Office Orgy

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Office Orgy
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With his dad's house in the Hamptons about to go on the real-estate market, a party-loving guy (Jason Sudeikis) talks his best friends into having an orgy.






By
Lorenzo Jensen III ,
December 13th 2016



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“My boss showed the entire staff that he has 5 nipples at the company Christmas party one year. He even let one girl touch the 5th one.”
“All thirty of us ended up on top of a mountain at sunrise, naked and drunk. We then went for breakfast and back to work.”
“One coworker mentioned he does martial arts. Second coworker tells him to show him a move, gets choked unconscious. Cue manager freaking the fuck out when he finds an employee not moving on the floor. He woke up eventually.”
“Super drunk file clerk puts arm around our CEO ‘Charles,’ who this drunk person starts calling ‘Chucky.’ Drunk guy pretends to put him in headlock… everyone shocked. Drunk guy doesn’t remember any of it the next day, and is horrified to hear what he did.
TL;DR: Drunk file clerk puts CEO in headlock.”
“A coworker (male) fucking a stripper with a strap-on all sanctioned by the boss. It was fucking awesome.”
“I saw a woman squirt champagne from her vagina into the mouth of the woman who’d just inserted a champagne bottle into said vagina.
I worked as a porn editor at the time, so it was appropriate to the situation.”
“Coworker threw his desk chair out of a four-story window after having a few too many.”
“My assistant gave a blowjob to one of my bosses at a bus stop while her boyfriend smoked cigars with our coworkers.”
“Christmas party. Married HR woman had an orgy with five of the warehouse workers. All still work there; HR woman is still married.”
“Went out for drinks with coworkers after service (it was a lunch focused restaurant) and by the end of the night, one of our cashiers decided to lactate on me from across the table…”
“In my last job, we had parties every two months or so. Company was ‘gender-sorted’— all engineers male, all HR staff—female. And a French boss.
Once, we got out to shooting range. The boss locked himself with the HR staff in one half of the building—girls were too shy to shoot when guys were watching (?).
Of course someone finally decided to do the sensible thing, got the spare key and swung the door open in front of everyone, to discover something like 15-on-1 orgy (who’d guess, right?). That was basically end of company and a couple of marriages, too.
It appears, that every time I end up working with French, they appear to be dickheads.”
“Work party. One guy took a shit in the toilet followed by grabbing the vacuum cleaner and sucking it all up.”
“We had a ‘Mardi Gras’ themed holiday party. One guy decided to bring his saxophone and be a ‘jazz man.’ Normal enough, right? Well, he also thought that to be a jazz man, he needed to show up in blackface. Luckily, this is rural Wisconsin and no one at the company was black so we all just got really really drunk and told him he’s an idiot.”
“Saw a drunk dude getting a handy under the table from another drunk dude, both of them were supposedly straight when not drunk.”
“I worked at Macca’s and we had a work party. Some of the crew volunteered to run the night shift while the rest of us went 10pin bowling and drank scrumpies. I was a manager so I got to see the camera footage the next day. It was of me, walking around the restaurant and kitchen with my pants down, shaping my balls to look like a brain and making people look at my taut scrote. There were also brown-eyes and squashed-rats, which is where you press your dick and balls up against the glass. That was me in the drive-through window. I woke up horrified and knew I was in trouble.
There was a small fallout. I miraculously didn’t get fired, no one formally complained. My punishment was to wash car windows as they went through drive thru on my day off and donate the tips to the Ronald McDonald House charity.”
“GM (guy) and controller (girl) were grinding on the dance floor. GM’s wife confronts them on the dance floor in front of everyone, ‘Is this the whore you’ve been fucking?’ Needle off the record moment. The controller’s husband had been suspicious for a while and considered this confirmation. Both couples divorced shortly after. GM and controller are now married.”
“First Christmas party at a tech startup.
Go to the bathroom towards the end of the night. Realize mid-piss that the sounds coming from the stall next to mine are the CTO and his wife going at it. Step out of the stall and the CEO and some sales guys are doing lines. CEO sees me and shouts, ‘Hey, it’s Jared!!’ My name isn’t Jared.
He called me Jared for about 6mos after that until I pulled him aside and corrected him one day.
“Our company Christmas party had a tequila ice luge. One of our class A drivers got so wasted he was doing flips on the dance floor and juggling Corona bottles, then he went and sat on a 19-year-old girl’s lap and her mom went ballistic. He was kicked out and proceeded to drive himself home. What a guy.”
