No Penetration Sex

No Penetration Sex
From Simple English Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Non-penetrative sex is a form of sexual activity which does not involve penetration of the vagina , anus , or mouth , unlike doing penetration in sex . [1] [2]
Medical professionals accept the term of non-penetrative sex. It is a way to practice safer sex and of birth control as bodily fluids are not exchanged between partners. The form of sex is practised between partners who do not feel ready, are not physically able, cannot or simply do not want to have socially appropriate penetrative sex, but still wish to do a sexual act.

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Sometimes you’re in the mood to get some action but don’t actually feel like having anything inside you (Or, maybe, we’re living in a pandemic where the safest sex partner is your own well-washed hand ). Whether you’re on your period, have a UTI or just plain aren’t in the mood for is, there are plenty of other ways for you and your partner to get off together without having old-fashioned intercourse.
In fact, let’s be real: There’s a huge number of us out there who can’t even reach an orgasm from penetration alone, not to mention the fact that there are also a ton of us who have partners who weren’t born with the desire or equipment to have a heteronormative p enetrative sexual encounter . But, ultimately, that’s not the most important thing when it comes to having a healthy sexual relationship with your partner.
Particularly for people with vulvas, “the most valuable thing you can do is find ways to bring more clitoral stimulation into your sex life,” says sex therapist Vanessa Marin, who is actually launching an online training program to teach women how to orgasm (bless her heart). Work on finding adventurous positions and activities that stimulate the clit, and you’ll be opened up to a whole new world of possibilities.
Here are some of our favorites to get you started.
Instead of treating your partner like a machine whose job it is to give you an orgasm, heed the advice of Dr. Carlen Costa, a sexologist and relationship expert from Canada, and change your attitude first. “You’re supposed to own your orgasm,” Dr. Carlen says.
And the number one way she suggests increasing your sexual confidence and taking control over your orgasms is by partaking in a naughty bit of adult show-and-tell and masturbating in front of one another. Whether you choose to discuss in advance the fact that you’re about to give your partner the thrill of their life or surprise them by letting them come home and “catch” you rubbing yourself on the Jennifer Convertible sofa, is entirely up to you. And though you may be tempted to let them jump in and finish the job, Dr. Carlen suggests restraining your passions and enforcing a no touching rule for as long as possible — which will only make things hotter.
Sex toys have come a long way since your mother’s dildo (sorry, not a sexy image). Marin suggests trying a couples’ toy like the We-Vibe or, if you prefer going at it alone, the Eva by DAME products, which is an actual hands-free vibrator that stimulates the clitoris with zero effort — yay for that!
Kait Scalisi, a sexual and reproductive health educator , writer and consultant, is also a huge fan of toys like the We-Vibe Touch, as well as G-Spot toy Je Joue Uma and arousal oils like ON Arousal Oil, which she says brings blood flow to the vaginal area and makes it easier to become aroused and achieve orgasm.
“I highly recommend all women have a high-quality lubricant,” Scalisi said. “Water-based lubes like Sliquid Organics are great for toys while silicone-based lubes like the one by Pjur are better for intercourse, oral sex and fingering. The amount of natural lubricant a woman produces is not indicative of her level of arousal as everything from stress to dehydration to medications can affect the body’s ability to get wet.”
How many times have we been told the number one way for women to achieve orgasm is by getting oral sex? But that’s not necessarily so. Look, we’re not saying to stop your partner when they want to go down on you because cunnilingus can be one of the most pleasurable experiences on the planet. But so much attention has been put on oral sex that Dr. Carlen says it’s easy to forget that women don’t always come this way.
“More women are more self-conscious when they have someone in between their legs,” Dr. Carlen says. “They worry about what they taste or smell like. Instead, direct stimulation is the number one way women orgasm.”
Chances are, you’re well versed on all things clitoris-related and know both light touching and applying more pressure to this sensitive spot can result in orgasm. But Dr. Carlen reminds us to encourage our partners to explore the entire vagina — including the labia and vulva, which has the second-most nerve endings after the clitoris and the U-spot, the area on and around the urethra.
The brain is our largest sex organ and we’re doing ourselves a huge disservice if we ignore this fact. It’s completely possible to orgasm or get so worked up you could come in seconds without any physical contact at all by taking the time to engage in a little filthy talk before or even instead of sex.
