Oral Sex Europe

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Oral Sex Europe
Europeans: What are your views on oral sex?
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Comment deleted by user · 8 yr. ago
Comment deleted by user · 8 yr. ago
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I've been hooking up with this guy for the last couple months. We've hooked up multiple times, and I've gone down on him (and he's gone down on me) a lot. He's an exchange student at my university in the US...he's originally from France and this is his second year in America. I probably gave him head the 4th time we got together, and we've been doing the "everything but" ever since.
We were hooking up the other day, and he was asking me if I wanted to have sex (he's asked before), and I told him I didn't. He asked me why, and I said I just didn't feel ready to have sex with him yet, even though I'm not a virgin.
He responded saying "I don't understand how you American girls see sex. In Europe, oral sex is taken as seriously as regular sex. Here the girls always give blowjobs before they will sleep with someone--I think that oral and regular sex are on the same level...oral sex is sometimes even considered more special. Why do Americans think oral and regular sex are so different??"
He didn't seem to understand why I would be okay blowing him, but not sleeping with him. Now he didn't say this in a sleazy, "I want to convince you to fuck me" way, he sounded genuinely mystified. And I didn't really have a good answer to give to him, other than "They're just different. I don't know why."
My question is this: Is oral sex taken as seriously as regular sex in Europe? Does the American perception of oral sex differ from the European view? Is the sexual culture different?
French woman here. I totally think that it's weird to go down on each other before having sex.
Oral sex is considered at least as serious as intercourse in Europe (well, in France at least). We don't usually play the "everything but" game (I've actually never heard of it outside of reddit). We also have sex pretty early in the relationship, mostly on the first night, there's no "waiting for the third date" or anything like that either. Oral sex usually comes afterwards, though.
In the past, I've gotten drunk and had sex with a few people and it felt like nothing, but I definitely felt weird the few times I gave blowjobs to random dudes. It's just... not something you do with anybody here.
Access to birth control education, contraception, and abortion is just on a whole different level in Europe.
You can't get pregnant from a blowjob. You don't have to endure picket lines of hateful people to get an abortion if birth control fails. You don't have pharmacists refusing to fill emergency contraception RXs - you can get it from your school nurse!
You also aren't taught every day in your media that a woman's value starts at X and loses 1 point for ever dick that goes in her vagina. Also purity balls and this fucking bizarre obsession with vaginal virginity.
EDIT also American media makes sex to be about the woman pleasing the man, not two+ people getting freaky
French man here to confirm everything hyphie said.
Damn. I had a date with a french guy a few months ago and had sex on the first date (anal! Is that a french thing too?) and was honestly a little embarrassed that I put out so early to see him again. This whole time I thought he thought I was a slutty American girl but maybe I've been wrong the whole time. Maybe I should give him a call....
American here: I've always found oral sex to be a lot more intimate than intercourse. Maybe that's just me.
But then how do you do foreplay? I mean if oral sex is "something more" and is usually reserved for more serious relationships, then what do you do to get things warmed up for sex with a casual partner?
Here sometimes we'll use our hands, but I've found it's pretty standard to go down on each other as the lead up to sex. It's a much more pleasurable and efficient way of getting turned on than fingering or handjobs.
It also has some tones of power play, in the sense that the people receiving it is "in control".
I beg to differ. The person in control in oral sex is the giver, not the receiver.
As an American I have never considered oral as less than sex, it is sex of a certain kind, (hence the name) I am confused by this. As for who gets off or who is considered in control during oral, I have always loved this aspect of love making so this question hits a soft spot in my heart. I personally use it as a way to wind myself back up while taking a bit of a break from penetrative sex acts while pleasing him at the same time. I consider the giver as the one who is control since I would be the one with everything that makes my partner a man between my teeth and he is begging for more. At least that's my POV as a woman who loves to play with men.
That actually makes a lot more sense to me than how we do it here. Glad to see that the rest of the world shares the sentiment.
Can confirm (American Male) that a lot of women LOVE sucking dick and get off on the taste of it and having it inside their mouths/throats (it's not viewed as submissive here). It's also interesting to hear how the receiver there feels like the one that's in control.
The only difference I can see if that the US has this fucked up virginity-pledge/purity-ring culture going on that caused a warped view on sex.
American here. And you are so fucking right. I knew girls who would blow boyfriends. Take it in the ass and even have a threesome but god forbid they lose the all powerful v card.
