Oral Sex Deepthroat
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Oral Sex Deepthroat
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Carina Hsieh
Sex & Relationships Editor
Carina Hsieh lives in NYC with her French Bulldog Bao Bao — follow her on Instagram and Twitter • Candace Bushnell once called her the Samantha Jones of Tinder • She enjoys hanging out in the candle aisle of TJ Maxx and getting lost in Amazon spirals.
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“Think about how it feels when you swallow a big pill and practice opening your throat that way.”
When it comes to blow-job techniques , deep-throating is seen as one of the most intense tricks you can pull out of your sleeve. Other than being the alias for a Watergate informant, deep-throating, the sex act, refers to when the blow job giver puts their partner’s entire penis down their mouth, so far so that it reaches their throat . While the simplistic definition might not sound super hard, when you factor in a gag reflex (you know, that natural thing that your body does when you’re choking), it becomes tricky. Three women get super honest about their experiences deep-throating, what made them try it, what they like most about it, and their best advice for how to go about trying it for yourself, if you’re so inclined.
Woman A: It was probably the first time I gave head, honestly. No one had ever really taught me what to do, so based on what I’d seen in porn, I thought you had to get the whole penis in your mouth to really do it right. My first partner didn’t have a huge penis, so it wasn’t an issue then, but it hasn’t always been so easy, depending on the size of their penis.
Woman B: I had been dating my then-boyfriend for a few months, and we were starting to explore more sexually. One day when I was giving him a blow job, I put his penis as far down my throat as I could until I gagged a bit. He let out this deep moan and I realized how much he enjoyed it, so I kept doing it. I read articles about how to do it better, and I learned that I also really enjoyed deep-throating.
Woman C: The first time I deep-throated, I gagged, my eyes watered, and I was really confused as to why I was turned on by literally choking. I had been with many well-endowed guys before and had given plenty of blow jobs, but the first time I went down on my now-husband, I had to deep-throat because his penis was so large. Lo and behold, I really liked it. It was something about him being in control and knowing how much I turned him on that made me want to do it again on my own.
Woman A: Giving head has always been a little bit of a mystery to me. Even after having dozens of partners I still never know what exactly they like about the way I give head. I’ve always wanted to try everything I can think of to get the job done. This was especially true when I was younger and had less experience, so I was just absolutely going for it.
Woman B: It just kind of happened one day while I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I didn’t have a strong urge to try it, I just wanted to see how far I could put his penis in my mouth.
Woman C: Honestly, I knew how much it would turn on my man because he loves getting head so the thought of surprising him, deep-throating, and turning him on got me going.
Woman A: For guys, I imagine it’s a combination of factors. Receiving pleasure on the whole penis at once has to feel really good. I also think there’s something super hot to guys about their partner working hard physically to please them. I know my current partner gets really turned on by challenging me physically in that way. I think a lot of women enjoy going to the extra mile to please their man. It can be empowering to feel like you’re giving them something special that they don’t get all the time. Personally, there’s also something sexy about being submissive and servile to my current partner by letting him go as deep as he pleases. I know my boyfriend likes hearing me gag and seeing my eyes water a little bit, and I think it’s pretty hot too. Of course, this only works for me because we’re really close, and I trust him to stop if it becomes too much for me.
"It can be empowering to feel like you're giving them something special that they don't get all the time."
Woman B: For me, the appeal is pleasing my partner, but I also feel pretty accomplished when I can fit a giant penis all the way down my throat. It’s a deeply intimate act I enjoy sharing with my partners, and I take pride in giving a good blow job. Several partners of mine have mentioned that the best part of being deep-throated is that the person going down on them is so enthusiastic about it, that they’re willing to put their penis all the way down their throat. They also say that it feels good for them, and that they enjoy the tight sensation of going down their partner’s throat. Also, it’s messy and some guys really enjoy sloppy head.
Woman C: For guys, I think it’s submission thing. There’s something sexy about that domination even if there’s no handcuffs or blindfolds. By deep-throating, I am literally letting you all in. For women, at least me personally, the appeal is about how much it turns on my man. I can literally feel him get harder the deeper his penis goes, which is extremely sexy—especially when he’s playing with me at the same time so there’s the double sensation.
Woman A: Not really, in my experience. Or they’re not vocally asking, at least. I feel like most men aren’t very verbal about their desires in bed. I’ve gotten the “head push” a lot before, which doesn’t really fly with me. Deep-throating isn’t exactly comfortable, so I like to do it on my own terms. I wish more men would be open to having a dialogue about what they want, that way their partners can try to work up to that without being disrespected or coerced into it.
Woman B: I have never had a partner specifically ask for deep-throating, but they have asked for blow jobs. If I’m really into it, I’ll take the whole thing into my mouth and down my throat when I’m giving them head. Once they realize I have this skill, they tend to ask for blow jobs a lot more.
Woman C: Not in my experience, no. It’s something I’ve typically taken initiative to do unless we are in a kind of kinky rougher sex type situation we’ve discussed beforehand.
