No Wonder Chicks Get Hooked Up All The Time
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No Wonder Chicks Get Hooked Up All The Time
By
Nicole Tarkoff ,
November 20th 2015
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1 . “A girl who is just a hookup doesn’t give a shit about you. She’s either more into herself than you, or she is just in it for the sex. A girl who makes a perfect girlfriend is someone who cares about you, who does things for you just because she wants to make you happy.” —Graham, 24
2 . “Your girlfriend is someone you love to do things with. You want to take her everywhere and anywhere because it’s better when you’re with her. The girl who’s just a hookup, you don’t really care whether she’s there or not.” —Brendan, 24
3 . “Sometimes it has less to do with the girl, and more with timing. When I was 23 and 24, hell no I didn’t want a girlfriend. I just wanted to hook up with girls; it didn’t matter how great they were, at that point in my life I just didn’t want to date anyone.” —Jason, 26
4 . “A girl who washes my underwear is a girlfriend, a girl who takes off my underwear is a hookup.” —Carl, 25
5 . “The girls I hookup with are the ones who I can tell are changing their personality to be what they think I like, and a girl I date is authentically herself no matter what.” —Morgan, 27
6 . “I hookup with the girl who I think would never date me. The one who looks so good you feel like she’s too good. The girl I date is more of my equal.” —Pat, 25
7 . “This is easy, a hookup is the girl I can’t stand for more than a few hours at a time. A girlfriend is the girl I can’t stand to be away from for more than one night.” —Charlie, 26
8 . “Usually if she has sex with me the night we first meet, she’s just a hookup. Unless she’s like Jennifer Lopez hot, then maybe I’ll try dating her, if she’ll have me.” —Mike, 23
9 . “I date a girl with quirks, I don’t even take the time to get to know the quirks of a hookup.” —Matthew, 24
10 . “My girlfriend is someone who makes me laugh, and can put a smile on my face even if I’m having the shittiest day. A hookup doesn’t have to make me laugh, or smile, she just makes me horny.” —Vince, 25
11 . “A hookup is all about physical attraction. The girls I hook up with are either the girls who I’m like holy hell I need to have sex with her right now, or just when I’m super horny and need sex, but a girlfriend is totally different. Any girl I date, hence a girlfriend, is much more of a gradual process. I take the time to get to know her because I find her interesting, and sure I’ll be physically attracted to her, but our real connection is gradual because we take the time to learn about each other. She’s not just some chick I want to bang, she’s a person I want to get to know.” —Lucas, 25
12 . “The title says it all, your girlfriend is your friend…who you also have sex with, but you enjoy spending time with her. You don’t necessarily enjoy spending time with your hookup, you just enjoy having sex with them.” —Eddie, 25
13 . “You can have an actual conversation with your girlfriend, meaningful conversations, things that actually matter to you. With your hookup you talk about the weather and traffic, it’s like the news you don’t care about.” —Kevin, 23
14 . “Your girlfriend is the family mini van that does so much for you, and has so much purpose, but doesn’t necessarily have the speed or the lux, and your hookup is the lambo that you ride in once just for the experience.” —Cory, 25
15 . “A girlfriend is the one who makes you feel like you’ve got a crush, like when you first start dating and you get really nervous and excited to see her, she gives you that feeling months into the relationship. A hookup is someone who you’re not nervous or excited to see, but just sort of see.” —Justin, 24
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Really wanna give someone the ultimate insult? Call them irrelevant. It's pretty much the worst thing you could be.
My best friend and I were actually talking about this just this morning.
(Her ID in my phone is from an emo photoshoot we did in eighth grade. So I had to blur it out, GET OVER IT).
She really hit the nail on the head right there, didn't she? Irrelevant is the worst thing you could be because you're so insignificant, no one even bothered to think of a more precise insult.
Needless to say, nobody wants to be called irrelevant. Especially not by the guy you like.
That being said, whether we admit it to ourselves or not, there are times when you are, in fact, irrelevant to the guy you're so obsessed with. In fact, I would go so far as to say the reason you're so obsessed with him is because you're irrelevant to him.
The problem is that instead of just accepting the fact that we don't matter to him, we try to make up excuses as to why this guy's not giving us the time of day.
"He's not talking to me because he's mad at me!" No, you're not relevant enough for him to bother with being mad at you.
"He's not talking to me because he's busy!" No, you're not relevant enough for him to prioritize you over literally anything else.
"He's not talking to me because he's dead!" No, he just doesn't want to waste another breath in his waking life conversing with you.
I get that it can be a little confusing. Maybe he is mad at you. Maybe he is busy! Maybe he is dead!
So, I came up with this list of surefire signs he's not mad or busy or dead (or any other lame excuse you managed to come up with)... you're just irrelevant to him.
1. Your friends are sick of hearing about him, but his friends don't even know who you are.
2. None of his family members know who you are (that is, if he even has a family because he's never mentioned them).
3. He straight-up doesn't respond to some of your texts.
5. If you have hooked up sober, it was in the morning after a drunk hookup.
6. You guys have never shared a meal together.
7. If you have shared a meal together, it was either late-night pizza or hungover morning bagels.
8. He Snapchats you more than he texts you.
9. You've never been on a real date with him.
10. ...If you have been on a date, it was one time. And it never happened again.
