of the moment, everyone knows the rules.
Just keep in mind that any discussions pre-sex does not negate any changes that may occur during sex. If someone revokes consent during sex, then everything should come to a complete and immediate stop. A pre-sex "yes" does not negate a during-sex "no."
Some people consider oral sex to be unhygienic or shameful, and that stigma can prevent others from enjoying the act. As Gigi Engle , a certified sexologist and the author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life points out, it doesn't help that there an entire industry devoted to selling products that "freshen up" vulvas and vaginas, as though they're inherently unsanitary. "Since these negative attitudes abound, be sure your partner knows how much you want to give them oral sex," she tells Woman's Day. "Be open about how hot they are and how good they taste. Making them feel comfortable (and sexy) in their body will help them relax." And of course, someone who's relaxed is more likely to experience orgasm.
If you go into oral sex treating it like a chore, then it's likely not going to be fun for anyone. "The first thing you need to do is reframe from, 'I have to give oral sex,' to, 'I get to give oral sex,'" Goody Howard , sexologist, educator, and intimacy consultant, tells Woman's Day. According to Howard, the best way to get yourself in the mood is to get a song in your head. "Pick a song that makes you feel powerful and beautiful and strong," she suggests. "It could be country, it could be trap, it could be gospel — whatever makes you feel confident." That song will also give you a rhythm with which to perform and can help you keep your breath under control. Pro tip: Humming the melody of the song into your partner's body will give them some really good vibrations.
It’s totally fine to not know what you like or to not know how to have oral sex. In fact, some of the most satisfying sexual experiences are exploratory ones. Be open to your partner(s) about your experience, so that everyone can be on the same page. And don’t feel like you have to dive in to the deep end right off the bat.
Ease yourself in, especially if you’re new to oral sex. It can be difficult to respond to direct, intense stimuli right off the bat, so tickle and tease a little bit. "I think we should approach all types of sex more sensually," Howard says. "When you live sensually, you experience sex through all five of your senses. You're thinking about the firmness of the penis against the softness of the mouth or the feeling of the clitoris against the texture of the lips."
Maybe lick the head of your partner’s penis before you take them fully into your mouth. Or use your fingers on your partner’s clitoris before you start licking and sucking. Take a moment to appreciate the way your partner smells and the rhythm of their breath, and oral sex will feel like the sensual act it is, not just as sexual one.
Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it can be hard for the person receiving the oral sex to speak up about what they’re feeling. That’s why it’s so important for the person giving the oral to listen and look for non-verbal cues. "If they're pushing into your face and moaning, you can be pretty sure what you’re doing is working," Engle says. "But if they're pulling away or dead silent, try something else." And if you can't figure out how they're feeling, then don't hesitate to ask! As Engle says, "Communication is lubrication."
If your partner has a penis, work their shaft in tandem with your mouth sucking on their head. It creates a longer surface of stimulation, which can be incredibly tantalizing to some. If your partner has a clit and a vulva, don’t be afraid to rub their clit with your thumb in between sucks. Or, insert a few fingers into their vagina while you’re sucking their clit, and massage their g-spot. It’s the spongy membrane on the inside of their vagina, directly under the mons. Use two fingers in a come-hither motion to slowly work this sensitive spot.
Whether it be spit or lubricant, use a lot of it. Nothing kills the mood like sandpaper friction during oral sex. And while Howard recommends the use of flavored lube, she advises people to "stay out the kitchen" when it comes to oral sex. "I know it's fun and people think they're getting creative, but if oral sex transitions to insertive sex, you're going to challenge every pH of every genital," she says.
FYI, when the pH level of your vagina is thrown off, it can lead to itching, burning, unpleasant odor, or unusual discharge, which doesn't really make that food play seem worth it — especially since yeast feeds on refined sugar.
Engle says there are three key factors to keep in mind while performing oral sex: rhythm, style, and movement. While giving can be a bit overwhelming, Engle suggests finding a consistent rhythm and motion as you get started. Once you settle into a comfortable rhythm, you might be feeling confident enough to switch things up a bit.