Woman A: It’s nice, but I don’t think it’s essential. I have a really sensitive gag reflex so it’s not something I’m always in the mood to do. Plus, it’s physically exhausting. The other day I deep-throated my partner so hard for so long that I ended up with a huge bruise on the back of my throat. It felt like I had strep and it hurt to swallow for three days. We were both kind of turned on that I’d managed to do that, but for the next few BJs, I had to avoid deep-throating and honestly, he seemed to have just as much fun even without deep-throating on the table.
Woman B: It is not at all important. It is fun and a different sensation, but it isn’t vital to a great blow job. Having fun and enjoying the experience is what is most important.
Woman C: Honestly, you don’t have to do it to give a good blow job or to please your partner, but in my experience it takes your skills to an entirely new level…especially if they aren’t expecting it.
Woman A: I’m a singer, so I learned by thinking of “lifting my soft palate,” which is essentially raising and opening the muscles in the back of your throat. Think about how it feels when you swallow a big pill and practice opening your throat that way. Experiment with different positions and find what’s most comfortable for you. Breathe. Go at your own pace and insist your partner to be patient with you! That’s major for me. If I’m not feeling it, I’m not going to put myself through hell to please somebody when there are plenty of other ways to orgasm.
Woman B: Practice! If you have a penis to practice on, start giving more blow jobs. With each blow job, practice opening your throat just a bit more and letting a little more penis enter your throat. Don’t try to go all the way the first time or you’ll gag. When deep-throating, make sure your partner knows that you control the pace, not them. Relax and have fun!
Woman C: Just go for it and stop when you’re ready to stop. It’s not the most glamorous thing, but it’s worth it, in my experience.
Woman A: My gag reflex is terrible. I pretty much almost throw up every time I brush my tongue in the morning. I’ve heard looking upward is supposed to help and also squeezing your thumb, but neither method tends to work much for me. I don’t love the feeling of gagging, but my boyfriend is actually really into it when I do, so I don’t judge myself. Actually, just last week I gagged so hard, I threw up a little bit, and he didn’t mind that either. Maybe that’s gross for some, but I think it just depends on how comfortable you are with each other. If you hate to gag, just slow down, and remember to breathe through your nose. And stop when you want to. It’s not the end of the world!
Woman B: Gagging is an inevitable part of deep-throating. You’re not going to stop it completely, so it’s best to just roll with it. Guys I’ve spoken to say that they enjoy the gagging. So when I do gag, I play it up. I grab his penis in my hand, pull it out of my mouth and gasp for air, then I usually spit on his shaft while looking him right in the eye, then I go back to sucking on his shaft. It feels very porn-star-like, but I enjoy it and so do my partners.
"Gagging is an inevitable part of deep-throating."
Woman C: Relax and don’t overthink. Remember, it doesn’t have to be a long time to be effective. You don’t have to leave it in there for an hour.
Woman A: When I don't feel like deep-throating, I use my hand to jerk him off while I suck on his penis. I like to move my hand up and down in a twisting motion, drooling on him a bit for lube. Often I feel this method is more effective at achieving orgasm than deep-throating and it’s physically a lot more comfortable for me.
Woman B: Yes, absolutely! Get his penis really wet with your spit, wrap your hand around the base of his penis and put it as far into your mouth as you’re comfortable. Then run your hand and mouth up and down the length of him while making subtle gagging noises. The gagging noise will contract your throat and mouth to create a sucking/throbbing sensation on his shaft while also simulating the gagging that comes with deep-throating.
Woman C: Maybe sticking his balls in your mouth and playing with them at the same time. I don’t know that it’s the same thing, but it’s something other than just a regular blow job.
Woman A: If other women are like I was at first, they may think deep-throating is the only way to give good head, which is just not true. I like doing it, but not all the time! And I think the biggest misconception from men is that it’s easy. Most straight men have no idea how hard it actually is to deep-throat a whole dick for more than a few minutes, but the good ones understand and will appreciate the extra effort.
Woman B: That the partner performing the act doesn’t enjoy it, that they are only doing it out of a sense of obligation. I love giving head and I especially love deep-throating. I get extremely turned on when I please my partner with my mouth. And it puts me in the perfect position to play with my clit or use a vibrator while I go down on him. I get him off while I get myself off...it is a win-win!
Woman C: Maybe that it’s degrading. I’ve heard my friends say things like that before and I always try to tell them how much it turns me on at the same time, and that it’s not a degrading thing unless you are viewing it that way. For me, it’s a pleasure thing and we happen to both get off on it.
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When it comes to oral sex, deep-throating seems to be this mystical, magical thing that feels incredibly difficult to achieve but ever-so-desired (by both the giver and receiver). As with most sexual activities, you may already have some preconceived notions about deep-throating from porn.
Let me set one thing straight: deepthroating your man is not nearly as terrifying as you’re thinking it is right now. In fact, you may be surprised, with just a few tips and tricks, how easy it will become for you to do.