11. You've never spoken on the phone unless it was 4 am, and you needed him to buzz you up to his place.
12. He makes really big promises that he literally never keeps.
13. He never wants to hang out in the morning.
15. ...Except for the drunk texts he sends to you and probably 15 other girls.
16. He never wants to cuddle with you.
17. He chooses even the dumbest plans over you.
18. His friends (the same ones who don't know who you are) always come before you.
19. The only time he ever soberly texts you is when he's extremely bored.
20. He makes literally no effort with your friends.
21. You asked him to do something months in advance, and he rejected you because he "wasn't sure what his plans were gonna be that far out."
22. You've told him a million personal things about you, and he can barely remember any of it.
24. He told you he was too busy to hang out, then posted a Snapchat story of himself alone on the couch.
25. Part of you is afraid that if you stopped putting in the effort, your relationship would completely fizzle out.
You are cool, and fun and smart, and even though this guy can't seem to appreciate that, I guarantee there's someone out there who will.
Be the first to know what's trending, straight from Elite Daily
Being "one of the guys" earns you a lot of labels
You have to go through a different kind of adolescent agony
You get oddly comfortable being inappropriate
Boyfriends are always suspicious of you
You approach romantic relationships with guys very differently
You're stuck being every guy's confidant, not one guy's everything
Liz Newman is a contributing writer for Thrillist, and to any of her beloved guy friends reading this, obviously she doesn’t mean you. You’re different. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @lizn813.
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I was recently a grooms(wo)man in my (male) best friend's wedding. During the planning for said wedding, I received two very different kinds of pre-nuptial emails.
From the bride: "Hi Bridesmaids (and Liz!) -- Here is the dress for everyone. Liz, yours will be the black version of this."
From the groom: "Guys (and Liz). Here are the tuxes. Except for Liz's. She's in a dress or something. Let's make her stand directly next to [redacted], because remember, they used to bang."
On the big day, as I stood out amongst a sea of gold dresses and tuxes, it hit me that this whole experience was the perfect metaphor for my life. I am the black version of the dress. I'm a girl who has always been one of the guys, but also very much a girl; not really blending perfectly into either side. There are a bunch of perks, and plenty of detriments, to this life. Here's the brutal truth.
"Women can be territorial. But in reality, with pure guy friends, there is no ulterior motive."
If you run with the boys, you're a guy's girl. A cool girl. A tomboy. A misfit. Or, on the other end of the spectrum: a slut. A tease. A homewrecker. People often confuse you for the women we all love to loathe -- the ones who talk about fellow ladies like this: "Girls just never seem to like me... [cue flipping of the hair]… I have no idea why."
Listen -- a women with no girlfriends is not to be trusted. And while I'm proud to say I'm not in that camp, women in my shoes are at least assumed to have an ulterior motive. Or, we're exalted for how cool we seem: the ones guys fall in love with, the ones other girls want to be. The "cool girls." Eh. It's all a bunch of symbolic labels that actually mean very little.
Not to say I don't understand those labels, or haven't cast them onto others myself. Women can be territorial. But in reality, with pure guy friends, there is no ulterior motive. No labels. Minus the anatomy, there is zero difference in how I feel about these friends -- they're basically girls (just don't tell them I said that).
Being one of the guys can be a lot of fun -- and not just because groomsman wedding prep (drinking whiskey, playing pool) smokes that of a bridesmaid (nail salons, hairdressers). But being confined to these labels can also feel claustrophobic.
We all know teenage girls have it tough; going through a battle to make sense of societal standards being welded onto their adolescence (makeup, bras, acting shy, crossing our legs, competing for male attention, I can keep going here).
But there's a whole other layer on top of said growing pains when part of your coming-of-age story includes being wrested from the pack that raised you. I'll never forget my confusion when my mother pulled me aside and explained I would eventually have to put a shirt on while running around outside with the neighborhood boys.
But unlike a lot of my girlfriends, who over time learned to depend on each other and let the boys be boys, the solace I found in my guy friends stuck. The bond was deep -- and entirely platonic*.
They pretend so hard not to, but good Lord, your guy friends' girlfriends just can't stand you. In fact, how aggressively they try to friend the crap out of you is almost solely fueled by this hatred. There aren't exceptions to this, because even if his girlfriend/fiance/wife has come to terms with the nature of your "just friends" relationship, and may even genuinely like you now, she most definitely hated you initially.
Remember My Best Friend’s Wedding ? Yup, so does she. You're the one her bae came to first with his problems, who knows how to make his favorite birthday cake, and who knows every intimate detail of his life -- details she realizes she may never know. To rub more salt in this open wound, his parents likely adore you. Every time I put myself in these girlfriends' shoes, I honestly think about how much I would hate me too.
"Remember 'My Best Friend's Wedding'? Yup, so does she."
Sometimes I catch myself in group settings talking about things like The Pirate (two words: Urban Dictionary). Most times I even act it out with sound effects. Sure, it gets laughs (because The Pirate is hilarious), but here's the thing: I'm not always surrounded by a bevy of bros... and it's not typically thought of as the most ladylike thing in the world.
