Non Penetration Sex

Non Penetration Sex
From Simple English Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Non-penetrative sex is a form of sexual activity which does not involve penetration of the vagina , anus , or mouth , unlike doing penetration in sex . [1] [2]
Medical professionals accept the term of non-penetrative sex. It is a way to practice safer sex and of birth control as bodily fluids are not exchanged between partners. The form of sex is practised between partners who do not feel ready, are not physically able, cannot or simply do not want to have socially appropriate penetrative sex, but still wish to do a sexual act.

Why Every Guy Should Master Non-Penetrative Sex

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Why Every Guy Should Master Non-Penetrative Sex

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To many straight men, sex is penis-in-vagina penetration. Granted, some allow for the existence of anal sex, while oral sex counts to some as sex just as much, but rarely do we ever acknowledge what sex truly is: fluid.
No, not the exchange of fluids, but rather the idea that there’s more to sex than P-in-V penetration, and what that means can be different for any given person, couple or polyamorous arrangement.
There’s a wealth of sex that can occur without your penis penetrating a vagina or an anus, and guys do themselves a disservice by ignoring that. Not only is a laser-like focus on penetrative sex narrow-minded and exclusionary (for instance, classic penetrative sex isn’t feasible for all people), it can also lead to bad sex when you actually do get to penetration.
People who need more warm-up time to be in the right mood, as well as those who struggle to orgasm from penetrative sex, benefit greatly when things don’t focus on penetration to the exclusion of all else. Being able to make penetrative sex just a part of your sexual buffet (sorry, not sorry) will make you so much better a sexual partner.
To help you make that switch, here’s some expert advice on how to do non-penetrative sex right — along with an explanation of why it gets so little love.
The notion of sex focusing on penetration and nothing else is a very culturally entrenched one.
Some of that likely stems from the way we conceptualize sex. If you imagine that sex is first and foremost for reproduction, it makes sense to think of it only as a penis entering a vagina. But very few people have sex only when they’re trying to reproduce. In fact, lots of people never do.
Even accounting for the existence of sex for pleasure, you can get tons of really great sex education that teaches you about consent, infection transmission and the general functioning of various private parts ... and still never really be taught about non-penetrative sex.
“Sex as penetration is so 'common’ that most of us don’t think about how it could be any different,” says Kayla Lords, sexpert for JackAndJillAdult.com . “Phrases like 'hit it and quit it' or 'pounding' a partner are so ubiquitous. We all know what it means, and it’s nothing but penetration.”
Jess O’Reilly, host of the “@SexWithDrJess” podcast , agrees, calling out the way we speak and write about sex and its focus on penetration in that sense.
“We separate foreplay, oral sex, toys and other types of sex and consider one act sex itself,” she says. “But foreplay is sex to many people. Oral sex is sex to others. There is no universal definition of sex — especially when you consider all the combinations of bodies and genitals that might be involved in a sexual encounter.”
That conceptualization of sex slowly bleeds over into our creative visions, along with our language, too.
“Representations of sex in popular media tend to focus on kissing for a brief moment and then moving on to P-in-V sex within a matter of seconds,” adds O’Reilly. “Sex is almost always depicted as complete when the man has an orgasm and representations of simultaneous orgasm are the norm (on screen, but not in real life).”
That’s a problem, in part, because depictions of sex (whether in movies, TV or in porn) do function as a kind of sex education for us.
“You might think that fictional representations on-screen do not matter, but in the absence of other opportunities to observe and learn from sex in real life, popular culture and porn become our points of reference for sex,” notes O’Reilly. “And though sex scenes or porn can be entertaining and titillating, they’re not produced with education in mind.”
Meaning, if the only sex you ever witness or hear about prior to losing your virginity is unrealistically penetration-focused, that dynamic will likely play itself out in your own sexual experiences — and it might continue to indefinitely if no one ever stops and suggests you try something else.
If your mentality is “sex is about having an orgasm, penetration is what makes me orgasm, therefore I will focus on penetration,” you are, in a way, thinking logically. It’s a very “If A, then B” mentality.
Unfortunately, that’s a very short-sighted way to approach sex. For starters, it completely elides your partner’s body, as well as your partner’s pleasure. A better formulation might be “sex is about pleasure, both parties enjoying themselves is likely to give me the most amount of pleasure, therefore I will focus on making sure my partner enjoys sex as well.”
