Open Relationship Stories

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Open Relationship Stories
True Reader Confession: "My Boyfriend and I Had an Open Relationship"
Today, a reader reveals how she and her boyfriend decided to have an open relationship...(Would you ever dare?)
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Today, a reader reveals how she and her boyfriend decided to have an open relationship...(Would you ever dare?)
After dating my boyfriend for a year and a half, I went out with my friends one night, got drunk and had a fling. It just happened; I felt terrible and was racked with guilt. A couple days later, I asked my boyfriend to have lunch with me, and I nervously confessed everything.
How did he react? "I don't believe in the concept of cheating," he said, calmly, as he took a bite of his sandwich. "I'm not possessive; it's not a big deal." Um, what? I was shocked. He explained that two of his friends had an open marriage, and he'd seen it work well for them. Suddenly, he turned to me and proposed that we have an open relationship. I was surprised but felt so relieved that he wasn't upset about my confession that I agreed.
So, we starting having an open relationship. My boyfriend was a writer and stayed home most of the time. (He was endlessly reading the news on his computer!) I would go out to parties and events for work, and he wouldn't usually want to come with me. So I'd meet cute guys and hook up with them. It felt good at first, but then just started feeling strange.
Looking back, I think I was trying to get my boyfriend to care, to be jealous. I would go out and kiss or hook up with guys. When I would tell him, he wouldn't seem to mind at all, and I felt bad about that. Didn't he care about me?
The whole thing just drained the emotion out of our relationship. It was a bizarre experience. We ended up breaking up a year later. I would never have an open relationship again. Maybe it works for some people, but not for me.
Wow, thank you for sharing! Dear readers, what do you think? Do you get jealous? Does your man? Would you ever consider having an open relationship? I'd love to hear your thoughts...xo
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Losing your virginity isn’t necessarily the biggest first in your life. Here, one woman shares her most significant sexual first
“I don’t have an extraordinarily strong record of maintaining monogamy. It was a difficult standard for me to adhere to, prior to my current relationship, and so I wasn’t really enacting any ethics. I was cheating, is what I’m saying. That’s me. And so with my current relationship of seven years, it’s not that there was a risk of falling back into old habits—I didn’t meet someone new or see something coming—but I knew I had an appetite for extra-curricular activity. And I was also interested in maintaining a higher ethical standard than I had before. My partner was open to the possibility of us being open, but he wasn’t sure what that would mean.
We had been talking about it, what we wanted our arrangement to involve, for six or eight months. But there wasn’t really an ‘Okay, let’s go.’ What happened is that I slept with someone else. It’s not an approach that I think is advisable, but it’s what happened. It was with someone I knew, and I certainly didn’t leave the house knowing that this was a thing that was going to happen, but I think it felt a lot safer. There was a novelty about sleeping with someone new, and about it being someone I knew, and it was a good one in the context of sexual experiences. It felt terrific.
I didn’t feel great going home—I cannot emphasize enough that this is not the best way to start an open relationship. It did feel different than the times I cheated in the past, though, because we’d had conversations about this being a possibility, and I leaned on the fact that at some point, the trigger was going to be pulled. But this definitely should have been something we shook hands on. My partner wasn’t pleased about it, but it became pretty apparent I wanted an open relationship quite pointedly and urgently, so we determined that it was something we were both going to explore mutually.
When we started sleeping with other people, the goal was more about sexual exploration and bringing home something new in that regard. But if you’re going to engage in intimacy with people outside your relationship, you need to make sure there’s a solid baseline of trust. We maintain the sanctity of our shared space—so people don’t come over—and we don’t stay the night. With some couples, the less the other person knows, the better. But for us, it became apparent that to avoid any inkling of doubt or jealousy or fear of the unknown, we were going to have to talk about almost literally everything. We talk about our relationship more frequently, more openly, and with more vulnerability than we have since we started dating. It’s definitely brought a completely different flavour of communication to our relationship, more than it’s brought anything sexual to it. That wasn’t expected, but it’s pretty f-cking cool.”— As told to Danielle Groen
The regressive decision comes at a time when fashion has never embraced individual freedom more.

