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Keep this in mind when you have something to return and the store gives you a hard time - A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!" The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers. The manager comes to the woman and asks,"Ma'am what's wrong?" She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screamed, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!" and doing so draws an even bigger crowd! In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?" In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!" The crowd broke into applause and he quickly refunded her money.
George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you! Old cat turd! "Some men just need killing." ~ Clay Allison. I am too old to fight but I can still pull a trigger. ~ Me
Funny...but...appropriate for a family forum? Hmm.
"But whether the Constitution really be one thing, or another, this much is certain--that it has either authorized such a government as we have had, or has been powerless to prevent it. In either case, it is unfit to exist." --Lysander Spooner, 1867
If Rick don't likey I will gladly pull it. Even if I get a few more negative responses. Let me know folks.
George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you! Old cat turd! "Some men just need killing." ~ Clay Allison. I am too old to fight but I can still pull a trigger. ~ Me
All laws which are repugnant to the Constitution are null and void. � Marbury v. Madison, 5 U.S. (2 Cranch) 137 (1803) NRA LIfe Member GOA SAF CCRKBA
OK by me - No offense B. but let me make a point (no pun intended - well maybe). I think this is extremely tame especially based on items I've seen here. Kinda like TV. I've seen much worse, extremely worse in fact on TV. I was at mall several weekends ago and could not believe the language I heard from kids. MF'er this and MF'er that. Bottom line, anyone who is worried over family issues concerning this forum should monitor their families useage. Bottom Line, keep'em coming T Lee. And again, no offense implied B. just my $0.02.
LOL! I've seen worse, and am not offended..at what age (of the viewing children) are they unaware of this very punchline?
Al "Anyone who willfully and maliciously attacks another without sufficient cause deserves no consideration" - Col. Jeff Cooper Sic vis pacem, para bellum
...probably I'll get in trouble for the one I posted a few minutes ago...
Al "Anyone who willfully and maliciously attacks another without sufficient cause deserves no consideration" - Col. Jeff Cooper Sic vis pacem, para bellum
I thought it was funny. But I'm easily entertained. My kids are probably already a little more worldly than some might think appropriate, as I tend to shoot fairly straight with them despite the absence of TV and the newspapers as a general rule in our household.
"This ain't dress rehearsal....it's the life you get to live, make it a good one." TEAMWORK = a bunch of people doing what I say
On that note I hope neither of my boys or Ricks tells that one to their teacher tomorrow unless they have a good sense of humor.
"This ain't dress rehearsal....it's the life you get to live, make it a good one." TEAMWORK = a bunch of people doing what I say
Hmmmm do as you see fit with respect to the TV but know you are doing you children a disservice by not exposing them to some of the Outstanding programming available on the Discovery Channel, History Channel etc. I have learned things that have far exceeded what I learned in College in some cases especially with respect to history and what modern paleontologists and archeologists have brought to light. As an example, the myth that George Custer
was a hero when in fact in a modern military he would be subject to a court martial because of the judgment or lack thereof he used to get all of his men killed. Just a thought but I agree that a lot of the programming availaible for viewing even for me is pure trash. Somebody watches the garbage (most network news for example) but not me.
I laughed. No less PC than some others I've seen here.
I didn't understand a word you said, but whatever it was I'm right there with you.
On a prime-time TV quiz show that I was watching several years ago, the emcee who was introducing a lady contestant meant to say "Doesn't she have cute little dimples?" But he muffed it � and said " ... little nipples." The amazing thing was that nobody seemed to react to it , not even the lady with the cute little dimples. The emcee calmly corrected his gaffe, and the show moved on.
"Good enough" isn't. Always take your responsibilities seriously but never yourself.
I want my money back. I thought this was TLEE saying he wanted to have his nipples pinched, and here it is just another joke. Drat! On second thought, I'm not sure which is worse: the thought of TLEE wanting to have his nipples pinched, or the thought of the shaman wanting to see said act. I'm digging myself deeper with each word I write. I'm going now. Please close the door behind me.
Genesis 9:2-4 Ministries Lighthearted Confessions of a Cervid Serial Killer
I just kicked it shut, good thing you snatched your rattle when you did!
George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you! Old cat turd! "Some men just need killing." ~ Clay Allison. I am too old to fight but I can still pull a trigger. ~ Me
Funny...but...appropriate for a family forum? Hmm.
Too funny!! Nothing worse than I hear/see in the mall.
I agree with Boss Hoss and his comments. Well said. Besides, I have already heard the joke.....On a local radio station. .
Have the kids seen the advertisements in the back of the hunting/gun mags lately? The joke is benign compared to some of them.
Liberalism is a mental disorder that leads to social disease.
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Once a week, Daily Intelligencer takes a peek behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the Portland Woman Masturbating With Clothespins on Her Nipples: Female, 31, Portland, Oregon, hosiery salesgirl/writer, in a polyamorous relationship, bisexual.
7:20 a.m. My partner, Sidebeards, and I have separate bedrooms because of opposing schedules and sleeping habits. I’m rushed to catch a bus but make time to sneak into his man cave for a kiss good-bye. He smiles and cuddles me briefly; this reassures me last night wasn’t a total disaster. We had an episode of spankus interruptus. Our kinky game and dirty talk went sideways. No one got hurt, but no one got off either. I went to bed horny and confused.
