Nudist Birthday Celebration
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Nudist Birthday Celebration
Watch : Kelly Ripa's Daughter Heckled Her TikTok Dancing
All the Times Lola Consuelos Called Out Parents Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos
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Perhaps the must-have fall accessory is a birthday suit.
Over the weekend, Gwyneth Paltrow celebrated her special day by posing nude on Instagram. "In nothing but my birthday suit today..." she shared with her followers on Sept. 27. "Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes and thank you to @goop ‘s insanely amazing brand new body butter for making me think I can still get my kit off. #goopgenes."
While many familiar faces like Courteney Cox , Vanessa Hudgens and Katy Perry were quick to praise the businesswoman, one daughter was not impressed.
Apple Martin , 16, would comment with one word: "MOM."
Kelly Ripa , who is turning 50 on Oct. 2, saw the post and decided to pass along the details to her 19-year-old daughter Lola Consuelos . The conversation that came next will make any parent—or kid—laugh out loud.
"You've been warned," the talk-show host wrote just days before her big celebration.
Lola replied, "Oh lord. Honey. Do u what u want. Just know. That I have a birthday also. And an Instagram."
Is that a threat or a promise? LOL!
Mark Consuelos saw the conversation on Instagram and simply commented "lord." As for Kelly's trainer Isaac Calpito , he's ready to do his part to make the birthday post possible.
"Let the games begin," he wrote in the comments section. Kelly replied, "Let's get to work."
Recently, the Live With Kelly and Ryan co-host opened up about her Instagram page to People . During the chat , her daughter revealed she doesn't always like when her mom responds to the haters.
"These people are sitting at home wishing they were you," Lola argued. "We don't need any clapbacks. Irrelevant people should stay out of our lives."
Kelly added, "I think my haters and I have a healthy relationship with each other. I think that it's a give-and-take. Because I think that the people that I clap back to are very clever; they're usually very funny; I usually get a good chuckle out of it. Then, they deserve the little pepper."
And for those wondering what Kelly has in store for her birthday, your guess is as good as ours. Close friend Anderson Cooper and Kathie Lee Gifford , however, are scheduled to appear on Live this Friday. Stay tuned!
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Features
Feb 13, 2019 at 4:00 am
Nude to Town: Where to Wear Your Birthday Suit in Public
Places in Seattle where it's totally cool to take it all off.
The naked bike ride before the Fremont Solstice Parade kicks off Seattle’s summer.
jessica stein
Eli Sanders was The Stranger 's associate editor. His book, " While the City Slept ," was a finalist for the Washington State Book Award and the Dayton Literary Peace Prize. He once did this and once won this , but he also once crashed his bike into a parked car while on his way to a staff meeting, never mind this , so… His website, which probably hasn't been updated in a while, is www.elisanders.net .
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W here does one even begin with Seattle and nakedness? How about in 1970 (or so), with a man named Faygele ben Miriam, a prominent gay rights warrior, Radical Faerie, and strident "effeminist" who would show up at queer community meetings wearing "dresses that were not as long as his dong," as one person recalled it to me a few years back.
"That's asking a lot of your audience," this person said.
True. And yet, as RuPaul points out as often as possible, "we're all born naked." For Ru, "the rest is drag," but perhaps for you the rest is finding a chance to get naked again—in public.
If this is indeed you, and you're new here, you have a number of options.
First, though, some ground rules: We will not be talking here about your options for getting publicly naked in local saunas, or steam rooms, or locker rooms, or adult lounges, or bathhouses, or back rooms, or fancy restaurant bathrooms with epic views of the city, all of which are readily available to you in Seattle. Such nakedness opportunities are generally attached to commercial enterprises that make enough money to have marketing budgets that will for sure reach you without my assistance, especially if you're looking.
Instead, we will be talking about no-cost opportunities to be buck naked in public, completely en plein air , ripped by your own volition from the rigid bounds of "civilized" society so that you can fulfill your deep and as-yet-unquenched desire to (I am just guessing here) awkwardly say hi your neighbor, coworker, or kid's teacher without any pants on.
If it's a nude beach you're after, then you should know about two.
