Old Woman
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Old Woman
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What it takes and what it's like to have sex with older women? Find out!
Should you have sex with older women? Shutterstock Images
By Courtney Cleman Reviewed by CHD Expert Team
Updated: 2021, May 25
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Have you considered a relationship with an older woman? A relationship with a striking age difference that is often seen dare we say scandalous in the eyes of the society?
Let’s explore the aspects of having sex (and maybe more) with an older woman.
Let’s begin by setting the stage for the players and establishing the rules of the game.
Rule Number One: You must be at least seven years apart in age.
Anything less and you’re simply not very different from each other.
The relationship dynamic discussed in this article assumes that you did not graduate from college in the same year and that you basically come from two different planets – she counts VHS or Beta tapes as the cutting edge technology of her youth.
She can be of any age, though we would guess most female players in this game are under 70. As for you…you should be under 30.
If you are any older, the generational gap between you two will simply not hold up to the mystique surrounding your union.
You will have too much in common when it comes to life experience.
You will be knowledgeable about the same U.S. Presidential elections since both of you have voted in at the same time.
We’re talking a striking age difference in this article, a la Mrs. Robinson from The Graduate.
What’s awaiting you is pure unadulterated passion, without major obligations.
Most likely, your older paramour is hardly dying to have three kids with a young lover and build a nest in a sleepy suburb.
No, she craves you for something very, very different. She is a grown woman and she knows exactly what she wants – drawn-out foreplay in the bedroom, not a drawn-out courtship.
An older woman is interested in having raw, no holds barred sex with you, not taking you to meet the parents and learning all there is to know about you before she succumbs to your advances.
Men grow more pragmatic and inflexible with age. On the other hand, women get “riper and sweeter” – she knows herself well by now; she is more experienced and has thrown her inhibitions out the window.
Her self-awareness is very high, too. She’s grown more imaginative and has many fantasies – fantasies she wants you to fulfill.
She has waited long enough to make them come true and doesn’t want to wait any longer.
She is ready to do everything that you and your schoolmates joked about in your college dorm just a few years ago.
And guess what? She already has real-life experience in playing out these fantasies.
You may think you don’t blush easily — just wait until your older lover lays it all out for you.
This mindset shift usually takes place when she approaches 40.
It’s simple biology – her libido spikes as the end to her reproductive years draw nearer.
Her body is screaming for sex. Her hormones are raging while her fears, modesty, and unsureness recede.
She has style, self-confidence, and many other characteristics of a well-rounded, fully-matured woman who knows who she is and what she wants.
You will be hard-pressed to find such a collection of traits in your female peers who are still just traveling down the path toward “ripeness.”
Remember, the older the berry, the sweeter the juice!
Male reproductive potential peaks between the ages of 20 and 30.
From a biological viewpoint, the best time for you to produce offspring is when you’ve got your nose in the books in college and are taking the first steps in your budding career.
You can’t deny evolution – for much of the human existence, males did not live nearly as long as they do now, so your body is optimized for early fatherhood.
What do we mean by reproductive potential?
Sex. You want to have sex, a lot of it. You want it raw. Salacious. In as many ways and on as many surfaces as you can.
What a coincidence that is precisely what your older lady longs for.
But not to worry – she is hardly looking to start a family with you. No, what she is looking for is to satisfy both of your hunger for lust.
Another thing younger men have going for them is their ability to get hard and stay hard. You’re not plagued by the erectile dysfunction issues of her peers (we hope!). You’re young and virile.
Just be aware that ultimately, she’s using you. She’s a consumer of sorts. And you? You’re an accessory a luxury item that she wants to use for her pleasure.
As long as you know what you’re getting yourself into, there’s no reason not to take the leap!
For her, your relationship dynamic feels comfortable and relaxed. A lover around her same age would insist on teaching her about how to live her life; work and other obligations weigh heavily on him, demanding much of his attention.
But with a young lover, she can shape him around her needs and easily work him into her daily routine.
After all, he probably feels like he owes her — she chose him to enjoy mind-blowing sex with!
So you will be easy-going, accommodating her needs in and out of the bedroom.
Rest assured, it will be easy for you two to agree on the number of drawers she designates as ‘his’ in her closet.
What else is in it for her in this relationship arrangement? A greater feeling of self-worth. Despite her youthful looks and enviably toned physique, she is well aware of her age.
She is beginning to wonder what it will feel like to be the last choice as a player in the field of lovers.
When she sees younger women, she thinks of you in her bed and her inner voice delightfully says, “You may be younger, but I haven’t lost my touch because he still chose me!”
Successful. Stylish. Trendy. A sophisticated metropolitan woman with an established career and the means to take great care of herself.
She has a good education, which helps her attract a younger lover with her mind as well as her looks. All this gives her a strong sense of self-worth without which she would never have the confidence to start a relationship with a younger man.
Get ready to be judged. Yes, you can do what you want with your life. Life is too short not to follow your heart’s desires.
But people will still judge you especially those close to you. Sometimes, that can cause big problems.
Also, be prepared for your youthful inexperience to frustrate her at times.
Remember that as the older person in the relationship, she will often have to assume the traditional male leadership role.
In the beginning, she was drawn in by the easy and passionate nature of your arrangement.
But eventually, she will come to realize that it means she has to take on the responsibility for both of you.
Not surprisingly, this type of relationship often ends in a breakup.
Interestingly, the younger man usually finds it more difficult to leave this type of arrangement than he would if he were with someone his own age because he knows that for an older woman the breakup will be more painful.
