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I believe it really gets back to how do we want to teach, and model, healthy sexuality to our kids. We live in a culture where almost anything goes... but do you want your son to go there? With a little more research you will find that fetishes are not harmless, because they build up fantasies that can never be satisfied in the context of a normal sexual relationship; the result is sexual, and with that, relational dysfunction. My wife just told me about a fellow employee at work whose marriage ended as a result of the husband's shoe fettish. Fettishes are much like a pornogrphy addiction... they preoccupy and corrupt the beautiful, natural sexual gift we have been given. Your son may be by himself in this now... but as he grows up, if it is still with him, it will affect his ability to have a normal, healthy sexual relationship... like with a spouse. Paul in Seattle
First of all, I like the way you handled the akward scene starring your son. I wish all parents handled such situations the same way. Secondly, granted I'm not a father, I am a man in his early 30s who has had a foot fetish all his life. My advice is, in a casual conversation with your son about sex or sexuality, probe (don't push) him a little to see if he'll admit to his fetish. Assure him that human sexuality is a complex creature that comes with many kinks and fetishes. Society teaches young people to accept one type of sexuality, which is why kids who are into things outside the norm feel alone and ashamed. It is up to great parents like you to help him know: 1) he is not alone, that there are plenty other foot fetishists in the world, and 2) if he takes it slow, he just might find a girl who will welcome his fetish. But don't encourage him to sniff YOUR shoes. Not a good idea.
Upon stumbling on this question and reading all the posts on this subject and trying to put myself in the boy's shoes (pun intended), I believe the best thing you could do is give him a book titled "THE SEX LIFE OF THE FOOT AND SHOE" by William A. Rossi. ISBN # 0-89464-573-0 (HARD COVER) or ISBN # 0-89464-756-3 (PAPERBACK). And hope for the best!
I have had a foot/shoe fetish since I can remember, I can recall stealing my babysitters shoes at the age of 4 and smelling them. At the time I didn't know why I was fascinated with her shoes, I just knew I liked the looks and the smell. It was later on in life that I discovered that there was a name for my behavior, foot/shoe fetish. I had always known that I was attracted to women s feet/shoes but thought I was alone in this and that I was some type of freak, thanks to the internet, I realized that I wasn't alone and there were both men and women with this fetish and that it was a pretty common fetish.

One thing I have learned in my 39 years is that every one with a foot/shoe fetish is different, we all exhibit different behaviors. A foot/shoe fetish can be harmless and can actually be good for a relationship as there are tons of romantic gestures that can be had by the other partner being supportive. Can you imagine foot rubs every night without asking for one? Or a partner that encourages you to buy shoes? There are definitely advantages in dating someone with a foot/shoe fetish. In having said that, there is the other side of the coin. There are many people (men and women) with a foot fetish that have difficulty controlling their urges and end up in trouble because of it. For some, it needs to be controlled or it can quickly grow to an overwhelming desire that leads to things such as the stealing of womens shoes or even worse. There are stories all over the internet about this. It is this behavior that gives us all a bad name.

I think the key is to be supportive and to let him know there is nothing wrong with his desires but with every desire there is right and wrong. I wouldn't tell him you walked in on him, however I would have a talk with him and let him know that you know about his fetish and that you are supportive. He shouldn't be smelling his mothers shoes, socks etc, that should be fixed or it could lead to other issues in the future. There and there are other ways to feed his overwhelming desires. I will leave that up to you.

There are celebrities in the world that are very open about their foot/shoe fetish, here are some for example:

Quentin Tarantino, Elvis Presley, Tommy Lee, Christian Slater, Jack Black, Britney Spears, Jay Leno, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Enrique Iglesias, Ricky Martin and tons more. I bet some of these names shocked you! Like I said, it is more common that you would think. Just be supportive!

I think your advice is the best! It is too bad us foot fetishists are given a bad name because of the few of us who can't control their urges and begin to develop compulsions (which lead to doing things like stealing women's shoes). But luckily for this woman's teenage son, these days with the help of the Internet, foot fetishism is more out than ever before, which literally multiplies this kid's chances of finding more support and advice and ways to cope with his sexuality than ever before. I am in my early 30s, and I remember when I was a teenager, I thought I was the only "foot freak" on the planet. Often I felt alone and ashamed, and even tried to act like I didn't have the fetish (which any true foot fetishist will tell you only leads to sexual frustration). I guess I like your advice to her so much because I can PERSONALLY relate to much of what you mentioned in your advice!
I agree with coolwaterboy that this is the best reply so far. I too thought I was the only foot freak until I found other people very much like me on the internet. I was already married at the time. My wife never appreciated my fetish and I wanted to explore it more with other women (through photography and massage, not sex). Now divorced, I have the freedom to explore my fascination without disapproval from someone I thought completed me. I hope your son learns that he isn't alone, that he doesn't need to bottle up his desires, and that it's better to 'find himself' before he commits to someone who may not understand or accept him once he does. I wish you and your son well!

