Nurse Riding
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Nurse Riding
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This article was republished with permission from SCRUBS Magazine.
My Maserati, if I had one, would not do 185. I do get rubber in all four gears, though, when I get my motor running and head out on the highway.
Herewith, then: how to tell your driver is a nurse, from her driving style to the assortment of items in her car.
1. You’re going really fast. Like, bugs-in-your-teeth fast.
Nurses tend to work hard and play hard. Part of the “playing hard” involves driving fast. I have a nurse pal who works critical care and can push her Prius up past 90 mph without batting an eye. Don’t ask me why this is. You’d think, with all we see, that we’d be the white-knucklers going 55 in the slow lane.
2. Scraps of paper crumpled into every open space.
When getting out of work is on your mind, you tend to leave your Brain (that bit of paper on which you write everything) in your pocket instead of slipping it through the shredder. An archaeological examination of a nurse’s car will reveal details of every patient she’s worked with in the last six weeks.
3. Chip wrappers, sausage-egg-and-cheese packages and Diet Coke cans.
Not that we, as a group, roll out in motorized trash bins, but we do eat in our cars. When you’re leaving for work at 0500, the gas station’s version of breakfast sounds like a good idea.
4. Odd medical implements, most of them scary.
This falls into the same category as “How you know it’s a nurse’s purse/backpack.” I shove things into my pockets, like IV needles and syringes, that sometimes don’t make it back onto the patients’ counter before I leave work. You could probably perform minor surgery with all the stuff I’ve inadvertently lifted from my hospital.
5. An extra pair of scrubs in the back.
If a nurse lives where it floods—or tornadoes hit or ice falls from the sky or people poop—she’ll have an extra pair of scrubs in the car. Those might even be the extra extra scrubs; the good ones live in her locker.
6. Change for the vending machines.
This is particular to night-shift nurses. Need I say more?
7. Wire-bound textbooks, PowerPoint presentations and notes from their last CEU class.
Nobody ever takes that stuff into the house, because then they’d have to do something with it. Instead, we leave it sitting in the car, piling up, until it begins to affect gas mileage and handling.
8. Two cans of Fix-A-Flat, a set of jumper cables, chock blocks, cat litter, flares, a flashlight, a gallon of water, extra antifreeze and oil, a full set of tools and a better jack than the one that came with the car.
Because we have to get to work.
9. A selection of cards.
One to get into the employee garage. One to punch in with. One to wear as an ID (perhaps more than one, if the nurse works in more than one hospital). One to get lunch with. One to get into the other employee garage. And the frequent flier card from the liquor store that entitles the member to 10 percent off any purchase.
10. A bottle of wine.
Because, really, what else are we gonna do when we get off work?
What would you add to the list? Share in the comments section below.
This article was republished with permission from SCRUBS Magazine.
Traded my truck in on a “spur of the moment” thing and had not cleaned out the miscellaneous “just in case” stuff. Salesman helped by getting me some bags so I could load it all in to the new truck. Part of the haul was an unused mortuary bag, zip ties, and duct tape along with a well stocked jump bag full of emergency medical supplies. Of course I had bolt cutters, jumper cables, knives, tools, shovel, lights, etc. Fortunately he was prior military as am I and we both were laughing about what a policeman might have thought about … Read more »
Hi James. Using the pronoun “them” is grammatically incorrect. To fit within the insane rules of the English language, the writer must choose a gender. In a more male-gender centered society, we tend to refer to both genders with the the male pronoun, so you’re probably more used to seeing that. However, since the majority of nurses are female, I can understand why this article (and a website devoted to a female dominated industry) was written with the female pronoun usage, rather than the “he” or “him” that is often in the common vernacular. That having been said, do men … Read more »
A baggie of purple exam gloves in my trunk…just in case.
My old, spare littman hanging from my rearview mirror…. #ticketpreventiontool….
I’m no snowflake and I’m not one to scream sexism, but when are articles about nurses going to be more mainstream as in inclusive of the ever growingmale nurse population? I see t-shirt companies making pink emblems and women centric verbage. I understand marketing, and I understand the small percentage of male nurse isn’t good risk management as far as product sales go. Certainly there must be better representation for the male counterparts in this career field. I can’t be the only male nurse that feels this way, or could I be?
Please shed some light on my quandry .
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The Discipline of Nurse Riding Paperback – November 19, 1998
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Publisher
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Virgin Books; 0 edition (November 19, 1998) Language
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English ISBN-10
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0352332913 ISBN-13
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978-0352332912 Item Weight
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4.2 out of 5 stars
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Home For Nurses Nursing Humor 30 Medical Slang Terms Nurses Use
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Most nurses find humor in speaking medical slang. It relieves stress and lightens up everyone’s mood. As a nurse, do you use slang at work?
Here are some of the most awesome medical slangs nurses use every day:
Definition: A regular patient in the hospital who often seeks medical attention for every little health problem encountered. Frequent flyers are often drug-seekers hoping to get a taste of narcotics. Others simply want an excuse to take a break from work.
Example: Our frequent flyer was just here a couple of weeks ago, but here he is back again today.
Definition: Patients or relatives having difficulty in coping.
Example: The doctor just revealed the patient’s prognosis after the operation and it’s not good. The whole family is experiencing dyscopia.
Definition: PITA literally stands for “Pain In The Ass”. It’s a code nurses use to warn their fellow nurses about an uncooperative patient or relative.
Example: The patient is very sweet but his wife is a PITA.
Definition: A patient whose case is so complicated that he needs to be rotated to different nurses every day to prevent staff burnout. The nursing care a rotater needs is high maintenance.