“When you’re too focused on penetration, you miss all the other ways to feel good and enjoy yourself during sex,” explains Lords. “You also miss out on what your partner needs and may leave them extremely dissatisfied. If your partner is someone who, typically, enjoys sex, they’re going to enjoy it even more (and want it more) if they’re getting something from it, too.”
That’s not just a mental thing, either. Sure, some people might not necessarily care, notice or enjoy themselves more if their partner is having a better time, but giving your partner time to get properly lubricated before P-in-V penetration is vital. The difference between sex with someone who’s into it and sex with someone who isn’t is enormous — and getting to that point of mutual excitement means being sexual without penetration.
“If your partner has a clitoris, penetration may not be the most effective way to produce pleasure,” says O’Reilly. If you really want to turn your partner on, she suggests you pay close attention to the clitoris , “which is the only organ in the human body designed solely for the purpose of pleasure.”
“The head and foreskin of the clitoris are located at the top of the lips and this highly innervated area can be responsive to light touch, kissing, rubbing, vibrating and teasing,” she adds. “The inner legs, bulbs and shaft of the clitoris (comprised of erectile tissue) can be stimulated by rubbing the lips without penetration. Try wrapping your hand around the entire vulva to slide up and down, pulse gently or grind in rhythm with your partner’s hips.”
Naturally, it doesn’t begin and end at the clit. Your partner has a whole body’s worth of nerve endings to explore.
“Not only can some folks reach orgasm from stimulating other areas of their body (e.g. breasts, lower back), but exploring the entire body increases the likelihood of enjoying more full-bodied pleasure and orgasms,” says O’Reilly. “If you get hung up on penetration alone, you miss out on other pleasurable experiences.”
It’s fair to say that if focusing on penetration can worsen sex, stepping back from that focus and exploring non-penetrative sex can make it better … a lot better.
“For many folks, oral sex, manual sex and playing with toys is more likely to lead to orgasm than penetration alone,” says O’Reilly. “And research suggests that engaging in a wider variety of sexual activities increases pleasure and sexual satisfaction. As you explore your options, you’ll discover new experiences of pleasure for yourself and your partner.”
That doesn’t just mean “more foreplay,” though, since it subtly implies that it’s less important than what comes after.
“Foreplay (a poor word for everything that’s not penetrative sex) is meant to be the 'warm-up' or what gets your partner in the mood,” notes Lords. “But if you think of those moments as opportunities for mutual pleasure and as part of sex itself, you immediately become a more attentive and better lover.”
And that’s not the only benefit — sex that’s less focused on penetration is also less likely to be over in a hurry.
“Sex also lasts infinitely longer because it’s more than the few minutes of thrusting you usually engage in,” says Lords. “That means you last longer, too.”
It’s also great news for guys who struggle with erectile dysfunction as the specific hardness of your penis is significantly less important (or possibly not important at all).
“If sex is everything that feels good sexually, the pressure is off you to get an erection, keep it or penetrate your partner,” she says. “If you’re tired or don’t have the energy for penetration (it happens), everything else you do to and with your partner will still feel good — and satisfying.”
The most important thing to realize is that it’s incredibly broad, and whatever works for you and/or your partner is worth trying.
“Non-penetrative sex is literally anything that provides sexual arousal or pleasure,” says Lords. “Sexting and dirty talk hit the mind and imagination. Kissing and lightly stroking the body can be done with all your clothes on. Dry humping, rubbing your genitals through your clothes, fingering and oral sex takes things a step further (with or without clothes). The best way to bring non-penetrative sex into your life is to take the few minutes of foreplay and extend it as long as you both want.”
Along with the above, O’Reilly suggests amping up the role of seduction in your sex life.
“Seduction can be the hottest part of sex,” she says. “As you build anticipation, pleasure heightens. Consider what you can do to surprise your lover. Can you change your approach, location, timing, language or physical touch? The element of surprise and unpredictability is essential to pleasure. Giving your partner exactly what they want may be less pleasurable than teasing, alluding to pleasure, and surprising them with it.”
Of course, pivoting to non-penetrative sex doesn’t mean you just spring extended oral on your partner and hope it goes well. Instead, make it a conversation.
“It’s sexy to talk to them about it first, and it helps make sure you have their total consent ,” says Lords. “Let them know you want to make sex better for them, that you’ve learned that sex doesn’t have to be just penetration, and that you want to change things up to keep sex exciting. Then ask what they’ve been missing or what they’d like more of. They may still want the D — but incorporating other aspects of sex into the mix will make it better for everyone.”

