North Tehran Declares Itself a Spa Town, Charges for Breathing

Residents of North Tehran have rebranded their neighborhood as a "Crisis Wellness Retreat" and begun charging southern evacuees for entry. Basic packages include a bottle of spring water, Wi-Fi, and "serenity exposure." Premium access involves a massage by someone named Farhad and five uninterrupted breaths of mountain air. "We're not elitist," said one local. "We're just curated." Critics slammed the move as opportunistic, but spa guests say it's "worth it just to forget missile sounds." Security guards have been replaced by yoga instructors holding incense and machetes. The mayor denies exploitation. "We're just monetizing what God gave us: altitude and ego." SOURCE: http://bohiney.com