“Used to work for a big bank. We had a little potluck for Christmas, and long story short about 2 hours later, someone shit in the bathroom and smeared it literally, and I mean literally, all over the bathroom stalls. The wall, the stall door handle, the toilet sensor; fucking everywhere. It looked like a XXL Hershey bar stepped on an IED.
We never did quite catch the elusive poop handle bandit. Legend says he’s still out there, ravaging the latrines of financial institutions to this day.”
Christmas party every year is held in the residents’ party room.
Approximately 30 late 40s/early 50s polish women pounded back the Vodka like they shouldn’t have been alive afterwards.
Many insane things each year. Always some passed out, always some of them competed to get the attention of the one and only male—the crazy drunk maintenance man, and always at least one person ended up crying. Once they all happened at once:
Nurses had him sit with them at one of the tables.
They played some weird ass drinking game as best I could tell.
They would make out with him, then take a shot after.
Eventually I hear chanting and look over. One of the girls is on her knees now, quite sure she blowing him. Except the chanting sounds more like yelling. Look closer she doesn’t seem to be moving.
One of the other women is moving to, I wasn’t sure, help the other one suck him off?
Nope, she grabs the girl under the shoulders and pulls her off the guy’s dick and I hear horrible coughing and the girl lands on her back. The guys dick is at full mast as he bursts out crying.
The guys starts muttering something about how he almost killed her. He’s bawling. Dick is still out and waving around.
The girl / woman is on the floor and coughing but one of the other ‘nurses’ tries to give her mouth to mouth.
Far as I could tell I think the head giver passed out sucking the guy and choked on his cock but was out so cold she was just gonna die.
So someone tries to do CPR on the now conscious woman and Ms. Dicksucker doesn’t want (or need it), so they start fighting/wrestling on the ground and the chanting starts again.
Dude is still crying with his dick out but now he’s standing over them yelling ‘don’t fight over me.’
Now this is all during the day, and there are other workers on shift cause the place doesn’t shut down just cause of the party. So in burst a couple of sober nurses to help. Someone had radioed them for help cause of the person choking (on cock).
They burst in and yell ‘what the fuck?’ And then the dude with his dick out turns around and faces them, and both scream and run out of the room.
“Worked in a warehouse for a while, we had regular ‘awards nights’ where we’d all get fucked up and hand out stupid awards like driver of the year for the person who had the worst forklift accident, or who crashed a work car. Other things of note:
Doing lines with the boss off his desk every party;
Married coworkers banging in the car park;
Having forklift races in the aisles of the warehouse, forklifts being driven by guys who are plastered;
Using forklifts to lift each other to the roof of the warehouse;
I don’t miss my old job but damn, I miss the parties.”
“A group of girls pregamed the Christmas party pretty hard. They show up wearing prom dresses and twenty minutes later, the most smashed of the girls is out back with her prom dress hiked up above her waist, panties at her knees, bent over taking it from some dude. This set the tone for the rest of the night. Marriages were unintentionally put on hold so drunken coworkers could gain carnal knowledge of each other. Many walks of shame the following day.”
“My supervisor and I somehow ended up on the couch in the basement of another coworker’s Christmas party, watching demon porn.”
“CEO’s secretary got really wasted during an office party. She fooled around with at least 3 coworkers, threw up, slipped on her own vomit, got her shirt covered with said vomit and decided the best course of action was to just take it off. She strolled around with just a bra and a skirt for the rest of the party. She lost her keys, too.”
“Used to work as a pressman, in an old-school magazine/poster print house, where the print side is mostly male and post-treatment mostly female (for the most part 50+ old).
Pressmen are traditionally very keen on getting their drink on and this being Finland in the 90’s, well suffice to say there were always loads of drunk people at our events.
Most parties were disbanded after first few wrestling bouts. It was usually around the third or so round of ‘playful test of strength’ that someone got angry for real and then fists became involved.
I have no idea why, but they were always wrestling! Guys in their 40s and 50s, drunk as fuck, wrestling.
Always some groping, but those ladies had been around these kinds of guys for decades, so they just slapped them off or used that commanding tone blue collar working women sometimes develop. A harsh ‘Goddamn Tim, BEHAVE!’ would always calm everyone down for at least… good 10 minutes.”
“A few years ago, I worked at a small company and there was long standing rumor that while at a gathering at the CEO’s house, one of the ladies in finance was caught giving the CEO head by the CFO and it was all swept under the carpet. Needless to say, everyone who worked there was “aware” of this story.