If you’ve never tried this before with your partner, Dr. Carlen says to take your time and take it slow. “You don’t have to jump in with the dirtiest thing because it can come across as awkward or unauthentic,” she says. Instead of whispering in his ear that you want to have an orgy with him and 15 members of a football team, Dr. Carlen says tried-and-true dirty talk includes saying things like “I love it when you do (fill in the blank),” and the universally hot, “Oh, baby, I’m coming.”
And if you’re feeling shy about it, the expert says a great way to build your sexual confidence and test the waters is by sexting your partner . Setting up a scenario via text like, “When you get home tonight (fill in the blank)” is a surefire way to fan the flames.
Originally published December 2015. Updated January 2017.
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Why Every Guy Should Master Non-Penetrative Sex

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To many straight men, sex is penis-in-vagina penetration. Granted, some allow for the existence of anal sex, while oral sex counts to some as sex just as much, but rarely do we ever acknowledge what sex truly is: fluid.
No, not the exchange of fluids, but rather the idea that there’s more to sex than P-in-V penetration, and what that means can be different for any given person, couple or polyamorous arrangement.
There’s a wealth of sex that can occur without your penis penetrating a vagina or an anus, and guys do themselves a disservice by ignoring that. Not only is a laser-like focus on penetrative sex narrow-minded and exclusionary (for instance, classic penetrative sex isn’t feasible for all people), it can also lead to bad sex when you actually do get to penetration.
People who need more warm-up time to be in the right mood, as well as those who struggle to orgasm from penetrative sex, benefit greatly when things don’t focus on penetration to the exclusion of all else. Being able to make penetrative sex just a part of your sexual buffet (sorry, not sorry) will make you so much better a sexual partner.
To help you make that switch, here’s some expert advice on how to do non-penetrative sex right — along with an explanation of why it gets so little love.
The notion of sex focusing on penetration and nothing else is a very culturally entrenched one.
Some of that likely stems from the way we conceptualize sex. If you imagine that sex is first and foremost for reproduction, it makes sense to think of it only as a penis entering a vagina. But very few people have sex only when they’re trying to reproduce. In fact, lots of people never do.
Even accounting for the existence of sex for pleasure, you can get tons of really great sex education that teaches you about consent, infection transmission and the general functioning of various private parts ... and still never really be taught about non-penetrative sex.
“Sex as penetration is so 'common’ that most of us don’t think about how it could be any different,” says Kayla Lords, sexpert for JackAndJillAdult.com . “Phrases like 'hit it and quit it' or 'pounding' a partner are so ubiquitous. We all know what it means, and it’s nothing but penetration.”
Jess O’Reilly, host of the “@SexWithDrJess” podcast , agrees, calling out the way we speak and write about sex and its focus on penetration in that sense.
“We separate foreplay, oral sex, toys and other types of sex and consider one act sex itself,” she says. “But foreplay is sex to many people. Oral sex is sex to others. There is no universal definition of sex — especially when you consider all the combinations of bodies and genitals that might be involved in a sexual encounter.”
That conceptualization of sex slowly bleeds over into our creative visions, along with our language, too.
“Representations of sex in popular media tend to focus on kissing for a brief moment and then moving on to P-in-V sex within a matter of seconds,” adds O’Reilly. “Sex is almost always depicted as complete when the man has an orgasm and representations of simultaneous orgasm are the norm (on screen, but not in real life).”
That’s a problem, in part, because depictions of sex (whether in movies, TV or in porn) do function as a kind of sex education for us.
“You might think that fictional representations on-screen do not matter, but in the absence of other opportunities to observe and learn from sex in real life, popular culture and porn become our points of reference for sex,” notes O’Reilly. “And though sex scenes or porn can be entertaining and titillating, they’re not produced with education in mind.”
Meaning, if the only sex you ever witness or hear about prior to losing your virginity is unrealistically penetration-focused, that dynamic will likely play itself out in your own sexual experiences — and it might continue to indefinitely if no one ever stops and suggests you try something else.
If your mentality is “sex is about having an orgasm, penetration is what makes me orgasm, therefore I will focus on penetration,” you are, in a way, thinking logically. It’s a very “If A, then B” mentality.
Unfortunately, that’s a very short-sighted way to approach sex. For starters, it completely elides your partner’s body, as well as your partner’s pleasure. A better formulation might be “sex is about pleasure, both parties enjoying themselves is likely to give me the most amount of pleasure, therefore I will focus on making sure my partner enjoys sex as well.”