I think this is the best answer so far, just being supportive...in a way I divorced over the very thing, I loved my woman looking elegant sort to speak, love heels and hose, stockings which feeds my fetish, my x was a sneaker, flip flop, no hose or stocking type which led me to cheating, thank god not the stealing shoes, hose,etc type guys who desire don't get feed, I even paid for well worn pantyhose over the internet, wasnt getting at home so gotta do what you gotta do!! Good thing is the internet and its more open now days, can find a woman that enjoys or welcomes his desire, such as me...my wife was nylons everyday! I have found knee high nylon socks in my pocket from wife with note, enjoy, love you....so its not bad, he just has to find the right person that welcomes him for him and wants too be apart as him of that person he is with...everybody have needs!
oh, try to find a way for him to stop sniffing mommy stuff..lol no advice on that one...
1/2 "closet" Isn't time we come out of the "shoe" closet, like the gay people did. I am deeply disturbed by the stigma attached to foot fetishism. There are plenty of people obsessed with breasts, and even vaginas, that are forceful. I could even go so far as to say that a fair amount of men are just as forceful as anyone with a fetish, and people who like feet are less likely to do beat their wife. This isn't a proven fact. This is just an example, and to show non fetishists how it feels when the tables are turned. To group people with foot fetishes is like grouping all liberals or conservatives. It's human nature I guess. We did the same with the gays before they said it was enough and spoke up. It's our turn now. In my person life, it wouldn't change a thing, because I'm very social just like others with this. To be ashamed is silly. It's crucial to give woman vaginal pleasure - 2/2
You seem to have a very good handle on it already. I agree that making a big deal out of it is the wrong route. I'd just come home one evening, slip my shoes off, hand them to him and with friendly smile, say, "you might want to try these, I've worn them all day." Make sure the conversation after that remains cheerful and understanding, not criticism. The object is to get the issue up on the table where both of you can talk about it openly. Then you can provide the guidance on how he should deal with it.

If he's heard the story about the guy you dated in school with the fetish, that may have something to do with it. Kids that age experiment with a lot of things they hear about but the behavior never becomes part of their life.

Why would you bring it up to him? There is no reason to embarrass him like that, some thing s are left best unsaid.
Nobody is suggesting trying to embarrass the child. If handled well, parents can discuss a littany of sensitive issues with children without embarrassing them. Many of the serious issues kids get into are the result of "things being left unsaid." A parent can't offer guidance to their child without communication and the issue has to be brought up on the table some way. The easiest way to make a child feel that what he's doing is bad or ugly is to tell him, "we don't talk about that."




To jgamelb32: You don't grow out of a "Foot Kink." You kid yourself if you think you can. You only repress it, like gays going in church to be "cured". There's nothing to cure. I told my girlfriends. So,e we're against it at first, but if you're confident, it will get rid of the stigma and you'll be able to enjoy your lust, and will please her too via confidence/experience. Same as anyone with or without a kink. I tried to "grow out of it", because of the stigma. Then as I got older I realized there's nothing wrong with this. It's only a glitch in the brain. The signal that detects feet is right next to the detection, and arousal of genitalia. This gets switched. Everything else works the same like personality. People like to label others that are unique. This is a grey area. Sometimes it's ok. If some is skitzofrenic, you label them as such, but still don't judge. Never assume.
Ask_Sean Says, Confront him and speak about the situation calmly and yeh I know it'l be embarasing for him and you but you'l need to get it sorted.
I think you're doing the right thing and approaching the situation in an adult manner. I'm a shoe fetishist and have been all my life. Unfortunately I didn't have the support and understanding that you're proposing for your son. So I had to find myself; it took three failed marriages and lots of heartache until I was able to understand myself. Now I'm completely happy with my life. I live alone with my shoes. Fortunately I'm a shoe fetishist, and not a foot fetishist. Foot fetishists need people; I don't. I think foot fetishists need more support than shoe fetishists, so go for it, Richmond Girl! I think you're great.
DennisJapan
http://www.jahsonic.com/PsychopathiaSexualis.html

Hello, here is a link to “The Bible” on all sexual behavior. If you want to understand your son at the deepest level, take time the read the section about shoes and feet in this book.

Without going into my own back ground, I can let you know that this fetish is about power, believe it or not? There is a reason for everything, and even your son may not know what is going on himself. He is NOT going to come to you and say, “Wow, mom, your shoes smell fantastic”, you did the right thing by not confronting him. There could be an incident with your son where he was hurt or embarrassed by a woman waring high heels, and possibly lowered his eyes and viewed her shoes. Something as seemingly as harmless as an incident that was no big deal at the time could have been the trigger that set him on his path? I don’t know if it is worth trying to find out what happened, or maybe it is?

I hate to say this, and please don’t take it the wrong way, but it looks like your son is desperate? He has no other outlet for his desires except going in your closet. It would appear that he recognizes your power too, and his behavior is about trying to gain his own power at this point. It is for this reason, if you can find out what happened, you may be able to help him? I’m sure that my mom knew about me, in fact, she sent me to my cousins house one time for an overnight stay, and her shoe closet was just too much for me to pass up, although I did not do anything. I remember her coming in when she thought I was asleep, and she went right to her shoe tree. I knew it was a test from my mom.