Once your partner is properly worked up, try adding in a little variety. If your partner has a penis, try taking it deeply into your throat (if you’re comfortable) and then quickly change to short, head-centric sucking. If your partner has a clitoris, alternate between tickling the sensitive spot with the tip of your tongue and sucking it. "You can try moving up and down over the clitoris, left to right, or in a figure eight motion," Engle suggests. "The clitoris is the center of everything — but don't be afraid to engage the entire vulva, such as the inner and outer labia and the mons pubis. A little tongue action can also be very hot for those who enjoy it, as the entrance to the vagina is packed with nerve-endings."
One of the best ways to spice up oral sex is by incorporating a toy, and Howard's recommendation is a bullet vibrator . "You can insert the bullet into the anus while performing fellatio or cunnilingus, you can insert it into the vaginal canal and then perform cunnilingus on the vulva, you can hold it under the balls while performing oral sex on the penis — the options are unlimited."
According to Engle, showing interest in what brings your partner(s) pleasure is a huge turn-on. After all, every person’s body is different and may enjoy being stimulated in a variety of ways. Engle says simply asking your partner what they like can help you figure out what makes them feel good (and it also makes for some titillating dirty talk). "You are not a mind-reader. Don’t pretend you can see into the oral sex crystal ball," Engle says. "Ask and then do exactly what they say. If they aren't sure what they likes… well, then there is plenty of room for experimentation."
Any partner who you have going down on you should be a partner you trust to take your directions as an adult, period. So don’t be afraid to tell your partner if something just isn’t working for you, and yes, you can do this in a sexy, encouraging way so as not to break the mood.
As Engle points out, you're not in a movie theater — when you're downtown, go ahead and make some noise! "We often get into our heads and think, 'Am I taking too long? I wish I could hurry this up and orgasm,'" Engle says. "They want to know that you want to be down there." Let your partner know that you're a willing and excited participant with moans and compliments, because your enthusiasm will likely turn both you and your SO on.
In general, society tends to be a little orgasm-obsessed. Oral sex is a great way to pleasure your partner without worrying about getting them off, so focus on the journey, and not the destination. Use it as a way to learn about your partner’s pleasure and your own, because as Howard says, "Oral sex is performance art." And if you do orgasm? Well, that’s just a cherry on top.
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Corinne Sullivan is a digital writer and editor who covers a variety of beats, including lifestyle, entertainment, relationships, holidays and more. She is also the author of Indecent (Wednesday Books, 2018). You can follow her on Instagram .
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Even though there are a lot of different types of sex out there, few can compare with the one and only oral. I mean, come on—you're close, you're wet, you're naked. It’s the perfect combination for intense orgasms and ultimate intimacy. And since oral sex is one of the hottest things you can do with a partner , it’s important to learn not only what you like when receiving a lil tongue action, but how (and if!) your partner likes it as well.
Before diving into some of our favorite oral sex tips, however, ob-gyn and chief medical officer of Favor , Amy Roskin, MD , says it’s important to note that any mouth-to-genital contact counts as oral sex. No one has to orgasm for it to be “official,” and ASTROGLIDE resident sexologist, Jess O’Reilly, PhD adds that there are a whole lotta ways you can have it. “Kissing, sucking, licking, flicking, breathing, tasting” can all be part of oral sex, she explains, as can mouth-to-anus contact.
One of the many good things about oral sex is that it’s typically a reliable path to orgasm for folks with clitorises , thanks to all the direct, wet contact, O'Reilly explains. And even if you typically have penetrative intercourse , outercourse such as oral sex is a great way to mix things up. “Some see oral sex as a good way to explore intimacy with their partner in a different way than their norm, and others find oral sex preferable or more pleasurable than other forms of sex,” Dr. Roskin says.
