Open Relationship Porn
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Open Relationship Porn
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I’m excited to announce that I did an interview last Monday with The New York Times on open relationship trends! (I will post the article once it is published.)
I am beyond excited to be one of the millennial pioneers revolutionizing how we embrace all types of sexual and romantic relationships!
As many of you may know from my article on polyamory , times are changing and monogamy is not the only style of relationship that couples are considering.
According to a study in 2017, it is estimated that about one in five people have been in a consensually non-monogamous relationship at some point in their life. That is over 20% of Americans!
With our changing times, I expect that number to keep rising.
SCORE CARD. We are only using A ’s for results!
Healthy relationships take TWO or MORE people who have integrity, honesty, creativity, willingness to be vulnerable, and the ability to engage in their own Inner Growth and Non-Defensiveness. Sometimes a Sex Coach is needed to understand these changes and address them in the right direction.
Before you transition from monogamy to polyamory in a current partnership, make sure you understand the story each of you will have about a shared meaning when it comes to sex and love with other people.
Sometimes we project shame from our sexual past into our sexual future with our monogamous partners. For example, you may become annoyed that your partner is frequently insecure about their body (their penis is too small or their vulva is ugly). This is usually an indicator that you have some blind spots to work on prior to adding another person to your sexual and loving relationship.
You cannot directly fix your partner’s insecurity.
You can only change the system of how you respond to the stimulus of your “partner’s insecurity.”
So if you are capable of fixing your own issues within your partner’s problems, then you may be ready for an open relationship!
Below are strategic considerations for those participating in an open relationship:
Love is not limited. Time is though. No matter what, every single one of us only has 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
In practice, your time allocation could be that you make four hours for each partner per week without phones. You could also attend an event with one partner one week, and then another event with another partner the week after.
You have to understand safe sex due to the sexual-health considerations of open relationships.
You are ready for an open relationship from a sexual education standpoint if you have:
Implement email instead of texting when it comes to communicating important topics. It is too much to receive alarming text messages in the middle of a thread of memes. Here is an example email:
The goal is that you learn how to ask consent while stating your needs.
Once you get to that conversation, set a timer for 30 minutes! Make sure to disengage electronics! Do not discuss it ahead of time. Show them that you can practice patience.
If you cannot wait 5-7 days to discuss your needs, you are not ready to be in an open relationship. In the variety of open relationships that I have tried, I find that it is mostly about waiting for someone. I had to remain centered while listening to things that I didn’t want to hear without getting triggered or responding. Then, I had to reflect back on what I thought I heard to the best of my ability. If I was told “that wasn’t it” then I had to start over.
It takes a ton of patience and a willingness to communicate effectively.
Watch your tone intention at the beginning of all emails. “I mean this with loving eyes” or “I know you are improving and I still have another request based on my need to connect.”
Notice the difference between “you let me down and broke a promise again” and “a part of me is hurt and feels let down by you breaking our commitment.”
Example: saying “I noticed you left the plate in the sink. Did that mean anything to you?” sounds different than “It is so annoying when you leave your plate in the sink.”
A good way to practice polyamory is to ensure that EVERYONE in the partnership/poly family is mindful of the needs that polyamory is satisfying in each of their own lives.
For example, we all have a need for connection . You can meet that need through monogamy or polyamory. Understanding how polyamory fulfills your needs in addition to connection (certainty, uncertainty, significance, growth, and contribution) is critical.
Understanding your needs is critical to discussing conversations around relationship orientation (polyamory, swinging) and/or sexuality.
Start asking your partner once a week what you can do to meet THEIR needs better and address the feedback in the upcoming week.
If you aren’t willing to extend yourself for just one partner now, you will not be able to manage polyamory dating, let alone a polyamorous community.
Open relationships are for those who are interested in living life a bit differently. You will constantly be faced with multiple opportunities to meet the needs of partners, so make sure your time management is on point!
So if you are interested in getting help before you begin your open relationship journey, text us at 203-733-9600.
You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer . Or if you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients’ lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do . Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment .
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