In the same way a lot of us probably don't realize how our Kardashian-saturated culture has caused us to say, "I know, right ?" a lot more than we'd all like to admit, the crass behavior of my dude friends has become a very real part of my own personality. To my inner circle, it's not a big deal. But drop me into a different group, and things can get uncomfortable pretty fast.
It's like playing slaps as kids. Eventually your hands end up so pummeled they just stop hurting. My insides are like that -- after years of being playfully harassed and ridiculed by my guy friends and being part of all kinds of disgusting jokes and inappropriate pranks, I've grown a thick skin that I'm proud of -- but I also can't always draw a decency line.
There was never a time in my life I didn't have to explain my relationships with guys to a significant other. And the thing is, I get it. I talk to a member of the opposite sex who isn't my boyfriend almost daily. Who wouldn't be threatened by that?
The whole When Harry Met Sally theory makes this a constant uphill battle: you can't possibly really just be friends with this guy, because guys and girls are never just friends. And no matter what you say, it's lose-lose. You can try convincing your S.O. that you've never hooked up with your best guy friend. He's like a brother to you . If that works, your boyfriend will be relieved -- but he'll also have residual resentment that there are things you've told this friend of yours that he will never know.
Which, if I'm being honest, is totally fair.
Or, in an attempt to be fully transparent, you might admit that you did hook up with your best guy friend just that once , but it was years ago, and you're pretty sure you both had just had Goldschläger shots for the first time. So it doesn't count.
Yeah… good luck with your boyfriend ever truly trusting you alone with this person.
"Let's just say I've doused plenty of potential sparks."
When you're surrounded by friends of the male variety, you tend to think guys may only be interested in you for that nature of relationship. But as one of my buddies very wisely clued me in, no guy initiates a relationship with a girl to just be friends. It can sometimes turn into that, but it's never the initial goal.
But there's something else to this, coming from the girl's perspective. I often view guys as non-romantic options from the jump, essentially friend-zoning myself. And believe me, prospective mates catch that vibe; often reading it as a "she must not be interested" rather than the more likely in my case "she's just entirely clueless she's doing this."
Let's just say I've doused plenty of potential sparks.
I'm living proof that an unbreakable, non-sexual guy-girl dynamic can exist. Still, it's naive to think those pesky laws of attraction don't occasionally rear their ugly heads. I've definitely experienced the frustration of serving as a man's go-to shoulder for all things love-related… and yet never being the person he's in love with.
And that's the dark side -- when, at some point, you wonder if this guy you've always loved so dearly might be actual boyfriend material. Then he comes over, holds your hand, and tells you: "I don't know what I'd do without you, I love you, you're the best." And then he gives you hugs and kisses and heads home to his girlfriend. It would wear on any person -- but there's a unique struggle for the girl who rolls with the boys, and realizes she's sought after for every role except that of the woman those boys want to love unconditionally, romantically… and forever and ever.
Would I ever actually change any of this? Absolutely not. These relationships have truly shaped my identity, and are a constant source of comfort for me; they remain long after the non-platonic ones come and go, which to me, makes them the most special ones that exist.
Plus, even tomboy Joey nabs Pacey in the end.
*Maybe we made out once, but it was a really long time ago… shut up.
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By Katrina Liezl Soriano
Updated January 25, 2022
By Katrina Liezl Soriano
Updated January 25, 2022
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It really is a nuisance when someone takes light years to respond to a text message when really, in this day and age, it probably takes about 20 seconds to reply to a text within receiving it. And we’ve all done it. Nonchalantly just opening a message and planning to reply to it when we’re done at the gym or when we’re home from hanging with our friends. But then boom – hours go by and you suddenly forgot to reply to the message. And you’re suddenly the asshole.
Now don’t get me wrong – there could be many factors affecting tardiness of a response and I get that. You had an appointment at the bank. You had to walk your cat. You were debating which sauce dip you wanted with your nachos. But.. let’s be real. I’m going to go ahead and call it and say about 90% of the time; if your texts are going unheard or takes hours or even days to get replied too, trust me when I say this, it’s not them, but it’s more than likely you. And you’re honestly probably a really rad person but clearly it wasn’t being put forth.
With the help of some great friends sharing some stories of their experiences, I’ve come up with a list of why a girl probably stopped replying to your messages (or phone calls, subliminal messages, handwritten love note in a glass bottle, whatever floats your boat.) Get ready to be ENLIGHTENED!
So young Jedi, I’m almost sure the girl you’re going after has probably a lot of other guys after her. And when this is the case, she’s probably getting a lot of the same messages – which is why your “let’s go grab a drink” or “wanna hang out?” message is going unreplied. Now I’m not saying go all Edgar Allen Poe in your approach but find a way to make yourself stand out. How? You’re a smart guy (or girl……?) You’ll figure it out.
This girl you probably wouldn’t want to get serious with anyways if she’s too busy to make time for you. It would also have to be some serious shit if she tells you this. If a girl tells you something is going on in her life and she really just can’t deal with holding conversations with you, I’d believe her a
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