With every passing year, her chances of finding a new, steady relationship will decline.
It is possible that you are her last long-term love!
Either way, you both chose to enter into this arrangement and you both knew the potential consequences.
Be prepared to remain friends and don’t be hasty to part ways for good.
This type of relationship can have a happy ending (and does more often than not) because the type of man who is attracted to an older lover tends to be a one-woman man when it comes to love and commitment.
Men who like to play the field will pursue the hottie in skimpy, tight shorts – they will not be interested in an older woman.
The longer a union marked by a large age difference goes on, the more the apparent ‘gap’ between the two will narrow.
Lovers grow closer over time; their interests and habits grow increasingly together too.
You are like a fountain of youth for your older lady, as her physiology adjusts to yours.
As for you, you will outpace your peers in getting rid of all that nonsense in your head and showing real maturity.
As you can see, there are benefits to everyone involved when it comes to relationships with older women.
If you get the rare opportunity to be with an older woman, you have to seize the day! You never know where it might lead the both of you.
Courtney is a relationship and life strategy coach, as well as the Co-Founder of TheV.Club, a New York City-based sex education concept Read Full Bio
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Is nakedness invisibility’s opposite? Maybe not, but, if it’s unapologetically displayed, it can be a kind of antidote to erasure.
“Bebe on Sand,” 2014. Photographs by Jocelyn Lee
“Deborah at Aquinnah Beach in September,” 2020.
“Nancy at 78, Maine at 18 (Aunt and Grandniece),” 2018.
“Nancy Floating at Quitsa Pond,” 2016.
“Judith at Home,” 2009. Photographs by Jocelyn Lee
“Bebe and Pagan in the Red Room,” 2004.
“Bebe and Pagan Pregnant with Twin Girls,” 2012.
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Some clichés about the cycle of life are true. When you are raising young children, the days are long and the years are short. And when you’re a woman, you will, at about age fifty, become invisible. All our lives, as girls and younger women, we prepare ourselves to be looked at. We grow accustomed to registering —to attracting, evading, or denouncing the male gaze. In “ Mrs. Dalloway ,” Clarissa, newly aware of herself as a woman of a certain age, walks down the street thinking, “This body, with all its capacities, seemed nothing—nothing at all.” The cultural critic Akiko Busch, quoting that line from “Mrs. Dalloway,” notes that “a reduced sense of visibility does not necessarily constrain experience.” True, but it takes some getting used to, and when it’s punctuated, as it often is, by condescension—when strangers are suddenly addressing you not even as “Ma’am” but, with a verbal wink, as “young lady”—you may not want to get used to it.
Is nakedness invisibility’s opposite? Maybe not, but, if it’s voluntarily, unapologetically displayed, it can be a kind of antidote to diminishment and erasure. A nude portrait of a woman older than, say, sixty is an unusual image—even a taboo one. To make such photographs, and, even more so, to pose for them, is an act of defiance. In the course of her career, the photographer Jocelyn Lee has been drawn to nude bodies of all shapes and ages. Her latest book, “Sovereign” (Minor Matters Books), features a selection of her photographs of women who range in age from their mid-fifties to their early nineties, posing naked, frequently outdoors and in natural settings.
Lee’s color images of older women are painterly, classical, but also frank. Skin puckers, crinkles, and sags. Bellies poof and pleat. A silver-haired woman stands knee-deep in a pond strewn with autumn leaves, looking directly at the camera, her elbows angled back like wings to reveal one intact breast and one mastectomy scar. A naked woman sits on a blanket of moss in the woods, her breasts and belly soft, so at ease she might be napping. In “Nancy at 78, Maine at 18,” a woman and her grandniece stand nude on a beach. Side by side, their long-legged, curly-headed bodies rhyme, but also remind us of the ways time will remake our familiar, corporeal selves. The image is not some grim memento mori, though. The women lean comfortably toward each other, touching shoulders; the younger woman’s arm loops through the elder woman’s. Behind them, the sea and sky are a light-suffused blue.
Lee, who is fifty-nine, lives part of the year on a lush, wooded property outside of Portland, Maine. She’s taken some of the portraits of older women at a pond near her house, and others on beaches at Martha’s Vineyard and elsewhere. The natural settings, devoid of sociological detail and inherently beautiful, tend to banish ironic readings and extend a certain benevolence to the naked subjects. We aren’t in paradise here—nobody in these photos looks that naïve—but we are not in any sort of judgment-laden social space, either. Lee told me that she hoped the locations implied the warmth of sun on the body—“that kind of comfort and love”—and communicated the idea that we are “all essentially sensual creatures.”
“The camera can be very cruel depending on how you use it,” she said. “There’s a whole tradition of photography that’s based on criticality and cruelty. Diane Arbus —whom I love, by the way—looked for unflattering moments to create a sense of drama. Sometimes that can be done with the juxtaposition of elements in a space, the exaggeration of the appearance of wealth or poverty, harsh lighting.”
Lee said that, by contrast, her work had sometimes been criticized for being “too earnest or romantic.” But she made her peace with that a long time ago. Through her photography, Lee has always tried to understand “what lay ahead.” When she was still in college, long before she had children herself, she photographed a pregnant friend in the nude as part of her thesis project. “This was before the Demi Moore Vanity Fair cover; people didn’t really know what a pregnant woman looked like,” she said. Through the years, she took many nude photographs of her mother, who, she says, had a remarkable ease in her own skin. Lee continued taking pictur
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