By
Natalie Michie

In many ways, designers are signalling the dawn of a new age. Dopamine dressing, the metaverse, gender fluid clothing and other trends have liberated fashion from its stuffy traditions. But the decision to overturn Roe v. Wade has turned back the clock to a time when few people had such bodily autonomy.
The U.S. Supreme Court reversed the 1973 landmark ruling that legalized abortion nationwide on June 24. As a result, abortion rights will now be determined at state level, with several anti-choice lawmakers already moving to have the procedure banned.
It shouldn’t be lost on us that while reproductive rights have regressed 50 years, fashion has never been more pro-choice. From unconventional combinations to open displays of sexuality, today, freedom is central to the fashion landscape.
Take the recent runways at Men’s Paris Fashion Week, which were a celebration of unrestricted dressing. Louis Vuitton’s vibrant yellow catwalk referenced experimental styling with models in cartoonish illustrations and 3D-embroidered designs. Designer Thom Browne’s collection was an ode to wild self-expression with low-slung pants and exposed jockstraps. And labels like EgonLab and Prada made similar statements on genderless fashion with the use of micro-mini shorts.
The SCOTUS decision to limit bodily freedom comes at a time when expressions of sexuality are heavily referenced on the runway. Whether it’s Blumarine’s ultra-cropped skimpy silhouettes or Miu Miu’s wholehearted embrace of the micro-mini skirt , sensuality is central to modern-day fashion imagery. Designer Mowalola Ogunlesi took this theme to the next level with her Spring 2023 ready-to-wear show. The collection reclaimed unabashed sexuality and censored body parts, starring restrictive fetishwear, low-rise bottoms and explicit cutouts.
As far as fashion is concerned, bodily autonomy is “in.” We’re in the age of unrestricted maximalism , with popular aesthetics rejecting the constraints of traditional rules and embracing the experimental nature of personal fashion.
This type of more is more dressing — filled with colourful patterns, mixed textures and kitschy accessories — champions the idea that your body is your own, and you can dress yourself up however you want. In our current political climate, this mindset now seems radical.
Even before Roe v. Wade was overturned, fashion had been in a flirtationship with freedom. Over the past few months, catwalks referenced the restrictions of COVID-19, the physical impacts of climate change and the human rights disaster that is the war in Ukraine .
And now, as the world continues to open up, designers are embracing the symbolism of freedom even more. But with this loss of reproductive rights, the concept of liberation in pop culture has taken on a deeper meaning.
In music alone, the biggest names are those who represent unapologetic authenticity. Harry Styles is praised for his gender-bending style. Lizzo is known for her ultra-glamorous red carpet looks and self-empowerment anthems. Lil Nas X is always pushing the fashion boundaries as an openly queer rap artist.
Despite how grim things may seem, fashion’s unflinching freedom train reflects larger cultural attitudes. In fact, recent polls found that most Americans and Canadians are pro-choice, proving that this political ruling does not reflect the majority of the population.
Of course, this archaic decision won’t end abortions. It will just limit access to safe abortions, specifically for those who are low-income, single mothers , trans and racialized . And the impacts are far-reaching . In Canada, though abortions are effectively legal, they’re far from equally accessible . With a reportedly substantial number of anti-choice MPs across the country, the decision to overturn Roe v. Wade has already rekindled conservative talking points around abortion here, too.
As reproductive rights take a heartbreaking hit, fashion may seem frivolous. But using clothing to express bodily autonomy is in and of itself an act of resistance. Because while fashion reflects reality, it also has the ability to harness the power of imagination . In this case, fashion is presenting the fantasy of freedom. Hopefully the real world will catch up.

2022 St. Joseph Media All Rights Reserved



True Story: I’m in an open marriage


How would you feel if your spouse told you they wanted to date other people … while still being married to you? Would you ever want a boyfriend and a husband? Today, Cristin is sharing the story of her open marriage and the benefits she and her husband have found from being monogam-ish.