We have to refer to baseball bases as a measurement of intimacy. That's in US, not metric units.
Edit: Thanks for the gold random user!
Well, not only did our former President make the claim that BJs are not sex, they're cheaper than PIV in the sex trade here. Like, half the price--or so I hear. There is overlap between commerce and personal relationships in all capitalist cultures, after all, so being worth less money, they seem less of a thing to give. Also, pregnancy risk is not an issue. Are blowjobs cheaper in Oz to your knowledge?
All this regards PIM, not cunnilingus; which strikes me (Het M) as much more intimate than PIV alone.
Yes. I was in more than one odd relationship in my youth where I was told we couldn't have sex, but we could do all the other stuff. It's not right to teach kids that sex is bad. Fucks up their heads.
American here. And recovering Catholic. I confirm. Although I can say the preacher's daughter was the most fun.
Portuguese here. So you're telling me that getting your pussy licked and blowing a guy is "less intimate" than intercourse? When something is touching my lips and tongue, I consider it intimacy at the highest level.
The more that I think about it, you're totally right. He's putting his face in my vagina! He's seen more of it than I have at this point! How interesting.
I'm from England and I definitely feel that oral sex is at least as serious as PIV sex, if not more. If I didn't want to fuck him, I'd be even less likely to blow him. It just would not happen.
I'm not sure if that's a European thing, or just me. It seems far more personal and intimate to me...
Is oral sex taken as seriously as regular sex in Europe?
Does the American perception of oral sex differ from the European view?
Abstinence education in the US made teenagers look for loopholes: everything except PiV isn't really "sex", so anything classed under "anything but" (as you put it) is seen as less serious. Abstinence is far less influential in the UK, so the vast majority of teens do not have that view here. Virginity has little worth in Europe, I've found.
Also, from what I can tell in the UK, oral is seen as an act that is done moreso for the other partner's pleasure, hence it is (in some ways) more intimate than PiV (which is mutual). Take an intimate massage for instance: the focus of the pleasure is the other person, and you'd only do it if you really liked and trusted the other person. Oral can be seen in that way: because the pleasure isn't usually mutual for oral sex, it's saved for people who you really like/trust/lust over. Hence why we might be more offended if we found our SO's cheated via oral than if we found they had PiV.

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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Blowjobs: Why Can't Americans Be More Like the French?
"What is it about Americans and la pipe?" asked my Parisian friend Anne* in between puffs of Marlboro. I stopped and looked at her, perplexed. La pipe is French slang for "fellatio."
"You're going to have to be a little more specific," I said.
Anne, who was born and raised in Paris, went on to ask why it is that so many young Americans don't consider oral sex to be "real" sex. "It's like a stop gap measure on the way to intercourse," she observed, "and people in America don't think it's intimate the way we do in France. But it's so intimate! Parce que c'est" -– and here she switched from French to English so she could use an utterly apt turn of English phrase –- "in your face!"
Anne, who observed this phenomenon during her study abroad at a large Midwestern university a few years ago, was right, of course. In American culture, we don't count oral sex as "real" sex. The "base" system, which was also the dominant framework when I was a teenager in Australia, privileges vaginal intercourse (I have never understood why Australians use the base system when they don't even play baseball. Why wouldn't we come up with our own cricket-based analogy?). In the bases framework, oral sex happens before intercourse, and it's simply a stop on the way to the main event. It's foreplay, not sex. And it's good, but it's not as good as "stealing home."
Among young people in France, on the other hand, oral sex counts as real sex. While every individual is different –- and that applies in the US as much as in France -– the sense I get when I talk to French people about sex is that to them, oral sex and intercourse are by and large equal. "For us, it's really the same thing, which is to say, it's a sexual act of the same seriousness as penetration. Maybe even more intimate," says Johanna Luyssen, assistant editor of the French feminist magazine Causette . "When you go to bed with a guy for the first time, you don't necessarily give him a blow job. That can even often come later, after intercourse." Another young French woman agreed with Johanna, saying that this order of sexual behaviour makes sense because of the French perception that oral sex is far more intimate than intercourse. "I'll have sex with someone I don't know very well," one young woman told me. "But [oral sex] I only do with people I really like. But if I did it, I would still say that we had sex."
I'll be the first to say that in many respects, the French attitude to sex is far from perfect. But in this regard, I think Americans could benefit by taking a page out of the French book. If America could work toward a new sexual framework, a way of thinking about sex that doesn't treat intercourse as the be all and end all, we'd be a healthier, more equitable, and I dare say more sexually satisfied people.