Fast forward to the Christmas meal about a year after this event apparently took place. One of the crasser office girls starts making drunken lewd comments, saying stuff like ‘Oooh, keep an eye on them two, can’t be trusted alone,’ etc. etc. As the night goes on the comments continue and we’re all getting a bit tipsy (this was a meal after all, not a full party).
Towards the end of the night the accused cocksucker dives across the table, knocking glasses flying, with a knife at the girl making the comments screaming she was going to slit her throat…in a restaurant full of people! The office manager restrained her, told her to go home and sober up and they’d talk about it on Monday. She continued working there until we were taken over.
Was quite eventful for a little homecare company Christmas meal!”
“I used to work for a big bank in Australia. We had an office Christmas party one year and one young fellow who had never drank before decided that now was a good time to start.
Problem was that he started by draining a 700ml bottle of vodka in the carpark.
Fast forward 30 minutes and he is heartily telling the national manager what he really thinks of him. The NM eventually took a swing at him and was dragged off by his wife. The young drunk fellow then announced to everyone that he was gay therefore this was a hate crime, before vomiting all over the buffet.
While the rest of us are cleaning up, vodka boy disappears. A few minutes later he is naked and screaming, running through the party covered in vomit. He smashed straight through the closed glass door and ran off into the night.
The next morning, we found him. Still naked. Asleep in a shopping trolley in the staff car park at work. Which was about 10km from where the party was.
He was of course fired but not charged with anything, and I ran into him not long ago just after he passed his bar exam.”
“Worked for a now defunct restaurant in Louisiana. They had a regional Christmas party at some place where they hold large wedding receptions. Everyone got one or two drink tickets. Some stores didn’t want them so people from our store gladly accepted them. We were like the fucking drunken black sheep squadron there. All of us proceeded to get inappropriately drunk.
Fast forward—my friend and I get bored and go out for a smoke. Run in to our manager and a waitress outside. They tell us they have a joint and we go to our manager’s town car to smoke. Finish up. Coke comes out. My buddy and I are in back seat we pass on the coke. Minute later, coke is put away and manager’s dick is out. Waitress is down head in lap. We do this awkward thing where we kind of wait because, well it’s like live porn, but then we quietly excuse ourselves from the back seat.
“We bought our boss Sexy Santa lingerie as a gag gift. She tried it on in front of us and proceeded to do a strip tease dance all the while screaming out how her husband was going to love this. She’s 54.
I worked at a call center. I am a female, was 16 years old at the time; so the answer was/still is, no I did not particularly enjoy it.”
“Last year’s work Christmas party. One woman (known for over drinking) over drank. She came to sit at the table I was at and proceeded to sit down….Where there was no chair. Straight on her ass. Later that night she was grinding on one of the boss’s girlfriends and apparently tried to talk the boss and his girl into a 3-way.
She is still confused why she didn’t get the promotion she was going for at the time. That would have granted her a company credit card and had her taking clients out to dinners.”
“I was working for a large Canadian telecom company about 6 years ago. Our office was downtown in a major city and we liked to go for drinks or food after work. One night I ended up with a group that included three of my bosses, a new assistant, and two colleagues who had the same position as myself. After hours of clubbing we realized the last busses were gone and it was cold out. The girls were wearing dresses, the guys suits. Not the best attire for Canadian winters at night. One of the managers suggested we go back to our office and keep the party going. I was pretty drunk so I laid down on one of the lobby couches when we arrived at the office and fell asleep. I was woken up shorty by a sobbing receptionist. She had started dating one of the managers and came by the office because a friend of hers told her he was still at the office. I looked up to see what she was so upset about. And right through the floor-to-ceiling glass walls are two of the managers (one of which was her boyfriend) double-teaming the new assistant on the conference table. Literally ON the table, in full sight of us. I did the only appropriate thing, went right back to sleep. Left in the morning before staff came in and never went back. I didn’t quit, didn’t tell anyone what happened either. I just stopped answering my phone and emails and found another job. I didn’t want to get caught up in the impending HR shit show.”
“My asshole manager getting drunk af and on the dancefloor…GRINDING FROM BEHIND THRU ONE WHOLE DANCE SONG…on the owner’s drunk wife!!!! In front of the owner!!! The whole party was small and consisted of maybe 46 people. Everyone was frozen….mortified and gritting their teeth and staring at him.”
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