I’m a 26 year old writer in a smallish, artsy, east coast city. In my free time I mostly hike and take road trips. I’m married to my high school sweetheart, who I’ve been with for ten wonderful years.
For those of us who don’t know, what does it mean to have an open marriage?
It’s one of those terms that can mean different things to different people. For us it means we’re free to date people outside our relationship. We try to keep things casual with outside people, since we’re not looking for a permanent addition to our marriage.
If you’re familiar with Dan Savage, it’s pretty much what he calls monogamish . It’s an evolution though, so I don’t know if things will look different in the future.
For us it is. Most poly-amorous relationships have more than two people in a long term relationship together as equals partners. For us, our marriage comes first and anyone we see on the side is more casual. We try to be up front and transparent with anyone we meet that we’re not looking for a long term relationship with them.
Growing up, how did you think about commitment and monogamy?
I’m not really sure where I first heard about open relationships, but for as long as I can remember it’s sounded appealing to me. Growing up in a fairly conservative family, I had never encountered a non-traditional relationship before I was in one myself. I think the fact that it’s not very common and subversive was part of the appeal to me.
I do remember reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo in college, and one of the characters is married but occasionally spends the night with another guy, and her husband is aware and fine with it. And I remember thinking that sounded awesome.
A lot of people I’ve talked to say they would like that kind of freedom for themselves, but they wouldn’t want their partner to have the same option, which is why they don’t try it.
What made you and your husband first consider opening your relationship? 
It seems weird to say it, but it felt natural in our relationship. We’ve been together so long, we have a really high level of trust in each other. I remember the first time it came up was a night in college when I drunkenly made out with a guy at a party.
The next morning I told my husband (then boyfriend) and I was really nervous he would be upset, but he was totally cool about it and we ended up laughing about it.
After that, we discussed cheating and both agreed for us it wouldn’t be a deal breaker as long as the cheater fessed up. There were a couple more times in college when one of us kissed someone else or we both were involved in some truth or dare shenanigans. We always talked about it and found we were honestly comfortable with it.
After college, once we got engaged we realized we’d never be romantically involved with anyone else. We were kind of bummed we missed out on the twenties experience of casually dating. After talking about it for a long time, we decided to give non-monogamy a shot. That was two and a half years ago and we’re happy as ever and still non- monogamous.
Do you have any ‘ground rules’ when it comes to dating?
We started with a lot of rules but they’ve changed as we’ve gotten more comfortable with being open. We have to tell each other right away if we hook up with or meet someone else, and always answer any questions the other person has.
We prefer to meet the other person’s boyfriend/girlfriend and have actually stayed friends with a couple of people we met through dating.
We generally only see other people when the other person is out of town. And to be fair to the outside people we see, we try not to bother each other too much with texts and calls if they’re currently out with someone else.
Mostly our rule is we have to always be honest and always willing to talk. Everything else is negotiable.
Tell us about the first guy you dated while being married.
Oh god I was so awkward. I hadn’t been on a first date since I was sixteen, and I just had no idea what I was doing. I met the guy on Tinder, and he ended up being super cool about everything, but there’s no etiquette book for open relationships, you know?
I was nervous about my husband freaking out and changing his mind, and my husband was nervous about how things would go too, so there were some growing pains. There was one time I answered my phone in the middle of sex with the other guy because my husband was calling (I am cringing so hard right now even typing that). And a ton of other incredibly cringe-worthy moments.
There’s always part of me that’s tempted to reach back out to that first guy and be like “I’m so sorry you had to deal with that!” Once we figured out what works, it’s a lot less awkward now.
But despite that, seeing that first guy was exciting and totally spiced things up with my husband, because it got me to see him as a hot guy who wants to be with me all the time, instead of a sure thing.
I’m not sure if that makes sense, but if you’ve been with the same person for 10 years, you probably understand the feeling of taking your significant other for granted, and being with someone else made me appreciate what I already had.
How do you guys meet the people you date? And how do you bring up the fact that you’re married?
I’m not the type of person to meet new people in person (even most of my platonic friends I met online), so all the people I’ve dated I’ve met online. It also allows me to be super up front about our situation and the fact that I’m married.
I live in a fairly small city, and met the second guy I dated online but he actually turned out to be coworkers with the first guy!
My husband is way more extroverted and he’s met women in person mostly. Since he usually meets people through mutual friends and it’s since it’s open knowledge in our friend group they usually know right away.
Do you ever feel jealous? Does your husband?
Since we’ve basically grown up together, our relationship is rock solid and extremely trusting. I find it weirdly hot to see my husband with other women and I always ask a million questions when he comes back from a date.
My husband doesn’t have the same interest in the details, but he’s totally fine with me seeing other people.
We do check in often to make sure everyone is comfortable, including the two of us and whoever we’re dating.
Have either you or your husband ever developed serious feelings for anyone you dated? What would you do if either of you did? 
Not really. I think because we’re very clearly going into any outside relationship with very defined boundaries, things stay in friends-with-benefits territory.
If it were to happen, there’d definitely be more discussion and we’d need to figure out what we wanted to do.
We try to be fair and kind to the people we date and be considerate of their feelings too. There are some couples who kind of take advantage of the other people they see, or don’t care about their feelings, so we are really mindful of that. It’s (obviously) important to remember we’re not the only ones involved and outside people’s feelings are just as important.
What needs do your boyfriends meet that your husband isn’t? 
It’s mostly novelty for me, and the taboo of sex outside marriage (even if it’s totally allowed!). I’d imagine it’s the same thing that makes cheating hot. Just holding hands with someone who’s not my husband, walking through my neighborhood is weirdly exciting, like someone we know could see us.
Sleeping with someone else changes the way I think about sex. Sex in a long term relationship can get routine, but if you spend the occasional night at your boyfriend’s house, it turns the routine on its head. It’s totally improved our married sex life in a million ways.
What are the biggest misconceptions about people in open relationships? 
When we came out to our friends, some of them thought we were going to break up. So I think it’s common for people to think we’re trying to fill some hole in our relationship. But it’s not making up for something that’s not there, it’s a fun bonus on top of a great relationship.
Also a lot of women are suspicious of guys who say they’re in an open relationship (they think he’s just unfaithful), so that kind of sucks.
Do the people in your life know about your open marriage? 
At first we didn’t tell anyone, but we’ve slowly co
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