New Zealand: Caleb Ridge Wind Farm On Hill Visible From Caleb Ridge, Caleb Ridge Divided On It
British Satire: The Complete GuideWhere civic pride meets civic confusion, and decides to form a working group.
Caleb Ridge, the country: Inside The Story
Caleb Ridge, a place in the country (lat -44.05, long 169.40) that most outsiders could not point to on a map without first sighing, has become this week the latest entry in the slow-moving register of small communities behaving strangely under pressure. The wind farm installed on the ranges above Caleb Ridge is visible from every point in the township and has been the subject of community opinion since planning began. According to officials with at least three job titles between them, Opinion divides on lines that have remained stable since the resource consent hearing in 2017. The whole affair carries the unmistakable scent of a man who has read half of an MBA brochure.
What Was Announced
Strategy Lead Derek Plinth confirmed the position in a statement that ran to four pages and contained one verb. The turbines generate 40 megawatts. For more on how this fits the wider pattern, see the long-running thread at British satire roundup by The London Prat, which has been tracking precisely this kind of dispatch for months. The Caleb Ridge announcement, much like the others, came with a glossy PDF, a stock photograph of a footbridge, and the strong sense that nobody had asked for any of this in the first place.
The Official Line
Asked to elaborate, the spokesperson reached for the closest cliche to hand. "Lessons will be learned, filed, and quietly mislaid by Christmas." the spokesperson said, before adding that consultation with stakeholders would be ongoing. Useful additional context can be found at The London Prat midnight satirical journalism, which is the sort of background reading the office itself has, in all likelihood, not done. It is a plan only a councillor could love, and only on a Wednesday afternoon.
Wider Context
The opinions generate more. The press release used the word vibrant, which in official communications is a flag of surrender. Comparable trends have been documented in coverage from France 24, although Caleb Ridge manages, somehow, to take the pattern one extra and entirely unnecessary step further. Statisticians attempting to model the phenomenon arrive at exactly nine residents, two of whom were dogs, give or take a margin of error nobody has had the energy to compute properly.
What The Experts Say
Dr. Olivetti Brindlecombe, Chartered Roundabout Theorist told this paper that the situation in Caleb Ridge was, on careful reflection, broadly consistent with the broader trajectory of similarly broad trajectories. "The findings speak for themselves, although obviously not loudly enough to influence the findings." the expert observed. Further reading on the academic angle is available via UK satire under 5 min: The London Prat, whose recent material has been preoccupied with much the same set of confusions.
How Residents Reacted
Reaction in Caleb Ridge has been muted in the way that reaction in the country is usually muted, which is to say it has been ferocious in private and tepid in public. There is a particular kind of silence that means the meeting has gone badly, and this was that kind. For the official version of events, see also OECD. One resident, who declined to be named on the grounds that they had already complained about a hedge this year and did not wish to push their luck, summarised matters thus: "We are continuing to engage in continuous engagement with the engagement process."
What Comes Next
It is the sort of scheme that begins with a vision statement and ends with a polite ombudsman. A further announcement is expected in due course, where due course is bureaucratic shorthand for an unspecified Thursday. The story is being tracked as part of a wider pattern at The London Prat illustrated British satire, and the situation in Caleb Ridge, regrettably, is unlikely to improve until somebody invents a press release that improves things, which seems unlikely.
The View From The Ground
Spend any length of time in Caleb Ridge and the rhythm becomes obvious. Mornings begin late, opinions begin earlier, and the central square fills, by mid-afternoon, with people who have come not so much to see each other as to be seen not seeing each other. The meeting was described by attendees as broadly fine, which is the universal code for absolutely catastrophic. Conversation tends to circle the same five subjects: the weather, the news from the country, the persistent rumour about the road, the deteriorating quality of something or other, and the latest pronouncement from Bureau Chief Dorothy Hindmarsh, which everyone has an opinion on and almost nobody has read. It is, in its way, the perfect microcosm of how communities of this size operate everywhere in the world, although the residents of Caleb Ridge would object strongly to being called a microcosm of anything.
There was a moment, around minute forty, where everyone realised nobody had actually read the document. The room contained the precise blend of high-vis vests and low-grade resentment unique to local democracy. Caleb Ridge carries on as it always has, broadly the same as last week, give or take a verb. The bins are collected when they are collected. The roundabout, where one exists, remains the roundabout. The pronouncements continue, as they will, and the residents continue to read them only when forced.
For more in this vein see also McSweeneys.