Nurses Castrate

Nurses Castrate
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"I extenuated a patient (took their breathing tube out). When I asked if there was anything else he needed, he responded with 'a Vicodin and a butt plug.' Yeah, I'll get right on that."
"One day I was assigned a patient who, according to the nurse who had had her during the last shift, was halfway through a blood transfusion. Upon entering the patient's room I found a very distinguished-looking woman wearing multiple pieces of expensive jewelry, texting on a fancy phone, and covered in blood. Apparently her friends' latest Facebook statuses were worth noticing, but the fact that her IV had been pumping type O into her sheets instead of into her veins was not."
"I became a nurse at the age of 20, and my 85-year-old patient picked up his flaccid penis, winked at me, and said, 'It still works too .'"
"My co-worker once had a confused patient poop in the lid that came on his dessert. When she asked him why he did that, he said, 'Because you told me I couldn't get out of bed.'"
"I had asked an elderly male patient to give us a urine sample — well, technically asked his young twentysomething, English-speaking son. The son understood and said he would help his father in the bathroom since he was very unsteady on his feet and seemed to be very confused lately.
I waited about 20 minutes and finally knocked on the bathroom door because they hadn't come out yet. They walked out together and said that he was all set. I went to the lab window, there was nothing in it. I searched high and low and there — behind the trash can in the bathroom — was the specimen cup. With a giant turd in it. "
I am a labor and delivery nurse. It was Christmas Day and the doctor manually examined the patient's cervix to assess her dilation, and I guess she found it uncomfortable so she was crying for boyfriend. He came over and started full-on making out with her, while the doctor had his hand in her cervix .
"I went to give meds to one of my patients and introduce myself. He asked me if I was one of his wives (yes, wives), and if not, would I want to be? He told me that we could consummate our marriage right there in his hospital bed, then proceeded to RIP HIS PANTS OPEN (literally tear them apart) with *you know what* right there in front of me. "
" A patient managed to masturbate while in four-point restraints . I happened to walk in at the moment of 'completion.' Scarred me for life."
"This happened slightly before I got my license, when I was still working as a nurse tech. I was sitting one-on-one with a patient who had ankle restraints. She kept complaining that it was too hot in the room, so we lowered the temperature, took off blankets, and got a fan to sit at the base of her bed. When she lifted her hips off the bed, her stool shot across the room and quite literally hit the fan. "
" So. Many. Things. In. Butts. Still-vibrating vibrators. Two-liter soda bottle. Ping-Pong ball wrapped in duct tape. Homemade styrofoam dildo. Vitamin bottle. An apple. Always makes for an awkward pre-op interview."
"I was trying to change an elderly woman's catheter. I missed the urethra, and when she asked what was happening I told her I missed the hole. She looked at me for a couple seconds then calmly said, 'My husband never had a problem finding my hole.' Then she burst out laughing. I had no response — all I could do was laugh with her!"
" I once had a patient poop in her bed and then set it at the foot of the bed for me to pick up once I returned to the room."
"One time a lady walked into the ER explaining how her bladder had started to fall out. We brought her into a room to begin examining, and to our surprise, there was a potato shoved into her! "
"I took care of a man on his 90th bday after a lobectomy (partial lung removal). Just a few hours after his surgery, I saw him flirting with the nurses and dancing in the hall. Shocked, I decided to ask this spitfire for some advice: 'Walter, tell me, what's the secret to living to be 90 years old?' He looked at me with a serious face and said proudly, 'Three wives and a LOT of mistresses!' I burst out laughing and told him I would work on finding husband number one."
" I walked in on a man trying to get it on with his wife less than 12 hours after having a baby. I gave him a time-out and told him to walk it off in the hallway."
"I was starting a blood transfusion on a patient who came in regularly for them. I hung the blood bag on the pole and then started trying to spike the bag. As I'm sure a lot of the nurses here know, sometimes those suckers are really hard to spike. I kept twisting and pushing the tip in, trying to get it into the bag so we could begin the transfusion. Well, after a minute or so of trying, I finally felt it give way, but it was immediately followed by an explosion! This bag of blood just completely burst open, covering me, the patient's mother, and the patient in splatters of blood.