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W hen it comes to having pleasureful sex, penetration is really just one tool in the toolbox—and one that isn't even necessary for reaching orgasm. Not to mention, rushing to penetration could mean missing out on all sorts of stimulating sensations, and for vulva-owners especially, doing so may even come at the cost of reducing the chance of an orgasm—which tends to happen fastest with external clitoral stimulation . To that end, engaging in non-penetrative sex acts with a partner isn’t just fore- play , or an appetizer for the main course. Rather, it's a satisfying route to orgasm in its own right—a route which sex therapist Rachel Wright, LMFT , calls “outerplay.”
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You can think of outerplay as any type of sexually inspired play that happens between partners without penetration, says Wright. “It presents a fun opportunity to get to know each other’s bodies more intimately,” she adds, and because of the exploratory nature of it, it tends to involve more intentionality and curiosity, too.
“Outerplay presents a fun opportunity to get to know each other’s bodies more intimately.” —Rachel Wright, LMFT
“I find that non-penetrative sex offers people greater opportunities for sexual communication because we often ask for or provide more direction for the hand, mouth, level of touch, erogenous zone, and so on,” says sexologist Rebecca Alvarez Story , founder of the intimacy marketplace Bloomi .
Homing in on non-penetrative sex acts can also help strip sex of preconceived (and often limiting) expectations around penetrative performance and refocus it as a meaningful experience of pleasure, says Wright. And just like frottage sex , which involves rubbing erogenous zones together, the full suite of outerplay sex acts are, of course, accessible to those who don’t want to or can’t participate in penetrative intercourse.
Regardless of whether or not you’re into or able to practice penetration, though, non-penetrative sex acts can be a wholly orgasmic addition to your sex repertoire. And if you’re in a sex rut with your partner as of late, this kind of outerplay may be just the thing you need to switch up your routine and infuse it with that much more pleasure . Below, the experts share their steamiest tips for reaching orgasm with a partner, no penetration necessary.
“We know that the clitoris is the organ of the body specifically built for pleasure in people with vulvas, thanks to thousands of nerve endings,” says Story. And because it’s often best stimulated without penetration, a handful of non-penetrative sex acts can lead to clitoral orgasm. “Learning how to stimulate the entire clitoris, and not just the bulb, can be incredibly satisfying,” Story adds, suggesting exploring with various levels of pressure or light suction, or incorporating a clitoral vibrator (more on that below).
You don’t even have to touch much less penetrate a sexual partner to engage in this show-and-tell sex act—but just watching could be every bit as hot. Masturbating in front of a partner also serves the dual purpose of teaching them exactly what feels good to you. “We know our bodies so well that it’s incredibly helpful to actually guide someone through what pleasures us,” says Wright. Not to mention, the experience of demonstrating your own arousal technique to a partner could be arousing for both you and them, in and of itself.
To be clear: Oral sex is sex. You’re likely familiar with this particular non-penetrative sex act as a foreplay technique, but if it’s done well (and with patience), it can be the main orgasmic event. And for vulva-owners, because it stimulates the clitoris, oral sex may also be a more effective pathway to orgasm than penetration alone.
“Your mouth is warm, wet, and soft,” says Story. “This provides a highly arousing combination that can help you slow down to enjoy sex and orgasm.” She’s a proponent of the Kivin Method , in particular, for anyone with a vulva. “This is where you lie on your back and bring your knees to your chest or place them over your partner’s shoulders while they lie sideways and use up-and-down motions, which go side-to-side on you,” she says.
But of course, this is just one method, and both Story and Wright suggest taking your time and getting exploratory with different lip-and-tongue motions to see what feels best for you. Another way to (quite literally) spice things up? Incorporate flavored lube , suggests Wright. It’s designed to bring the sensual experience of taste into the bedroom—and give you just one more reason to move your lips closer to any part of a partner’s body.
“People can orgasm from stimulation to erogenous zones we may not consider often enough, like the nipples, neck, prostate, anus, and inner thighs,” says Story. For vulva-owners, breasts may very well win the award for most under-appreciated erogenous zone , as one small 2011 study showed that when stimulated, the same region of the brain (the genital sensory cortex ) that lights up during vaginal and clitoral stimulation is activated.
That said, there are also a host of other lesser-known erogenous zones worth exploring, from the forehead and eyelids to the area between the breasts. You can start by warming up your body—try this somatic exercise to get the blood flowing and release tension—and then use your fingers or lips to trace over your partner's body and uncover the zones that spark a sensation for them (or you). Or, put all of the above to work at once: Stimulating two or more areas at the same time can help you achieve a blended orgasm , says Story.
And we’re not just talking about the sex toys that are designed to be used by couples . It’s very possible to incorporate any or all types of sex toys into partnered non-penetrative sex acts, so long as you have a conversation before diving into sex in order to chat through who’s using what on whom and how.
“It’s exciting to try new things with toys and even help our partners experience pleasure in new ways,” says Wright. And if you’re in the market for new toys, she adds, it could also be a really fun date night to either go to a sex-toy shop or pick out a toy online together.
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Outercourse - A Guide to Non Penetrative Sex (NPS)