Before engaging in any type of play, however, both experts express how essential enthusiastic consent and communication are. “It’s important to have open and honest conversations about your sexual history with your partner before engaging in oral sex,” says Dr. Roskin. Plus for many people, their sexual preferences ebb and flow, adds O'Reilly so what they liked yesterday, they might not be into now or simply aren’t feeling ATM.
That’s why experimenting, exploring, and learning new techniques are always good ideas. Thus, these 60 expert-advised oral sex techniques that’ll take you from tongue-tied to orally outstanding. Try 'em now, thank us later.
Before diving below the sheets, take a second to decide if oral is what you're feeling. Preferences change day by day, so what you liked yesterday might not be the same thing you’ll like tomorrow. Not only do you want to ensure there's enthusiastic consent around the board, but if you're not in the mood to give someone a lil tongue action, it's going to bring down the whole experience.
Luckily, there are plenty of types of sex out there to try if you're not feeling oral. Dr. Roskin suggests taking the pressure off of yourself and just exploring what feels good in the moment.
Getting regular checkups is important for everyone, but NYU professor of human sexuality and Lelo sexpert Zhana Vrangalova, PhD , says it's especially important for vulva-owners. "It's a good idea to check that there isn't a yeast or bacterial vaginosis infection going on," she says. "Many vaginas get these on a somewhat regular basis, so it's good to become familiar with the typical appearance and smell of your vaginal discharge over the course of the cycle, so before sex, you can check for any unusual changes."
PSA: You smell and taste perfectly fine! Do not feel self conscious about your body for any reason because you! are! perfect!
But, it's easy to get in your head about these things, especially when you're with a new partner. So if it's really bugging you and you want to just relax, you won't lose anything by taking a shower or using an unscented wipe on your genitals. Not only do you want to keep things clean to avoid spreading bacteria, but just the act of wiping down can alleviate some anxiety and make you feel more confident.
"Most people prefer that the genitals are relatively clean when they go down on their partners, as smegma accumulates, and smell and taste become more intense the longer it's been," explains Vrangalova. "If you showered an hour or two before, it's probably not necessary. If you showered 10 hours ago, then probably yes."
Again, it all depends on what you've been doing and how comfortable you are with your partner. But remember: Vaginas are supposed to smell like vaginas. There's nothing wrong with you or your natural scent, so don't let anyone shame you into thinking differently.
When it comes to oral sex, most people don't necessarily think about their oral hygiene, but it's actually pretty important. "Oral health has a direct correlation to the transmission of infections," says sex and relationship expert Ashley Cobb . "It's important to consider if you or your partner has any mouth sores or bleeding gums prior to engaging in oral sex."
But before you scrub your teeth pre-oral, Vrangalova notes that "flossing or brushing your teeth just before or just after oral sex increases the likelihood of STI transmission, especially if people have sensitive gums that bleed easily." A good rule of thumb? Don't engage in oral sex within two hours of brushing or flossing to give your mouth time to recover.
Vrangalova confirms there's zero need for vaginal douching or even using heavy soaps. Douching is actually really bad because it alters the pH of the vagina, which makes it more susceptible to infection and bacteria. Rarely is there an instance where someone needs to douche, which is why Vrangalova suggests sticking to a mild soap to keep everything squeaky clean.
Oral sex is still sex and can transmit many STIs, including throat chlamydia, gonorrhea, HPV, and herpes, says Vrangalova. If STIs are a concern, you should consider using a condom or dental dam. Cobb notes this is especially important if you're playing with a new partner or don't know their STI status.
While we're chatting about health: When was the last time you were tested for STIs? Jasmine Akins , a sexual health educator at CAN Community Health and founder of adult sex education blog It’s Just a Coochie , says it's a good idea to get checked at least yearly—yup, even if you're monogamous. You should also know the symptoms of the most common STIs. Be on the lookout for things like burning when you pee, genital itching, and discharge. Keep in mind that for people with penises, discharge is never normal.
"People with vaginas sometimes have a harder time noticing these
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