Open Relationship Sex Stories

Open Relationship Sex Stories
A married woman has revealed her surprising reality after entering an open relationship. Photo: Getty
She said the sex was 'mind-blowing'. Photo: Getty
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A frustrated wife has shared a shocking confession, after deciding to make her marriage an open one.
The candid admission came as part of a Reddit thread which detailed how her husband’s erectile disfunction and their lack of intimacy encouraged her to suggest the unusual arrangement.
“Multiple times I have caught him having emotional affairs and I have asked if he wants a divorce and he says no,” she wrote.
“A few weeks ago I brought up the subject of open marriage with hubby to see what he said. His response was as long as he didn't know about it, and it didn't happen in our home he was OK with it.”
With her husband’s tentative blessing, the woman – who said she’s been married for 20 years – decided to use the opportunity with a male friend she’d been ‘flirting’ with for some time.
“I really never intended to do it but I have been craving intercourse so badly the opportunity presented itself today,” she said.
Despite any inhibitions, she went ahead with the act, which the woman simply described as ‘mind blowing’ sex.
“I was so nervous and honestly it was the best sex I have ever had. I don't know how I feel about it now,” she wrote.
“I know I will likely get a lot of hate. I just need to talk to someone about it, and NO ONE knows but the guy..... He is single he knows I am married. I have not felt like that in so long.”
However, in an unexpected twist, people were largely supportive of the wife’s decision to seek sex outside of her marriage.
“He gave his permission and you didn’t cross any of the boundaries he set up. You did good. Enjoy it for what it was and may continuing being,” wrote one commenter.
“It’s definitely not cheating because her partner said she could. She followed what was permitted. As long as she keeps the rules in mind more power to her,” added another.
“Who cares what others think? Your husband said OK, you are OK with it, no one is getting harmed, practice safe sex and get your freak on.”
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Can you be in love with your spouse and your lover? And maybe a few more? Alex Kuczynski explores the rise of polyamory.
My girlfriend Mary and I were listening to a band in the Limelight Hotel in Ketchum, Idaho. It was a starry February night and the crowd was enjoying a perfect après-ski evening. She dug her nails into my arm.
“Oh, my God, it’s the hot guy I met at the dentist’s office,” she hissed. “And I’m not even wearing makeup. Crap.”
Her gaze turned, and a striking man walked directly toward us and asked if he could take one of the nearby empty seats. A ski instructor, he was tall, young, articulate, athletic, funny, with gorgeous unruly hair.
We talked about skiing and hiking and hot springs. We had some mutual friends. I scrupulously avoided any flirtatious behavior or language, mentioned my husband, flashed my wedding ring, and assumed that would all project: This is not flirting. This is about sports only. We exchanged numbers to maybe hike or ski with friends in the future.
I’m skilled in this kind of deflection. I love all kinds of outdoor sports, and sometimes men are the only companions who want to go, and the last thing my husband wants to do is snowshoe into a yurt in the backcountry. So I’ve been on trips with my male friends all over the planet—glacier skiing, hiking trips, tennis camps—and never once had a flickering of temptation. As my lovely husband likes to say, the best fence is no fence.
“Hi. I’m proposing the ultimate day date: You. Me. Ski. Hard. All day. Hike out to hot springs. Change clothes. Stop for a drink by the fire. You are gorgeous. What do you think?”
I literally dropped my phone. Then carefully typed out: “Um. Didn’t I mention I was married?”
His response: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be presumptuous, but one of the best relationships I’ve had was with a married woman in a polyamorous marriage, and I was sort of hoping maybe that was your situation.”
"While it seems like a throwback to swingers’ sessions and key parties from the ’70s, polyamory is different in that it’s about honesty and consent."
Polyamory—from the Greek for “many” and the Latin for “love”—is the practice of long-term sexual relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. Those who practice it describe it as responsible and ethical non-monogamy. It works like this: You are married to your husband, who is your Primary, and you want to have a lover, who will be your Secondary. You introduce your prospective Secondary to your Primary, and if he approves, you’re good to go. Everyone has to feel comfortable, and according to one book on the subject, More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory , the whole family should be so at ease with the situation that you could conceivably invite your lover to Thanksgiving with your parents, husband, and children at the table.
While it seems like a throwback to swingers’ sessions and key parties from the ’70s, polyamory is different in that it’s about honesty and consent. While there are no national statistics on consensual non-monogamy, anecdotal evidence suggests it’s a growing trend. A 2016 study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that searches for terms related to polyamorous and open relationships had risen steadily for the previous 10 years. In another study, more than one in five single Americans reported having engaged in a non-monogamous relationship at one point in their lifetime.
And certainly I keep hearing about it: from millennial friends, from married friends, and from a Lyft driver who told me he had a Primary, a woman, and she had a Secondary, also a woman. Then, rather jaw-droppingly, he revealed that he had to carefully schedule his ejaculations so there was enough to go around on a daily basis in fair portions. (Anecdotal evidence also leads me to believe that Lyft drivers are crazy enough and interesting enough to bare their life secrets to total strangers. Which is why I never Uber.)
Americans pile so many expectations on marriage, it’s astounding the institution hasn’t entirely collapsed. We require that our spouse be our erotic lover, a good parent, a provider, an intimate confidant. We are supposed to find someone who is emotionally, intellectually, and sexually compatible with us 100 percent of the time. Oh, and as women, we bear children and care for them while presumably maintaining the erotic charge we had when we first met our mates. I’ll never forget finding a pair of crotchless panties in my underwear drawer about two months after giving birth and bursting into tears for the loss of the wild and erotic creature who bought them.
Who can duplicate that thrill for decades? Who can replicate that enchantment when you’re up to your elbows in diapers, or disciplining your middle-schooler who got caught dealing Juul pods? Smothered under the burden of all these expectations, cheating—the behind-your-back, sneaky kind—has become widespread, spawning an industry for the five-to-seven crowd: There are Web sites for cheaters like No Strings, Ashley Madison; private investigation services that specialize in catching cheaters; and books and self-help programs for cheaters.
"Americans pile so many expectations on marriage, it’s astounding the institution hasn’t entirely collapsed."
Yet social scientists who study these new types of honest and open non-monogamous relationships believe that it might be time to challenge the way we think about jealousy and commitment, and that consensual non-monogamy may even influence monogamy for the better. People in open multipartner relationships appear to communicate better, for one—which all monogamous couples need to do. Polyamorists are also more likely to practice safe sex—using condoms, discussing sexual history, sterilizing sex toys—than your average cheating spouse, according to a 2012 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine . And when jealousy does occur, the partners discuss it and make changes to reconcile those feelings.
Still, something feels icky about polyamory, like it should be a sketch on Saturday Night Live . It also feels like an awkwardly puritan way to basically get laid on the side from time to time. “So much talking!” a French friend of mine said. “To cheat, you have to have a family meeting and all this conversation and details? Boring. And then your children have to meet the man? That’s insane.”
However, I did, carefully, become friends with the guy. I actually appreciated his honesty. We’ve hiked and skied. Over a grapefruit-flavored beer, I asked him whatever happened to the relationship with the married woman. He said she eventually fell in love with him, and the husband got too jealous for the relationship to continue.
Then he told me something I have heard variations of from all kinds of people—monogamous people whose marriages have ground to a deadly stillness, from a couple in an open relationship who just couldn’t hack it anymore, from a gay man, from a couple who call themselves “monogamish,” from a lesbian mother. He looked into his pink beer and said, “It just ended in broken hearts.”
This article originally appears in the May 2019 issue of Harper's BAZAAR, available on newsstands now.