MLA Style Citation:

Mulroy, Harlan "Outercourse - A Guide to Non Penetrative Sex (NPS)."
Outercourse - A Guide to Non Penetrative Sex (NPS) .
25 Nov. 2009 EzineArticles.com.
10 Jul. 2022 < http://ezinearticles.com/?Outercourse---A-Guide-to-Non-Penetrative-Sex-(NPS)&id=3329856 >.

APA Style Citation:

Mulroy, H. (2009, November 25). Outercourse - A Guide to Non Penetrative Sex (NPS) .
Retrieved July 10, 2022, from http://ezinearticles.com/?Outercourse---A-Guide-to-Non-Penetrative-Sex-(NPS)&id=3329856

Chicago Style Citation:

Mulroy, Harlan "Outercourse - A Guide to Non Penetrative Sex (NPS)." Outercourse - A Guide to Non Penetrative Sex (NPS)
EzineArticles.com . http://ezinearticles.com/?Outercourse---A-Guide-to-Non-Penetrative-Sex-(NPS)&id=3329856

By
Harlan Mulroy |

Submitted On November 25, 2009

The first thing that has to be established when talking about outercourse is what it actually is. When I deal with outercourse, I refer to it as an alternative to intercourse that does not involve vaginal penetration. It is also known as Non-Penetrative Sex (NPS). This definition is not perfect as some people consider oral sex to not be outercourse, however it is the definition of outercourse I will use here.
Recently there has been a move towards outercourse being used as an alternative to intercourse fo
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