Example: I’m assigned to three patients but most of my time is dedicated to this one patient. This patient needs to be a rotater.
Definition: An obese patient with jaundice. A yellow submarine usually suffers from liver cirrhosis and needs complex medical attention.
Example: As expected, it’s difficult to start an IV line to our yellow submarine in Bed 1. I can neither palpate nor visualize his veins.
Definition: A short medical slang for a sudden seizure attack.
Example: We were prepping her for surgery but we had to stop because she started having fits.
Definition: NPS stands for New Parent Syndrome. This is a code nurses use for panicky new parents who constantly bring their child in the hospital for every little health problem they see.
Example: The baby just had uncontrollable hiccups as the parents said. Surely it’s a case of NPS.
Definition: This term is used for cases of acute appendicitis. It refers to the severe abdominal pain the patient felt for every bump or pothole in the road encountered as they drive on the way to the hospital.
Example: The patient’s complaint is consistent with a positive pothole sign. He said the ride to the hospital was brutal.
Definition: Vent jockey is a respiratory therapist. The term came from the nature of their work in maintaining mechanical ventilators.
Example: The vent jockey arrived just in time as we were about to start the code.
Definition: When a nurse warns a fellow nurse that their patient is high risk, the warning actually means something more. It means that the patient is positive for HIV or hepatitis so you should be extra careful in handling blood and body fluids.
Example: The patient is high risk so secure your gloves and face shield all the time.
Definition: BONITA stands for “Big Old Needle In The Ass”. ER nurses use this code in giving intramuscular injections in the patient’s buttocks.
Example: The surgeon ordered a large bolus of magnesium sulfate intramuscularly. I have no choice but to give it through a BONITA as the patient’s arm is too skinny for intramuscular injection.
Example: I need an order to catheterize the patient and luckily, here’s the stream team on their rounds.
Definition: A little old man who is a simple joy to take care of. This patient is sweet and unintentionally funny.
Example: My patient is a boyfriend and makes my day less stressful.
Definition: A nurse who acts like a doctor. A nurse who just came back from intensive training usually acts as a noctor of the floor.
Example: Have you seen our new noctor? She surprised our resident doctor with tons of assumptions about the patient’s diagnoses.
Definition: Chocolate hostage is another term for constipation or having difficulty in passing stools.
Example: After giving his dose of laxatives, my patient is still a chocolate hostage. I think he needs enema.
Definition: ECU stands for “Eternal Care Unit”. That unit doesn’t really exist as ECU means death
Example: I thought my patient was going to get transferred to the ECU! Thank God he responded to the fourth epinephrine.
Definition: Person is “thick” or has questionable IQ. The term comes from the fact that if one chromosome is lacking from the supposed 46, as in the case of 45C, mental disability will kick in.
Example: Tsk, that intern is a 45C; he missed assessing the patient’s lungs.
Definition: Slashers and cutters stand for surgeons. These codes are often used when nurses want to talk about surgeons secretly.
Example: That slasher cares only about cutting. He can’t even wait for the cardiopulmonary clearance of the patient.
Definition: One-point restraint is actually not a type of restraint. It stands for the insertion of a catheter into the bladder. It also serves as an unintentional restraint since a patient will have limited mobility once a urinary catheter is inserted.
Example: I had to stick a one-point restraint on our patient to better monitor his urine output.
Definition: Due to resemblance, an endotracheal breathing tube is also called snorkel by nurses. It’s easier to say it especially during quick reports or conversations.
Example: We started weaning the patient off the ventilator so we could remove the snorkel.
Definition: This is a cocktail of narcotics given pre-operatively or for painful cases of terminal cancer.
Example: The happy juice I gave the patient sure knocked him unconscious just in time before the cut-down.
Definition: A patient with lots of health problems and diagnoses unfit for the medical-surgical floor but doesn’t qualify for ICU until he arrests in the middle of the night.
Example: The new admission is a trainwreck. You better prepare yourself for a rough night.
Definition: Code Brown is a call to clean up a patient from his own stools.
Example: Can you help me with my patient? I’m having a code brown in room 214. The patient’s diaper is a mess after he took his laxatives earlier this morning.
Definition: Patients who demonstrate their symptoms more dramatically in hopes of getting quicker medical attention.
Example: Be careful with the patient in bed 6. He’s a bad case of status dramaticus. He thought he will get his wound dressing done quicker by crying out louder.
Definition: Chart dehiscence happens when a patient chart falls and its contents fall out of place.
Example: This is my third chart dehiscence for the night! I’ll have to sort all this out and I’m already running late!
Definition: This is a code nurses use to describe a first-time mother-to-be who goes to the hospital over and over, thinking she’s already in labor.
Example: Here’s the whiney primey again.
Definition: It’s a code for a patient who keeps on pulling his catheter tube.
Example: That patient is a bungee jumper. He needs to get a new catheter.
Definition: This term refers to those who routinely take blood samples, like phlebotomists and laboratory technicians.
Example: Have you seen the bloodsuckers in the unit?
Definition: Patients who come to the emergency room with injuries that are just bizarre. It came from David Hasselhoff which is a Baywatch actor. He went to the hospital with a severed artery in his arm and four tendons after getting hit by a chandelier while he’s shaving.
Example: Are you done assessing the Hasselhoff?
Definition: This code refers to patients who persistently demands more attention that what their condition actually requires.
Example: The Goldbrick is demanding to see the doctor again.
Do you know more medical slang terms you commonly use at work? There are lots of medical slangs being invented by nurses every day. These slangs make conversations at work lighter and a little less stressful. Share more medical slangs you know in the comments below.
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