Night At The Museum Porn
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Typically one goes to a museum to become enriched with culture and knowledge. Welcome to Bluebird's museum where you won't be bothered with a history lesson. In this museum, the only thing on display is fucking and sucking from all around the world. Take a look at what happens in our museum, your boner will appreciate it
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At Night in This Museum the Displays Can Come to Life to Fuck You and Your Husband
At Night in This Museum the Displays Can Come to Life to Fuck You and Your Husband
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With DVD sales dwindling, the future of Adult Cinema may be in subsidized junk like this lame "porn parody" that riffs mindlessly on the hit Ben Stiller features. It is shot at one Harry Mohney's Erotic Heritage Museum in Vegas and shamelessly promotes the place for nearly two hours.
Filmmaker Jim Powers has a complete off-day with this clunker, not exhibiting his storytelling abilities of many a fine movie or at the other end of the porn spectrum the wacky, uninhibited gonzo of his "Perverted Stories" classic series. Like the dumb museum itself, his script takes a know-nothing approach to porn history, embarrassing rather than educational.
James Deen is awful as usual, unfunny in the Stiller role as Larry, a new security guard for the overnight shift at the museum, with exhibits coming to life and having sex. He gets to have sex with luscious starlets Riley Reid (in the movie's lead role as a tour guide) and miscast Jenna Ivory doing a lousy version of Seka, but at least bringing big breasts to a show that trendily casts flat-chested (e.g., Riley) young women that are currently in vogue for contemporary porn fans.
All the casting is inept, starting off with Eric John in shades with a bad wig and mustache as John Holmes, but ironically looking a lot more like Holmes' frequent co-star Bill Margold. I doubt if this was an in- joke by Powers but is obvious to any fan of Golden Age porn.
Similarly, Chanel Preston as Marilyn Chambers (masturbating in pearl necklace and high heels on a red bed sheet, before sort of re-enacting her "Green Door" encounter with Johnnie Keyes, lamely personified by Isiah Maxwell, and then having a threesome involving Caligula -the museum covers erotic history, not just the Adult industry - played by Marcus London) is poor, hardly capturing the natural beauty of the legendary actress. Anna Morna as Linda Loveless in a dumb "Deep Throat" skit with bad-wigged Anthony Rosano as Harry Reems is far too pretty, and even does the d.t. technique on a dildo rather than Tony's actual cock. Worst of all is Elizabeth Bentley as a brunette nurse following up on Reems/Rosano's actual cock -she doesn't have anything in common with iconic Carol Connors, and apparently Powers & co. don't even remember Carol, given this generic casting of "the nurse from that movie".
Ron Jeremy, a frequent Powers player in those "Perverted Stories" 20 years earlier, hams it up as the museum's manager. He gives Deen (and the movie viewer) a tour of the premises, which merely shows how lousy a museum it is in real life, replete with a Clinton/Lewinsky exhibit and not surprisingly plugola for Smash Pictures which produced this stinker, as well as a tribute to porn-parodies from Vivid and others -hardly worth any recognition. Jeremy improvises his Borscht Belt patter and shows his own ego and thin knowledge base as he shows us Cardboard cutouts of classic Adult Stars like Julia Ann and Seka and refers to the wonderful Janine Lindemulder as "Julie Limbauer". Of course Powers leaves this error in the final print.
The sex is lousy, the backdrops throughout of museum exhibits are boring to look at, and acting is pitiful. What might have opened up a door to the achievements of Adult Cinema back in the day is totally wasted.
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Night At The Museum Porn
