Nurses Dating Ex Patients
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Nurse practitioners should never date current patients. In some cases, however, a romantic relationship with a former patient may be permissible. In what instances is a relationship with a former patient permissible? The acceptability of a romantic relationship with a former patient depends on the situation.
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I am an LPN in Canada working at a mental health facility. I met a patient nearly a year ago whom I had a totally unexpected connection with. It isn't something I was seeking out and never in a million years did it occur to me that something like that would happen. I explained at the time that it was inappropriate and crossing an ethical boundary. The patient understood. Now, that former patient is doing very well and doesn't have a long standing illness and are well into their recovery. It was a short admission and I would have only been in the circle of care. We have been talking and spending time together (initiated by him) and it is obvious that after all this time we would like to be with each other and are meant to be, regardless of the circumstances of how we initially came into contact, so we are now officially in a relationship. He is in university with a bright future and such a wonderful and kind person who just had a little episode. He comes from a wonderful family. I'm afraid my co-workers will judge me if they find out I'm dating an ex "mental patient" and that I will be the topic of gossip in the work place. How do I deal with this situation in a professional manner? As far as I can tell, I am doing nothing wrong. A significant amount of time has passed and their is no element of vulnerability.
I am an LPN in Canada working at a mental health facility. I met a patient nearly a year ago whom I had a totally unexpected connection with.
A significant amount of time has passed and their is no element of vulnerability.
Nearly a year is nowhere close to a significant amount of time. It just isn't. In my opinion you can't possibly rule out an element of vulnerability after such a short time period, nor can I rule out the possibility that you are being manipulated/used by your former patient, based on your account of how the two of you came to be a couple.
We have been talking and spending time together (initiated by him) and it is obvious that after all this time we would like to be with each other and are meant to be, regardless of the circumstances of how we initially came into contact, so we are now officially in a relationship.
I'm afraid my co-workers will judge me if they find out I'm dating an ex "mental patient" and that I will be the topic of gossip in the work place.
As far as I can tell, I am doing nothing wrong.
It's quite likely that your coworkers will question your judgment and professionalism if they find out about your relationship with your ex-patient. In all honesty it concerns me that you don't see any potential problems with your relationship. My advice to you is to tread very carefully and understand that the choices you make now may well impact your career, your emotional wellbeing as well as your former patient's/now boyfriend's emotional health.
How do I deal with this situation in a professional manner?
Frankly, the professional thing in my opinion would have been to stick with what you originally told your patient; that it was inappropriate and crossing an ethical boundary.
Granted, I don't know the details of your patient's psychiatric history, but I don't see myself ever getting involved with a patient in the scenario you've described. Apart from possibly negatively affecting my job and ultimately the public's trust in healthcare professionals, there's also emotional risk involved for both parties. I suspect this isn't the advice that you were hoping for but I can only call it as I see it.
So, a former mental health patient you took care of less than a year ago figured out your name and how to contact you, you agreed to meet and what appears to be a very short time frame, you decided you were "meant to be"? There are so many red flags. And I think, deep down, you know this is a bad idea or you wouldn't have posted...At a minimum, check your employer's policies. I suspect dating former patients is not allowed for a certain period of time.
Specializes in ICU. Has 6 years experience.
Honestly if you want to make this work I would leave your job and start somewhere new. I don't think it's entirely ethical to date a former patient in the first place, but I for sure would not continue working at the facility at which you met.
If you think you're doing nothing wrong, then why are you asking for advice? Some part of you knows that this won't end well, and it's ill advised. I think you should listen to that part of you and move on with your life. IMO, that's in everyone's best interest.
I'm a big advocate for those with mental illnesses, as I have mental illness myself and abhor the associated stigma.
I'm afraid my co-workers will judge me if they find out I'm dating an ex "mental patient" and that I will be the topic of gossip in the work place. How do I deal with this situation in a professional manner? As far as I can tell, I am doing nothing wrong. A significant amount of time has passed and their is no element of vulnerability.
Your co-workers will judge you and gossip about you if they find out about this, as well they should. You are violating well-established professional and ethical boundaries. There is no "professional manner" in which to deal with this, other than to end the relationship. You can say that there is "no element of vulnerability," but that is simply not true. The origin of the relationship permanently "poisons" the relationship. And the fact that you don't feel you are doing anything wrong is a big red flag for me.
You express concern about what your coworkers would say if they knew -- one of the classic "tests" of whether an action may violate professional standards and boundaries is whether you would be willing to do (whatever it is) in front of your boss or coworkers; if you would not be willing to do it in front of your boss and coworkers, you shouldn't do it at all. You are acknowledging that you have already "flunked" that test. If this relationship is okay, why would you be concerned about your coworkers finding out about it??
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab. Has 10 years experience.