It's crucial to note that in a country of 66 million people, there will of course be great diversity of attitudes and behaviours around sex. It will vary widely by age, ethnicity, religion, and by many other factors. Some of the French people I spoke to were of two different minds even over the course of one meal, so really we're talking about more than 66 million attitudes. The same goes for the US, too, which has a larger population and greater racial and ethnic diversity than France does.
Generally speaking, though, among young people in the US, the base system reigns. The details of the sexual diamond vary from place to place, but the general framework is consistent: first mouths on mouths, then hands on genitals, then mouths on genitals, then vaginal intercourse. And only this last one is "real" sex. Debra Herbenick, a sex researcher and a sexual health educator at the Indiana University's Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, believes that the separation of oral and vaginal sex is the prevailing attitude among people under forty in the US. But the base system leaves an awful lot to be desired.
For one thing, it all but ignores gay and lesbian sex. Under the current framework, it's impossible for a lesbian, no matter how many same-sex hook ups she has, to really truly lose her virginity. The same goes for gay men: if the only real way to have sex in America is to stick your penis in a vagina, then there are lots of very sexually active gay men out there who are still technically virgins. The privileging of heterosexuality, and of vaginal intercourse above all other kinds of sex, shuts them out and invalidates the sex that they have. Which, you know, seems pretty damn unfair, and like the kind of arrangement that equality-minded folk should be interested in fixing.
A majority of women –- something like 75% -– don't orgasm during intercourse. They come instead from the kind stimulation that, in the current framework, isn't considered "real sex," like oral or digital stimulation. The privileging of vaginal intercourse as the sexual be all and end all, the "home run" of sex, means that for a lot of women, orgasm happens outside of "real" sex. Intercourse is still pleasurable for them, of course, but in a less extreme and discriminatory way than gays and lesbians, they too are shut out of "real" sex.
It's true that oral sex, and gay and lesbian sex, can't result in a baby. For some people, the possibility of procreation might be reason enough to hold intercourse up above all other forms of sex. But most of the time, intercourse doesn't result in a baby, and a lot of the time, that is deliberate: straight people have a lot of intercourse purely for pleasure. If the possibility of procreation is what makes sex real, does that disqualify intercourse that's had using the IUD, which has a failure rate that is statistically minuscule?
Finally, there's the public health argument. You can catch STIs from oral sex. Chlamydia and herpes can all be transmitted through cunnilingus and fellatio. But it becomes awfully hard to prevent sexually transmitted diseases if lots of Americans don't classify some of their sexual behaviour as "sex." You can catch gonorrhea by having sex with someone who has it? That's fine, says the young American who got little to no sex education in high school, I'll just do oral. Except, yikes, you can absolutely catch gonorrhea from oral sex. A new sexual framework, one in which oral sex "counts," would make it easier to prevent the spread of STIs in America.
However, when it comes to public health, the case for that new framework is a complicated. Herbenick warns that given the shoddy quality of sex education in this country, and the comparatively poor availability of contraception, the oral sex-real sex distinction might serve a purpose. "We're just not equipped," she says, to re-classify oral sex as real sex, because we don't yet have the education or healthcare policies that would have to accompany it to prevent further spread of STIs and unwanted pregnancies. "I think it's healthy to think about all of these things as being on the table," she says. "At the same time, when people think, ‘well, I don't know this person very well, so I'll have oral sex with them but not intercourse,' that probably does prevent an awful lot of pregnancies and infections." So if we want a more inclusive and egalitarian vision of sex –- and why wouldn't we? –- it'll have to come with more inclusive and egalitarian education and healthcare policies.
In other words, we're looking at a huge overhaul here. We're looking at a radical re-thinking of sex, not just a re-classification of the blow job. But I think the French have got this one right. Oral sex is real sex, and here in America it ought to be thought of as such. We need to do away with the base system, or at least with the idea that intercourse is the most superior form of sex, the "home run," the ultimate way to score. Done right, it's the kind of shift that could make America a healthier place. It would certainly make it a more equitable place. We already French kiss: why shouldn't the rest of our sex lives be à la française?
*not her real name. She's named for a different Brontë sister.
Chloe Angyal is an editor at Feministing . She is working on her doctoral thesis on romantic comedies, and on a book on the same topic.

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