The first is Daikiki Beach (aka "Dyke-kiki Beach," aka Denny Blaine Park) , located along the shores of Lake Washington and not far from the house where Kurt Cobain spent his last moments. (Sorry. But true.) I am not certain whether all the typical Denny Blaine activities comply with Seattle Parks Department regulations, but in summers, barring some kind of crackdown, you can join in with all the naked, and half-naked, and no-way-I'm-getting-naked people at Daikiki as they lounge, drink, gossip, ogle, and float on rolling waves in blow-up unicorn rafts. Legend has it this used to be a topless lesbian beach. However, this is not a legend I was able to fact-check. In any case, these days the vibe is welcoming of all comers—with watchful and wary eyes kept on the inevitable creepers.
Just to the south, down a steep street marked with a blue public beach sign is Howell Park , more commonly known as Howell Beach. This place is very gay and very nudist. Like, you may find yourself feeling as if you don't belong if you don't fully disrobe. And hey, maybe you don't!
For that considerable number of Seattle residents who, at a certain point in their lives, end up saying to themselves, "I want to be naked in public but only on a bicycle," there is the Fremont Solstice Parade . This very popular mid-June festival features a lot of people riding bikes in their birthday suits, and if you ask me why, all I can tell you is: "Tradition!" A good number of these people will paint their bodies from head to toe, Blue Man Group–style (though not usually with all-blue paint—think ladybugs, bumblebees, comic-book characters...). The naked bike ride is technically before the parade (though the parade itself is dazzling too because it has a rule that no floats can have words on them, so the floats are far more creative than what you see at Gay Pride). The naked biking usually happens around 11:45 a.m., shortly before the 1 p.m. start time of the parade on June 22 this year.
And with that short jaunt—and my apologies—we have now arrived at the end of our unofficial list of totally public, totally free nakey-places in Seattle. There are similar opportunities in certain corners of British Columbia and Oregon, and if you're motivated, you will definitely find them, but that's so far away!
So let's talk briefly about a few nearby places that do involve you paying money, but are really more in the naked hippie/naked artist realm of "commerce."
If you long for a theater experience that requires you to bring a towel so your bare ass doesn't touch the audience seating, the Greenwood neighborhood offers you Nudeprov , which is exactly what it sounds like. Nude improv. With a nude audience. The vibe at Nudeprov, according to a Stranger colleague, is "sweet and vulnerable rather than vulgar."
Squarely in the naked hippie realm is the family-friendly Doe Bay Resort on Orcas Island. (Which, yes, is not really all that nearby, but at least it's still in this state! Plus, people-wise, Orcas kinda feels like a Seattle neighborhood during the busy season.) Doe Bay is gorgeously set, with deeply calming views of the Salish Sea and nearby islands, a cafe that probably rivals most of your go-to brunch and dinner spots, numerous no-nonsense cabins and yurts to rent, and—the naked part—three outdoor, clothing optional, saltwater soaking tubs. This isn't the cheapest way to get covered in warm, salty water with no bathing suit on, but if you're willing to stay in one of Doe Bay's dorm-style cabins, off-the-grid yurts, or tent camping spots, it becomes a lot more affordable.
Getting back to the exactly-what-it-sounds-like category: Tiger Mountain Family Nudist Park in Issaquah, just east of Seattle. Its 40 acres of clothes-free land have been run by the park's members since 1945, but nonmembers will be let in for $24 (or $10 in the "off-season"). There are nude potlucks, an annual "Bare Buns Run," something called "Nudestock," and plenty of naked volleyball. A bit of trivia: Tiger Mountain Family Nudist Park is the inspiration for a plot twist in a new book called Koln Letters , written by a shaman named Mushroom Montoya! The book's Amazon blurb reads: " Earl, a secretive and soft-spoken archaeologist, finds a cache of two-thousand-year-old letters at a Jewish dig site in Germany that could destroy Christianity as we know it . Seeking guidance, he sends photos of one letter and the original of another to two shaman friends in Seattle. Almost immediately, Church agents from Germany chase one of the shamans to a nudist facility..."
