Only Mommy

Only Mommy
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Dear Sharon,
My children are in a phase where they only want their Mommy. I’m a father that feels left out! Any ideas that might help? Thanks!
Dear Dad,
I hope it is comforting to know that you are not alone! Many children go through phases when they only want Mommy.
Partially because Dads do not get pregnant, give birth or nurse it can be easy for a father to the feel “less important” than Mom. It doesn’t help that Moms have traditionally had the job of “stay at home” parent while Dads were out being breadwinners. Here are some ideas that can help fathers be more central whether their child is preferring Mom or not.
If I could offer one piece of advice to a Dad in your position it would be to not take his child’s clinginess to Mom personally (I know easier said than done!). The strong bond between mother and child is of course very central to a child’s well being but that shouldn’t really change your efforts to deepen and solidify your own unique and EQUALLY VALUABLE connection to your child.
I often suggest to fathers that they spend regular time alone with their little ones every week. Sending Mom away to do something she loves during this time can help deepen the experience. Dad might play a game his children really love or introduce them to a hobby that he enjoys. Some Dad’s I know have taken their children fishing, hiking, biking, soccer playing, museum visiting or park exploring. An hour or more of having fun alone together can help build solid relationships and offers children male tones and perspectives, an invaluable asset.
Hard working fathers I know have also made a point to set aside time for their children to visit “the office” regularly, especially when their child is going through a rough period or clinging to Mom. Children get to see where Dad is every day, learn more about what he does at work, feel like part of his life and “help out”. Having a picture of a parent’s work life can make a child feel less separate and more involved. It can also build confidence, clarify the meaning of “work” and improve over all self-esteem. Visiting Mom at her job of course is invaluable too.
If a Dad (or Mom) works long hours or travels, phone calls are often not enough of a connection to support a relationship. I often recommend more interactive and fun ways of communicating such as regular fax (children can pass back and forth jokes, drawings, etc.) E-mail or text message exchanges. (Forms of communication that have some energy for young people today) A traveling parent can also leave notes in lunch boxes or under pillows to put a smile on a little ones face while they are gone. I also suggest that parents with complicated work schedules take the time to make a calendar with their child to explain their comings and goings. A large calendar made with photos or drawings and kept on the refrigerator for easy review is often a meaningful and fun way to make sense of sometimes bewildering adult lives. It can help a child look forward to Dad’s coming home as well as understand why he is home late or away. A child who understands their parents’ routines usually feels more “involved”, less overwhelmed by grown up agendas and more able to connect to a traveling Dad or Mom.
Partly because of years of conditioning, mothers usually take charge of the details of parenting. “Little things” such as: finding missing toys, making lunches, organizing children’s rooms, helping children pick out birthday presents for their friends, buying the special lunch snack that puts a smile on a child’s, etc. When a father takes over one or more of the everyday tasks that Moms often do, they might think of unique ways to accomplish them, something children invariably appreciate.
If a child still clings to Mommy after lots of effort from Dad sometimes I suggest that Mom take off for a weekend and really let Dad have a chance at strengthening his relationships. I have heard stories of “preferred parent switches” at the end of such a time. Moms I know have returned from a Father/child weekend only to hear “go away Mommy, I’m with Daddy now,” an alien concept just a few days earlier.

Parents Helping Parents | Practical Solutions that Strengthen Relationships at Home
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Originally Published: Jan. 13, 2015
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I’ve determined that I’m a special breed of superhero, because I have powers no one else in my house possesses. At my house, I am evidently the only human who can do the following:
1. Replace the toilet paper roll. Maybe my family members haven’t mastered the push and pull trick of the toilet paper roll holder, or perhaps they’re afraid of pinching their fingers, but really. This isn’t rocket science. (And FYI, leaving two sheets of paper on the roll to avoid having to change it is cheating.)
2. Throw away food wrappers. Muffin wrappers and cheese stick wrappers, in particular. I usually find them on the kitchen counter, within eight inches of the garbage can.
3. Throw away paper scraps. “Let’s make snowflakes!” Noooooooooo!!!! Wait, how about you pay me a quarter for every paper scrap you don’t pick up? (Yes! Gonna be a gazillionaire.)
4. Throw away or recycle empty food containers. Half the time they get left on the counter, and the other half they end up back in the refrigerator. What the hell, people?
5. Throw away or recycle anything, really. This isn’t just my family, right? The garbage is RIGHT THERE. Barely three steps from any spot in the kitchen.
6. Notice that the garbage can or recycling is overflowing. I can only assume this is related to the inability to throw anything away. I think I’m literally the only person in the family who can see garbage at all. It’s like a really sucky superpower.
7. Hang a hand towel back up. My four-year-old gets a pass because he can’t reach the ring in the bathroom. Everyone else can suck it up, pick it up, and hang it up. Except they never do.
9. Get clothes actually INTO the hamper. Tossing dirty clothes on the floor right in front of the hamper is just mean. Seriously—it’s RIGHT. THERE.
10. Put dirty dishes in the dishwasher. It’s what the blessed contraption is for—it even says so right there in the name. A trained monkey could recognize a dirty dish and put it in the dishwasher. Why is this befuddling?
11. Answer questions. I appreciate that you seem to think I know everything, but really, you come into the other room to ask me a question when your father was standing RIGHT THERE? Give him a chance. I’m sure he knows almost as much as I do.
12. Find things that are missing throughout the house. My people seem to think that looking for something they can’t find means standing in one spot, desperately complaining that they can’t find it.
13. Find food that’s right there on the shelf in the refrigerator. They also think that looking for something in the fridge means standing with the open door in one hand, while waiting for the item to spontaneously fall into the other.
14. Find food in the door of the refrigerator. This should theoretically be easier, shouldn’t it? “It’s RIGHT THERE. In the door. No, the DOOR. That thing you’re HOLDING WITH YOUR HAND.”
15. Kiss booboos to make them all better. Okay, this one is pretty legit, though I’m sure Daddy’s lips have almost as much magic as mine.
I know I’m irreplaceable as a mom and all, but I’m 99.78% sure I’m not the only one capable of doing the things on this list. Am I the only mom with such seemingly indomitable superpowers?
This article was originally published on Jan. 13, 2015

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