1 p.m. One of our regulars, Heavy Breather, calls. He needs help finding argyle socks for his wife. Her vagina is real loose, so he wants to see her in tight socks. He hangs up without making a purchase. These foot fetishists are mostly harmless, but we don’t get paid enough to provide customer service, spank fodder, and phone sex. This happens about once a week.
7 p.m. Writing isn’t going well, so I procrastinate by e-mailing Focus, a photographer I’ve shot with many times in the past. He’s sexy in that older man with a camera kind of way. We have an intense but unconsummated flirtation, so planning for another shoot quickly becomes dirty talk.
8:30 p.m. The flirting gets me worked up, but just as I reach for my vibrator, Sidebeards comes home. He was recently interviewed about his newly published book, so we get caught up in excitement over his success. I’m happy for him but also understand he’s in writer promotion mode and know better than to expect him to slow down long enough to spend naked time with me.
10:30 p.m. He’s tired and distracted so I settle for some smooching before he puts me to bed.
11 a.m. Focus and I finalize plans to get together without a camera. This is the first time I’m considering being intimate with anyone other than Sidebeards in the year we’ve been together. I’m nervous. The high of flirting with Focus gets me through the day so that I can momentarily stop obsessing over the failed playtime with Sidebeards the other night.
2 p.m. I’m modeling for photos that will become an advertisement for the legwear company I work for. Fully clothed, posing in the park, I’m chastised several times to cover more leg and keep my hands far away from my lap so that the photos won’t be “suggestive.” Proof that suggestive is awfully subjective.
8:30 p.m. I refuse to go to bed frustrated again. I’m kissing and fondling Sidebeards, glad that he’s getting into it. He goes down on me.
8:40 p.m. His tongue is driving me crazy, but I can’t get off this way. I insist he de-pant and fuck me. Instead, he teases me by going slow, tossing me around through half the Kama Sutra. It’s sweet and a little naughty, just what we need to reconnect.
9 p.m. I say the magic words, and he orgasms inside me. I need my vibrating bullet to get off, which he’s more than happy to assist with. All the crazy from the last few days melts away as I come.
8 p.m. At the hipsterist venue in town to see Stereo Total with Sidebeards and his work friends. On my way in I run into Mopey, a failed OkCupid date from several months back. After two dates, he was making plans for summer trips together, not understanding why I broke things off. Awkwardly, we work in the same neighborhood, so we see either other regularly but never speak. Tonight is no different.
9 p.m. So many young sweaty bodies rubbing on one another. I’m not in the mood for their shenanigans, so I sit down and watch from afar, happy that Sidebeards is enjoying himself in the thick of it.
11 p.m. Sidebeards’ friends are staying with us for the weekend; they take his room. I was secretly excited to have two nights sharing sleeping space with him. Instead of coming to bed he goes out with Beer Guy, whom he hasn’t seen in a while.
Midnight Can’t sleep, but I can’t jerk off since the boys are in the living room and I’d feel too weird turning on my vibrator.
6:30 a.m. Sidebeards is on the couch. They must have been up late drinking; he barely moves when I say good-bye and go to work.
4 p.m. Just barely manage to stay awake through work. Sidebeards has the day off; having opposite schedules is frustrating.
7:30 p.m. On a bus to get tickets to the Black Angels show. Stuck in traffic on the bridge, I glimpse the balcony of a condo; a girl is going down on her man-friend. I smile at the crazy exhibitionists.
9 p.m. I would love to go to sleep or lie in bed naked with Sidebeards, but Beer Guy and his wife lure us into drinking on the lawn. It’s nice to get to know some of Sidebeards’ oldest friends.
2 a.m. We literally crawl into bed and pass out.
1 p.m. After a half-day at work I’m out to lunch with a co-worker. She might be the only person with a filthier mouth than me. We end up having a distinctly inappropriate conversation while surrounded by soccer moms by using ridiculous euphemisms to not offend anyone. She’s telling me about a new acquaintance who admitted to only being able to masturbate by humping furniture. Apparently he has a special chair in his apartment for such purposes. I’m impressed with his creativity.
5 p.m. My week is finally done, and I’m alone in the house. I should be editing, but instead I’m perving FetLife, looking through the newest photos of friends. Most are rope-bondage-related, and I realize how little of that is in my life recently. I rub myself looking at pretty girls bound, focused on the sexy way their breasts look compressed in rope.
5:15 p.m. I get out my vibrator and some clothespins to torture/tease myself with. Fantasizing about being bound gets me off almost too quickly, so I come a couple of times to extend the experience.
6 p.m. Back to my writing and realize I’m too antsy and horny again to focus.
9 p.m. I’m frustrated, grammatically and sexually, when Sidebeards gets home from his day job. He kisses me deeply and smirks, which means we’re on the same page. I just need to finish writing this story, and he will be all mine.
10:30 p.m. He’s distracted by the time I find him, but I refuse to accept a cuddling-only evening. I go down on him so slowly that he begs me to sit on his face. It’s his turn to wait for what he wants. I enjoy his pleas to let him lick me, which I eventually do allow.
10:50 p.m. I can’t resist any longer; we have sex slowly. I watch him go crazy as I periodically dismount him so he can watch me touch myself before I resume riding hi
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