"On a labor and delivery floor we had a man's girlfriend and mistress having their babies at the same time. They were coincidentally in rooms next to one another, and the man went from room to room the whole night with a proud look on his face. All the nurses knew about the situation but legally couldn't discuss it with our patients since neither knew about the other."
"I walked into my patient's room to find her 1-day-old newborn covered in meconium from head to toe. When I asked why she did this, the mother stated this was keeping away the evil spirits from harming the baby. I then had to explain to the mother that smothering poop on the baby could be dangerous and it is not recommended. "
"I used to work in a urology office. During one appointment I was getting ready to catheterize an older man, and so I took his penis in my gloved hand. Right as I was about to insert the catheter, the man says to me, 'You know, back in the day that thing was a raging bull.' Needless to say, I had to collect myself before I went ahead with the catheterization."
"Patient needed a Foley catheter (the kind that goes inside your body) because his prostate was so swollen he couldn't pee. I see my co-worker disappear into his room. The floor is quiet, but a few minutes later I hear the patient yell, " DIOS MIO !" really, really loudly. He was, uh, pretty surprised by the procedure, even though the nurse had explained it to him in Spanish."
"I had a new mother spread mashed potatoes on her breast to help her newborn latch easier."
"Just recently I was giving my elderly patient a bed bath after his surgery. It is customary to ask patients if they would like to wash 'down under' or if they would like the nurse to do it for them. Seeing as he was fairly immobile, he told me he was incapable, but 'not to be bashful.' I just assumed this was his pain medication talking, but when I lifted up his gown I found a tattoo of a shark on his penis. Not something I ever expected to see on the job."
"I once had a patient who hadn't had a bowel movement in a week, so he'd recently gone to the GI doc, who had been nice enough to place a small rectal tube to help pull the poop out. The rectal tube was hooked to suction on the wall, and for a few hours after he got back, everything was fine. After a few more hours (and close to shift change), he suddenly had to go. Presuming it was gas, he started going in the bed, and by going I mean GOING. There was poop EVERYWHERE. "
Note: Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.
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NURSING.com is the BEST place to learn nursing. With over 2,000+ clear, concise, and visual lessons, there is something for you!

We asked some of our nursing friends to tell us about their most embarrassing moments at work.
The results were shocking, cringe-worthy, and some . . . just downright funny!
What is your most embarrassing moment?!?! (*hint* we are asking you to share…. in the comments below or on social media )
It wasn’t me but I died laughing and the patient thought it was funny.
We were hanging blood and it wasn’t running well so a coworker went to extend the pole up and wasn’t paying attention.
She took it so high that the line pulled out of the blood and the bag of blood went all over her! She looked like Carrie from the prom scene. It was so funny we about all peed our pants.
Housekeeping didn’t find it funny though….
I was removing a male patient's catheter and the balloon would NOT deflate! I was told to cut the catheter and instead of cutting at the balloon port I cut the actual tube….balloon was still intact!
So now I was stuck with a Foley, no bag to drain into, and a very upset on-call urologist. The patient had to be taken to surgery to have it removed.
***side note surgery was imminent anyway bc when the patient came in intoxicated and the ER placed the cath said the patient thought it was a good idea to swing the Foley bag around in circles causing an internal “kink”
My coworker had a patient that had some sort of esophageal repair and the patient had NG tube that was sutured in.
Somehow it came out, and she instinctively put it back in… which caused the patient to bleed, tear the esophagus, and go back to the OR! Ahhh!
I called a patient’s wife his mother
Once I had a post-op CABG that had his external pacing wires still.
I was getting him OOB and one of the wires fell and got stuck in the bed, when he stood up it popped out! So I inadvertently removed his pacing wire early!