My life in sex: an open marriage revived my sex drive
‘Before last year, my marriage had been sexless for two decades.’ Illustration: Lo Cole/the Guardian
My life in sex: ‘We share our wildest fantasies – from 6,000 miles apart’
All the day's headlines and highlights from the Guardian, direct to you every morning
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The married woman who rediscovered sex
I n the last six months, I’ve had sex with 15 men – not including my husband of 25 years. I’ve also talked to many men who tell me the same story: “I love my wife and we have built a great life together, but she doesn’t want to have sex. She recoils when I touch her and when we do have sex, she just lies there and doesn’t do anything.” It seems many women of my demographic (middle-aged, middle class, kids) don’t or can’t enjoy sex. I’ve been there myself.
Before last year, my marriage had been sexless for two decades. My husband and I are still trying to unravel why, but I think it boils down to two things: women today are overburdened, and most of us have forgotten how important touch and sex are – even if we were crazy about sex when we met our partners.
Many women get little out of sex because our culture is focused on satisfying the man. Often, that man has come to represent just another box on our massive “to-do” list. We have never been given permission to enjoy sex for its own sake.
After many years of disinterest, a perimenopausal hormone surge made me want sex all the time. I began to initiate sex with my husband, and this new focus on sensuality led us to talk about sex outside our marriage.
Our open marriage has given us new means of expressing ourselves sexually, which translates into better communication in all areas of the marriage. I have reclaimed my right to pleasure, and we are closer than ever.
Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@theguardian.com .
Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.

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Open relationships are usually defined as those in which two people agree that one or both partners can pursue sexual relationships outside the primary committed partnership. Since both people are aware, an open relationship is not considered cheating. But that doesn’t mean open relationships don’t come with plenty of ups and downs.
To find out what it’s really like to be in an open relationship, we talked to women who are or were in them. Here’s what they have to say about what led them to it an
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