Just temporarily forget everything you think you know and let’s just start with the basics...
While it sounds pretty self-explanatory for anyone who may have found their way to research the topic, let’s actually talk about what happens during a deep throat blowjob.
During a typical blowjob, you would lick, suck, use your hands, etc - you basically work the guy’s penis (like it’s your job) using your mouth in a variety of different ways.
During a deep throat blowjob, the giver (that’s you) puts as much of the penis into their mouth (sometimes the whole thing depending on size and your ability). When you do this, the penis will be pushed back deep into your throat, which can sometimes cause you to activate your gag reflex or for your eyes to water.
Why do I have a gag reflex during blowjobs? The gag reflex (known as a laryngeal spasm) is simply a contraction of the back of the throat that is triggered by an object (in this case, a penis) touching the area around your tonsils or the back surface of your throat. This reflex can help prevent you from choking on food, but it actually is what causes you to feel like you’re choking during a deep throat blowjob.
Can you stop a gag reflex? If you are someone who likes to give deep throat blowjobs and wants to get better at it, one of the biggest questions you likely have is if you can prevent that gag reflex from happening. The short answer is yes, there are some things you can do in order to prevent, stifle, or lessen your gag reflex. For more information on that, read here .
There are lots of myths and misconceptions surrounding the world of oral sex. Deepthroating is one of those things. Some feel it’s not possible, others feel everyone should be able to do it, some may even think blowjobs and deepthroating are one and the same.
Let’s smash some myths before we get into the tips and tricks.
A blowjob is different from deep throating. A blowjob, in the simplest terms, is using your mouth to stimulate a man’s penis. Deep throating, on the other hand, is when you go beyond using your mouth, taking him deeper in so he touches the back of your throat (hence the name). So - all every deep throat is a kind of blowjob, but not every blowjob involves deep throating.
No one just knows how to deep throat. People who are skilled in the art of deepthroating have practiced it. How do I know this? Because taking a penis that far into your mouth/throat goes against what your body finds natural. Almost everyone has a gag reflex that will be activated when this happens, and people who are able to deepthroat really well know how to do it from practicing how to do it.
Almost everyone can learn how to deep throat better (if they want to). Deep throating, like many other sexual acts, just takes some practice to get better at it. If your partner is interested in getting better, there’s a good chance they will. However, deep throating isn’t for everyone. Many people have difficulties with it due to past (bad) experiences or just simply don’t enjoy performing the act on their partner. There is also the chance that they have a small oral cavity or medical concern that makes deepthroating impossible. All feelings on this (and any other sexual act) should be communicated and respected.
Your partner should not expect you to immediately know how to do this (or attempt to force themselves deeper without your consent). Obviously, a good partner will understand that this can be a difficult and uncomfortable thing at times, and they should be making sure you’re physically and mentally content with attempting to learn this skill. Additionally, some people may feel the urge to force you to take them in deeper as you’re deep throating. If you do enjoy a hand on the back of your head guiding you and pushing you harder, then this needs to be communicated before you start. A partner should never do this without your knowledge and prior consent.
It does not make swallowing easier, but you can get used to swallowing this way. Where this misconception came from, I have no idea. Swallowing during a deep throat blowjob is going to feel really difficult at first, but you can get used to it. It can also ensure that you don’t taste the semen (when he cums while he’s in the back of your throat), which is also something that sometimes activates the gag reflex if you’re not used to the taste.
While no one is just automatically good at deepthroating, there are lots of things (I repeat: lots of things) you can do to make this easier and more enjoyable for everyone involved.
You need to relax. This is the most important thing you can do. It seems logical, but you may be surprised how unrelaxing it is to have something poke at the back of your throat.
Similar to how relaxing and un-tensing will make anal easier, more comfortable, and less painful, getting into a relaxing state of mind (and actually relaxing your throat muscles instead of tensing them) is what will make this much easier for you.
During oral sex, your muscles are going to want to tense up, especially if you’re already thinking you’re going to gag or struggle. Relaxing your body and your mind before you start giving oral sex is the key to ensuring you’re not overthinking with your mind or your muscles.
Breathe properly and evenly. Believe it or not, there are right and wrong ways to breathe during oral sex. When you are deepthroating, it’s obviously going to be a bit more difficult to breathe through your mouth - so you’re going to have to breathe through your nose.
A few extra breathing tips to make things easier:
Don’t overthink. When giving blowjobs, sometimes we focus on our mouth movements too much and it becomes this thing that we focus on: am I sucking enough, is my tongue moving around enough, am I going deep enough, etc. The key to a good deep throat blowjob is to just let the penis go as far into your mouth as possible.
Let your lips do what they want to do. Naturally, at some point, your lips are going to want to part to take more in. When you let your mouth fall open, your tongue naturally falls deeper into your mouth and your throat opens more, allowing for more of him to go deeper inside.
A little training never hurt… If your gag reflex is a big problem, there are some things you can do (as I mentioned before) that will, over time, make your gag reflex less active.
Bad Girls Bible has a great tip: use
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