I told the CV surgeon – expecting to get yelled at – and he was actually nice about it and said that that patient did go in and out VTACH in the OR and he wanted to leave them in a few extra days….
I was walking a liver patient in the hall… a very confused man.
We called him the pirate because he talked like a pirate . . .
Halfway down the hall, he starts pooping all over the place. We had nowhere to put him, nothing to stop the mess . . . it was terrible.
I asked a double amputee where his socks were.
Once I had to push activated charcoal down an OG tube. I pushed so hard the pressure caused the OG tube to fly off the syringe.
Black slimy charcoal sprayed all over the patient’s face… and the bed, floor, wall, monitor, etc. The patient was on a vent and we couldn’t get the tubing to come completely clean.
I had to admit my accident to the whole family who was already mortified that their beloved 20-year-old was vented, but now she was vented and looked like a horror story.
What is your most embarrassing moment as a nurse or nursing student?

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Castration is the process of removing one or two testicles. Or, using anti-androgen drugs to suppress testosterone production in men. Its origin dates back to over 4000BC in different societies across the world.
Earlier societies practiced it for various purposes. For example, population specialization and controlling the rising population. Also, castrated men served as staff in palaces. Some communities saw eunuchs as outcasts.
In the modern world, castration is practiced for the following purposes:
There have been occasional reports of women castrating their husbands. In most cases, as an act of revenge against cheating or divorcing. In some of these incidences, the men have died due to over bleeding. As a result, the women face murder charges.
If you are looking to castrate your husband, discuss it with him. Talk through the reasons and potential benefits. The decision has to be consensual. If you agree, seek the services of a surgical urologist.
Castrating your husband without his consent is a form of gender-based violence. If you do it yourself, he could get health complications or succumb to death. In such a scenario, you risk facing murder charges.
Testosterone plays a crucial role in men’s physique and behavior. It promotes muscle development, hence the muscular physique in most men. It also makes men aggressive.
Since castration lowers the level of testosterone, it may ease a man’s aggression. If your husband has been aggressive, castration may help to take away the aggression. Also, see a psychologist for the aggression issue. They will diagnose and treat any psychological issues.
One of the most common reasons women castrate their men is due to infidelity. A high libido that does not match yours may be a reason for your husband to step out, it is not always the case. Other times, a man may have a porn addiction that they would like to curb. In both cases, castration may help as the low testosterone levels may lower sex drive.
One of the most common strategies for treating metastatic prostate cancer is castration. Androgen deprivation therapy and surgical castration have shown to be effective. Prostate cancer feeds off testosterone to keep developing. Castration, whether chemical or surgical, cuts off testosterone supply starving the cancer cells.
This method of treatment is most effective in the early stages of cancer. It helps to ease symptoms associated with cancer. E.g., urinary obstruction and testicular pain. It also improves the outcome of immune therapy and chemotherapy for cancer treatment. Also, castration is a preventative measure against prostate cancer. Unfortunately, there are cases of castration-resistant prostate cancer.
According to one Harvard study , women have a longer lifespan than men. In the US, women outlive men by 5 years and up to 7 years worldwide. Other studies argue that castrating men resolve this discrepancy in life expectancy.
A Korean study showed that eunuchs live 14 years longer than uncastrated men. According to the study, testosterone hurts men’s immunity. It lowers their immunity and increases their risk for heart disease and cancer. Men have a higher level of testosterone than women. So, the negative impacts of the hormone are more adverse on them.
Women have struggled with finding an effective birth control method for a long time. As a result, more and more women are advocating for men to take responsibility for birth control. Aside from using condoms, vasectomy is the second-most popular option.
Although not a popular option, castration can be an effective method of birth control. For birth control, surgical castration is the most effective method. Since it involves removing the testicles, your husband will not be able to produce semen. As such, he cannot impregnate you.
There are many conditions and diseases that may cause testicular pain. For instance, tumor, testicular torsion, infection, twisted testicles, epid
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