And finally, in the good cause/charitable donation category: A naked bungee jump to benefit the British Columbia Schizophrenia Society is being held in Nanaimo in March. Not free! Not particularly close! But, as its promotional materials state, it's "a key fundraiser for helping all those affected by mental illness." And it's an excuse to make a trip up to Canada. And, as the promo materials also note, "an anonymous donor... will match all donations up to $25,000." No word on whether the donor will be jumping naked, too.
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Legend: A married man accompanies his attractive secretary to her apartment one evening. When the secretary coyly disappears into her bedroom, the man, certain that an opportunity for sex is about to present itself, quickly prepares by removing his clothes. A few moments later the secretary emerges from her bedroom, accompanied by the man’s co-workers and family — to spring a surprise birthday party on him.
The boss of a medium-sized office hired a steno who was out of this world. She had looks, personality and
clothes. After looking at her for a few weeks, the boss, a married man, decided that he was going to take her out some night. He approached her and asked if she would like to celebrate his birthday with him at some secluded night spot. She said she would have to think about it.
The next day she consented to go, but offered they go to her apartment. To himself, as any other normal man would have commented, “Better than I planned.”
The night of his birthday they went to her apartment and had cocktails, appetizers, dinner, and some drinks. After a short time she said: “I’m going to my bedroom, honey, and you can come in five minutes.” After five minutes were up the boss disrobed. He knocked on the bedroom door. The voice from behind the door in a sweet tone said, “Come in.” A twist of the doorknob and the door swung open — only to find the rest of the office force singing “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!”
I woke up feeling a little depressed because it was my birthday and I thought, “another year older,” but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say “Happy birthday, dear.”
All smiles, I went into breakfast and there sat my wife reading the newspaper as usual. She didn’t say one
word. So I got myself a cup of coffee and thought to myself, “Oh well, she just forgot.” The kids will be down in a few minutes all cheery, and they will sing Happy Birthday and have a nice gift for me.
I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited. Finally the kids came running in, yelling, “Give me a slice of toast! I’m late! And where is my coat! I’m going to miss the bus!” Feeling more depressed than ever I left for the office.
When I walked into the office my secretary greeted me with a nice smile and a “Happy birthday, Boss,” and said, “I’ll get you some coffee.” Her remembering made me feel a lot better.
Later in the morning my secretary knocked on my office door and said, “Since it’s your birthday, why don’t we have lunch together?” Thinking it would make me feel better I said, “That’s a good idea.”
So we locked up the office and since it was my birthday I said, “Why don’t we drive out of town and have lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place?” So we drove out of town and went to a little out-of-the-way place and had a couple of martinis and a nice lunch, and started driving back to town when my secretary said, “Why don’t we go by my place, and I’ll fix you another martini?”
It sounded like a good idea since we didn’t have anything to do in the office anyway. So we went to her apartment and she fixed us both a martini and after a while she said, “If you will excuse me, I think I’ll slip into something more comfortable,” and she left the room. In six minutes she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big birthday cake, and following her was my wife and all my kids, and there I sat with nothing on but my socks.”
Origins: The examples given represent one of two common versions of the “Surprise Party” tale: a legend in which sexual misbehavior is accidentally discovered (and “punished”) during the course of a well-intentioned surprise. (The other version features a young couple caught cavorting in the nude by the surprisers hidden in the living room.)
This legend dates to at least the 1920s and in this case involves a subject who places himself in a compromising situation by mistrusting his wife’s memory, misjudging his secretary’s compliancy, and overestimating his own sexual attractiveness. The subject’s egregious
errors in judgment, combined with his readiness to engage in socially unacceptable sexual behavior (i.e., adultery), lead directly to his humiliation in front of family and co-workers.
Many versions (such as the second one cited above) soften the theme of a moral transgressor’s receiving his just deserts by portraying the man as a sympathetic figure who is somewhat justified in his behavior: he has reached an important milestone in his life (such as a 50th birthday) and is feeling low, yet everyone he cares about has seemingly forgotten him. His embarrassment at the end seems more a sad misfortune than a punishment.
Other versions omit the boss’ feelings of melancholy and set him up as a lecherous adulterer who gets his comeuppance for inappropriately inviting his gorgeous young secretary out on a date. Yet another variant presents the humiliating surprise as having been deliberately arranged by the secretary to get back at a persistent co-worker who fails to amend his behavi
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