“When you’re too focused on penetration, you miss all the other ways to feel good and enjoy yourself during sex,” explains Lords. “You also miss out on what your partner needs and may leave them extremely dissatisfied. If your partner is someone who, typically, enjoys sex, they’re going to enjoy it even more (and want it more) if they’re getting something from it, too.”
That’s not just a mental thing, either. Sure, some people might not necessarily care, notice or enjoy themselves more if their partner is having a better time, but giving your partner time to get properly lubricated before P-in-V penetration is vital. The difference between sex with someone who’s into it and sex with someone who isn’t is enormous — and getting to that point of mutual excitement means being sexual without penetration.
“If your partner has a clitoris, penetration may not be the most effective way to produce pleasure,” says O’Reilly. If you really want to turn your partner on, she suggests you pay close attention to the clitoris , “which is the only organ in the human body designed solely for the purpose of pleasure.”
“The head and foreskin of the clitoris are located at the top of the lips and this highly innervated area can be responsive to light touch, kissing, rubbing, vibrating and teasing,” she adds. “The inner legs, bulbs and shaft of the clitoris (comprised of erectile tissue) can be stimulated by rubbing the lips without penetration. Try wrapping your hand around the entire vulva to slide up and down, pulse gently or grind in rhythm with your partner’s hips.”
Naturally, it doesn’t begin and end at the clit. Your partner has a whole body’s worth of nerve endings to explore.
“Not only can some folks reach orgasm from stimulating other areas of their body (e.g. breasts, lower back), but exploring the entire body increases the likelihood of enjoying more full-bodied pleasure and orgasms,” says O’Reilly. “If you get hung up on penetration alone, you miss out on other pleasurable experiences.”
It’s fair to say that if focusing on penetration can worsen sex, stepping back from that focus and exploring non-penetrative sex can make it better … a lot better.
“For many folks, oral sex, manual sex and playing with toys is more likely to lead to orgasm than penetration alone,” says O’Reilly. “And research suggests that engaging in a wider variety of sexual activities increases pleasure and sexual satisfaction. As you explore your options, you’ll discover new experiences of pleasure for yourself and your partner.”
That doesn’t just mean “more foreplay,” though, since it subtly implies that it’s less important than what comes after.
“Foreplay (a poor word for everything that’s not penetrative sex) is meant to be the 'warm-up' or what gets your partner in the mood,” notes Lords. “But if you think of those moments as opportunities for mutual pleasure and as part of sex itself, you immediately become a more attentive and better lover.”
And that’s not the only benefit — sex that’s less focused on penetration is also less likely to be over in a hurry.
“Sex also lasts infinitely longer because it’s more than the few minutes of thrusting you usually engage in,” says Lords. “That means you last longer, too.”
It’s also great news for guys who struggle with erectile dysfunction as the specific hardness of your penis is significantly less important (or possibly not important at all).
“If sex is everything that feels good sexually, the pressure is off you to get an erection, keep it or penetrate your partner,” she says. “If you’re tired or don’t have the energy for penetration (it happens), everything else you do to and with your partner will still feel good — and satisfying.”
The most important thing to realize is that it’s incredibly broad, and whatever works for you and/or your partner is worth trying.
“Non-penetrative sex is literally anything that provides sexual arousal or pleasure,” says Lords. “Sexting and dirty talk hit the mind and imagination. Kissing and lightly stroking the body can be done with all your clothes on. Dry humping, rubbing your genitals through your clothes, fingering and oral sex takes things a step further (with or without clothes). The best way to bring non-penetrative sex into your life is to take the few minutes of foreplay and extend it as long as you both want.”
Along with the above, O’Reilly suggests amping up the role of seduction in your sex life.
“Seduction can be the hottest part of sex,” she says. “As you build anticipation, pleasure heightens. Consider what you can do to surprise your lover. Can you change your approach, location, timing, language or physical touch? The element of surprise and unpredictability is essential to pleasure. Giving your partner exactly what they want may be less pleasurable than teasing, alluding to pleasure, and surprising them with it.”
Of course, pivoting to non-penetrative sex doesn’t mean you just spring extended oral on your partner and hope it goes well. Instead, make it a conversation.
“It’s sexy to talk to them about it first, and it helps make sure you have their total consent ,” says Lords. “Let them know you want to make sex better for them, that you’ve learned that sex doesn’t have to be just penetration, and that you want to change things up to keep sex exciting. Then ask what they’ve been missing or what they’d like more of. They may still want the D — but incorporating other aspects of sex into the mix will make it better for everyone.”

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