I have mental health issues & am a nurse but that's so many shades of wrong!
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych. Has 20 years experience.
I am a "mental patient" myself and can't imagine being in a relationship with one of the nurses who took care of me. Yes, I know the OP said the former patient initiated it, but it should have been nicely but firmly rejected from the get-go. It crosses professional boundaries in many ways, not the least of which is the inequality of the nurse-patient relationship, in which the nurse has at least some power over the patient. It doesn't make a difference if he's been out of the hospital for one year or five, it's still not appropriate. The fact that the OP sees nothing wrong with it raises serious questions about her professionalism. But, that's just me.
FORMER patient. I see no policies stating this is an issue. I also had a nursing instructor who married one of her patients! It upsets me that there is a blanket policy on all of this. No authority can dictate my life. As for my professionalism, I am a highly respected nurse in my field and work with great compassion and competency. The fact that all of you are so disgusted makes me question your stigma. If it was a patient arrived to the ER with a broken arm and the same situation transpired, I doubt you would all have the same take on this. Right now, I'm saddened to think I work with people such as all of you.
Specializes in school nurse. Has 29 years experience.
FORMER patient. I see no policies stating this is an issue. I also had a nursing instructor who married one of her patients! It upsets me that there is a blanket policy on all of this. No authority can dictate my life. As for my professionalism, I am a highly respected nurse in my field and work with great compassion and competency. The fact that all of you are so disgusted makes me question your stigma. If it was a patient arrived to the ER with a broken arm and the same situation transpired, I doubt you would all have the same take on this. Right now, I'm saddened to think I work with people such as all of you.
So....you didn't get the answer you were looking for, so you lash out? Just so you know, no one is "meant to be" with anyone else. That constitutes magical thinking, i.e., a component of some mental illnesses which you are probably aware of due to your experience.
Not lashing out, just upset at the fact that there is a lack of support.
Edited Jul 8, 2017 by sarahg88
changed mind on what i wanted to say
For better or worse, the responses that you're getting from this forum will likely be similar to the responses you'll get from your coworkers and employer. As others have expressed, your coworkers/employers may believe that the only way to "deal with the situation in a professional manner" is not to be in this situation at all.
That said, since you seem to feel strongly about continuing this relationship, it would probably be in your best interest to get a new job (and probably unfriend your current coworkers on Facebook). I haven't worked in Canada, but there are certainly places in the US where this could be considered grounds for termination even if it isn't explicitly spelled out in your policies. If you were to get fired because your employer views this as an unprofessional relationship (which many people do, as evidenced by the opinions of prior posters), you'd have to explain the situation on all future job applications which could seriously hurt your career.
A few of my co workers know and are telling me to not freak out about it and don't see it as a big deal. I've also read other threads on here where nurses were dating there current patients and ! Which I think it absolutley wrong. I feel like what I do in my personal life is my own business. I'm getting mixed messages.
FORMER patient. I see no policies stating this is an issue. I also had a nursing instructor who married one of her patients! It upsets me that there is a blanket policy on all of this. No authority can dictate my life. As for my professionalism, I am a highly respected nurse in my field and work with great compassion and competency. The fact that all of you are so disgusted makes me question your stigma. If it was a patient arrived to the ER with a broken arm and the same situation transpired, I doubt you would all have the same take on this. Right now, I'm saddened to think I work with people such as all of you.
I agree with what others have said about this being an inappropriate relationship, especially since it involves a psych patient. Psych diagnoses can take a very long time to stabilize or resolve, if ever.
I'm also familiar with nursing in Canada, and the conservative nature of the various provincial nursing associations. Maybe you should contact the nursing association in Quebec (OIIQ, if that's correct?), and ask what's appropriate according to their standards? They may be able to provide guidance about your relationship. It may also be helpful in case a coworker/colleague reports you because they believe your actions are inappropriate.
I think you inquired about this issue here because in some way you're apprehensive about what you're doing, and you needed assurance. I hope you find peace with your decision.
Specializes in school nurse. Has 29 years experience.
Not lashing out, just upset at the fact that there is a lack of support.
There is a lack of support because people don't agree with it.
I'm not going to discuss whether I think this is right or wrong. That's on you in the end. I am, however, curious as to how this relationship occurred. Also, what dx he had.
Im a RN at an acute psych inpatient. I, for one, would never allow a personal relationship with a pt or former pt. No matter the circumstances.
Our facility does not allow for our last name to be shown, specifically so a pt cannot follow/contact us outside of treatment. It's for our own safety.
How did this relationship happened? Specially if you told him it wasn't acceptable?
also, was he a MDD, schizoaffective, bipolar manic? theres different degrees for mental illness. I feel like what you have originally posted left a lot of questions.
This topic is now closed to further replies.
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Specializes in around 25 years psych, 15years medical.
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