All and all, your son is at the very beginning stages of this, and what the outcome will be, even he will not be able to tell you at his age of 13yo. He may get over it?

I can say that you are a woman with tremendous love for your son, and there in lies the real power. It is your love that can help him become the best person he can be...:-)
Holly Molly!

What can I say.

Im 29 years old and have had my fetish since the age of about 6ish...

I have to say you are a very understanding person, to not have rushed in a bellowed the child to tears. That definetly would not have helped, and would have left the child really scared what was going to happen now that his mother new his 'secret'!

Im not sure if encouraging the boy to endulge how ever is good. For me..... my desires are only making me miserable and I also do things which (I get away with) but which would also be deemed socially unacceptable.

I too im disgusted to say, started with my mothers shoes. (shakes head) but I forced my self to stop, as I knew that I should definetly not be mixing my sexuallity with my mother. So I broke that behaviour!

However, I did and still do indulge, but more with people whom a sexual attraction is socially acceptable. But the problem with me, is that my urges are somewhat compulsive now. Given the oppurtunity I will engineer a way to get my self beneath the desk of the good looking girl in the next door office at work, sniff and give those wonderfully sexy yet worn and dirty heels and good lick (they leave heels under desk for meetings etc). This is not me justifying my actions or what ever the word is Im looking for, im just giving you an example of the things your son will be compulsed to do especially if you encourage it.

The second problem, which is related is just like gate way drugs lead to hard drugs, well so too can foot/shoe fetishism lead to hard forms of sexuality, such as bdsm etc..... The two have a symbiotic relationship. At least they did for me.

The power and the fantasy is fulfilled through such things as trampling, mistresses etc etc etc..... all within the domain of bdsm.

My advice would be do not scare the boy, and make him think, he cannot confide in you about such matters. However, please do not encourage him either. This things, are by and large still not socially acceptable behaviours, plus why encourage him to get hooked on to something that will last a life time, when he still has the chance to escape it altogether.

On the other hand, dont despair. I paint a picture of doom and gloom. It doesnt have to be like that. This fetish has a huge specturm in adults. It can range from innocent foot massage, to more sensual toe sucking - foot kissing, and thingswhich I will not put down in words!

I think another thing you should be warry of and prepared for is the internet!

Up untill 1999, I only ever had a few brief little things I got from Tv, magazines and my imagination. However, I went to University in 2000, and the first night I was alone with my pc and the internet, I couldnt belive my eyes. To say that was the biggest event in my life so far would be an understatement. I had everything I ever dreamed off, and at 10000% the intensity.

Your going to have to get the balance right I think. Not overpowering nor too liberal. Allow him his freedom, but try to also keep in the loop. Please do not let him get addicted to internet porn, its a huge problem for me and Im stuck now.

My fetish has had over 20 years to develop, what realistic chance do I have of denying it?

Im reaching a crossroads. Do I seek proffesional counceling to try to rid my self of these desires, or do I plunge head first in to the dark and murky world of my fetish... ie fetish clubs, meeting like minded people etc etc etc...

I hope this post, acted like a crystal ball, to a potential future for your son.

By the way, Im not a complete loner, no hoper with no freinds. I have a good job, earn good money, am a good person with values, but on the other hand, I have a shoe fetish, and view bdsm porn. Im still learning the skills to value my self and inreturn learning to deal with and be comfortable around the opposite sex, without feeling like Im worthless etc....

Atcually, that makes me think, the absolute best thing you can get your son to do, is be socialable with the girls. Even if he's fetish developes, he will learn along the way the skills neccessary to be comfortable around the opposite sex.
It may be best to leave him alone? Could be easier to kick hard drugs than quit a foot and shoe fetish?
gemeyildiz - take the first option to move away from the destructive beahviours associated with your fettish. This all about self-respect. If you respected yourself you would not subject your mind and body to things that you know are toxic. Your self worth is central to your behaviours. You may always be tempted by shoes and feet, but you can gain control over your actions. Pornography is particularly dangerous for your well-being because it fuels the fire. Remove the oxygen and the heat of your desire will die out. Take your association with footwear and power and tranfer those images to yourself. You are a strong, powerful man. You are accomplished. Powerful and successful men wear great shoes. Buy yourself some really expensive good shoes. Look at yourself in the mirror wearing the powerful shoes. Feel yourself wearing the powerful shoes. Those are your shoes and you deserve it.
I had always had an obsession with girls clothes; underwear tops skirts shorts bathing suits lingerie shoes, whenever I see a girls underwear I wanna try it on and I used to watch porn not for the sex but because I loved seeing girls put clothes on or undress and I just loved seeing them in skirts or underwear and today in my social psychology class I got to try on 2 girls shoes and after class I saw one of them told her how much I liked wearing her shoe and even flirted a little immediately I got an erection and went to the nearest bathroom and masturbated until I came just thinking about her shoes, now I can't stop thinking about all girls clothes sexually and I really wanna ask out this girl not sure how to handle this? do I ignore my thoughts and talk to her as normal?
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